Return.

I got back from Japan on Wednesday morning.  I miss it already.  Two days at home and it already feels like an age away.  The long flight emphasizes just how far away my little niece is and how much I am missing out on. It's a sad feeling that my time with her is going to be so sparse and sporadic. I miss her.

I'm not back at work until Tuesday and I've already wasted two days which have slipped through my fingers without me even noticing.  Post holiday blues were made much worse when I discovered that on the day off my return my little gecko Gizmo had passed away that morning.  She had been ill for some weeks so while it wasn't a huge shock, seeing her lifeless little body lay down in the warmth of her vivarium was heart-breaking. She had lay in the warmth knowing she was going to pass away I am sure of this from how she had lay down. She is buried in my parents garden.

In contrast, as one pet passes, my sister has now grown her little family unit to one Rottweiler/Border Collie cross puppy called Milo. He is incredibly cute even if he does just play and sleep at the moment.

The Sickness.

So, I can finally swallow without having to physically build up to dealing with the pain! Woohoo! My tonsillitis is finally on the way out! ... which consequently means I am back to work tomorrow.  Well, for two days at least, and those two days are spent on two training courses so it's not too taxing. 

Last week was full of headaches (which seem to also be easing although the odd twinge remains and I'm relying less on ibuprofen and Panadol); swollen glands; razorblade throats and white tonsils... but it's also been tinged with a bit of maternal stress.

My beautiful leopard gecko Gizmo has stopped eating.  She's had NO food for well over three weeks now and has lost weight. I took her to a reptile vet on Friday where she was X-Rayed and given a once over but nothing no explanation could be found.  The vet said she looks otherwise healthy and to her she didn't look underweight yet but I'm still so worried about her.  The vet gave me a course of antibiotics which has been a bit of a mission administering to her via syringe but I haven't seen any improvements.  I've tried changing the food type- no interest in locusts, crickets, morio's or mealworms.  I've tried cutting the legs off the hoppers to make it easier for her to catch- still no interest.  I've got to take her back to the vet in a few more days if she's still not eaten and I'm panicking as to how much the next steps could cost since she'll require intensive tests and a stay at the vets. I've even begged with her... but she just blinked at me.  As well as all this, I get the impression she no longer trusts me since I've had to handle her every day and each time I have it's been to put foul tasting stuff in her mouth - causing her more stress.  So not only do I feel like a bad mum because she's ill; I feel like she hates me for it too.

Being a Mum sucks. 

Other things that suck:
- Weddings everywhere
- Valentines fucking day
- Loads of films being out at the cinema and having no one to go with.
- Not being able to go to my friends wedding party because of my dickhead ex being there.

Reflections on 2012 pt 6: Oscar

In August, our cat Oscar died.  He was a good old age but his death was still a bit of a shock.  He had a rapidly deteriorating heart condition and had to be put down.  I held him as he was put to sleep.

The house still feels odd without him and I know our remaining cat Phoebe misses him daily.  She hasn't really been the same since.

Miss you.

Oscar.

A few weeks ago, our family cat Oscar died. 

Although he'd reached an age of about 13-16 years old (being a rescue cat we were always uncertain of his exact age), he seemed young at heart and in spirit.  Within the space of a short week his health deteriorated and my sister, V and I had to take the decision to have him put to sleep.  He was in pain and had been struggling to breathe properly for a few days and the two of us took the vets advice and had him put down.  We travelled to the vets and I held him and said my goodbyes whie the vet delivered his injenction. 

I still miss him.  The house feels incomplete, and our remaining cat Pheobe is still a very much lost without him.  She's become very needy and clingy since Oscar died, which could be a sign of stress or maybe even grief. 

V and I have decided to purchase a small engraved stone for the back garden.  Oscar loved sitting in the shade on a nice sunny day. 

 

 

 

We miss you.

xx