The arse-end of last week was a hellish mess of work-stress, flat application stress and upset thanks to a few irritating, confusing individuals and one who couldn't get lower in my estimation if they tried. However, the weekend came and took all the stress away.
Friday night kicked it off with a meal at a nearby lounge where H and I had tapas and a good ol chinwag about the week. Saturday I spent doing some relaxing sculpting, then a movie in the evening. Sunday N and I picked up two of his colleagues for our trip to Silverstone for the BTCC. It was a beautiful day despite the chilly breeze which you noticed from the stands. I have to say, it was some of the best racing I've seen this year; all three of the Touring Car races proving to be tense, action packed and brilliant to watch. You can tell it's nearing the end of the season, with just one race to go, as all the drivers are putting 200% into their races. I'm not sure yet if we're able to get down to Brands Hatch for the final, it's unlikely at this late stage, but if that's the last racing I'll see this year, it was one hell of a day to watch. :-) We stopped off at Mum's on the way home after dropping off N's friends, for a slap up roast dinner and a cup of tea. Perfect British end to a very British day.
The weekend couldn't have got any better- especially since today is my day off!!!! Yeppo, because I've been single-handedly holding down the fort for the last four weeks while my colleague has been off sick then off on holiday, I made sure I booked her first day back off. Ha! Yes, today I will be sculpting, listening to awesome music and I also have to fit in the gym and 250 squats as it's the last day of my 30 Day Squat Challenge today!!!! :-O
I better get cracking.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Skins.
I saw a facebook post recently which was for some charity event- Children In Need if I remember rightly, where some high profile women had gone "Bare Faced" for some publicity shots. The fact that most of these women were models anyway - with naturally good skin, bone structure etc aside, I got the point which (although not executed brilliantly) was still a fair enough effort at raising the issue of women's self esteem.
It got me thinking.
Over the years, some of which may be detailed in this blog from earlier times, I have battled with low self esteem. Mostly from my physical appearance as I am highly confident in my beliefs, opinions and actions for the most part- some would say perhaps too confident!
Being so petite (skinny, as fatter people prefer to call it) and pale, I don't fit in the to the feminine hourglass, curvy figure. I spent a huge portion of my formative years feeling completely inadequate physically, mostly due to the eagerness of other people to point out that I was "too thin". I've been called ugly, skinny, been in the company of fat people who just love to call you scrawny and put you down, and we all know those awful people who love taking bad photographs of others because it makes them feel better about themselves. You don't have experience of self harm without having some sort of disrespect for yourself and obviously I have the scars to prove it. Bad cycle.
Whilst I'm able now to put a lot of these things down to other people being shits, it's all still left it's mark and I continue to have issues with aspects of my figure and my body. It's not just my skinny, bony, pale body and lack of boobs either; I've spent many years staring at my face in the mirror and hating my nose and ears and the general shape of my tiny head. It's why I hate photographs of myself.
This brings me to the main point of my post. Whilst I probably feel the most comfortable I have about my body (which is still probably poor compared to the average woman) I, like most of my female peers, wouldn't even dream of leaving the house without make up. Never. It just won't happen. In fact I can even remember my worst fear coming true one day when I got up to find that I had run out of eye-liner. The prospect of going into public WITHOUT eye-liner on in order to buy some, was too horrific, and I had to send N out to get a new one before I could leave the house.
It's awful really. Its my face, where so much of my personality comes out and is presented. I am very confident in my beliefs, my opinions, my morals, and my passions and they all come out through my face, my mouth, my eyes, my expressions. However to sit in front of a mirror and look at my face with make up on is a highly uncomfortable experience for me. Looking at it WITHOUT make up- even more so.
The women who have posed without make up for those publicity shots however, have inspired me through the comfort of my blog, my small, tiny window to the world, to do the same.
So, feeling brave, here I am. With no make up. No eyeliner, no blusher. Nothing. I think I was fortunate that the soft lighting has bleached out the dark eye circles and patchy skin... but still, this is me- as naked as my face can get.
Scary stuff.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Fresh Meat.
The Sexism of Freshers Week
A brilliant article by the Guardian about "Lad" culture impacting on young women during the crazy time that is Freshers week. I have to say I can't remember being exposed to a great deal of this at my university, however that was around ten years ago and the whole pathetic "Lad" retaliation movement hadn't occurred. Also, I tended to avoid those horrendous meat market uni nights to favour other club nights out and social occasions because I've never really felt the need to follow a crowd and conform, especially if it's with total twats.
The article highlights some disturbing and obscene trends which I hope women begin to fight back. One occasion I do remember at uni, at one of the horrendous Friday Night Disco (FND) meat markets I rarely went to- was being physically picked up and carried out of the union by a really tall man who looked like Greg Rusedski. I laugh at it now, but to be honest, the whole thing really bothered me. This man was a stranger, and although we'd danced on the dance floor, this man was able to physically pick me up and walk out the Union with me, as if he'd picked me off the shelf at a supermarket. Because I'm so small, petite and skinny, it really bothered me that he was able to physically over power me. Nothing bad happened, he put me down outside the union with no malicious intentions and I promptly walked back inside, but it could so easily have been a different story. It's one of the reasons that I feel so much better about feeling physically stronger through my gym training, because whilst I'm still tiny and easily overpowered at least I know I have some strength to punch, kick and fight back; anyone who knows my tenaciousness will know I'd put up one hell of a good fight if I had to.
Anyway, read the article. It's a good'un.
A brilliant article by the Guardian about "Lad" culture impacting on young women during the crazy time that is Freshers week. I have to say I can't remember being exposed to a great deal of this at my university, however that was around ten years ago and the whole pathetic "Lad" retaliation movement hadn't occurred. Also, I tended to avoid those horrendous meat market uni nights to favour other club nights out and social occasions because I've never really felt the need to follow a crowd and conform, especially if it's with total twats.
The article highlights some disturbing and obscene trends which I hope women begin to fight back. One occasion I do remember at uni, at one of the horrendous Friday Night Disco (FND) meat markets I rarely went to- was being physically picked up and carried out of the union by a really tall man who looked like Greg Rusedski. I laugh at it now, but to be honest, the whole thing really bothered me. This man was a stranger, and although we'd danced on the dance floor, this man was able to physically pick me up and walk out the Union with me, as if he'd picked me off the shelf at a supermarket. Because I'm so small, petite and skinny, it really bothered me that he was able to physically over power me. Nothing bad happened, he put me down outside the union with no malicious intentions and I promptly walked back inside, but it could so easily have been a different story. It's one of the reasons that I feel so much better about feeling physically stronger through my gym training, because whilst I'm still tiny and easily overpowered at least I know I have some strength to punch, kick and fight back; anyone who knows my tenaciousness will know I'd put up one hell of a good fight if I had to.
Anyway, read the article. It's a good'un.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Fed the **** Up.
You can tell the weather has turned. I never do well in September. It's always been a difficult month for me for many reasons, and this year is no exception.
This week I just feel Fed Up. Thoroughly. Fed up of people, of work, of getting screwed over, of selfish people, of people so fucking caught up in their own shit that all I want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up. Fed up of work, fed up of my colleague being off work, fed up of being on my own, fed up of not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still find time to laugh every day- don't get me wrong, but I'm tired and all I want to do right now is get away. Far away. Somewhere safe, quiet and where I know I'm going to be okay, to just sleep a while and block it all out. Preferably in the arms of someone who genuinely gives a shit about me.
Ugh. That's it.
Normal slinky service will resume in 24 hours. Or maybe the weekend.
This week I just feel Fed Up. Thoroughly. Fed up of people, of work, of getting screwed over, of selfish people, of people so fucking caught up in their own shit that all I want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up. Fed up of work, fed up of my colleague being off work, fed up of being on my own, fed up of not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still find time to laugh every day- don't get me wrong, but I'm tired and all I want to do right now is get away. Far away. Somewhere safe, quiet and where I know I'm going to be okay, to just sleep a while and block it all out. Preferably in the arms of someone who genuinely gives a shit about me.
Ugh. That's it.
Normal slinky service will resume in 24 hours. Or maybe the weekend.
Monday, September 16, 2013
SaSQUATch
I had to dedicate a mini blog post to my 30 Day Squat Challenge because yesterday was my half way point!
Today, my 16th day, is a rest day from Squats although I do have to complete a 120 second plank.
It's definitely getting tougher. I'm having to break the squats down into three sets of 50 now. Day 17 is 150 squats with a 140 second plank. I have a feeling in about two days I might actually start failing on the planks because they're really getting harder. No failures just yet though! I'm determined to complete the full squats on each day.
Squat count so far- 1110
Out of a total of - 3295.
#BunsOfSteel
Today, my 16th day, is a rest day from Squats although I do have to complete a 120 second plank.
It's definitely getting tougher. I'm having to break the squats down into three sets of 50 now. Day 17 is 150 squats with a 140 second plank. I have a feeling in about two days I might actually start failing on the planks because they're really getting harder. No failures just yet though! I'm determined to complete the full squats on each day.
Squat count so far- 1110
Out of a total of - 3295.
#BunsOfSteel
Wedding Weekend.
Three days off have absolutely FLOWN by. So fast in fact, that I can barely even remember what I did on Friday- probably because I spent most of the morning catching up on sleep!
On Saturday N and I set off to our old stomping ground Loughborough where we met up with The P's, Arf and Sam before setting off to Nottingham for the wedding of another fellow uni-chum. It's nice to be involved in such a happy occasion especially when it involves a mini reunion with the old Uni crew.
A good time was had by all despite the DJ leaving a lot to be desired, even in the cheesey-wedding-music stakes. However, thanks to some expertly chosen requests and some dubious dancing in my lovely blue Karen Millen dress the night was a good one.
Unfortunately due to our age all we could manage to achieve the following day was snoozing on sofa's watching motor racing and drinking cups of tea although we managed to venture out to the Harvester for some grub a bit later on. The weather was shocking too so we probably chose the best activities for such a wet, cold and miserable day.
The journey back was just as stagnant, getting stuck in a traffic jam due to what was probably one of the most horrific looking car accidents I've seen on a motorway. A journey which usually takes 40 minutes, took two hours as we were sat on the M42 playing eye spy for about 45 minutes.
And that was that! The end of a super fast three day weekend! What's next... ?
On Saturday N and I set off to our old stomping ground Loughborough where we met up with The P's, Arf and Sam before setting off to Nottingham for the wedding of another fellow uni-chum. It's nice to be involved in such a happy occasion especially when it involves a mini reunion with the old Uni crew.
A good time was had by all despite the DJ leaving a lot to be desired, even in the cheesey-wedding-music stakes. However, thanks to some expertly chosen requests and some dubious dancing in my lovely blue Karen Millen dress the night was a good one.
Unfortunately due to our age all we could manage to achieve the following day was snoozing on sofa's watching motor racing and drinking cups of tea although we managed to venture out to the Harvester for some grub a bit later on. The weather was shocking too so we probably chose the best activities for such a wet, cold and miserable day.
The journey back was just as stagnant, getting stuck in a traffic jam due to what was probably one of the most horrific looking car accidents I've seen on a motorway. A journey which usually takes 40 minutes, took two hours as we were sat on the M42 playing eye spy for about 45 minutes.
And that was that! The end of a super fast three day weekend! What's next... ?
Monday, September 09, 2013
Hesitation Marks.
Soooo... I've been listening to Hesitation Marks in my car on my daily commute for the last two weeks and I am far from bored of it.
Highlights are the amazing Copy of A, Come Back Haunted has grown on me within the context of the album, Find My Way (which is incredibly relaxing), the awesome Satellite (punchy), Various Methods of Escape, I Would For You (meaty) and While I'm Still Here. All of them, stunning in their own right.
I haven't tired of any of it yet and suspect the remaining songs not listed above to be "growers".
The overall feel of the album reminds me of their recent gig and therefore, for me, the album comes ready-loaded with feelings of awe, memories and imagery from my mind leaving me feeling really upbeat. I've yet to experience it through my amazing Shure earphones as I've not yet transferred it across to my Cowon yet, but once I do it'll be another one for a shutting-out-everything, lying-in-the-dark kind-of jobs.
:-)
Highlights are the amazing Copy of A, Come Back Haunted has grown on me within the context of the album, Find My Way (which is incredibly relaxing), the awesome Satellite (punchy), Various Methods of Escape, I Would For You (meaty) and While I'm Still Here. All of them, stunning in their own right.
I haven't tired of any of it yet and suspect the remaining songs not listed above to be "growers".
The overall feel of the album reminds me of their recent gig and therefore, for me, the album comes ready-loaded with feelings of awe, memories and imagery from my mind leaving me feeling really upbeat. I've yet to experience it through my amazing Shure earphones as I've not yet transferred it across to my Cowon yet, but once I do it'll be another one for a shutting-out-everything, lying-in-the-dark kind-of jobs.
:-)
Sunday, September 08, 2013
No Dollar.
I have spent A LOT of money this weekend. I've been out drinking on both Friday and Saturday, with a shopping trip sandwiched in the middle.
I have however, now got a BEAUTIFUL dress for a friends wedding next weekend. It cost me a lot but the dress is stunning- just hope I can do it justice! I have an Ashton-Friday (flexi day off work) this Friday so I will probably spend some of that teaming up my new dress with a suitable bag and shoes from my stash at home. I also had to get some pressies for Mum for her birthday next week.
I haven't been to the gym in a week due to mother nature and straining my shoulder on some free-weights at home earlier in the week so I NEED to go to the gym tonight and smash it. I think two nights out on the trot drinking has taken its toll on my weary body. I feel pretty tired today so hopefully I'll knacker myself at the gym and sleep well tonight.
I think I've just lost a commission so I can crack on with the next one I have lined up. It should be quite a challenge as the pose is an interesting one. It's of a Police dog handler and his dog, for a friend at work. Looking forward to the challenge!
Rations until payday this month!
I have however, now got a BEAUTIFUL dress for a friends wedding next weekend. It cost me a lot but the dress is stunning- just hope I can do it justice! I have an Ashton-Friday (flexi day off work) this Friday so I will probably spend some of that teaming up my new dress with a suitable bag and shoes from my stash at home. I also had to get some pressies for Mum for her birthday next week.
I haven't been to the gym in a week due to mother nature and straining my shoulder on some free-weights at home earlier in the week so I NEED to go to the gym tonight and smash it. I think two nights out on the trot drinking has taken its toll on my weary body. I feel pretty tired today so hopefully I'll knacker myself at the gym and sleep well tonight.
I think I've just lost a commission so I can crack on with the next one I have lined up. It should be quite a challenge as the pose is an interesting one. It's of a Police dog handler and his dog, for a friend at work. Looking forward to the challenge!
Rations until payday this month!
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Squats & Tarot: A normal Slinky afternoon.
Not content with being told my ass is, and I quote,
... I am undertaking a 30 day Squat Challenge throughout September. I've got a little chart of Squats and Planks to complete each day with the quota for each increasing from 30 squats with a 20s plank on day 1, to 250 squats and 330s plank on day 30. Pretty worried about day 30... but so far so good!
In other news, I had a Tarot reading in my break at work today. I tend to lean to the side of "this is bullshit" with stuff like psychics etc, and I remain very sceptical, yet open minded to these sorts of things. I've only had tarot cards read twice. HOWEVER, on both occasions they have been VERY apt and relevant. When I say this, I don't mean in a vague horoscope kind of a way, I mean in a quite specific way. I have to admit, it freaked me out a little. The first time, I had been writing a business plan for my self employment and I got the same card three times despite shuffling and me trying to "lose" it lol... the card being that of business preparation and planning!
This time, my three cards were rather beautiful...
... and I was interested to find that each one was very specific to a few things going on for me at the moment. I won't go into them all here, but the one I will draw on was the last one which was about being successful in self employment (I currently have four commissions lined up! Most I've ever had) and a financial windfall. WOOOOOT.
I was especially impressed by my "Present" card which was a warrior lady with bear claws for hands, holding a sword. She looks like she kicks ass. Plus she's surrounded by all these weird beasts and creatures which could be both threatening or allies. I love it. Very apt on many levels.
" ... not just a bum. It's a f***ing creation of God that was meant for an angel..."
Misguided Over Enthusiastic Friend, 03/09/13
... I am undertaking a 30 day Squat Challenge throughout September. I've got a little chart of Squats and Planks to complete each day with the quota for each increasing from 30 squats with a 20s plank on day 1, to 250 squats and 330s plank on day 30. Pretty worried about day 30... but so far so good!
In other news, I had a Tarot reading in my break at work today. I tend to lean to the side of "this is bullshit" with stuff like psychics etc, and I remain very sceptical, yet open minded to these sorts of things. I've only had tarot cards read twice. HOWEVER, on both occasions they have been VERY apt and relevant. When I say this, I don't mean in a vague horoscope kind of a way, I mean in a quite specific way. I have to admit, it freaked me out a little. The first time, I had been writing a business plan for my self employment and I got the same card three times despite shuffling and me trying to "lose" it lol... the card being that of business preparation and planning!
This time, my three cards were rather beautiful...
... and I was interested to find that each one was very specific to a few things going on for me at the moment. I won't go into them all here, but the one I will draw on was the last one which was about being successful in self employment (I currently have four commissions lined up! Most I've ever had) and a financial windfall. WOOOOOT.
I was especially impressed by my "Present" card which was a warrior lady with bear claws for hands, holding a sword. She looks like she kicks ass. Plus she's surrounded by all these weird beasts and creatures which could be both threatening or allies. I love it. Very apt on many levels.
Monday, September 02, 2013
I don't like Mondays.
DAY. FROM. HELL.
Firstly I have a burnt face- this will be explained later.
There is NO let up at work at the moment. It's so busy and I'm holding down the fort by myself. The stress is tempered slightly by the good laughs and chats of the office, I work with some great characters, but also it can be a hindrance when I need to concentrate.
I've had one of those nightmare days where I couldn't finish anything, the phones wouldn't stop, every enquiry was a total ball-ache, nothing was straight forward and time flew so fast I left feeling like I hadn't got anything done!
My loon of a chum cheered me up by making me laugh all the way home by following me in his car and beeping me most of the way, then threatening to lock me up for speeding. Oops.
I could MURDER a Jack and Coke right now. I was meant to be going to the Gym tonight but certain aspects of mother nature have prevented me from doing so (another highlight of my day!). I will however be completing day two of my 30 day squat challenge. I started yesterday with 50 squats and a 20 second plank. Today I think it goes up to 70 with a 30 second plank. I'll do that at home with some weights I think so I don't miss out too much. I actually WANTED to go to the gym tonight, I feel like I need it after my stodgy weekend.
I had a fab weekend; A nice chilled Saturday doing some unsuccessful online shopping for a dress for a wedding in two weeks followed by a trip to see The Lion King at the Hippodrome. Sunday was spent at Donington Park Race Circuit watching the Superstars World Series which is mainly Italian drivers racing Ferrari's, Audi's and Chevvies. It was nice to mill around and look at some sexy racing cars, but I managed to completely burn my face. I currently look like a tomato.
Because my colleague is off, I don't think I'm likely to get many days off work but I could really do with Friday off to relax. However, any time I take off will only make my workload worse the following Monday. :-(
My day got instantly brighter, when I got home tonight to find my BRAND SPANKING NEW NINE INCH NAILS ALBUM- Hesitation Marks had arrived!!!! .... a full blog post will be dedicated to this in due course. Needless to say I have found my commuting music for this week and possibly the next month!!! :-) :-) :-)
Firstly I have a burnt face- this will be explained later.
There is NO let up at work at the moment. It's so busy and I'm holding down the fort by myself. The stress is tempered slightly by the good laughs and chats of the office, I work with some great characters, but also it can be a hindrance when I need to concentrate.
I've had one of those nightmare days where I couldn't finish anything, the phones wouldn't stop, every enquiry was a total ball-ache, nothing was straight forward and time flew so fast I left feeling like I hadn't got anything done!
My loon of a chum cheered me up by making me laugh all the way home by following me in his car and beeping me most of the way, then threatening to lock me up for speeding. Oops.
I could MURDER a Jack and Coke right now. I was meant to be going to the Gym tonight but certain aspects of mother nature have prevented me from doing so (another highlight of my day!). I will however be completing day two of my 30 day squat challenge. I started yesterday with 50 squats and a 20 second plank. Today I think it goes up to 70 with a 30 second plank. I'll do that at home with some weights I think so I don't miss out too much. I actually WANTED to go to the gym tonight, I feel like I need it after my stodgy weekend.
I had a fab weekend; A nice chilled Saturday doing some unsuccessful online shopping for a dress for a wedding in two weeks followed by a trip to see The Lion King at the Hippodrome. Sunday was spent at Donington Park Race Circuit watching the Superstars World Series which is mainly Italian drivers racing Ferrari's, Audi's and Chevvies. It was nice to mill around and look at some sexy racing cars, but I managed to completely burn my face. I currently look like a tomato.
Because my colleague is off, I don't think I'm likely to get many days off work but I could really do with Friday off to relax. However, any time I take off will only make my workload worse the following Monday. :-(
My day got instantly brighter, when I got home tonight to find my BRAND SPANKING NEW NINE INCH NAILS ALBUM- Hesitation Marks had arrived!!!! .... a full blog post will be dedicated to this in due course. Needless to say I have found my commuting music for this week and possibly the next month!!! :-) :-) :-)
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