Where I End And You Begin.

As a person, an individual... I am complete.

I know me. I know my mind.  I know my body. I know how I work, why I work.

I know what I agree with, and what I don't.  I know why I do or don't.  And I know that I have equal amounts of passion for both these things.

I know my faults, there are many.  But I also know my strengths and can finally be proud of those which are considered to be both.

I've known extreme heights and extreme lows; I've been to the ends of my emotions in exploration and both been in awe and fear of their immense scope, scale and depth. With this comes balance and knowledge, care and empathy.

I am so sure of who I am; what has made me... and why I am. I'm a whole; balanced in my opinions, strengths and weaknesses. It's taken me a long time but I am getting to be more comfortable with this. Or more, that I care less how all the things that make me are perceived by others.

Because of all of this... it's hard for me to admit : This whole person is missing something.

My soul, my heart or that bit of us that we can never really place but just seems to emanate from inside... it needs a companion.

For the times I feel less strong, feel ugly, weak or alone... I need that second soul who shares my own and accepts it for all it is.  It's a sad thought that I may never have that again.  It's an emptiness that I can't shake. 

When I was a child, I remember getting an overwhelming feeling of upset when I found a lost toy in the street.  I forget what it was, yet I remember the feeling- and I felt so sad that I welled up that some child, just like me, had lost it's companion and was unlikely to be reunited*. Two things that were once one, were now apart, broken and imperfect in their separation. Out of balance, out of sync and lost from the shared harmony they once endured.

That feeling right there... is how that part of my inside feels; and potentially how it might always feel despite how "okay" my life may be.

I am incomplete in my absence of another; a soul mate.

An uncomfortable, saddening contrast for someone who prides oneself on being individual, unique and a whole.

"You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

Oscar Wilde.




*1. This is why I hate losing things.  2. Empathy comes naturally to me. 3. As does sentimentality.