Speech!

Apologies for the lack of blogging over the last few weeks. They seem to have flown by in one big, blurry, hectic and sometimes nasty mess, but I'm still plodding on. I am now back in Brum. Niall is having to rethink a few things and grow up, whilst I am trying to do whatever it takes for me to be happy- short term and long term. But I am okay and thanks for those of you who have listened to me, helped me or hugged me in the last week or two.

Christmas was pretty quiet this year. Things were obviously going to feel different and a bit sad since I'd moved back home. The change has been a breath of fresh air and after recent events I've been revitalised and I'm feeling stronger and surer about things than I have in a long time. I've rediscovered a part of myself that seems to get buried alot, and it's nice to finally see it all again. I am essentially slink, and one thing I will ALWAYS love about myself is that I'm totally true to myself and who I am. It's take it or leave it- and it's your loss if you can't be bothered to find out more about me. I'm sexy, I'm fucken cool, I'm talented, I appreciate solidity, truth, passion, creativity, ideas, friendship and I genuinely care about people who take the time to get to know me. I'll never be a walk over, and I'll always have an opinion, I'll speak out if I feel I have to and I'll not settle for being treated wrongly either. I don't ask for anything more of people than they would expect in return, and I won't put my career on the back burner without a decent compromise. I don't think any of this is unfair or unjust, if people don't like it, don't like how I dress, act, look, they can fuck the hell off and leave me be.

Speech over. :)

For christmas I got:

A big green Lizard
DVD's
CD
Red nail varnish
Two scarves and a hat
Gloves, two bandanas, some earings and a hat from my bro in Japan
Plenty of booze
Even more chocolate and sweets
Some charms for my bracelet
Clothes
Perfume
A beautiful star and some Willy Wonka pencils
A Nightmare before Christmas game
A shrug
Spider Earings
Money
A book about photography
A book full of cake recipes!
The obligatory smellies
oooh and some fortune telling fish!

Think that's just about it so I'm pretty chuffed.

My next issue is deciding wether to buy a cowboy hat with my christmas money or save it for boring self promotion work.... hrmmmmm...

A Big Mistake.

All of a sudden everything has gone black. But I can still see the lies and I can still feel the sting of my wounds. Crushed, ripped, skin torn, heart charred... I hope it was worth it.

I deserve better. As little as I think of myself, I deserve so much more than you.

Only smarties have the answer...

It's been one of those uppy downy sort of days today... but I've noticed a pattern to today that's quite encouraging. I woke up with really bad tummy cramp so that put me in a bad mood, and spent the morning looking for jobs (as per usual) with which I got nowhere (as per usual), however the ladybug phoned me round dinner time so I enjoyed a nice salad and a good natter with her. I realised how much I miss being at home, but I also felt better for catching up with an old mate. Things took a turn for the worse again when I went to get a few things from asda for cooking my cottage pie tonight. Urgh it was busy and annoying and two people walked into me without so much as a glance or an apology, assholes. I also got pissed off by the fact that I had to buy a 70cl bottle of Baileys (can't explain why, but trust me it HAD to be 70cl) costing £9.89 when a HUUGE one litre bottle cost £9.84 ... now where's the logic in that?!? To make matters worse I got ID'd buying the damn thing! Stupid Asda. However, on returning home and rummaging through my bag to find my key- I found like twenty smarties in the bottom of my bag! In perfect condition I might add, and from last weekend!

On the sight of suprise chocolate I immediately calmed down and knew that everything was going to be okay. :-)

Bus stop.

I was waiting at the bus stop last week and as you would expect a little old lady came to join me in my wait for the bus. She started talking to me about the cold weather and how the buses were always late etc, the usual old lady at a bus stop conversational topics, and I obviously chatted away back to her. So anyway, a few minutes later this black guy comes along in a rather wicked long coat and asks us what time the bus comes, he looked pretty freezing and was jumping on the spot, rubbing his gloved hands together to keep warm.

So there we were, the three of us, me, the sweet little old lady and the guy in the coat; all cold and waiting for the bus, laughing together at the cold weather and united in our longing for the warm bus to hurry up and collect us. Then it happened... one of those awful moments. The little old lady turned to me and whispered - "They're probably not used to the cold are they?" nodding over at the Black guy... :-o !!! ... errr... what do you do when a sweet old lady says something like that?! All I could do was sort of fake smile at her. I know it obviously comes from her generation's mind set but still... if it had been my Grandad or something I'd have said "well actually Grandad he was probably born here so I'm sure he's as used to it as the rest of us", but there I was caught between being nice and respectful to old people and blatent albeit unintentional racism. Bus stops eh?

Anyways, in other news, I had a drink of Apple Juice this morning... nice, you may be thinking, so what's the big deal? Well, I'd already had a few sips and had noticed a funny smell about it, but I carried on anyway, thinking it couldn't be off or anything. Another sip... and coming to think of it, it definately tasted a bit wierd too... I just couldn't place what it tasted like... about two sips later it hit me... it was Niall's Mexican Chicken. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW. It was rank. This chicken has been stinking out our fridge for the last day or two as it gradually fills up his sandwiches, and up until now it's been just about manageable... but I draw tha line at the smell being SO overpowering it actually starts to infiltrate and infuse other foods in the fridge! Hell, I have CHOCOLATE in there for gods sake!!! It's going, there's no doubt about it.

Ew.

Moneymas

Christmas shopping isn't going well this year. I usually have some degree of confidence in my budget, in getting things people will like (mostly), and in being organised enough to get them all in good time. But, this year I have no idea what to get people, have minus three million pounds (or so it feels) and can't see me being able to get organised. It's been stressing me out more than usual- I think mainly because of money, and i've exhausted the "hand made gifts" thing for the last two years running, so that's not really an option.

I have made a small start though, and I managed to get three and a half pressies and remain under budget by quite a long way so that's good news. I can feel myself turning into a right bargain hunter this year... but I refuse point blank to mention anything being cheap as chips.

I also mananged to sell a DVD on ebay for £12.50 ... yes, £12.50... and I completely think I've seen it in the shops for half that... Ha! Give me your money Idiot... :-D