Sleep.

I feel tired today.

Sleep.

People take it for granted but to me it is one of the most precious things on this planet.

I have always had a very tumultuous relationship with sleep. Even when I was small, I struggled to sleep well.  Night times had the prepensity to bring a mixture of nightmares or just hours of my imagination roaming in the darkness.  Nightmares as a child, or the inability to switch off my active mind left me with general irregular sleeping patterns.  I became fussy, requiring optimum conditions of temperature, light, quietness in order to actually settle enough to fall asleep.

As I entered secondary school, came the anxiety of not getting enough sleep to concentrate on my lessons the following day and so the fear of not sleeping became the problem itself as it fuelled my difficult sleeping patterns.  It was at secondary school I experienced my first bout of depression and anxiety which obviously meant inability to sleep as well as general lethargia and a fatigue that I just could not quench.  

Through college and university, the trials of growing up, studies, relationships weighed on my mind at night coupled with the student lifestyle and diet of countless nights out, alcohol and takeaways. My mental health issues of my teens were also never far away impacting my sleep patterns further.  It was just after graduating university however that I experienced my first proper taste of night terrors. 

The Terrors consisted of periods of paralysis where I felt fully conscious, able to see my surroundings and move my eyes but unable to move the rest of my body.  I could sometimes hear voices shouting at me above my head, or hear screaming but I was unable to move or roll over to "wake" out of it.  During these moments, I was unsure of where reality ended and a dream state began.  Although I could see, and the room around me was visible, there were also times where there appeared to be a screen lifted from my sight, as if my eyes were opening. It's difficult to describe just how frightening these times were.

Following the terrors, was my first episode of Insomnia.

It wasn't just little sleep or disturbed sleep or patchy sleep.  It was no sleep.  It lasted three weeks.  In that time I tried over-the-counter remedies which did nothing.  I finally went to the doctors and was given temazepam. 

This was my saviour at a time of exhaustion and desperation.  Although there is no physical pain to Insomnia, it's a gradual, slow erosion of you from the inside.  You have no energy.  Mornings I would be in tears, just knowing I'd clocked another 8 hours of full consciousness.  I was tired, miserable, and I feared my depression was literally looming round every corner.  I felt like a shadow of myself and on the verge of a breakdown. Temazepam literally saved me from this by providing me my first night of actual sleep in weeks.  I can not describe how this felt.  Literally can not put it into words.  

I'm glad to say that I've not experienced that level of Insomnia again.  I still have difficulty sleeping.  Anything that stops me sleeping now feels like a personal attack.  Noise, lights, ticking clocks and snoring all become my enemy depriving me of this precious resource, like oxygen.  If you're lucky enough to be able to sleep well, or one of these wierdo's who doesn't even have to think about falling a sleep- I hope you realise you have an invaluable commodity. Since sleep deprivation is used as a weapon; a recognised torture method I also hope you think twice if you snore.  Persistent snoring should be punishable by death as far as I'm concerned. 

Sleep tight.

The Irony of a Moral-less Pope.

Pope's Butler jailed for 18months.

 

Right, while I'm in full flow... I might as well comment on THIS infuriating saga too. 

 

The Pope's butler has been jailed for 3 years, reduced to 18 months due to a prior clean record.  This is for theft of documents.   

 

Righto, up next then, prosecution of the catholic church for harboring paedophiles, covering up abuse, perverting the course of justice, interfering with witnesses, years of systemic and horrific child abuse...? No??

 

Fucked up doesn't even come close. 

 

I think this says it all... Thank you Tim.

 

 



And the rage continues...

I've lived through a conservative government before but I was a child and therefore politics had very little obvious impact on my life, or any that I would be able to understand or acknowledge.  However, now, as a voting adult- this is the first time I've had to endure such elitist, damaging, incompetent bile as is the Tory agenda. 

This government and their politics prove on a daily basis that they are the very antithesis of everything I believe and stand for.  Just when I think they can't possibly rile me anymore, this happens:

Jeremy Hunt backs 12-week legal limit on abortions

 

 

Now, firstly, this man is our health secretary.  This is a man who believes in homeopathy and tried to ban Danny Boyle from his NHS tribute at the Olympic opening ceremony, presumably because he didn't want the Plebs and peasants realising how valuable it was before he starts privatising it all. 

 

This utter knob is now wading into a debate into abortion.  Hmm, yes, lets have a Conservative MALE make decisions about womens rights and womens bodies, based on very very little scientific argument at all to boot. 

 

The womens secretary is laughable too- or it would be, if the absolute horror of the situation wasn't apparant:  Maria Miller- A "Modern Feminist".  Er, no. Simply put- Fucking hell no.

 

This government is going to fail just about every single faction of soceity not born into huge inheritances or isn't a multi-billion-tax-avoiding corporation.  It's time to stop whining about who started this and stop falling back on labour bashing because you can't accept YOUR governments failures.  These hateful, frankly useless, elitist idiots who have no respect for the hard working members of soceity who put them all to shame, NEED. TO. GO.  

 

Failing on EVERY single level of their shoddy plans at making cuts and rebuilding the country.

Failing to reduce public sector spending.

Destroying our public services.

Degrading, privatising, publicly disrespecting and dissolving the Police service.

Making vast quantities of people redundant, unemployment sky high. 

Removal of key benefits and a failure to get a grasp on a decent benefits system for people who actually deserve it.

Not addressing tax avoidance by huge companies and corporations including banks.

Reducing services, with little payback for those of us paying for it.

No growth.

No help for small business and start ups.

Women paying the largest prices in terms of unemployment and benefits cuts.

Failed, corrupt rail bids on important services- costing the tax payer 40bn.

 

.... the failures are absolutely endless.

 

It's not good for my health, my blood pressure or my stress levels.  I've been angry pretty much throughout their victorian-esque rule and I'm sick of it.  They're plan hasn't even worked - all fears and concerns are realised DAILY.  Unless of course, their plan is to segregate soceity and widen the gap between rich and poor- that they have fulfilled wonderfully.  Worse yet, the full extent of damage from their incompetence won't be seen for another 3-5 years and it frankly scares me.

 

And now they're launching an attack on something else that's very important to me- Womens rights.  Deep breaths... count to ten... it'll all be over soon.

 

 



 

 

PC Plebs

Some of my colleagues protesting against shamed Sutton Coldfield Tory knobhead Andrew Mitchell after his "Fucking Pleb" rant at an officer outside Downing St a few weeks ago -

Federation of PC PLEBS fight back.

 

 

 

Eight Legged Freaks.

After a couple of weeks fighting the good fight and having to rid the house of these vile, evil beasts; imagine my utter horror happening upon the following article:

The Return Of Britain's Biggest Spider.

  

This article goes on to explain how ten zoos around the country have been breeding this uber spider and are about to set about releasing them into the wild.  This actually means, they've been breeding billions and billions of a massive super spider which they're now about to release into peoples homes.  We all know that these things are clever; evil-clever.  They've managed to get themselves bred with the advantages and safety of scientific-human help and now they're being released into people's houses- because we all know they rarely live outside where they could catch a hell of a lot MORE of the food they ALLEDGEDLY eat: flies;  A long held argument for their existence which is, of course, crap.  They would have no need to live inside houses if they ate flies.  There's a FAR greater chance of catching flies OUTSIDE- where all the flies are.  Needless to say, the great big bastards that stalk people's homes don't have 'catchy' webs for flies, they just leave trigger trails to pounce on and eat, what I can only assume, are other spiders or people. 

 

I have found a number of spiders in my close proximity in the last few weeks.  My knowledge of these things has grown over many years of observation and brain storming (see Spider Theory) and as such I knew the first few I saw last week were just the small ones;  The scouts.  The ones that stake out the territory before the big ones come in.  I was right. 

There it was in the bath. 

 

I tried to drown it. But it formed an umbrella with it's legs, an air pocket, so it couldn't drown.  This intelligence fills me with dread.  They know stuff.  They think.  You can see them thinking.  I therefore had to resort tothe rather uncomfortable, but necessary, scorchingto death of turning on the hot tap.  I don't care what anyone says- they're evil.  It does NOT need to be in the house.  If they wish to come up with an agreement by which they stay the fuck away from me, I will happily share the earth with them.  But if they INSIST on invading my house, trying to crawl on me, or touch me in any way shape or form, or threaten to, they will die.  Until of course they overpower us. 

 

Not entirely sure how I'm going to sleep tonight knowing that some IDIOTS have been releasing these 8cm leg span spiders with the ability to glide over water... but still, I have a whole day off work tomorrow to enjoy so sleep I must.