Family Ties.

Sometimes I don't want anything to do with you because I am just so fed up of your family.

From a real woman.

"Real women have curves"

I resent this phrase.

The many years of using too-thin models on catwalks and the linking up of eating disorders with images of thin women in the media, has given birth to an ugly counter-phenomenon. I'm not going to deny that media has a hugely negative impact on women's esteem... but I find this particular line of defence disturbing. Women have turned on each other, using a "them and us" mindset which only serves to further alienate and lower esteem.

We should be pushing for real beauty, as opposed to plastics, airbrushing and photo-editing; We should be pushing for acceptance of spots, freckles, wrinkles, scars- all those things that makes human skin human; Pushing for feeling healthy and happy in your skin. THIS phrase, this "Real Women" assault, has been coined by full figured ladies tired of being made to feel ugly by the use of slim women in media- and they've fought back in the stereotypically bitchy way some women can resort to; by putting someone else down. It's cliched, it's dull and it's tiresome.

I am slim. I have always been small. Contrary to popular belief, I struggle to get clothes to fit and there are clothes I would love to wear but can't or wouldn't feel comfortable in. I don't tend to put on much weight but I am as susceptible to stretch marks and cellulite as the next woman. I have small boobs (highly unfashionable), very fair skin which does not tan (and neither do I feel the need to do so), thin hair, freckles, moles and scars. I have just as many issues with my body as the next woman- if not more. I have struggled accepting how I look and am prone to bouts of intense insecurity about my body; I've struggled to feel any degree of comfort in my skin. I am often asked if I eat properly, or if I specifically try to maintain my low weight... and people have no qualms about making comments about my physique which they wouldn't dream of doing to a fuller sized person. Something about being naturally slim seems to give the rest of the world an open invitation to comment on your size, as if for some reason, I won't mind. Well why would I, seeing as by today's standards, I am not a real woman.

I would love to ask those who feel the need to enquire about my clothing size, whether they would feel the need to ask it of a larger sized woman. I would also love to know how people calling me skinny as if it's a compliment, would feel if I suddenly felt the urge to conjure up a nickname based purely on the the size of their waistband.

This is the problem with this phrase.

It might make you fat ladies (not nice is it, being labelled) feel better about yourselves, but it's doing nothing for the fight against the media. The media has not changed; 99% of imagery we see in advertising is edited and airbrushed and we're still being conditioned to accept it.

It's doing nothing to fight against eating disorders because these disorders are always going to exist, exacerbated wherever there are attacks on women's esteem; as long as women are to be judged by what they look like and told they are not good enough.

It's doing nothing to challenge perceptions or promote happiness, esteem and acceptance for ALL women- quite the opposite in fact; it's divisive, nasty and a cheap shot. Whatever the intention was- it's misguided and poorly judged.


What is this even based on!? Are these ladies making a lame attempt at harking back to the old Renaissance paintings where big, pale, wobbly thighs were a thing of beauty- well fair enough- but a small bust and eating as much as you could to prove your wealth was fashionable then too. The truth is that Real Women come in all shapes and sizes, colours, heights and widths.

I may be slim. I may not conform to the stereotypical "beauty". But I AM a real woman. I am far more than my clothing size and will continue to feel saddened and disgusted by the promotion of the "real women" campaigns. Such a great opportunity lost and wasted, proving that women's self esteem will always be abused and contorted.

Download-ed.

Oh. My. God.

I survived... just about. Only mud was on the last day... thankfully. My trusty Wedge Wellies were a god send. In fact, on Sunday, the ONLY parts of me that weren't soaked to the bone and freezing cold were my feet!

Thursday we spent all day trudging round to find a good pitch. We ended up in the Brown campsite which suited us just fine though it was probably the furthest away from pretty much everything! I think we just ate, drank and had a poke about in The Village.

Friday was gloriously sunny to start with and we watched CKY kick off precedings who would have been alot more entertaining if the lead guitarist wasn't such an ignorant little shit. We were pretty close to the front for the first few acts who were Puddle of Mudd who put in an average performance, Duff McDuffs Duff band who I most certainly did NOT enjoy- far too much American tripe, and then we got to the good stuff with a blinding set from Black Stone Cherry. I think at this point, I was removed from the Main Stage thanks to being outvoted by my Download companions, and had to watch Children of Bo(r)dom on the second stage who were absolutely crap, but we were back at the main stage to see Alterbridge who were far far better than I thought they'd be.

Rain threatened to interrupt us enjoying Korn on the second stage- but they were awesome. It's a wonder I was able to actually see anything due to the copious amounts of tobacco and other substances being smoked in the audience. It would seem Korn fans like their dangerous chemicals. I was hoping for a rendition of Word Up! but even though it didn't happen I wasn't disappointed- they were absolutely brilliant and we even got a blast of Bagpipes from Jonathon Davis! Genius! To finish off the day, now in heavier rain, we went to see the cheese-meisters Deff Leppard. I think the less said about this the better... we left half way through and headed back on the 30 minute walk back to camp.

Saturday saw the Sun back again in the morning. Myself and my fellow Downbloaders were already sporting various degrees of sunburn at this stage and wierdly I woke up with a swollen forehead. It didn't look too red, but it was swollen up so I couldn't frown or raise my eyebrows- not particularly a problem while at Download! I can only assume this happened while we were trying to find a pitch on Thursday as I'd slathered myself in factor 50 no less the previous day! Still, we ate as much food as we could and headed to the Arena for our second day of rock/metal. I was determined to grab and maintain hold on a decent place near(ish) the front of the main stage on Saturday because System of a Down were headlining in the evening. So, we pretty much remained rooted to the spot for The Devil Wears Prada (not good), All That Remains (this band remains a mystery since I cannot remember ANY of the set... I can only vaguely recognise the band... I have no idea to this day where my head was at while this band were playing!), Escape the Fate (more un-memorable stuff), Skindred who were one of the highlights of my weekend- despite being nearly crushed they absolutely SMASHED it. They were awesome. These were followed by The Hollywood Undead who I'm glad I missed by going to get a much needed burger. We were back in position, thanks to a bit of tag-team-work with my fellow Downloaders, and here we watched Down who were average- possibly spoilt by another utter cock of a frontman. I was pretty stoked and excited about seeing Skunk Anansie, and Skin definitely wins for outfit of the weekend (!) ... but it was spoilt by much of the crowd gathering for Avenged Sevenfold- most of whom were complete intolerant bastards and didn't give Skin and her crew the audience they deserved. She kept going, like a trooper... and did a spot of crowd walking (i.e walking ON the crowd which was brave/stupud I'm not sure which!). They were really on form, but the setlist wasn't what it could have been and a minority of the audience really spoilt it for me by treating them like shit. To those few fans who felt the need to be so disgusting and pathetic while waiting a mere hour for another average band- grow the fuck up you complete moronic bastards.

... ahem... anyway where were we... yeah following Skunk Anansie, was Avenged Sevenfold who were, again, better than I had expected as I'm not a huge fan of their stuff. They had a massive following... but I dunno- I just can't shake the feeling that their whole ethos is so old and unoriginal, a little bit 80's. Is it really so hard to be inventive these days?! ... still, I endured for the sake of System of a Down. There was a bit of a wait, dodging bottles of piss/beer and being entertained by a couple of ballsy lighting riggers. It was so worth the wait. So worth the bottle dodging, the crushing (though I was mostly protecting and sheltered from this by N!), the sunburn, the rain. People were being lifted out of the crowd for being crushed or the circle pits expanding too much... but my god... it was worth waiting for... System were just blinding. I sang/shouted until my voice went croaky and I just didn't want it to end. Incredible.

Following from Saturdays high... Sunday came around- our last day. We ate a bit of breakfast trying to use up the last bits of our food and booze before home the following day. Yes- we did have booze for breakfast. It started raining pretty soon after... we weren't in any rush until a bit later on in the day so we played a game of band A-Z, shouting to each other from our tents as we all sheltered from the pouring rain. We sheltered until about mid day where we braved it to go and see Karma to Burn on the second stage- who oddly, weren't there and were replaced with Hyro Da Hero. By this point, we'd discovered the driving rain was also accompanied by a strong and bloody freezing wind... neither of which showed any signs of letting up. This is where things took a turn for the worse. My trusty Mack in a Pack who has accompanied me on many many journeys for the last 10 years... decided to commit suicide on my body. It gave up the ghost- was no longer waterproof. It soaked through my not-so-waterproof, and consequently my hoody, my cardy-jacket layer, my thin hoody, and my vest top... to my now shivering wreck of a body. I managed to endure a wierd Norweigen metal band whose name escapes me and the freakin wierdness of GWAR (which was like world of warcraft meets red dwarf on viagra and speed)... before realising that I really needed to get warm and dry soon as. I headed back to camp... and it was a good hour or two before I felt warm again. I had intended to go back for Buckcherry, Disturbed and Bullet for My Valentine, finishing with Frank Turner on the Pepsi Max stage... but it became apparant that ALL my warm layers I'd been wearing were soaked through and that I had nothing dry or warm to wear. The rain was heavier than ever, the wind was even colder if it was possible and I pretty much had to cut my losses and stay put in my tent, miserably listening to Disturbed and Bullet from afar. I was gutted... but I guess no band is worth getting sick for. Next year, I will definitely be taking a far more substantial rain coat.

And that concluded Download. The long trudge back to the car carrying all our stuff, in the masses of mud from the previous day felt like some sort of apocalyptic mass exodus of weary, sunburnt, slightly damp, achey broken people burdened with too much luggage and inappropriate footwear. Still... a last southern comfort and coke accompanied by an apple, was had in celebration on reaching the car... and our trip ended.

Don't forget the Duck Tape.

One commission almost down... just got to cook it once I have client approval.

I haven't started packing for Download yet. I have SO much to do... and two nights to do it in. What do I go and do? Book tickets to watch the new Senna film at the cinema tomorrow night! That now leaves me ONE night to obtain and pack everything I could possibly need for Download.

I have a list. No actually, I have TWO lists. I love lists... couldn't do without them. List maintainance is my only downfall. Once the list is written, and I find the whole process very very useful and comforting, I do struggle actually using the list to its full potential by either losing it or ignoring it.

So I have my list. I have various bags of stuff that I've bought especially to help me survive- but I need to actually start packing clothes and bits. I still need to get Duck tape. (Is it Duck or Duct, I've never found out!?)... this will be one essential item for emergencies. ( In case we get our tent slashed, not for kidnapping I might add).

I think really, I'm too excited and nervous to start packing. I'm keeping one eye on the weather this week also.

Oh yeah and I have Jury Service next month. Boo. But I can't focus or waste energy on this yet.

The next time I blog... I will be Post-Download. You could say Downloaded.