Invader.

So there I was... casually walking into my room, seeing my bright red, every-day handbag on the bedroom floor, reaching in side to get out my purse.  I opened up my purse and held it in front of me to look for my card, still bending down to place it back in my bag afterwards, when something caught my eye... something out of the ordinary was sitting in my bag.  And then my brain kicked in... my eyes focused in on a spider, sitting in my bag. 

Obviously, I threw my freakin purse and fell backwards.

A few moments of shock passed, and I returned to look in my bag for confirmation... the bastard had moved. 

Fuck.

I picked up the handles, and threw it out my bedroom, where it landed on it's side, but with most of the contents still in the bag.  I was hoping to see the little, evil cretin run out but it didn't.  Panic now ensued, because not only had I no idea where this nasty little creature was in my bag, but I'd thrown it in the path of the only exit to my bedroom.  So I was trapped, with a spider holding my handbag hostage.

The horror of the situation dawned on me when I realised my hand had been in that bag.  MY HAND.  The very thought of my skin coming into contact with a spider completely unexpectedly, quite honestly, horrifies me. 

I had no other choice but to call my Dad, who rather stupidly advised me to "Just tip it out".  Er, What now? And have it freakin' crawl towards my bare feet?? This wasn't an option.  He had to come and get it out.  Which he did, by tipping out my bag, and watching the little bastard escape into a dodgy floorboard in the bathroom.  Can I get over the fact that it was IN my handbag? No. Can I stop thinking about the prospect of it laying EGGS in my bag. No. No I can't.  Do I think about it everytime I reach into my bag? Yes. Yes I freakin do. Oh god.

The same spider, and yes I KNOW it was the same one (same size, same shape, same horrifically AWFUL legs)... this SAME spider proceeded to try and get back into my room the following day; I found it on the ceiling making it's way towards my door.  It's final attempt however, appears to have become its last.  I walked into the bathroom this evening to find it sitting in the middle of the floor.  I immediately stopped and adopted my usual Spider-terror stance, and then noticed it looked a bit weird. A slightly closer inspection revealed it's body appeared squashed... and I highly suspect my cat might have given the evil beast a friendly, playful pat on the head and accidently killed it. Good cat.

The reign of terror was over.  Though winning the battle is not winning the war.  Downstairs, I entered the living room to find one of those horrendous Orb spiders in the middle of the carpet- you know the ones with the tiny bodies and ridiculously, long, very fine legs which bend over.  I flattened it with the Radio Times.  Those ones seem weaker than the others; finer, slower. 

It's corpse is still on the floor.  I'm leaving it there as a message to the others that death WILL ensue if they persist with their assault on my house. 

Spiders: Do one.