I should be working. I have two commissions under way with very short deadlines but I just can't concentrate.
My head is full of smog and cobwebs today, only in very small part due to the number of very strong cocktails I consumed last night. I want to curl up and sleep it off but even that is proving difficult.
I have a conversation running through my head. It was an important one; things needed to be said which provided some much needed clarity and context. However in doing so, it's left me scarred. Inevitable, and necessary to protect me in the future but also damaging to my heart. It's not a nice thing to ever hear... and it's something I've heard twice now.
It's one thing to be told someone doesn't feel something for you. It cuts. But to be told that they never could feel anything for you cuts deeper. The connection isn't severed; you realise it was never even there to begin with; wasted and empty. To say it could never happen means I've been analysed, summed up as lacking in some unknown quality which can never be explained or quantified. Strange how you can feel so connected; feel so strongly that there is something undeniably there; something right; and be so very very wrong about it.
It could have worked; You and I. You don't even realise what you've lost.
_________
All you have is your fire,
And a place you need to reach.
Don't you ever tame your demons-
But keep them on a leash.
__________
No comments:
Post a Comment