Who Needs Enemies...

This is going to be tricky, but it's my blog and I can write what the hell I want.

I have a friend. Or I had a friend. We used to be really close; we could talk for ages about anything and nothing, they were a shoulder to cry on and meant the world to me. In a way they still do. I hate it when things like this change but sometimes it happens. I've grown apart from a very small number of friends from school days and college days but there are some friendships that you expect to last longer, especially when you still frequent each others lives. My expectations of this friendship have been dashed this year. It seems I expected too much for this person.

Something has shifted between us
A bitter rift an ocean wide
A gift with no heart, no care, no thought
our built up world reduced to nought
Not long until your plan's complete
Not long until I'm shift, alt, delete.

Somewhere along the way and for an unknown reason something changed within this important relationship. I hate that I don't know. And as always, I tried to keep it going, tried to reach out and let this person know how important they were to me. I got little in return. And eventually I kid of gave up. I got fed up of trying. Trying to keep everyone happy is impossible and one of my faults is trying to keep those closest to me happy all the time. IS that a fault? I don't know. Whatever I did, if anything, I'm not sorry. I haven't done anything that I should be ashamed of other than try and be happy this year. Selfish as that sounds, I needed to do that this year.

"Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become…my perfect enemy…
Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say,
“You disappoint me,
”Maybe you’re better off this way"

Passive, APC

I do feel guilty about giving up on this person, but to not get hurt by this persons attempt to eradicate me from their life, I needed to toughen up. I'm not wasting hours of my time on someone who neither cares if I'm around or not, and doesn't feel like making the effort for me. I'm not going to be affected by their lame arguments and their subtle jibes and digs, trying to shoot me down no matter what I say, trying to contradict everything I say for the sake of argument. This person used to be my friend, and they're trying to make it clear that they don't want to be that any more. I got that message along time ago.

If they want me, they'll come and get me. I doubt they'll read this but I didn't want to name names. They know anyway. I only hope it doesn't happen with any of my other close friends. They are so important to me.

It just makes me sad.