Chest Pain.

I am not happy at the moment.

I have been trying very hard not to give in to the stress- but it's hard.

Too much going on at once.

One person's selfishness is astounding me right now.

If I could fly away, out of here... right now, I would. Without a second thought.

Additional Resolutions...

• Stop walking down/up the stairs in the pitch black!

Wanting Things. New Books. And Derren Brown

I want to do stuff this year. And suddenly there seems to be alot to do/see this year. The main one's I'm keen on are:

• Going to Download
• Going to see Matilda
• Going to see Warhorse
• Going to see Derren Brown's new show

I'm overdosing on Derren Brown at the moment. The show I saw last May was televised last night. I bought his new book yesterday half price in the Waterstones sale, which prompted a little natter with the guy at the till about him. And this weekend, there's a whole Derren Brown night on channel 4. Total Derren overdose. It's a bit worrying... he might be trying to get inside people's brains.

So along with my wanting things... I keep wanting things lately. Even though it's my birthday in a few months and I'm supposed to be saving, I bought four new books yesterday. FOUR. One as I've mentioned was Derrens' new one (which was a lovely big, but very light hardback book with red edged pages), One is called Room which is written from the perspective of a 5 year old boy who is kept in a room with his Mother (which I've wanted to read for a few weeks), One is Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aran Ralston (the 127 Hours guy, which I've wanted to read since two days ago when I saw the film) and since those last two were on a "3 for 2" offer I also bought Sister by Rosamund Lupton because I think I read a decent review of it in Metro recently.

I like getting new books. They're all nice and square and blocky in your hands and they smell nice. They always get manked up in my skull bag on my commute to work but for a few days when you start reading, they just feel all new and nice.

Anyways, I've started with Sister, only because my colleague wants to read it after me. I've so so missed having a book to read on the train home. It makes the journey absolutely fly by because for 40 minutes I just get completely absorbed elsewhere and before I know it... I'm home.

I shouldn't want things. I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it. I think maybe I'm on a post-christmas, post- redundancy, post- having no money, new year -almost manic- wanting-things phase.

Other things I want at the moment:

• Electric Toothbrush
• New straighteners
• Heavy Red clothes- too pretty.
• Replacement VHS DVD's - I have a handful of VHS still (Remember those!?) and want to get them replaced on dvd.
• New writing paper. I actually bought some of this on Amazon the other day but it hasn't arrived yet.
• New job
• Money
• House

127 Hours.

It takes something special to get my bum on a cinema seat these days. Unless I have a good feeling about a film I rarely go to the cinema. Prices are pretty ridiculous these days so I only usually go to the cinema if it's something I really suspect I'm going to like or I know I'm going to love (Lookin' at you there Tim Burton/Johnny Depp).

On Wednesday I went to see a preview screening of 127 Hours.

I'm not a mahooosive fan of Danny Boyle but he can sometimes do a good job. I was really impressed with this offering however. Yeah I guess the fact that the beautiful James Franco was the main star was probably the biggest pull for me to watch this film- but I'm really glad I went because as a piece of cinema, it's pretty awesome in parts.

It does a brilliant job of capturing the feelings of discomfort and pain during "the" big moment that everyone is waiting for. It's handled very cleverly, and you can visibly see everyones senses being heightened and stretched by the scenes tense, edgy, spikey sounds and the glossy, fleshy, redness of the visuals. The whole cinema squirms with discomfort, more so for the fact that you are trying to comprehend that this was reality for someone, this actually happened. It's amazing.

Unless you hate blood, go see it. Sit back and just enjoy the sensory ride. And the beauty of Franco's face- even when he's meant to look like shit, he still looks pretty hot. He's actually awesome in the film. I've never been too impressed with his acting in previous films, but he really really shines in this one. He seems to have really matured as an actor and it seems this challenge could be a big turning point in his career.

Resolutions.

1. Get a new job. Embrace change.

2. Keep in touch with friends better.

3. Watch more movies. Stop being a movie snob and give some films a go even if they don't look awesome.

4. Stop feeling old.

5. Stop calling myself ugly.

6. Go to more gigs, concerts and if possible Download this year.