There's a guy I come into contact with regularly who is possibly the biggest Tri-Hard I know.
He's married and a father, perhaps not the brightest tool in the box but works hard to make a living for his family. He appears to model himself on a mixture of Homer Simpson and your typical "LAD". Here's a few examples:
- His facebook is littered with Laddish, semi-sexist meme's that he's found online.
- He shares images from groups with intellectual titles like "I just keep clicking until I see some boobs" and "Rack/Bum of the Day".
- His idol is James Bond.
- He prides himself on getting his wife stereotypically "thoughtful" gifts like a grill and a micro pedi for her birthday.
- Anything appealing to the humour of a 12 year old boy would also appeal to him.
- He frequently makes Jim Davidson style innuendo jokes.
- He makes self depreciating comments about himself like "I did one push up last night and my arms are killing me!"
This is a guy in his thirties. I would expect all the above to apply to a 12 year old, maybe a simple student, but he's in his thirties. And he's actually bred children which is a concern.
Now, this guy is harmless. Dull, but harmless. But nevertheless he is actively, desperately almost, trying to live up to a set and quite frankly awful stereotype. This is a concept completely alien to me. Don't get me wrong, this man doesn't offend me, neither do I think he's a bad person- I just find his complete lack of originality and lack of identity, sadly pathetic. He has a complete lack of self- nearly everything he says or does comes from somewhere else. I hear him saying things which I know he's already shared on facebook a few days earlier... I hear him making jokes or telling stories with exactly the same "bloke" undertones as the day before and it's just rather tiresome.
And it's not uncommon. We all grew up with a sense of wanting to belong. We're tribal creatures; social creatures with common interests and hobbies which bring us together or divide us. I get this. I wasn't the most popular kid at school, never part of a huge crowd, but I had a small group of like minded friends and I failed to see how others wanted to be part of the "in" crowd just for the sake of it, rather than actually liking the people in the crowd. Lets be honest, the "in" crowd is always full of absolute losers who are mainly shallow and not particularly nice people who I had ZERO in common with. Why, why WHY would I EVER want to be accepted by them??! I had this mentality at the age of 12 and it caused me some isolation, some bullying but my god I wouldn't change it, it's made me the free-thinking person I am.
I know other men, or should I say boys, who become ensconced in this pathetic "LAD" culture of getting pissed, being sexist and fucking around, reducing women to their body parts etc. I've seen fairly intelligent guys who disappointingly buy into this boy-dom, who lose the ability to think for themselves and then in turn become accustomed to being sexist, unattractive and frankly pathetic puppet consumers of archaic, sexist attitudes and cultures.
And quite often, it takes a woman to challenge them and break the cycle, rather than it being a well informed, conscious decision to just strap on a pair and grow the hell up. Alternatively, when these men become parents, more so to daughters, they then also see a step change, however some do not, and continue to pass down their stereotype to their sons and daughters. And whilst touching on this area: I cannot stand the hypocrisy of some fathers who take on this over bearing, over-protective father role. The worst offenders being those who are effectively protecting their daughters from men LIKE THEMSELVES and therefore openly admitting that most men are pathetic shitbags. Yet don't get called sexist. Odd.
Why there aren't many men who come to their own conclusion that both men AND women deserve more than this, is beyond me. I know many men. I don't dislike men; I have a great many male friends, some very close male friends and indeed, my best friend is male. But I will remain cynical until more come forward, step up and reclaim being a MAN as being a decent, good, honest person who despite having a weakness for boobs, don't feel the need to denigrate women, reduce them to their body parts, and don't see the point in being part of a damaging and frankly pathetic culture of being LESS than they are capable of. This is expressed far more eloquently in the below quote which is one of my all time favourites:
Males these days have suffered something of an identity crisis and I can't quite work out if this is a result of the advances women have made in asking for more, in expecting more, and demanding they are treated better because we ARE better than what we were being portrayed to be. However, men seem to have retreated in the opposite direction and instead of wanting to be MORE than their stereotype (Homer Simspon- useless- fumbling- follow-his-friends- and-cheer-at-boobs) they've positively encouraged it. They don't even want to be called MEN anymore, preferring lesser terms like Bloke and Lad. Possibly because there is confusion as to what a Man is these days. Here's a thought- how about just trying to be a good HUMAN: accepting, honest, caring and respectful.
And it's not just guys. Some women are just as capable of this ridiculous act. I know plenty of women who WANT to be less than they are and actually play up to a stereotype- dumbing down, not venturing any opinion, or possibly not having any for fear of it not being the "right" one; acting stupid, having to copy a certain look. It's just ridiculous. And I don't get it. Can't get it. If you're yourself, you'll attract the right people to you. I'm a right stroppy, opinionated cow and I have some AWESOME friends.
I fail to see how
anyone would want to strive to be less than they are. Perhaps it's reached a stage where I expect men to be sheep, and maybe I (wrongly) expect more from women since women have fought for us to be accepted as more than our stereotypes. In the last Century women have pushed to be MORE. There have been no such movements for Men. Because men appear less bothered at being seen as less than they are, positively embracing their shoddy stereotypes in places. They seek acceptance from their friends, defining themselves as the same rather than trying to be different, even when they hold a different opinion. Sheep. Boring as hell, Sheep. Sorry Sheep.
I lose respect for any person (Man or Woman for that matter but for the purposes of this paragraph I will say "he") who claims he has the capacity to think intelligently and debate intelligently but who fails to see the problems he contributes to by being part of a pathetic, archaic, sheep style culture of sexist stereotyping and embraces being a Lad. A Boy.
I'm proud to be different. Opinionated, hot headed, controversial at times, and to my detriment occasionally- but only because I believe in things and I'm not afraid to voice them. I am true to my being and my beliefs. I may not be pretty and cute and wife material. But I'm me. And that's one thing I love about myself.
