Okay.
I need to get this out. It's not likely to make much sense... but here goes.
I am in the process of a huge change in my life, and I'm feeling the biggest sense of loss I've ever experienced.
My home, my surroundings are incredibly important to me. Wherever I live- I need to feel that my surroundings reflect my personality, I need to feel safe, comfortable and like I'm stepping inside myself when I'm home.
Four weeks ago, I moved back to my folks house. I'm sleeping on a sofa bed, in a cold back room which isn't even a bedroom, with about a tenth of my belongings and pretty much living out of a suitcase and temporary clothes rail. It's the home I was raised in, but after living by myself for the past eight years, it's hard to suddenly find myself away from all my belongings, my home, my pictures on the walls along with all the independence and privacy that comes from owning your own property. Within the space of four weeks, I feel an immense sense of loss that I might be walking away from not only my relationship, my best friend of eight years, but also my lifestyle, my home... and probably the only chance I have at actually owning my own place and having it exactly the way I want it.
I need home. I miss it so much. I put my all into making this house a home... and now I face the devastating realisation that I have to walk away from it all and it hurts so freakin' much.
I'm in limbo right now and it would appear this is how it could be for a while, whilst I work out my next few unsteady steps.
