Flop.

Last year was a good year for Feminism... it felt energised and focussed and seemed to be raising some really interesting and good debates.  This year however, I feel it is losing that focus and along with it a great big heap of respect.

I think the turn around came with the campaigners getting duped by the Sun.  Since then, they seem to have gone on silly rampages which are damaging their reputation and also damaging any meaningful work they may have already done.

The first of these silly attacks came on the film Fifty Shades of Grey.  I'd have appreciated a campaign here on repetitive, poorly written books with slightly dodgy storylines... however some feminists decided to launch an attach on this film saying it advocated Domestic Violence.  Now, working in the department dealing with this topic for a year now I can honestly say this does NOT equate to Domestic Violence.  I'm partially hoping that SOME of them have actually read the book and have hugely misinterpreted the book due to it being so SHIT, but you have to be slightly stupid to miss the key word in the whole thing... being CONSENT.  The woman in the book/film CONSENTS to being hit. Sadism is not the same as domestic violence and never will be.  Get it right.  ANY feminist having an issue with this has got it wrong and would be far better campaigning against REAL, GENUINE domestic violence occurring daily with men and women as victims and perpetrators; there is enough of it going on.  Leave the shoddy house-wife porn alone and focus on an actual problem.

Last week I saw a tweet by Danny Wallace who I find absolutely hilarious, being lambasted by another misguided feminist who took offence to one of his posts.  The post itself was sarcastic and if you know his humour, you know exactly how it was intended, however this person jumped all over it for all the wrong reasons and just made a total mockery of everything she probably stood for, most of which people like Danny Wallace probably bloody AGREE with!

Now they've jumped on the Beach Body campaign... which yes... is tiresome and boring and old... a woman's body has been used for advertising... yes. Don't the company have plenty of male bodies used in adverts too? Highly likely... because it IS a body product about weight loss... just like any gym is also focussed on body image.  Forget the ad, and focus on campaigns like the "This Girl Can" campaign... PROMOTE the good ones. ENDORSE positive body image campaigns instead of an ever-so slightly misjudged targeting of any naked flesh. 

It's frustrating.  It's annoying.  Because there will now be a huge backlash every time there is an intent to raise what is probably a valid point and decent debate.  It's infuriating because of how long it has been for there to be ANY serious feminists making any changes.  Last year saw huge progress and the good kind of waves that were needed to bring down shit like NUTS and ZOO.  And now, I feel like it's all been wasted and the energy is less focused and is spiraling in the wrong directions. It's causing a nasty backlash which I know is part of the fight, but on the above two situations, I haven't been able to defend the cause AT ALL because by and large, I just don't think they're an issue. Or rather, there are FAR FAR greater things that could be being achieved.

I hope every feminist group out there takes some time to move passed the bad PR, re-group and start addressing some genuine concerns and make some good, positive changes to turn this around before it becomes borderline difficult for women (and men) to declare they are feminists once again.

Every Cloud...

So after three years, gathering dust in a drawer, I finally decided to take the plunge and sell my old engagement ring.  The only sentiment it had to me after that time was that I suspect it will be my only engagement ring, however I see no point holding on to an empty memory of 10 years wasting my life with someone who gave so little.  I sold it two weeks ago to a jeweller friend at work and I have to say... it was a big, positive step.  I felt released.  It made me realise that after heartbreak, comes rebirth. 

 

In true Slinky style, I obviously put the money towards something altogether more meaningful and special... something that embodies a philosophy I believe in, and looks fucking awesome- Alexander McQueen. I could not be more chuffed with my new goodies.  This beautiful silk scarf and bracelet symbolise moving forward and away from 10 years of wasted time and energy on someone unworthy. 

 

A colleague asked me if I felt emotional about selling it, but no... no I didn't.  I felt relieved and liberated from something bad.  And the big wad of cash in my hand helped too. :)  I only had one person who tried to make me feel guilty for my decision but I refuse.  It's not me who gave in ultimately.  It's not me who threw it away.  So I can hold my head up high and move forward knowing I lost nothing and gained some better things that I love and which hold far more value to me.

 

 

They couldn't have arrived at a better time either - at a time when I've just got rid of two other toxic rats.  No more toxicity.  No more negative people.  From now on- I only have room in my life for people worthy of my trust, respect and time.  If you can't hack it- close the door on your way out.

 

And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons

And I wanted it, I wanted it so bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one

You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart

And I will stay up through the night
Let's be clear, won't close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I'll walk through fire to save my life

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me
 I'm still fighting for peace

 Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart

I've got an elastic heart 

 

 

Slinky is back.

 

:) 

Rat.

 

My gut instinct deserves a medal.  My heart, not so much.

 

Liars always get caught out by their own games and lies eventually... but you've not seen the depths of evil manipulation and desperation until you've seen someone fake a whole friendship in order to get laid for a few weeks while it waits for it's soulmate to leave someone so they can settle into a pitiful little life of shallow, emotionally-dead existence.  

 

I welcomed you back; I offered you more care, love, respect and trust than you ever will deserve and you laughed behind my back, insulted my intelligence and padded out the lies, while your pathetic agenda fell into place.

 

You are no man.  You are the ugliest, smallest, weakest, most worthless, cowardly and evil person I have ever met.

 

I hope the guilt eats away at you for the rest of your miserable life.

 

I hope she breaks you. 

 

It Will Come Back.

I'm sitting here listening to Hozier.  This is most definitely the best album I have heard in some time; bluesy, heartfelt and emotive with beautiful lyrics and an absolutely incredible blues vocal which can haunt you right down to your bones. I love it.  My soul loves it.  I can feel it soar when I listen.

I should be working.  I have two commissions under way with very short deadlines but I just can't concentrate.

My head is full of smog and cobwebs today, only in very small part due to the number of very strong cocktails I consumed last night. I want to curl up and sleep it off but even that is proving difficult.

I have a conversation running through my head.  It was an important one; things needed to be said which provided some much needed clarity and context.  However in doing so, it's left me scarred. Inevitable, and necessary to protect me in the future but also damaging to my heart. It's not a nice thing to ever hear... and it's something I've heard twice now.

It's one thing to be told someone doesn't feel something for you.  It cuts.  But to be told that they never could feel anything for you cuts deeper.  The connection isn't severed; you realise it was never even there to begin with; wasted and empty.  To say it could never happen means I've been analysed, summed up as lacking in some unknown quality which can never be explained or quantified. Strange how you can feel so connected; feel so strongly that there is something undeniably there; something right; and be so very very wrong about it.

It could have worked; You and I. You don't even realise what you've lost.

_________

 

                                                                          

All you have is your fire,

And a place you need to reach.

Don't you ever tame your demons-

But keep them on a leash.  

 

 

__________

Return.

I got back from Japan on Wednesday morning.  I miss it already.  Two days at home and it already feels like an age away.  The long flight emphasizes just how far away my little niece is and how much I am missing out on. It's a sad feeling that my time with her is going to be so sparse and sporadic. I miss her.

I'm not back at work until Tuesday and I've already wasted two days which have slipped through my fingers without me even noticing.  Post holiday blues were made much worse when I discovered that on the day off my return my little gecko Gizmo had passed away that morning.  She had been ill for some weeks so while it wasn't a huge shock, seeing her lifeless little body lay down in the warmth of her vivarium was heart-breaking. She had lay in the warmth knowing she was going to pass away I am sure of this from how she had lay down. She is buried in my parents garden.

In contrast, as one pet passes, my sister has now grown her little family unit to one Rottweiler/Border Collie cross puppy called Milo. He is incredibly cute even if he does just play and sleep at the moment.