The Narcissist

Last year I met a guy.  We will call him B.  He is a Narcissist.

Now when I say this, I'm not saying it lightly or in jest.  I actually, GENUINELY mean he is one. I've used this to describe just generally self-serving assholes before... but this guy is on a whole other level.

I have rarely, if ever actually, met someone who is actually the stereotype, text book being of a psychological profile, but my god, he is one. 

He has just about every trait. For a long time he made absolutely no sense to me, but after a long time of careful observation and some careful handling, he is the very epitome of narcissism.  His behaviours, words, language... all of it, oozes narcissism.  This goes beyond vanity, far deeper rooted and I can even pick this up from how he talks about his mother.  He takes no responsibility, he is superficial but has massive insecurities.  He papers up the gaping cracks in his life with empty ambition and this ridiculous notion that he is some sort of hero but underneath he is a weak, lost little boy begging to be accepted.  He is vague, plays cards close to his chest (his words) and NEVER actually states what he wants so that he can keep many people (mainly women) on tenterhooks and guessing as to what he's thinking.  Now I've seen it for what it is, I'm no longer frustrated by this person's actions and I'm no longer confused as to where I stand; I was a pawn.  He still describes me as a friend, but I feel my purpose fading as he realises the control is gone and he's no longer able to manipulate... though I let him think he does sometimes because I find it somewhat fascinating.  It's like having a walking, talking case study in psychology. 

I was doing some reading up on Narcissists and there is literally no way of breaking down the strange, delusional worlds they build for themselves.  There is however, a degree of transcendence for me in understanding how B works and knowing that he is caught in a never ending cycle of frustration and disappointment; far below the high standards and delusional success he claims he has and wants. He will never break this, and probably never achieve happiness, although apparently Narcissism lessens with age so now he is nearing 40 he may gradually naturally decrease his ingrained narcissistic behaviours. I actually take some pride in being able to observe such a perfect psychological profile, so close up, without being at all emotionally affected by their behaviour, keeping them at arms length and being able to almost play him at his own game. 

Fascinating.