This article goes on to explain how ten zoos around the country have been breeding this uber spider and are about to set about releasing them into the wild. This actually means, they've been breeding billions and billions of a massive super spider which they're now about to release into peoples homes. We all know that these things are clever; evil-clever. They've managed to get themselves bred with the advantages and safety of scientific-human help and now they're being released into people's houses- because we all know they rarely live outside where they could catch a hell of a lot MORE of the food they ALLEDGEDLY eat: flies; A long held argument for their existence which is, of course, crap. They would have no need to live inside houses if they ate flies. There's a FAR greater chance of catching flies OUTSIDE- where all the flies are. Needless to say, the great big bastards that stalk people's homes don't have 'catchy' webs for flies, they just leave trigger trails to pounce on and eat, what I can only assume, are other spiders or people.
I have found a number of spiders in my close proximity in the last few weeks. My knowledge of these things has grown over many years of observation and brain storming (see Spider Theory) and as such I knew the first few I saw last week were just the small ones; The scouts. The ones that stake out the territory before the big ones come in. I was right.
There it was in the bath.
There it was in the bath.
I tried to drown it. But it formed an umbrella with it's legs, an air pocket, so it couldn't drown. This intelligence fills me with dread. They know stuff. They think. You can see them thinking. I therefore had to resort tothe rather uncomfortable, but necessary, scorchingto death of turning on the hot tap. I don't care what anyone says- they're evil. It does NOT need to be in the house. If they wish to come up with an agreement by which they stay the fuck away from me, I will happily share the earth with them. But if they INSIST on invading my house, trying to crawl on me, or touch me in any way shape or form, or threaten to, they will die. Until of course they overpower us.
Not entirely sure how I'm going to sleep tonight knowing that some IDIOTS have been releasing these 8cm leg span spiders with the ability to glide over water... but still, I have a whole day off work tomorrow to enjoy so sleep I must.
1 comment:
As one of those spider-loving, fool-hardy members of society i feel its my duty to inform you of certain things. 1. Spiders are not that smart...they go off pure instinct (trust me). 2. The spiders you are talking about in your blog are called Tegenaria duellica or the "house spider". 3. Its actually the male of the species that is often found in your bath/running across the carpet in search of a mate and yes they do catch prey from their web.
Although i understand your fears and your need to tar spiders with some sort of terrorist brush, i want you to know only one thing...8cm leg span is quite frankly nothing. My theraphosa Aphohysis has a leg span of 10" and is still considered small :D
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