B.D.S

I woke up in the very early hours of the morning and as any normal person would do, I rolled over to get some more kip. As I did so, I expected to see the rest of my bedroom, the spare bed, wardrobe, and a bit of light from the curtains all in front of me... And I did- but it was covered and surrounded by a really thick mist. Wierdly, my first thought was that I had left the window open and mist had filled my room, but then I distinctly remembered closing my window before getting into bed. Come to think of it, my first thought was "what the..!??!?!" or somehting along those lines. Anyway, in the next second my mind was reeling and I thought it was my eyes going blurry, but I could see my bedcovers perfectly. It was definatly there. I could see outlines, rough shapes but all through a thick mist... or was it smoke..? FINALLY I thought there could be a fire and this was smoke filling my room and I felt my blood rush. I breathed in... and it was normal air, so I sniffed ... nothing, no burning. Wierd, I thought, I should be coughing or suffocating by now. I sat up in a bit of a confused panic.

And then I realised.

For the last minute and a half, looking at what I thought was my room in smoke- I had actually been looking at my bedroom wall.

I rolled over to see my bedroom- free of mist/smoke. And then I felt silly, but equally amazed at how a reflection on a wall can look like a room full of mist! It had so much depth!

B.D.S - Bed Disorientation Syndrome- A strange phenomenon occuring in moment of brief consciousness in which a person expects to see a particular interior or scene but is suprised to find another. The sufferer has become disorientated during sleep and requires seconds or possibly minutes to remember their exact location. There are no further symptoms.

Or should that be Blonde Dumb Slink.

Square One.

I had an interview today but it didn't go well. The job entailed me working saturdays which kinda defeats the point of me living here to be with Niall. When it seemes I wasn't too enthusiastic about Saturday work the interviewer lost interest; up until then I think I stood a good chance. So back to the drawing board.

I have however, bought myself a new watch since my beloved old one was clinging on by tiny strips of leather strap. I can't bare to throw it away though because it's been apart of my arm for years now. My new watch kicks ass though... I'm pleased with it. The flames move and everything! :)

I managed to finish that mini-project last week. Seeing as it was fresh in my mind, I did an illustration for an article about migraine and here's the result:

I think it sums up the feeling quite well... and I just love making brains out of clay and sticking screws in them. woohoo. Took me right back to college.

My Brain Hurts.

I had a migraine yesterday. It felt like my skull was being cracked open; I got really confused and everything hurt- sounds, lights all made it worse. I could feel all the blood vessels in/around my brain throbbing and if this makes any sense I could hear them too. To be honest I wasn't surprised. I had a bout of migraines when I was putting up my degree show so I think they relate to me being a complete stresshead. Annoyingly the lady who lives upstairs (who I have a number of suspicions about but will go into that another time) can't seem to walk around without stomping. She opens and closes drawers and cupboards about a million times a day and I'm pretty sure she moves furniture around at least once a day. Having lived in halls and shared housing I'm kinda used to it... but yesterday, with my migraine, it actually felt like she was walking around ON my head; opening and slamming doors IN my head. Talk about heightened senses... It must SUCK to be a dog or a cat. Imagine smelling EVERYTHING. I have pretty damn good hearing and sense of smell... but I would HATE to smell and hear absolutely everything. How do they ever get to sleep?

I've been thinking about going home; just to recuperate a little. I've been getting down here and I'm finding less and less to do now I've got my self promo packs finished. They can't be sent out until my websties finished so I'm having to bide my time. I still haven't found a job and no one has even got back to me for interview, so I end up sitting around thinking; which is never a good thing. I'm still settling, and it's a big change so I know it'll take time... it's just hard. I'm trying to set myself a few mini projects to do. It'll be good practise to get back into illustrating and making models again. Any ideas much appreciated.

I'll leave you with this picture: Mr Depp, leather, messy hair... we'll overlook the scissors... mmm.


yummy.

Taste buds.

I discovered the other day, that if you eat dairylea on cream crackers, then eat some Walkers ready salted crisps ... it tastes like fried egg.

Slump

I've been reconnected. Though I feel distanced from just about EVERYTHING.

I'm now living in Notty with Niall, though he's obviously started his new job and he's gone all day. I've applied for one job so far, which would be ideal to gain some sort of income while I'm setting up freelance but I've heard nothing back from them. It's frustrating. I just need a little part time job to keep me occupied and get some income. It's getting me down. I'm trying to avoid applying to places that'll really piss me off just yet, though it's starting to look inevitable that I'll be applying to work in ASDA pretty soon. Oh god.

Things are progressing, albeit slowly, with my illustration mail out. I have the packs almost ready to send out to clients and agents so once they're out... it'll be a matter of waiting. And more waiting.

I can't seem to find my identity now I'm in the big wide world, unprotected by the education hierarchy. I was a student. I was an art student. I was Slink, the illustration student. Now I'm nothing really... just unemployed, trying to be self employed, and no one's really noticing just yet.

We do have spongebob in our kitchen window though.

Slump indeed.

I'm bad.

I forgot another birthday. This distresses me so much because it's something I used to be good at, and all of a sudden I'm forgetting them left right and centre. I hate it, it makes me feel selfish and mean. Yes, I've got a lot going on at the moment, setting up, moving, working, finishing work and about to embark on finding a new crappy job to pay rent/food/self promotion ... but geez.... a few dates to remember isn't asking much. :(

I am bad.

I may be moving today. The wierd thing about it though, is that I really don't know if I am or not. I think things are going to be like this for a while... kinda messy and in-between. For me, this could be a period lasting about five years while I go from meanial, crappy part time job to another to survive while I try and get noticed in the Illustration industry. I'm not good with change AT. ALL. Just can't do it. I feel ill for ages when a big change occurs. If I move to notty it's going to be so wierd for a while, so stressful and panicky, and scary. But I know it has to be done at some point.

If I do move, I won't have internet access for a while until it's sorted out. I may be in between here and notty until I decide where is best for me to look for part time work. I may find I can't afford to leave home just yet and have to stay to save money.

I'm totally in limbo here... and it sucks.