Liberation.

I feel like this today..

Being a good, caring person gets you nowhere.  It's all about what you look like and what you own.

The Brink.

I am teetering on the edge.

I look down- it's a big black hole, so deep I can't see where it ends.

I look back- there is noise, confusion, blue skies and storm clouds, faces, voices, shouts and laughter, excitement and fear. So much commotion that sometimes I'd just rather jump in and disappear into the blackness.

The only trouble is not knowing how long the freefall lasts, or where I land.

And the being alone.

Only When The Sun Shines.

Things I could do with right now:
- More time
- More days off work
- A holiday
- A hug
- A big winning lottery ticket
- Friends who are there for you ALL the time. Not just when it suits them.
- A sofa, mattress, TV... in fact, a flat full of furniture would be good!
- A self cleaning car.

Things I could do without right now:
- Work stress
- Confusing idiots
- Aching post-gym muscles
- People asking me for large quantities of money
- Fair weather friends who don't give a shit.

I've had FOUR days off work and although I've had a stack load to do, I've not really achieved what I wanted to.  I was hoping to complete a commission but I've struggled with it and am still only three fifths the way through! I really don't think I've made good use of my time, however I did catch up on some sleep.

I've seen a couple of films in the last few months too: Rush and Prisoners.  Both have been well worth the trip to the cinema and the latter posed some really interesting questions about morality, religion and the rights or wrongs of torture/punishment.  Well worth a watch.

I'm doing okay at the gym, though I'm putting in less time there than I want to or should due to other things going on.  I'm still enjoying it but am still missing my squat challenge.  I've been putting in a measly 60 a day but I need something more. 

The last two weeks have left me a bit numb; I think it's partly shock at the amount of stuff going on between now and Christmas, oh and the fact it IS Christmas in a few months!!! In addition to work stress, other people stress, I now have the lovely stress of money too, and I'm beginning to wonder what will be the straw that breaks the camels back.  Just got to hold it together.  One good thing, is that I have a good friend back in my life- B.  I've stayed in touch with her since school and in many ways we're very similar which makes it easy to support one another.  She's the sort of friend that will stick by me through thick and thin, and it makes me happy that amongst the uncertainty and stress I can count on her support. 

Squat Withdrawal

Well... last Sunday was the last day of my 30 day squat challenge.  I completed every day of it, which totalled 3295 squats!

I miss it already.  So I'm either going to repeat the same one or find one which takes me a little bit higher.  I saw one a while ago that went to 500 but that might be pushing it....

Still.  I need a new challenge.  It'll keep my mind off other things.