Word up

Dear Mr Gates

I just wanted to thank you for ‘Microsoft Word’. I wanted to thank you for producing a piece of software in which to write my forty page critical report for the final year of my degree and how much of a pleasure it was to use.

I particularly love the way ‘word’ sticks to its guns and hates any sort of image that you attempt to place in the document. What loyalty. The lovely gem of a program can’t seem to cope with a thumbnail image being placed among text. Mixing words with pictures… ?! noo why bother? This program merely takes away the hastle by refusing point blank to leave an image where you left it. I love how it messes up all your beautiful paragraphs with its funny ‘image formatting’ system. I was amused by how superbly hardly any of the text wrapping functions actually make life any easier and oh how I laughed when it moved five images by merely deleting a single letter ‘a’ from a paragraph, thus misplacing half a report worth of text. I also love how it manages to move things about all on its own to add a bit of fun and mystery to the report writing process. One press of a button and things vanish into thin air. Genius.

I was extremely impressed by the way that it refused to let me change the page margins because they were “too big” at a whopping two centimetres each side. Silly me. Much joy was had trying to work out exactly what the cute little error message with it’s not-at-all irritating “Bing!”sound, actually meant seeing as MY margins were smaller than the default ones. Funny old thing.

Finally, I love how the help section hardly ever has any of the questions you really want to ask listed, such as “why the hell don’t you just leave that there?!” and “why the hell are you moving THAT now… I clicked over HERE!!!?” or even “Why can’t you just *£!)^!^!*@!: work you (!*^!*£)@!)(*??”. I couldn’t find my questions anywhere in your handy little list of common errors us mere mortals seem to make, though how anyone could struggle with your software is beyond me.

It makes me happy to know that all your money is soundly invested in making the best computer software around.

Thank you Mr Gates.

Slink





After using Microsoft Word for many many years, I have come to the conclusion that this particular piece of software sucks ass.