Holly.

A small red cheery berry and a dark green spikey leaf that hurts.

It's Christmas. 

Despite the normal grumbles about commuting in potential snow... December is usually my favourite time of the year. This year however it feels somewhat muted.  I'm trying so hard to stay positive and enjoy it but I can't help feeling that I'm simply not as jolly this year.  Perhaps it's just because of the events of the last six months, or just a general fatigue from being overworked ... I'm not sure... but I've struggled to maintain the usual excitement and this has affected my ability to plan and prepare for the holiday season too. 

I've normally done all my shopping and got it wrapped under a strictly colour-co ordinated Christmas tree. I haven't. I only just finished my shopping this morning and have yet to have things delivered, wrapped and ready.  My presents seem a bit hap-hazard and the ones I've made I'm not incredibly pleased with either; I've scrapped one handmade one, and have three more to complete.  I've wrapped what I do have... a mishmash of Christmas wrapping paper and ribbons from previous years which are usually perfectly planned and co ordinated. I've just had to make do, unwilling to put the full effort and money into the usual standards I achieve.  This is pretty much a summary of where I am in my life.  Caught in between lots of things and not really completely together. But that's ok.  

Despite all this... it's not all gloom.  I've had some lovely festive outings already with some tasty cocktails and good company; a trip to the German market and sampling some Brum pubs; and have a few more before the end of the year.  I've not spent a ridiculous amount of money and needing to save for Christmas has meant I've had some cosy weekends in sculpting instead of spending money on alcohol.  I'm also back in touch with a friend I thought I lost this Christmas. You've got to be grateful for small things.

I'm sure the December reflections will be there, niggling, in the back of my mind for some time... but I'm trying to keep my focus on what is important.  Whatever happens next year is next year, for now, sit back, enjoy the family, friends and Christmas cheeriness in people's eyes... and try to relax. If nothing else, two weeks off will be much needed to replenish and kick back.

Ring of Fire.

I have been deliberating for a while about selling my engagement ring. I was torn and found the idea of it just too upsetting but tonight... part of me just wants rid of it. It is and always was meaningless. It will be the only one I ever recieve, of that I am certain, but I no longer need it nor what it symbolizes.

Getting rid of it would be saying good riddance to a person who:

Destroyed my confidence.
Lied to my face.
Cheated on me.
Watched pornography.
Was selfish.
Took away my home and left me with nothing.
Was happy to mislead me in order for him to achieve the above.
Jumped into another girls bed in a matter of weeks after telling me it was over.
Frequently told me what a bad person I was.
Couldn't be arsed to support me when my mum got cancer.
Put his work before everything else.
Who is blind to his toxic family.
Who told me he loved me and continued sleeping with me while he lined up his next relationship.
Made me feel I was never enough.
Caused me to have to go through the lowest times in my life.
Continues to speak bullshit to protect his reputation.
Didn't allow me room to be sad.
Hated to be challenged.
Was elitist and politically right wing.
Was happy to destroy other peoples relationships.

And I'm hanging on to it why?

I'd rather have never had one at all and not have wasted 10 years on that fuck up.

Good riddance.

The Test.

 The day has come to test these two Ice Cream Behemoths...

 

 

 

It was with great trepidation that I picked up that spoon.  This was the moment.  Some 8/9 years since had passed before Minter Wonderland had entered my mouth on it's shiney, silver steed. I've been used to Haagen Dazs for the last few years, it stepping in to fill the void left behind Minter Wonderlands epic wake.  I know the taste of Haagen Dazs now, as if it is part of my own body.  And yet, here, armed with my weapon-like spoon, I plunged back into the past to see if the lasting memory of this frozen creamy-dream lived up to the reality.

 

I have to say, I was surprised with the results. 

 

I can officially announce that Minter Wonderland... is NOT tastier than it's rival. 

 

Mint Leaves... the Ice Cream is creamier, tastier with more depth of mintiness flavour, and there is more chocolate per spoonful.  It also seems to melt quicker in the mouth. 

 

Minter Wonderland lacked that punch.  It's Ice Cream tastes blander in comparison, and although the chocolate chunks are "meatier" there are fewer of them in the tub it would appear.  It's not as minty or as refreshing to the pallet.

 

It looks like Haagen Dasz has surpassed Minter Wonderland... had it not been for Minter Wonderland's initial demise prior to Mint Leaves being marketed, I feel I would have made the switch regardless.  It would appear that Minter Wonderland only retained it's mantle in my heart and mind due to it's unavailability, a lost treasure, the memory of which appears to have been greater than truth. 

 

And now, Mint Leaves can take it's rightful place... the consistent provider who didn't abandon me can now bathe in it's glorious defeat of the old ruler of the minty dessert Kingdom.  All hail... the worlds best Ice Cream... Mint Leaves and Chocolate! 

The Second Coming.

On the 10th November 2014 at 1904hrs I got sent this...

 

 

This.... is THE ice cream. 

 

In short:  **READ IT HERE**

 

2005- Ben & Jerry's release this BEAST of an Ice Cream.  I am addicted.

2005- The Ice Cream vanishes to the depths of the Ben & Jerry's Graveyard

2005- I drop into a despair and grief that can only be understood by hardcore addicts. Withdrawal symptoms included emailing Ben & Jerry's to beg for it's return- only to be told I can "view" it in the Graveyard on their website.  I do.  I am heartbroken.

2005-13 Years of heartache and Mint Ice Cream misery ensue.  No other mint ice cream tastes the same.

2013- Hagen Daas release Mint Leaves & Chocolate. My faith in humanity, hope, ice cream and mint is restored.

2014- Minter Wonderland descends. I explode with Joy.

 

It has returned.  In my time of need.  It has returned.  Words genuinely cannot express how I felt seeing that photograph... it was monumental.  I can only compare it to finding my long lost snake ring all those years ago after a year of it being lost.  It was spiritual, emotional and just epic. 

 

I was sent a few torturous videos of it being opened and eaten... however... this was short lived and manageable.  There then followed a WEEK of trying to hunt some down in various supermarkets. And finally.. FINALLY ... I managed to get hold of some after a tip off of some stock in Sainsburys.  I got the last two tubs.  At present I have two tubs of Minter Wonderland and two tubs of Mint Leaves in my freezer.  This makes me feel... glorious.

 

Tomorrow I plan on having a compare of the two ice creams. This is going to be a huge moment for Ice Cream and an even huger moment for my tastebuds. I will blog my results following the strictly controlled experiment.

 

I know my time with this ice cream is short... it won't still be here like the Hagen Daas has been all this time, so I hope it permits me a short, brief affair with the ice cream that started this all. 

Under The Skin.

Every once in a while, I catch a film that actually blows me away. 

Last night I watched Under The Skin by Jonathan Glazer.  Now, I love Jonathan Glazer and have long admired his work, in particular his music videos for various bands throughout the 1990's. 

This film couldn't have been made by anyone else.  It was quintessentially Glazer. 

Odd, strange, twisting, thought provoking and mysterious but with a cinematic detail and artistry that is rarely seen in modern mainstream cinema.

There was a brilliant use of metaphor running parallel to a beautiful use of colour and symbolism which made you well aware you were watching a moving artwork rather than just a film.  The overall theme and message which ran throughout was huge in both scope, relevance and impact.

Brilliant.  Faith restored in film for another few months. :)

Take Down.

It's been an interesting week for Feminism.... We've seen the downfall of Dapper Laughs: a sexist dickhead with a childish humour and dangerously disturbing attitude towards women who was successfully taken down by the fabulous OBJECT campaign #takedowndapperlaughs, which saw ITV2 cave to pressure and pull the show from their line-up.  The question remains what utter loser pitched this up as a good comedy offering in the first place?

Prior to this was my introduction to this sick twat - Julien BLANC who appears to be a big fan of sexually assaulting and degrading women and by all accounts appears to be able to get audiences of naïve men or disgusting pigs to hear him talk about it. 

And then there's yet another rapist footballer being given his job back despite public outcry.  Jessica Ennis is among some celebrities who have stated they wish to be removed from their publicity books and have the chair named after them removed from the site if he is re-signed.  It's not uncommon for sex offenders running around on a football pitch but again, reassuringly this time more people seem to be irritated by the concept. 

The positives are that these vile, misogynistic, dickheads are being brought to light in the media and largely ridiculed for their particular brand of hideous, obscene sexism, violence and hatred.  There were even reassuring calls from some to ban him BLANC from entering the UK just as any terrorist preaching hatred would.  I see no reason to treat him any differently. 

In stark contrast, Pussy Riot are currently visiting the UK upholding the banner for not only women but proving that bravery, strength and honesty can't be beaten down.

Fright Night and Fisty Cuffs.

The much anticipated Halloween Party 2014 took place last Friday.  I freakin LOVE Halloween as it's a good chance to get dressed up in something weird and outrageous and decorate the flat in awesome, gory tat.  This year I went for a classic Beetlejuice and I have to say I think I did a good job on the ol' makeup.  :-) A good night was had by all, although it finished fairly early due to a lot of people driving and/or working the next day. The only downside was being very poorly that night thanks to someone untrained in the art of making whiskey mixers virtually poisoning me with a quadruple strength Southern Comfort and Coke.  And maybe me for drinking it... but that's by the by.

 

 

The last two days of this week have been spent on some Personal Safety Training and I have to say, after my partner and I getting recognition for being the best two students of the course, it's given me a hankering to get back to the gym and build up more strength.  I thoroughly loved my course and have hopefully picked up some safety tips should I ever get attacked both in and out of my job.  I love that size doesn't come into it, and that you can quite easily defend yourself no matter how teeny you are.  It makes me want to box, and get stronger so I can really take people by surprise.  Comments of the day today were: "God you are really quite strong" and "You're really aggressive for a tiddly person".  Yeah man.  That is all I want... to be stronger than I actually appear.  I'm never going to be really strong and I don't have the commitment and dedication to be super fit either, but as long as I can be stronger than I appear... I'm happy. 

 

All in all, a brilliant two days.  I did get a liiiiiiiittle bit of a crush on one of the trainers, who was a trained fighter.  I just love the spikey movements and the speed of their skills.  I'm a sucker for it. 

 

It's done me good.  I went straight to the gym after my course finished today so chuffed with that too.  I'm going to try my best to go at least 2/3 times a week and get back into the swing of it, as the last few weeks have been pretty slack due to being totally shattered from work and a few other stressful situations which I don't have the energy to go into now.  I feel better tonight than I have this week... before today I felt drained, tired and fed up so beating the shit out of people seems to be a really good pick me up.  :)

Black Glitter.

I was searching for some new music the other night and came across this not-so-new band. 

I immediately loved it and I'll explain why below.



This music is the sound of my teenage years.  I listen and hear echoes of the glory days of the 90s where tuneful rock permeated the mainstream.  I hear echoes of The Smashing Pumpkins and The Pixies in the vocals; Placebo and The Silversun Pickups in the fuzzy, crisp chord changing guitars.  I close my eyes and I could be 16 again, in a sweaty, dark, packed gig venue with bleach blonde hair and chipped, black glitter nail polish on guitar-hardened fingers; an outlet for a collective teenage angst unfolding before my ears and eyes.

Total flashback.

<3 p="">

The Takeover Continues...

The Takeover

... and now this...

Thousands of spiders 'bleed out of the walls' and force family from home.

I think it's fairly appropriate to say... WTAF!?

Light the Fuse.

The blood boils.

Campus nightmare: female students on the rise of sexual harassment

Just HOW is all this allowed to happen in this day and age? These boys (I purposely refrain from using the word Men) are our next generation of working professionals... and this is how we allow them to behave at university? Disgusting. Sexism at it's foulest.

This the same day that I read a newspaper article about a 25 million pound a year footballer coming out of prison after serving half his six year sentence for the rape of a 17 year old teenager, and walking straight back into his job.  Is it any wonder?

Sick.

Where is my mind?

Holy ****.

Now my glass nail file has vanished.  This has a home- in my nail polish bag... and now it's gone. 

I am genuinely now concerned about my mental health. 

This is either:

1).  A ghost
2).  I have alzheimers

I dislike both of those options.

It has been suggested by a few people that maybe I have just been really busy and this has lead to a spate of losing stuff but I'm struggling with this concept as the items are just NOWHERE.

I can now recall (there maybe more as I no longer trust my dementia full brain) a total of THREE items which have vanished beyond trace.

This may be my last post, as tomorrow I could wake up not knowing where the hell my laptop, phone and desktop computer is. 

What. The. Actual. ****.?!

Clepto-ghost.

The following post will be so full of expletives I have actually decided to edit them out.  Apologies.

And no this is not about that irritating person mentioned in the post below.  It is more about the post before that about Money.

So.  I haven't had my glasses for the last week. I've been thinking they were sat on my desk at work and that when I can be bothered I'll go pick them up.  My glasses however are not at work, as I confirmed today.  My glasses would appear to have vanished off the face of the ******* earth. 

My glasses; the ones I spent over SIX WEEKS searching for; the ones I have had for SIX years over TWO prescriptions.  Why two prescriptions?! Because THEY (glasses designers) do not make glasses for people with small faces.  This is THE ONLY pair of glasses I have ever found which suits my small face and as such I've kept them for the last two prescriptions and got them re-lensed each time.  I don't love these glasses, they are a necessity, but now I have somehow lost them, I miss them as I know I will NOT find another pair that suit me as well.

And I've gone and ******* lost them.  I have the ****** glasses CASE but not my glasses leaving me absolutely ******* bewildered as to where the HELL they are. 

What makes this worse is that I have recently blogged about having NO money. What little savings I do have are the only tiny little security blanket I have when my flatmate H decides to move out and live with her bloke.  I have been contemplating using some of my savings to see my brother and niece in Japan next year.. but now I have to use them to buy some ******* new glasses that I wouldn't have needed if I hadn't lost them. Adding to the immense ANNOYANCE of this is the fact that I have a driving course in two weeks, which I will fail if I don't have my glasses!! ;-(

I cannot explain how much I HATE losing things.  I've actually had a mini breakdown this evening as it dawned on me that  I am now going to spend at least £300 on new glasses.  What's worse is I can't find my ******* prescription.  So make that £320 for another ******* eye test too.

MORE frustrating is that I am CONVINCED things are going missing from my room.  A few weeks ago a mirror which I use daily when straightening my hair, has gone missing.  It ALWAYS sits in the same place and rarely gets moved. One day I was using it, the next... it just wasn't there.  I have looked EVERYWHERE for it in my room and it just ******vanished.  And now my glasses have done the same. Unless I have some sort of early onset dementia I am putting this down to a ghost.  If it was dementia, surely I would find these things somewhere... they'd be in the freezer or a cupboard or something? But no... they are literally NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.  I have turned my room upside down looking for these things and they are NOT in there.  I've searched the kitchen, bathroom, lounge, under the sofa seat cushions.  I've searched all bags, pockets, coats, jeans... they are ****** gone.  This thieving ghost just needs to quit and give me all my stuff back before I lose my mind completely.

It's just. Freakin. Ridiculous.

Maybe I'm losing my mind.  This has just really come at the worst possible time.  And maybe I'm making a mountain out of something that really really doesn't sound like a drama.  But hey, **** you, YOU pay for them then.

*grumpiness continues*

Irritation.

We all know them. Those occasional, thankfully infrequent liaisons with people who put simply, irritate the fuck out of you.

I've met one.

There are people who I like, and hit it off with immediately. There are people who I know I'll not get on with; and those who I neither care about either way. There are have even been people who take an immediate dislike to me and more often than not I can't care less about them. However, every now and then, you meet one who just really, really, completely irritates the HELL out of you.

I repeat... I've met one.

This person, I will call Y. I have rarely come across someone who has irritated me quite as much as this person does; and it's been right from the SECOND she first opened her mouth. I can't even explain most of it. It's just a totally irrational, entirely unpleasant personification of nails on a chalk board.  I have a few issues with the way this person behaves, talks... and after this week breathes. 

I first experienced this person on the telephone when she phoned the wrong department to enquire about the job vacancy.  After me repeating about five times that she'd come through to the wrong department, after fifteen minutes she took a breath and enabled me to actually transfer her to my friend Dave, who is now her mentor.  My second encounter with her just brought back awful flashbacks of the phonecall; heightened by her smug little face as she twittered on about how she now had a three minute drive to work... to MY preferred job location, while I'd been given an hours commute because I haven't popped out children.  My contact with her has been limited, thankfully, as I then found out this shrill, being is paid about 5k more than everyone else to do the same job.  This has added to my annoyance. 

I now find myself on WEEK LONG training course with Y.  It's Tuesday... and I'm already finding myself digging my nails into the side of my seat on the NUMEROUS occasions she feels it necessary to open her gob and tell another long winded, excruciatingly, mundane story about things the WHOLE room already knows and experiences on a daily basis.  

This person should be a primary school teacher.  She talks like one.  To everyone;  And in a Black country, sing song, nursery rhyme accent that makes me want to smash up the room in some vain effort to get her to just PLEASE. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.  I genuinely don't think that would work.  I could smash every single chair through every single window and turn around to still find her twittering away. 

I can't help the eye rolling, the jaw clenching, the whole body tensing and slow intake of breath every time she speaks.  She speaks... TOO MUCH... and FAR FAR too often.  I'm not the only one to notice either.  I am often told I am too expressive; that is that I can't hide my emotions.  They're usually written all over my face and I have limited control over this.  Today she challenged something I was saying and she basically provoked me into challenging her back and making her look like a total knob in front of the whole course.  I had too.  For the sake of my own sanity I had to correct her, if only just to shut her the fuck up. 

I somehow have to get through another three days of this.  Frighteningly the course involves group work and I live in fear of being told I have to work with her.  I fear my head will actually explode if I have to endure that hellish prospect.

I'm not a nasty person.  I'm not.  However I am sensitive, and therefore easily irritated as you may have discovered from my posts about Misophonia last year. This woman, is the human equivalent of that never ceasing nose whistle, the all-night snore, the endless, slushy, chomp chomp chomp of food between salivating teeth and jaws. 

Friday can NOT come soon enough....

Money.

I have none.

I could leave it there but I need a rant.

My new job was a promotion.  It was a 6k salary rise for me and I thought finally I'd be able to live a little more comfortably.  Well, it would appear I've been a bit too comfortable and now I'm suffering for it.

I've had an awesome few months as is evident from my lack of blog posts... but I fear those times are gone and I now need to knuckle down and stop spending money on having fun.  I need to save. My new job gives me an extra £200 a month which is currently being eaten up by a mahoosive increase in petrol costs. I now have an hour commute, along with having to use my car for meetings and I've yet to see a penny in any mileage costs (which only covers my meetings anyway).

The good times, the shopping, the cocktails and drinks and yummo food all needs to stop now.  I got paid last Thursday.  A week later I have £300 to last me the rest of the month.  This is desperate times.

I've cancelled my monthly saving direct debit. I've also delved into my savings.

From now on... it's nights in. Booze at home. Movies.

And handmade Christmas presents.

:(

Genius.

The Takeover.

Two articles have caught my attention this week:

GIANT SPIDERS INVADE UK HOMES and BRUM GIRL'S SPIDER BITE HORROR

Yes, they sound like something out of an old sci-fi movie, however I am taking these very seriously.

Long have I blogged about my enemies... but it seems this could be the year they have been waiting for. I fear they may finally be making their move.

They've thrived over a mild summer, enjoying the benefits of global warming and climate change from their dusty, webbed crevices and holes getting juicy fat bodies and preening their hairy legs... grinning... waiting... until now.

And now... it's September. Their favourite time of year just happens to be my worst.  Coincidence? I think not.  September hits and the beasts start to gravitate towards homes looking for human flesh to feast on.  I stand by my theories that Spiders do NOT eat flies.

Read *here*.  Wierdly... now this is weird.  I am SURE I remember blogging about my gravity ray Spider Theory, but it doesn't appear to be showing.  Could they have hacked it and erased it because I was DEAD ON.???? Shit.

It would appear they have already attacked a small defenceless child.  I woke up a few weeks ago with two suspicious fang marks on my leg.  I still have the marks. I'm wondering now if it was a spider.  It's probably waiting for my immune system to lessen as the first bite didn't do the trick.

This is not good. We've had a few in the flat... but none of the monsters being reported by the media have entered yet. Having said that, the fang marks on my leg might say otherwise.

If this is to be my last... please screenshot this post. I warned you.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Well...

I think the lack of blogging over the last month pretty much sums up how busy I've been.

I'm glad to say work is settling and I feel like I'm finally making progress and finding my feet which has been a huge help to feeling more stable in general.

My weekends have been jam packed for the last few weeks which is brilliant but exhausting and I still feel like I need some downtime! I'll get round to it soon...

So three weekends ago I stayed in Nottingham to Mrs P's birthday celebrations.  It was great to meet up with the old gang in some of our old haunts though it's safe to say Rock City isn't at all what it once was... and even then it was average!

The following weekend was my first ever trip to the Formula One Belgian Grand Prix. Scratch that... my first ever GP! Becko and I had a fantastic time in Brussels and despite the dodgy weather which included torrential downpours AND sunburn, even Becko was converted into a newbie motorsport fan. I took lots of photo's with both camera phone and my trusty old digital SLR so it was nice to get a good blend of both in Brussels and our day trip to Brugge.  I wish I'd blogged nearer my return home to regale readers with the funny little stories, jazzed up with photographs but it seems so long ago now it seems a bit redundant!! Needless to say it was a brilliant trip and I was so glad to share it with one of my very best friends. :-)

Last weekend was spent throwing what turned out to be a slightly smaller scale party than we initially anticipated- however we went all out on the Hawaiian Theme decorations and a good night was had by all.  On the following day I finally got to look around the new library in Brum which I have to say is a beautifully constructed and designed building. It's definitely something for Brum folk to feel proud of. My trip was interjected with a visit to my favourite café Mount Fuji where my favourite bento box hit the spot as usual.

Yesterday I had my hair chopped off and spent an absolute fortune on baby shower and 60th birthday gifts for a friend and my Mum.. which is what I have planned for the upcoming weekend.

Today I've been to Rockingham Motor Speedway to watch British Touring Car Championship with my sister and her bloke.  It was the first one we've been to this year which didn't require raincoats and umbrella's at some point... amazingly it was fine and dry and even more amazingly I haven't got sunburned!!!! :-D MEGA bonus! Again, I have more piccies and have eaten my weight in sarnies, picnic food and the obligatory motor racing delicacy - Tea and doughnuts! Perrfect.

Things are good... busy and good.  Upcoming I have dates to arrange, a Halloween party to plan, Mum's 60th, attending my first ever baby shower (not comfortable with this) and in a few weeks time... Silverstone for my final BTCC event of the year! I also want to squeeze in a sedgway rally and another hill walk too at some point. :-)

YOWZER.

Letting Go.

Bad Things:

I've avoided posting this for a while.  The last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest I've experienced for a very very long time.  I've managed to pull myself back together... or just about, and feel like I can move forward albeit tentatively.

N has been a big part of my life for the last decade.  We were together for eight years and even when I left two years ago we remained very close, still seeing each other regularly and spending time together when we could.  I never ever pictured my life without him, rightly or wrongly and continued to tell people who didn't understand how we remained so close, that he was my soulmate and always would be.

N has met someone now, and recently told me that there would be no chance of us recovering our past relationship and that it would be best if we no longer continued to stay in touch. Despite me knowing this could have been a reality, hearing it so bluntly threw me for six.  I was now faced with having to face the unknown of the rest of my life without my best friend. It hurt. A lot. It hurt that I was no longer considered irreplaceable in his life and that he had moved forward with out the need for me in his life.  I think it hurt an awful lot more than I ever thought it would, but then I'd never really let myself think about it.  For a good two weeks I was pretty broken, feeling like the world had been turned upside down and left fighting the dark, this in the first two weeks of my new job too.  Stress. It's been awful.  I stopped eating and sleeping and basically drifted along in a state of misery for two weeks.  My new job was stressful and I was missing my friends and colleagues hugely... I still do.

Good things:

But I'm back.  It is what it is, and whilst it hurt a great deal it's important that I keep plodding on.  It's scary, but I've realised just how great my family and friends have been in supporting me.

I face a long road alone now... and whilst that scares me it's important that I get used to my own company and learn to live without the friends I've come to rely on.  Obviously they will be there, but they all have their own lives and I need to shape mine be that on my own or with someone I may meet in the future.  I think for my sake I need to try and get used to the fact that I may not have the happy partner, wedding, the marriage, kids and house ... but it's important I make the most of what I have not what I don't.  I'm in my thirtees, I know who I am and what I want.  If people have a problem with it they can and will walk away... I won't be chasing after them.  If I can't find a companion and soulmate then so be it... but I'm determined to be happier than I feel now.  Alone or otherwise.

I went to a Tarot night on Friday.  My cards were brilliant... They showed my present - a big argument, losing a loved one, letting go. They showed security and success in my job with a possible further promotion at some point.  It warned me to steer clear of a person connected to work who is two faced.  I know who this was. It also told me there was a man coming into my life soon, it said I was going away shortly (to Belgium later this month) and that I needed to not hang on to the past anymore.  It all makes sense... and no matter what people's thoughts are on the topic, I felt like it was all very relevant.  I also spoke to a "psychic" man who asked me without any prompting what who the man with the dry hands was (this is N who had dermatitis!) and said that I was missing him. He also told me about a man with epaulettes, built frame who I should be wary of.  This matched up with my cards warning me about the person at work. It was all a bit of fun... not sure I was convinced by the psychic guy's talents although he did ask some questions and picked up that I made things in great detail (my sculpting) and that I recently had a problem with my cars brakes which was odd considering I'd never spoken to him before! He said he could picture me with a big car in the future and possibly with my own shop! :-D

I have a date tonight.  It's a bit of fun and I'm not expecting it to go anywhere but it'll get me back into the dating scene and get used to meeting new people again.  Who knows.

I have the Belgian GP also in a few weeks. I was meant to be going with N but I am now going with my dear Becko so it should still be a fun little adventure. 

I have a mini reunion next weekend with uni chums for the fabulous Mrs P's birthday. This will be bittersweet as it will be my first meeting with N since everything.  We won't have had any contact for nearly three weeks.  I'm not sure how I will feel, made tougher by the fact I will be the only single person there, but I just need to be strong and try and enjoy seeing friends who I don't get to see often, in a city I love, in our old haunts.

I have also booked tickets to the next BTCC event in Rockingham in early September so I have that to look forward to also! :)

I spent a good hour on Skype this morning with my neice, bro, sister in law and my folks who are over in Japan visiting.  She blew me bubbles and showed me her playdough desk and tools- she might be a budding little sculptor like me! She even blew me a kiss when I said goodbye... she is so precious and I can't wait to meet her again, hopefully in the next year or so.

I just need to keep smiling and remind myself often that everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.

Break.

Buckle Up.

What. A. Week.

Monday was my first day in my new job.  Talk about being thrown in at the deep end.  As is typical of my organisation I literally rocked up on my first day, nervous as hell and was handed some numbers and told to pretty much get on with it.  Fortunately there is another girl doing the same role who was equally as bewildered as I was.  When I was taken to my first meeting on Monday afternoon expecting to have prepared a report and be able to deliver it to the meeting, I pretty much felt like I'd made a massive mistake in leaving the comfort  and familiarity of my old team.  As it turned out, there had been a cock up and the meeting was actually scheduled for that morning so I managed to escape certain embarrassment by delivering to a meeting that I had NO idea about. 

Tuesday got worse, and I winded up emailing the Sgt who was overseeing the roll out of our jobs to different sectors to complain that we had effectively been left to do a job without any training or preparation.  It fell on deaf ears, and Tuesday night I got home and cried, wanting to re-apply for my old job.

However, I think the breakdown did me good and cleared my head a little.  Wednesday saw a slight improvement as I embraced the uncertainty and focussed on the good points of the role which include actually having just one job to focus on.  On Thursday I delivered to my first conference and the feedback was that I sounded professional and precise which was amazing considering how nervous I felt. 

I feel better about it... I think it will improve as I settle and feel more comfortable in the role.  I need a few more meetings under my belt to get me used to the way they work.  I know at some point there is going to be a confrontation due to the sensitive nature of the meeting, so that will be a new and challenging aspect to the role that I haven't experienced yet.  Can't say I'm looking forward to that aspect but it's part and parcel of the work and can only improve the skills I already have. 

The new job has been the sandwich filling nestled firmly between two large, soft and wonderfully tasty slices of awesomeness this week.  On Monday night I went to see Extreme, straight after work, and having had ZERO sleep.  Rock. AND. Roll.  Extreme's 90's hair metal classic album Pornograffiti is one of the albums of my childhood- and yes I am aware how inappropriate that sounds - however the music itself is amazing, cheesy as hell, but amazing-feel-good cheese which warms my soul.  I know every detail of the album inside out and one of my memories of it is playing it at my 7/8th birthday party much to the bemusement of my7/8 year old, flowery dress-adourned party invitees.  Awesome.  They were aging, but brilliant.  As a 25th anniversary tour of the album, they played the FULL thing in its entirety.  Nuno still looks FIT AS, despite approaching 50.  Brilliant, I honestly haven't felt as happy as I did when I was singing away to "Hole Hearted" and I pretty much think I was mesmerised at one point by Nuno's solo- skills. Unbelieveble.  And he makes it look so easy.

At the other end of the week - Friday night I went to see The Penguin Café Orchestra which again, is another childhood musical experience.  The music reminds me of my Dad, and brings back so many cherished and happy memories of sitting as a family in the lounge, chatting, laughing and listening to the music all together.  The concert was at The Lichfield Cathedral which couldn't have been a more acoustically perfect setting for the music.  It sounded beautiful and just made my soul feel content and relaxed and happy.  I'd seen them once before, and possibly preferred their first offering in terms of content, however I love how the guy who now runs the orchestra is the son of the original founding member, and he recalls how the music relates to his childhood from the time when I too remember first hearing it all.  The parallels are as wonderfully fitting to me as the music is to it's own individual themes and concepts. 

After such an emotionally charged and stressful week I've taken this weekend off any sculpture projects to recharge my batteries.  Saturday was spent catching up with my two besties, N and Markuus, at the Fuse festival in Lichfield which consisted of sitting in a field drinking strawberry cider in the sunshine and listening to a number of acoustic sets and some good old fashioned sea shanties.

Today I've come to Nottingham to see family as I've spent so many of the last few weekends working on sculptures and commissions that I've not seen my Grandparents in months.  Time is precious, and so I've ensured today is spent in their company.  A roast is being prepared, and I look forward to spending an hour or two round the dinner table listening to my Grandad recount old stories and tales from his past, many of which I've heard before... but that I love hearing again and again nonetheless.

:-) Happy.

Closing Time.

Well, I just finished my last day at work.  I've been dreading it to be honest.  Since my job was confirmed I've actually found it really hard to get excited about my new post- mainly because the reality of leaving my team, my friends, my family for the last three years, was just really quite painful.  Not a day has passed when I haven't laughed myself into oblivion at work, and I really will miss that the most.  I've genuinely not wanted to leave and I've even questioned if I've made the right move because of how much I've enjoyed my time there.  However, I need to remember the reasons I went for this, there were plenty of days I felt stressed and tired, and there's very limited room for growth in that post.  I'd mastered what I could and simply wasn't getting paid anything near enough for the time and energy I gave the role. 

I will miss my team so much but I'm well aware that having moved teams twice in the past, the mini heartache won't last long.  I shed a few tears today, as did a few others.

I had a lovely send off despite my Gaffa and Sarge not being around for it.  I had a nice little collection of pressies including a lovely necklace (below), Good Luck balloon, champers, bottle of Jack, choccies and a choc orange, plus a little bit of drinking money.

As sad as today has been, I actually feel better about the prospect of my new job now that the tears have passed.  I feel more ready and like I can actually focus on my new opportunity.  The commute will suck ass, and the banter *may* not be quite the depraved, debauched hilarity of the OMU, but I am sure my new team will become my new family and if they don't ... well then I can keep moving forwards.

Onwards and Upwards.  Bring on the new challenge...

Slumps.

I seem to lumber from one mound of stress to another these days!  I seem to have just come out of my last slump which I think I put mainly down to being ill for about two weeks.  I just felt rubbish... low, ugly, not confident, not myself, ill, tired, achey, tired of being ill and fed up of feeling lonely and inadequate and generally all round shit.  I like the warmer weather but I hate the insecurities it brings with my figure and ghostly white skin. However I'm starting to feel better despite pretty sad and anxious at leaving my lovely team in a weeks time and starting my new job. 

It's just speeding round now.  I'm gutted, genuinely gutted, to be leaving my team.  No more banter or crying from laughter... exchanging it for an hour long, traffic ridden commute and a serious albeit important and challenging job.  I'll embrace it, but I still incredibly sad and nervous about the whole situation.  Things are changing though in my current department and as such it will help that the office I'm leaving behind won't remain the same for long.  It won't be the office I know and love anyway, so that's something.

My sculpty commissions have been continuing to roll in.  I've completed two this month and have just started a third.  I have another two lined up after that to keep me occupied for another month. :)

I don't think I have much more in the way of news until I start my new job.  I'll have to make my leaving drinks pretty special and I might just buy myself a new dress for it. :)

Stars.

"Supernova," Erin Hanson

Sunshine on a Rainy Day.

Yikes.

 

It's been two whole weeks since I last blogged.  I honestly do not know where the time goes these days... ! Quite frightening.

 

Last weekend was kicked off in style with cocktails and a pricey but beautiful meal at Fumo in Brum with H and her friend Carly.  It was a brilliant evening with flowing cocktails, giggles and chat finishing off at our old haunt the Station on the way home.  We followed this up with more drinks there on Saturday night and a quick trip to another local to see a friends band.  Unfortunately this coincided with a big boxing match so there was an interesting crowd there to say the least.  Still, it was nice to spend a bit of time with H, like the olden days!

 

During the week I did some shameless self promoting on twitter for my sculpting work which is just going from strength to strength! I have four commissions lined up for this month which is just brilliant albeit scary wondering how I'm going to fit them all in with a new job round the corner!

 

This weekend has been fantastic: This Friday night I went to Marco Pierre Whites for a beautiful meal and some rather tasty cocktails. The Grasshopper which I had as my dessert replacement was to die for! Saturday, I intended to start one of my commissions and amazingly ended up completing it in one day! I was dead chuffed with it and have posted it off today already so I'll be nervously waiting for my client's response by the end of the week to make sure it a) got there in one piece and b) that she is happy with it!

 

I had been looking forward to Sunday for some time but was up early packing layers and rainproof clothing for a day at the Motor Racing- this time travelling to Oulton Park for the BTCC.  It turned out that there was actually very little rain, and glorious sunshine save for a monster of a downpour in the late afternoon which saw one of the most eagerly anticipated races being postponed. Oulton being a very fan-friendly track, we were able to position ourselves in a good slot right near the finish line and with the sun shining again after the freak mini-storm we had I managed to get my best shot of the day... showing Sheddon's Honda Yuasa Racing car speeding along a wet track, yet beautiful blue skies and glowing clouds as a backdrop. 

 

It was a brilliant day, good company, good crowds and great weather at a brilliant circuit. The only downside being the obligatory sunburnt nose and neck due to me completely mis-judging the weather!

 

BOOM II

Well... after another loooooooooong week... I got the call.  After waiting anxiously all day I got the news I had been waiting for.  I got the job! :-) I have no location yet but FINALLY I am going to be getting paid a decent amount and have a new role, a new challenge which uses my skills and all the knowledge I've built up. I am so chuffed. I will be gutted to leave such a great team of people; they've become my little family over the last two years and I'll miss the banter and laughs so much. BUT, it's got to happen sooner or later; things could have changed beyond my control anyway so at least this way I am leaving on MY terms to a promotion that I want and have worked for. It's a new challenge and a completely new role for the force so it's an exciting opportunity.

I am so pleased.  This week I've just got to keep my fingers crossed that my postings location is one that I've preferenced and get my leaving date confirmed, then it's all signed, sealed and delivered. Boom indeed.

It meant I could actually, properly relax this weekend and enjoy three days of chilling despite the rain.  I've had drinks, movies, good food and caught up with some chums. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

I also got to spend a few minutes on Sunday night watching my little niece open her presents on her second birthday. She said hello and smiled and waved at me.. then she opened her presents and seemed to take an interest in the bilingual books I had got her.  She can say a few English words now- Apple, Ball, T-Shirt and an interesting take on the word Thank you... but it was so precious to see her starting to use vocabulary in two languages the clever little monkey. I really hope I can get to see her next year. I need to get saving!

Smiles all round this weekend.  I've managed to catch up on some sleep and have started having some weird dreams lately about problems with my body, and then one last night about Pirates!

I feel really proud of myself - not something I say all that often - but I am.

Happy, happy times. :-)

Piggy.

Nine Inch Nails on Sunday night was, as expected, EPIC.  The gig was a more meaty than their Belfast gig last year.  It was less about playing the classics and crowd-pleasers and more about blowing minds.  If you were new to Nine Inch Nails (unlikely) I can imagine it was a bit of a baptism by fire.  It was unbelievable: perfect sound coupled with a blinding, awe-inspiring lighting performance and staging.  Favourites of the night were Disappointed, a brilliantly haunting version of Sanctified, The Great Destroyer (which is immense through decent earphones; practically hypnotic and made my heart race; gave me goosebumps live) and a superb Piggy.

 

 

 

I know I'm biased, because in my eyes (ears?) pretty much everything Trent Reznor touches turns to gold, however this music just feels like my insides; how my soul feels.  It's just fucking awesome. 

 

"Piggy"Hey pig,
Yeah you.

Hey pig, piggy, pig, pig, pig
All of my fears came true.
Black and blue and broken bones,
You left me here; I'm all alone.
My little piggy needed something new.

 Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

Hey pig,
Nothing's turning out the way I planned.
Hey pig,
There's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand.
What am I supposed to do? I lost my shit because of you. 

 

Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

 

Oh god. Perfect.

Love this.

Tremors by SOHN

Vibrations of tremors that shook long ago
Tear holes in the fabric of all that we know

Can’t survive with the secrets we have
All that we have is a lie
Hold the line
Til the thread comes undone
If you’re thinking of letting me go then it’s time that you do

Flood lines we etched when we merged into one
Rewind and scroll on before they were done

If you’re thinking of letting me go then it’s time that you do.
Vibrations of tremors that shook long ago...

Storm.

I feel good.

What a beautifully, refreshing day of laziness I've had.

It's been warm... the sun has tried to nudge it's way through the clouds. It's close, humid, like there is a storm bubbling... or maybe that's residual energy from last night's bizarre conversations.

I had an apology yesterday. 

Unexpected and out of the blue. 

This has happened twice to me in the last two years... the former was perhaps more necessary than the latter... but at least it came. It's small... sometimes a bit insignificant but it helps to know that I'm not completely crazy and people are capable of self awareness.

I've surprised myself by accepting both.  I can be pretty hateful when hurt.  Time passes and you realise you are better off anyway, but an apology is still welcome from some.

I wish these people well- genuinely- despite them playing no further part in my life.

People are in your past for a reason. 

More so if you're a lying, manipulative, egotistical, illogical, unapologetic c*nt who deserves nothing but disdain.  Your word dear- it is, I must say, perfect.  May it echo in your shallow brain for eternity. I wish you nothing. You deserve it;  Fucking people about, lying wherever you go and being proud of it... you have bigger problems than you will ever realise.  Good luck to whoever you're currently conning into believing you're a decent human being.  Undoubtedly the most regrettable person I have ever trusted and thought I knew... I still remain shocked at just how incredibly wrong I was.  Almost a year since we spoke... a letter that will never get read... will now burn.

What goes around comes around.

I am better, stronger, sharper, greater.  I am in a good place right now.  Refreshed after an intense, stressy month all I needed was one day to catch up on sleep, rest my head and focus. An apology from someone who means little to me now, but still cared enough to say it.  Closure.

Good things are happening for me... changes are coming... and I am excited...

Flop.

Aaaannd relax.

Three weeks.  THREE. WEEKS. of interviews is finally over.  Interview 3 went... ok.  After the last debacle I am finding it hard to judge.  But it was neither great nor terrible.  The weeks of prep work, studying, reading reams and reams of documents, guidance, policies and revising various law acts went COMPLETELY to waste as I wasn't asked ONCE what I did to prepare!!! Gutted.  Since I got out I've grown more and more aware of all the missed opportunities that I could have weaved all that prep work into my answers and pushed my hard work more... but really it would have been taking it all off track and not kept my answers focussed on the question... ugh it's hard. 

Either way, it's over now and all I can do is sit and wait. No actually... sit and RELAX and wait.

The last seven weeks have been ridiculous. Four of them running the office by myself, the latter three being taken up with interviews and squeezing in a cake topper for good measure. Stressy. But it's all over... this weekend I have FOUR days off with no interview prep, no cake topper to finish... it's ALL me time and I intend to enjoy EVERY minute of it.  I can also get back into the gym which I've been neglecting lately and man I can really tell.

To make it even more immense... Sunday is NINE INCH NAILS time. Holy. Shit.

BOOM!

Yikes. Where to start?!

Friday couldn't come soon enough last week; the week seemed to go on forever after my first okay interview and the one from hell... I just wanted the three day weekend to come so I could relax... well kindof.

I pretty much wished most of Friday away hoping that the phonecall turning me down for the job position was over quickly so I could forget about it over the weekend.  I had already made up my mind about the first job and was prepared to turn it down on the basis that it was (wrongly) less money.  The second one, I just wanted to get the dreaded feedback and forget the whole thing.

What I wasn't expecting as my phone conveniently rang as I parked up at Sainsbugs on my way home on Friday, was for them to offer me the job!??! This was met by .... "er what?" as I tried to compute how they could possibly have cruelly got the wrong phone number to call for the job offer?! I've avoided even posting about it because the whole experience was just awful... consisting of analysing a case study for ten minutes, then getting an hour to produce a presentation and then present it to the interview panel in ten minutes.  This was immediately followed by 5/6 challenging interview questions.  I was a bit overwhelmed with the case study; ten minutes not being long enough for me to process the pages of intell logs, crime reports and offender profiles.  I managed to string some semblance of an inference together with some recommendations but my presentation wasn't slick or structured and I rushed through it with minutes to spare. The mess up through me and I felt flustered through the interview in which I stupidly managed to end up discussing my main weakness in relation to the post (!? I mean really?! ) before finally leaving knowing I had been completely out of my depth. It was awful.

Clearly they disagreed! I was absolutely stunned and remain pretty puzzled as to how on EARTH I got offered it. I'd told everyone who asked during the week that unless no one else showed up I had ZERO chance at the job! The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had one more interview pending... the one I really want- Job C.

On Friday, I also got confirmation that I had passed the paper sift and would be given an interview date in the next couple of weeks. I've had to inform Job B about Job C, and he's kindly waiting until I get a date for the interview.  I just hope it isn't AAGES away as I don't want to keep them waiting too long for an answer.

Fingers crossed... and hopefully I can avoid any further magpies for this upcoming interview.  But, at least, if I don't get it, I have a really good job offer as a back up plan with a slightly smaller pay increase, but lots of potential and intrigue all the same. Big smiles.

I kept my good news quiet for that evening, as it was my Dad's birthday meal and I didn't want to detract from his birthday outing.  We went to a newly refurbished restaurant nearby called the Trooper which specialised in Longhorn Steaks. I opted for scallops and a tasty sea bass but the highlight was the dessert... My sister and I shared a chocolate stuffed crust pizza with a berry compote and hot chocolate sauce topping with melted marshmallows.  The tension built as we watched it get prepared and put into the Roman stone oven and I held my camera phone in anticipation of it arriving before us on the table.  Sadly, it lacked on visual presentation looking like a large, ugly cowpat but OH MY FREAKIN GOD the taste was IMMENSE.  It was by the far the most amazing pudding I have tasted in some time and I KNOW my puddings.  It was just delicious; oozing with warm, smooth, chocolate sauce and a light chocolate pizza dough base.  Perfection.

Saturday was spent sculpting; eagerly trying to finish my latest commission before my deadline next weekend.  Problems hit left, right and centre as I had major stability problems with both figures which I've only partially fixed.  I'm not happy with the arms either, struggling to fit the two together properly and having to bodge the arms a little bit at the back. These are all things that I need to resolve next weekend.

Sunday; N, Becko and her partner E, set off for a day hiking in the Peaks.  With perfect walking conditions (not too hot, but dry and overcast) we climbed three very steep hills; the challenge being getting down most of them rather than getting up! One was particularly steep on the slope down, with any semblance of gravelly pathways just turning to loose, marbles under your feet.  It was easier to grip on to the grass and just slowly edge your way down on all fours.  We were out from about 11.30 to 4.30 walking, exploring and absorbing the sights.  I got some brilliant photographs which probably still don't do justice to the views or the height.

A truly perfect day, aside from some annoying and uncomfortable tummy cramps. A day of fresh air, energy bars, leg muscles, landscapes and scrambling up and down steep slopes and across sweeping green fields.  Needless to say I slept like a baby that night!

Bank Holiday Monday was a slightly less energetic affair with me spending most of the day reading up on some interview prep documents, a bit of sculpting and washing little Franko.  Not very exciting I think you will agree, but all necessary tasks!

So with my weeks at my current job looking numbered, I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can.  Changes are coming... big ones... and all for the good.  :)

Now if I could just get rid of those magpies...

One for Sorrow...

Is it just me or has there been an increase in the number of Magpies?

The last two weeks, funnily enough around my interviews... I've seen loads of them; nearly always on their own.  Or could it be, that I'm just more aware of them?

It seems to have tailed off this week... but it's just weird. 

One for Sorrow
Two for Joy
Three for a girl
Four for a boy
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret never to be told
Eight for a wish
Nine for a kiss
Ten for a surprise you won't want to miss
Eleven for health
Twelve for wealth
Thirteen beware, it's the devil himself.

And yeah, I HAVE seen thirteen at once.

Definitely some sorrow this week. MOST definitely some bad luck... though I wish I could solely blame the Magpie's for my shocking interview performance but sadly I think that was down to me and me only!

Apparently they mean different things all over the world... being lucky in some! Some countries say they can control the weather, some say that they bring death, others saying they bring good charms and good people into your life! But whilst I'm not especially superstitious about other things, I genuinely can't see a Magpie without greeting it properly to ward off the bad luck.

Having said that I did force a tiny money spider to cross my palm last week in the hope it might bring me luck.  I may as well absorb as much as I can for the next two weeks... This. Could. Be. It.

It's coming...

Fail.

Today was a day I would rather forget.

Interview 2 was awful. Just awful.

Easter Weekend.

After finding out on Thursday that I had managed to get two interviews for two out of the three job applications I'd submitted, I broke up for the bank holiday weekend with a mix of excitement and mild panic that I wouldn't have time to prepare for my first one which was scheduled for Wednesday (today!).

However, the weekend was upon me, and after spending Friday catching up with chores and making some preparation notes, Saturday brought far more interesting times.  It was my first BTCC weekend of the season, with the tournament coming to Donington Park.

It will always remain "my" track, my local, my home from home and somewhere I simply love to be. 

Saturday was mainly dry and we found a good seating area on some rock formed steps down at the bottom of Craner curves.  We stocked up on doughnuts and hot drinks from the obligatory vans as we watched qualifying rounds for all the formulas who would be racing the following day.

It was so good to be back there again; the familiar sights sounds and smells seeping back under my skin. 

It was a bit cold and windy at times and I left swearing that on our return the following day I would layer up!

We left early in order to get back in time for my little sister V's birthday meal.  The family gathered at Miller and Carter for a slap up tasty steak meal.  I sadly couldn't manage a starter, main AND pudding so I opted for a rather tasty After Eight mint cocktail as my desert. DEEELISH.

On Sunday morning, we set off early for another day's racing.  I went fully prepared with two vest tops, two jumpers, a fleece and my H2NO rain coat. It was a good job because the mother of all downpours occurred as soon as we got out the car.  Along with another 100 racing fans we all tried to squeeze into the diner café and under the big parasols outside to stay out of the wet.  Our hopes of a comfortable days racing faded as it got heavier and heavier.  We wouldn't be leaving early today, and as we had tickets for the BTCC After Party! So staying dry was a priority! Fortunately we managed to stay dry during the downpour and once it trailed off, we drifted down to find a suitable perch for the days races.  Showers came and went throughout the day, but this lead to some pretty interesting and action packed races! :-) We had a second downpour in the afternoon, which V and I just hunkered down on our rock step seats and covered ourselves in our brolly, managing to avoid a soaking.


My trusty waterproof held out and the best racing was at towards the end of the afternoon with some brilliant racing and manoeuvres. We moved away from our sheltered rock steps and headed to the first corner for the final race of the day, and it was well worth the wind and cold there.  V took some brilliant photographs of the action.

The best of the weekend was still to come as after the racing finished we headed straight to the BTCC After Party!

After a VERY disappointing turkey and stuffing bap from one of the vintage themed food vans, we took our place near the stage, sneaking into the VIP area at the request of the first band- Ferris.  They played an average set, but were pretty uninspiring.  Following them was Toploader who played a fairly decent set but the sound quality was awful.  There was NO vocal sound for the front of the stage, so while the rest of the music could be heard, the vocals sounded muffly like Peter Kay's DJ.  The band and sound guys were informed by two slightly crazy people stood next to me (more on these later) but the sound issue remained throughout the whole set.  They played the only two songs I actually knew which was Achilles Heel and Dancing In The Moonlight which is one of very few songs that actually incite physical repulsion and hatred in me.  It's an AWFUL song. On every level.  But I endured it... and all for the headline act... REEF.

I have loved Reef since my teens when they were big throughout the Britpop years and they TOTALLY lived up to expectation.  To my (and the crazy fans next to me's) relief the sound was fixed as Reef brought with them, their own sound engineer.  It turned out the crazy fans next to me were SO crazy that they knew the band.  I say knew, as in they have clearly stalked them from day one and appear at all of their gigs.  They'd already travelled from Southampton for this gig because it was the guitarist's last ever show. 

Reef were incredible.  After the previous two distinctly average bands, they completely took over the room.  Gary Stringer looked EXACTLY as he did from the early reef days and sounded amazing.  Being so close to the stage he smiled and crouched right in front of me for photographs; and just owned the stage like a pro. It was brilliant. I sang away to my hearts content, which Gary seemed to appreciate giving me a lovely big smile half way through Yer Old.  He's still fit as. Amazing.

I know it was amazing... as I am still thinking about it days later.  If that isn't a sign of a good gig I don't know what is.  Speaking of gigs... I haven't blogged about my big news yet.  *Mental Note to blog about that tomorrow *.

Monday was spent in the park doing some more interview prep before returning back to work on Tuesday.  My interview was today, and after spending a few days feeling completely under prepared I think it went okay.  It was a bit short, felt a bit rushed by the interviewers at times but I think this was because they had a lot of applicants to get through.  By and large it was okay... I don't think I've ever come out of an interview thinking I said EVERYTHING I needed to, but generally I think they got the message that I had the skills for the role, and they made some comments suggesting that I would be considered for a post. Time will tell.  I have another interview to prepare for next week so after a night off I'll get back on the studying. I've been back to the gym tonight for the first time in about two weeks due to me being ill and then busy and then lazy. Must get back on it!!! I'm also half way through a wedding topper commission which I need to finish in the next couple of weeks! eek... If only I had more hours in the day!

Brain Fry (day).

Well that was the longest four day week ever.  Busy as hell. Stress has taken it's toll (again) making me sick (again).  I've managed to pick up yet another cold which is wreaking yet more havoc on my lungs.  I've been unable to go to the gym, not that I've had much time anyway having been staying behind at work to make sure I get everything finished.  :(

A lot of the stress has been self induced- applying for three jobs at once and having to do three times the research/prep probably isn't the most sensible way of doing things, but you've got to jump head in sometimes.

I've got two interviews out of the three jobs I've applied for so far with one pending paper sift today.  Annoyingly, the job I really want is the one which is still being sifted, and I have two interviews in the meantime which I am now trying to prepare for. This means lots of school-type revision and reading up and the obligatory notecards! Ahh... takes me back to revising for exams.

So... It's Good Friday, and I am sat on my bed surrounded by papers detailing the finer points of NIM, 5x5x5 and a whoooole heap of policies and legislation which I don't understand properly;  But I have coloured pens and coloured note cards so with these tools I can combat the world!

I've done two wash loads, vacuumed and dusted my room and been to town to pick up some wrapping paper for my sisters birthday present today too so I am slowly ticking off my To Do list.  I have a brilliant weekend lined up- today being my chill day.  Tomorrow is my little baby sisters birthday so after a day out at Donington watching fast cars we're off out for a birthday meal for her.  Sunday we're back at Donington Park for more brilliant racing, then attending the after party in the evening! Monday will be spent doing more interview prepwork before returning to work on Tuesday to find four days worth of emails, enquiries and general crap to sort out! My first interview is Wed, with another the following Tuesday...

... EEK...

... But I am trying not to panic.  There is plenty of time, and I am a good candidate. I've just got to prove it.

Back to my note cards... though my mind keeps drifting to how I can achieve Honda themed nail polish for the racing tomorrow.  Haha!

Time Out.

I had another long weekend this weekend.

I like them.

Especially when I get to go on mini road trips to mystery locations!

This weekend I was taken up to Newcastle for a lovely stay in a nice secluded hotel, lots of good food in good restaurants, some fresh air, a walk to a waterfall, a walk along the beach, lots of photographs both SLR and phone, and just a general good chillax.  It was awesome and I loved every second of it.

Sadly it was only three nights and work has speedily brought me back down to earth with a bump.  With my colleague off sick I am SWAMPED, and I'm also completing three job applications which these days doesn't just span to filling out a form (which takes long enough in itself!) but having to undergo mini training sessions and application prep work with numerous other departments for a job you might not even get an interview for! I have meetings coming out my ears.  I am trying desperately to research three different postings and complete application forms for all three whilst completing my regular duties and that of my absent colleague (for which I am untrained and largely at a loss!).

In addition to this I have a deadline FAST approaching for my next wedding topper commission so I NEED to spend a weekend doing that.  I have created a secondary twitter account for my sculpting sideline which has so far been a success.  I'm trying (and failing) to keep in contact with buddies both locally and otherwise but currently feel stretched timewise and after just two days back I think I am ready to take another holiday! Luckily, we have some bank holidays approaching and they can't come soon enough!

It's just all happening at the moment, in a good way I guess, which means time FLIES by and pretty much seems to  take your money flying out the window with it! I have two outstanding bills, a holiday to pay for and the sorry looking dregs of an emptied out bank account after a busy month of too much partying and far too much "Work Hard, Play Hard".

Narcissus.

Ah sweet sweet justice.

There is something uncompromisingly ugly about anyone who's vanity overspills into narcissism.  I see this most often in men who spend so much time shaping and sculpting their bodies in the gym whilst forgetting entirely to shape their character; their individualism and their morals remaining pathetically empty and superficially soul-less.

Paradoxically narcissists spend the majority of their lives in a state of total self absorption yet remain entirely lacking in self awareness.  This is clearly because the process of becoming self aware not only requires a critical reflection of the self but also requires a deeper understanding of emotions, empathy and of interaction with other human beings;  The antithesis of narcissism.  A beautiful, spiralling irony.

" People's actions will tell you everything you need to know. "

Always.

Open Window

A square in the wall to the world outside;
but the knot in my stomach tells me to hide.
The daybreak that once cleansed me, makes me pallid and cold;
its a search light exposing the flaws that I hold.
A new day's brightness should be a fresh white page;
but despite all this promise, my window's my cage.

Birthday(S)

In true Slink style my birthday has been stretched over as many days as possible and I have loved every minute of it.  Monday I was pampered with a wonderfully relaxing facial and a tough but well worth it massage which seemed to loosen out some creaky back and shoulder problems at the spa courtesy of H.  We finished off the afternoon with a slap up meal at a new restaurant not far away from us which I think we will be frequenting again at some point.  Good food and a nice cosy but classy atmosphere. Loved it. On getting home, we scared ourselves silly watching a horror film called The Conjuring which was ridiculous in many cliché ways but still managed to get my old spine tingling in places. No nightmares either! Boom.

Tuesday, my actual birthday was spent with my dear N.  I opened my presents and cards in the morning and after a nice cuppa we hit the road, heading for Watford for the Warner Brothers Studio Tour dedicated to the making of the Harry Potter films.

I was concerned I was going to look like a great big idiot having no children to wander round with but I was pleased to find there were far more adults than children which is ALWAYS a good thing! At the risk of sounding terribly saccharin, it was one of the best days out I've had in years. Although very pricey, there was just so much to look at.  I took photo after photo albeit annoyingly on my mobile due to me absent mindedly walking out the house without my dSLR which I'd put to one side for the trip! Here are just a few to wet your whistle...

There was just so much to see.  I would definitely recommend it for a day out weather you have kids or even if you're not overly familiar with the books and stories.  My personal favourite was the Creature Workshop where you could see masks, sculptures and artwork from the creative departments involved in production.  It was just a treasure trove of oddities and it really tuned you in to the incredible skill of the staff who have helped to shape the films from words on a page into reality without losing any of the magic. The technical drawings, planning, architect drawings also made it all the more incredible at the sheer scale of the filming process. Brilliant.

I picked up a few token goodies for friends and family (chocolate frogs, chocolate wands and some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans); N even bought me a Slytherin vest top as a souvenir of our trip, and after three hours of awe and smiles we were back on the road.

But the good times didn't end there.  On the way home, we stopped off in Brum at Jamie's Italian for a slap up meal.  It was delish, even if I did manage to order a dish which was a tad too spicey for my delicate (bland) palette.  After our feast, we went to the cinema where we caught the next available film which happened to be one called Labor Day.  It turned out to be fairly good albeit a bit of a slow burner.  Some interesting concepts about being prisoner (both literal and non literal) and personal freedoms; not my usual pick of film but it wasn't all that bad a choice.  Interestingly the film I would have rather have seen was also based around the theme of imprisonment- Starred Up which is a British film about a prison inmates move from Youth Offending Institute to Adult Prison and the sub-societies, cultures and social hierarchies within the prison institution. It's meant to be gritty, violent and controversial but incredibly well observed. It's on my Watch list.

Today has been spent shopping in Brum, although I've been largely unsuccessful spending my birthday money finding most of the shops completely uninspiring.  The only thing I found and liked a lot was an awesome Superdry jacket but I have lots of jackets and don't really have need to buy another. Sadly.  I did manage to squeeze in a trip to my favourite Japanese Restaurant/Café - Mount Fuji for a chicken Teryaki and Tempura Bento box with Prawn Sushi, and Edamame beans to start.  Pure heaven.

Tomorrow I have a pretty menial morning of catching up with ironing, cleaning and a dentist appointment but in the evening I have my final birthday celebration of the year with a meal and cocktails with some girls from work who also share a March birthday.  Bring it on!!! :-D 

Ahoy Me Hearties!

On Friday I set my Out Of Office notice for a whole week off:  One of the small treasures of the hustle and bustle of the modern world.

I have the same week off most years, work permitting in order to use up the last of my annual leave before the end of March and also to avoid any trace of menial work on my birthday!

On Saturday the flat was decorated with Palm trees, parrots, pirate coins and candles.  Sails and rope, lots of flags and lanterns; even some pirate cupcakes adorned the treasure chest laden table! Friends donned fancy dress for a Pirate themed birthday party.  Cocktails were made, Rum flowed, Lanterns were set to soar into the night, two hilarious games of Ring Of Fire were played and a good night was had by all. Much love to everyone who came and made it such a great night. :) 

Just proves that no matter how old I get, I can still act like a great big kid and reaffirm my inner Pirate.

I have much planned for my week off.  My birthday is being celebrated on five different days this year so it's not a bad way to see in my thirties!! Today was kicked off with hangover breakfast pancakes at a nearby Creperie, then after tidying up the flat from last night's festivites and catching up on some sleep, I was treated to a nice family birthday meal at The Whittington Arms.  I repeated the same mistake I made a year or so ago when I ordered a prawn dish in there; forgetting once more that they come WHOLE. Shells, Legs, Eyes, Heads, Tentacle-y bits.  WHOLE.  And covered in sweet chilli sauce.  By the time I had finished it was scene of pure prawn massacre.  Carcasses, tentacles, disembowled shells, heads, countless legs.  Oh god.. the legs.  Thank god for the finger bowl and napkins! Still, a lovely time was had by all and it was nice to have all the immediate family (in England anyway) around a dinner table again.

So that's the weekend gone already!  I have a brilliant week off planned.  H has treated me to a spa day so my birthday celebrations day three kicks off tomorrow with some sort of Yoga class, then food, then a facial and a massage to top it all off.  Just what I need.

Tuesday is my actual birthday and I'm dead excited to be carrying on reliving my childhood by being taken to the Harry Potter Studios in Watford. Wednesday I have a free day, and then Thursday I'm back on the birthday train for a last and final farewell to my birthday week with a cocktail and curry with work colleagues!  Sunday I will be off to Nottingham to see family for Mothers Day... and wo betide, before I know it it'll be back to work and into April!!! Thankfully I already have the first weekend booked off for a mystery trip to an unknown location!

All I can say is...