Holly.

A small red cheery berry and a dark green spikey leaf that hurts.

It's Christmas. 

Despite the normal grumbles about commuting in potential snow... December is usually my favourite time of the year. This year however it feels somewhat muted.  I'm trying so hard to stay positive and enjoy it but I can't help feeling that I'm simply not as jolly this year.  Perhaps it's just because of the events of the last six months, or just a general fatigue from being overworked ... I'm not sure... but I've struggled to maintain the usual excitement and this has affected my ability to plan and prepare for the holiday season too. 

I've normally done all my shopping and got it wrapped under a strictly colour-co ordinated Christmas tree. I haven't. I only just finished my shopping this morning and have yet to have things delivered, wrapped and ready.  My presents seem a bit hap-hazard and the ones I've made I'm not incredibly pleased with either; I've scrapped one handmade one, and have three more to complete.  I've wrapped what I do have... a mishmash of Christmas wrapping paper and ribbons from previous years which are usually perfectly planned and co ordinated. I've just had to make do, unwilling to put the full effort and money into the usual standards I achieve.  This is pretty much a summary of where I am in my life.  Caught in between lots of things and not really completely together. But that's ok.  

Despite all this... it's not all gloom.  I've had some lovely festive outings already with some tasty cocktails and good company; a trip to the German market and sampling some Brum pubs; and have a few more before the end of the year.  I've not spent a ridiculous amount of money and needing to save for Christmas has meant I've had some cosy weekends in sculpting instead of spending money on alcohol.  I'm also back in touch with a friend I thought I lost this Christmas. You've got to be grateful for small things.

I'm sure the December reflections will be there, niggling, in the back of my mind for some time... but I'm trying to keep my focus on what is important.  Whatever happens next year is next year, for now, sit back, enjoy the family, friends and Christmas cheeriness in people's eyes... and try to relax. If nothing else, two weeks off will be much needed to replenish and kick back.

The Second Coming.

On the 10th November 2014 at 1904hrs I got sent this...

 

 

This.... is THE ice cream. 

 

In short:  **READ IT HERE**

 

2005- Ben & Jerry's release this BEAST of an Ice Cream.  I am addicted.

2005- The Ice Cream vanishes to the depths of the Ben & Jerry's Graveyard

2005- I drop into a despair and grief that can only be understood by hardcore addicts. Withdrawal symptoms included emailing Ben & Jerry's to beg for it's return- only to be told I can "view" it in the Graveyard on their website.  I do.  I am heartbroken.

2005-13 Years of heartache and Mint Ice Cream misery ensue.  No other mint ice cream tastes the same.

2013- Hagen Daas release Mint Leaves & Chocolate. My faith in humanity, hope, ice cream and mint is restored.

2014- Minter Wonderland descends. I explode with Joy.

 

It has returned.  In my time of need.  It has returned.  Words genuinely cannot express how I felt seeing that photograph... it was monumental.  I can only compare it to finding my long lost snake ring all those years ago after a year of it being lost.  It was spiritual, emotional and just epic. 

 

I was sent a few torturous videos of it being opened and eaten... however... this was short lived and manageable.  There then followed a WEEK of trying to hunt some down in various supermarkets. And finally.. FINALLY ... I managed to get hold of some after a tip off of some stock in Sainsburys.  I got the last two tubs.  At present I have two tubs of Minter Wonderland and two tubs of Mint Leaves in my freezer.  This makes me feel... glorious.

 

Tomorrow I plan on having a compare of the two ice creams. This is going to be a huge moment for Ice Cream and an even huger moment for my tastebuds. I will blog my results following the strictly controlled experiment.

 

I know my time with this ice cream is short... it won't still be here like the Hagen Daas has been all this time, so I hope it permits me a short, brief affair with the ice cream that started this all. 

Slumps.

I seem to lumber from one mound of stress to another these days!  I seem to have just come out of my last slump which I think I put mainly down to being ill for about two weeks.  I just felt rubbish... low, ugly, not confident, not myself, ill, tired, achey, tired of being ill and fed up of feeling lonely and inadequate and generally all round shit.  I like the warmer weather but I hate the insecurities it brings with my figure and ghostly white skin. However I'm starting to feel better despite pretty sad and anxious at leaving my lovely team in a weeks time and starting my new job. 

It's just speeding round now.  I'm gutted, genuinely gutted, to be leaving my team.  No more banter or crying from laughter... exchanging it for an hour long, traffic ridden commute and a serious albeit important and challenging job.  I'll embrace it, but I still incredibly sad and nervous about the whole situation.  Things are changing though in my current department and as such it will help that the office I'm leaving behind won't remain the same for long.  It won't be the office I know and love anyway, so that's something.

My sculpty commissions have been continuing to roll in.  I've completed two this month and have just started a third.  I have another two lined up after that to keep me occupied for another month. :)

I don't think I have much more in the way of news until I start my new job.  I'll have to make my leaving drinks pretty special and I might just buy myself a new dress for it. :)

Piggy.

Nine Inch Nails on Sunday night was, as expected, EPIC.  The gig was a more meaty than their Belfast gig last year.  It was less about playing the classics and crowd-pleasers and more about blowing minds.  If you were new to Nine Inch Nails (unlikely) I can imagine it was a bit of a baptism by fire.  It was unbelievable: perfect sound coupled with a blinding, awe-inspiring lighting performance and staging.  Favourites of the night were Disappointed, a brilliantly haunting version of Sanctified, The Great Destroyer (which is immense through decent earphones; practically hypnotic and made my heart race; gave me goosebumps live) and a superb Piggy.

 

 

 

I know I'm biased, because in my eyes (ears?) pretty much everything Trent Reznor touches turns to gold, however this music just feels like my insides; how my soul feels.  It's just fucking awesome. 

 

"Piggy"Hey pig,
Yeah you.

Hey pig, piggy, pig, pig, pig
All of my fears came true.
Black and blue and broken bones,
You left me here; I'm all alone.
My little piggy needed something new.

 Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

Hey pig,
Nothing's turning out the way I planned.
Hey pig,
There's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand.
What am I supposed to do? I lost my shit because of you. 

 

Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

 

Oh god. Perfect.

Storm.

I feel good.

What a beautifully, refreshing day of laziness I've had.

It's been warm... the sun has tried to nudge it's way through the clouds. It's close, humid, like there is a storm bubbling... or maybe that's residual energy from last night's bizarre conversations.

I had an apology yesterday. 

Unexpected and out of the blue. 

This has happened twice to me in the last two years... the former was perhaps more necessary than the latter... but at least it came. It's small... sometimes a bit insignificant but it helps to know that I'm not completely crazy and people are capable of self awareness.

I've surprised myself by accepting both.  I can be pretty hateful when hurt.  Time passes and you realise you are better off anyway, but an apology is still welcome from some.

I wish these people well- genuinely- despite them playing no further part in my life.

People are in your past for a reason. 

More so if you're a lying, manipulative, egotistical, illogical, unapologetic c*nt who deserves nothing but disdain.  Your word dear- it is, I must say, perfect.  May it echo in your shallow brain for eternity. I wish you nothing. You deserve it;  Fucking people about, lying wherever you go and being proud of it... you have bigger problems than you will ever realise.  Good luck to whoever you're currently conning into believing you're a decent human being.  Undoubtedly the most regrettable person I have ever trusted and thought I knew... I still remain shocked at just how incredibly wrong I was.  Almost a year since we spoke... a letter that will never get read... will now burn.

What goes around comes around.

I am better, stronger, sharper, greater.  I am in a good place right now.  Refreshed after an intense, stressy month all I needed was one day to catch up on sleep, rest my head and focus. An apology from someone who means little to me now, but still cared enough to say it.  Closure.

Good things are happening for me... changes are coming... and I am excited...

Birthday(S)

In true Slink style my birthday has been stretched over as many days as possible and I have loved every minute of it.  Monday I was pampered with a wonderfully relaxing facial and a tough but well worth it massage which seemed to loosen out some creaky back and shoulder problems at the spa courtesy of H.  We finished off the afternoon with a slap up meal at a new restaurant not far away from us which I think we will be frequenting again at some point.  Good food and a nice cosy but classy atmosphere. Loved it. On getting home, we scared ourselves silly watching a horror film called The Conjuring which was ridiculous in many cliché ways but still managed to get my old spine tingling in places. No nightmares either! Boom.

Tuesday, my actual birthday was spent with my dear N.  I opened my presents and cards in the morning and after a nice cuppa we hit the road, heading for Watford for the Warner Brothers Studio Tour dedicated to the making of the Harry Potter films.

I was concerned I was going to look like a great big idiot having no children to wander round with but I was pleased to find there were far more adults than children which is ALWAYS a good thing! At the risk of sounding terribly saccharin, it was one of the best days out I've had in years. Although very pricey, there was just so much to look at.  I took photo after photo albeit annoyingly on my mobile due to me absent mindedly walking out the house without my dSLR which I'd put to one side for the trip! Here are just a few to wet your whistle...

There was just so much to see.  I would definitely recommend it for a day out weather you have kids or even if you're not overly familiar with the books and stories.  My personal favourite was the Creature Workshop where you could see masks, sculptures and artwork from the creative departments involved in production.  It was just a treasure trove of oddities and it really tuned you in to the incredible skill of the staff who have helped to shape the films from words on a page into reality without losing any of the magic. The technical drawings, planning, architect drawings also made it all the more incredible at the sheer scale of the filming process. Brilliant.

I picked up a few token goodies for friends and family (chocolate frogs, chocolate wands and some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans); N even bought me a Slytherin vest top as a souvenir of our trip, and after three hours of awe and smiles we were back on the road.

But the good times didn't end there.  On the way home, we stopped off in Brum at Jamie's Italian for a slap up meal.  It was delish, even if I did manage to order a dish which was a tad too spicey for my delicate (bland) palette.  After our feast, we went to the cinema where we caught the next available film which happened to be one called Labor Day.  It turned out to be fairly good albeit a bit of a slow burner.  Some interesting concepts about being prisoner (both literal and non literal) and personal freedoms; not my usual pick of film but it wasn't all that bad a choice.  Interestingly the film I would have rather have seen was also based around the theme of imprisonment- Starred Up which is a British film about a prison inmates move from Youth Offending Institute to Adult Prison and the sub-societies, cultures and social hierarchies within the prison institution. It's meant to be gritty, violent and controversial but incredibly well observed. It's on my Watch list.

Today has been spent shopping in Brum, although I've been largely unsuccessful spending my birthday money finding most of the shops completely uninspiring.  The only thing I found and liked a lot was an awesome Superdry jacket but I have lots of jackets and don't really have need to buy another. Sadly.  I did manage to squeeze in a trip to my favourite Japanese Restaurant/Café - Mount Fuji for a chicken Teryaki and Tempura Bento box with Prawn Sushi, and Edamame beans to start.  Pure heaven.

Tomorrow I have a pretty menial morning of catching up with ironing, cleaning and a dentist appointment but in the evening I have my final birthday celebration of the year with a meal and cocktails with some girls from work who also share a March birthday.  Bring it on!!! :-D 

Ahoy Me Hearties!

On Friday I set my Out Of Office notice for a whole week off:  One of the small treasures of the hustle and bustle of the modern world.

I have the same week off most years, work permitting in order to use up the last of my annual leave before the end of March and also to avoid any trace of menial work on my birthday!

On Saturday the flat was decorated with Palm trees, parrots, pirate coins and candles.  Sails and rope, lots of flags and lanterns; even some pirate cupcakes adorned the treasure chest laden table! Friends donned fancy dress for a Pirate themed birthday party.  Cocktails were made, Rum flowed, Lanterns were set to soar into the night, two hilarious games of Ring Of Fire were played and a good night was had by all. Much love to everyone who came and made it such a great night. :) 

Just proves that no matter how old I get, I can still act like a great big kid and reaffirm my inner Pirate.

I have much planned for my week off.  My birthday is being celebrated on five different days this year so it's not a bad way to see in my thirties!! Today was kicked off with hangover breakfast pancakes at a nearby Creperie, then after tidying up the flat from last night's festivites and catching up on some sleep, I was treated to a nice family birthday meal at The Whittington Arms.  I repeated the same mistake I made a year or so ago when I ordered a prawn dish in there; forgetting once more that they come WHOLE. Shells, Legs, Eyes, Heads, Tentacle-y bits.  WHOLE.  And covered in sweet chilli sauce.  By the time I had finished it was scene of pure prawn massacre.  Carcasses, tentacles, disembowled shells, heads, countless legs.  Oh god.. the legs.  Thank god for the finger bowl and napkins! Still, a lovely time was had by all and it was nice to have all the immediate family (in England anyway) around a dinner table again.

So that's the weekend gone already!  I have a brilliant week off planned.  H has treated me to a spa day so my birthday celebrations day three kicks off tomorrow with some sort of Yoga class, then food, then a facial and a massage to top it all off.  Just what I need.

Tuesday is my actual birthday and I'm dead excited to be carrying on reliving my childhood by being taken to the Harry Potter Studios in Watford. Wednesday I have a free day, and then Thursday I'm back on the birthday train for a last and final farewell to my birthday week with a cocktail and curry with work colleagues!  Sunday I will be off to Nottingham to see family for Mothers Day... and wo betide, before I know it it'll be back to work and into April!!! Thankfully I already have the first weekend booked off for a mystery trip to an unknown location!

All I can say is...

 

Wide Eyed.

Well there's a week I am glad to see the back of.  It was the David Cameron of weeks.

I could say that it was a week of losses.  But I'm not going to. 

A "close friend" who I have known since Uni has cut me out their lives for reasons I will go into in another post when I can be arsed to process it all.

Another idiot revealed their true selves also.  I welcome the clarity that these two very different situations have provided. As of last year, I declared not to give two fucks about anyone who doesn't do the same for me. And that's going to be the attitude I stick with throughout 2014. So for anyone else who wants to exit my life, I'll be holding the door wide open for you ready to close and lock it on your way out. I'm not even angry... I no longer have anything but apathy for people who leave and a grateful respect for the few honest, genuine friends who remain of greatest importance in my life.

The only true, real loss from this week has been the death of my Grandad's sister, my Auntie Thelma.  Naturally I'm most worried about the effect this might have on my Grandad, as the last remaining one of his family. It must be hard and with him being a big part of my life from a very young age, I can't imagine him any other way than happy. I will be going with him to the funeral on Friday.

Since last Monday, when all the shit kicked off with friend Z I haven't slept properly.  I think I've probably had a total of about five hours sleep over the last seven days.  Any modicum of sleep I have been getting has been full of very odd dreams and then awaking with a terrible headache which feels like someone has taken a lump hammer to my frontal lobe.  The two hours I got last night before I woke up with a start and had an immediate nosebleed was a welcome relief! I've got 6 closely rationed Zopiclone tablets for when I get incredibly desperate. Because of the insomnia, my appetite has gone out of whack, and because of my mucus filled lungs (which are showing no sign of recovery) I haven't been to the gym in over a week either.  Needless to say by Thursday night I was a mess, and winded up booking an emergency flexi day to recover and kick-start my week off work. 

I'm hoping the impending week off will replenish my depleted, weary mind and body as I feed it with good company, cinema, vitamins, gym and sculpture projects. I have lots planned, I just need to feed my body and soul with sleep, food and good music so I have the energy to do it all. 

The coming week will be my week of replenishment.  I can't bloody wait.

Autosport Show 2014

So, I was having a really lovely weekend - having lovely catch up drinks with B on Friday and a further catch up with SB on Saturday after a DESPERATELY needed car wash for Franko and some household chores... when my dear N offered me a ticket to the AUTOSPORT Show on Sunday! Happy Days!

And what a day at that! The main thing I enjoyed was getting back to grips with my digital SLR.  I've missed it.  The feel of it, the weight of it in my hands; having to compose and think about the subject and final image before taking the shot; the familiar bleep of the focus, and satisfying click of the shutter. I loved being back behind the camera.  I missed the instant sharing as I've become accustomed to through social networking to but this was outweighed by the excitement of getting home, downloading all the images from my camera and unveiling each one- most triumphant little compositions, others being cast out like an editor making cuts from a film reel.

Seeing so many racing cars under one roof has really given me the motorsport bug for the impending season and the live action arena was equally brilliant.  We were treated to drifting, moto cross, stock cars, vintage racing cars, stunt driving, smart car racing and even some double bonneted cars which could race in both directions and even split apart!

Another little highlight was artist Ian Cook posing for a photograph for me while he worked on his latest piece in front of a fascinated crowd.  Sadly, I took this one on my phone so that I could share it on twitter and as a result it came out a little blurry which I was gutted about seeing as he'd been so kind as to pose for me!

I did a small bit of autograph hunting too, gaining signatures from Matt Neal, Gordon Sheddon, Andrew Jordan, Alan McNish, Tom Kristensen and Rob Austin in my Paddock Pass lanyard book. I also managed to get an autograph for my sister from Rob Austin as she's sponsoring his drive this year via his Roof Share scheme.

And at the end of it all, I've had time to post all my photographs, update my blog and soak it all in all over again. Happy Slink tonight thanks to a truly awesome weekend.  Here's to more of these!

:-)

2014 Resolutions

1.  Take more Photographs.  Both Phone and Real.

2.  Keep in my life only those who want to be in it; who give me as much back as I give.  Cut out people who can't be bothered and bring nothing but negativity.  Do not accept time wasters who sap energy.

3.  Create. See. Do. Make. I've put this as one because it's all about inspiration. I need to make time to get back to my creative roots. Remove superficiality and enjoy more "real stuff".

4.  Cut Down Spending on things I don't need. See above about superficiality. This will mostly be governed by crippling rent and bills.

5.  Maintain gym work and improve lung capacity for cardio.

6.  Career Development. Seek new opportunities.

7.  Go to see Maybeshewill.