Dear Grandma

I miss you already. 

I am glad I got to say goodbye to you; you smiled at me through tired eyes which still sparkled as brightly as always.  I said I would see you tomorrow and I kissed you on the head and as you smiled back I knew you wanted to say that you wouldn't.  I did see you again Grandma.  I hope you heard me by your bedside comforting Grandad as we watched you sleep and slip away from us.  This all happened far too fast and none of us were ready for you to leave so soon. 

I have never wanted to imagine how this would feel.  It hurts.  It hurts to wake up and realise that I won't see you anymore.  It hurts to see Grandad so sad and lost without you.  It hurts to see Mum so heartbroken.  I will try my best to look after them for you.  Your house feels different and the world does not seem the same, but it will go on. 

Thank you for being such a lovely, gentle, kindhearted woman; always laughing.  You were still telling Grandad off for getting your age wrong right til your last day.  I hope you are at peace.  You did not deserve this.  

We miss you.

Grandma. Passed away 18th October 2015. 

Return.

I got back from Japan on Wednesday morning.  I miss it already.  Two days at home and it already feels like an age away.  The long flight emphasizes just how far away my little niece is and how much I am missing out on. It's a sad feeling that my time with her is going to be so sparse and sporadic. I miss her.

I'm not back at work until Tuesday and I've already wasted two days which have slipped through my fingers without me even noticing.  Post holiday blues were made much worse when I discovered that on the day off my return my little gecko Gizmo had passed away that morning.  She had been ill for some weeks so while it wasn't a huge shock, seeing her lifeless little body lay down in the warmth of her vivarium was heart-breaking. She had lay in the warmth knowing she was going to pass away I am sure of this from how she had lay down. She is buried in my parents garden.

In contrast, as one pet passes, my sister has now grown her little family unit to one Rottweiler/Border Collie cross puppy called Milo. He is incredibly cute even if he does just play and sleep at the moment.

Platonic.

Due to my choice of University and subsequently my choice of career, I've always had many male friends.  Even in school I had a nice mixed group of friends in sixth form.  I actually find male company less intense, and up until my current job, a lot less complicated without the usual and stereotypical cattiness that comes with being around lots of women.  There have been complications previously, when the boundaries of friendship have blurred on one side and not the other, but generally my male friends have had just a bigger influence on my life as my female ones.

However, now I'm getting older, my circle of friends has decreased naturally, as it does when you start to understand who is meant to stay and who isn't.  In the last week, I've had two good male friends say that meeting up with me would make their partner uncomfortable.  To pad this out, both these friends of mine have never ever been anything more than friends. Both have long-term partners - one a fiancé, the other a wife.  I've been told that both these women would be uncomfortable with their partner meeting me for a drink or coffee which I find to be a massive judgment on my character based on nothing other than the fact that I am female and single, which clearly means I must be desperate to steal other women's men.  Even when you're happily married, it would appear I am still a threat.  It's ridiculous.  I can partly understand the unknown being a source of anxiety for women in this situation, but there are ways around it; getting to know me for a start!

I guess this is going to get more and more common.  With my female friends getting married and settling down, and my male friends being banned from seeing me... it's set to be a pretty lonely decent into my thirties.

Ring of Fire.

I have been deliberating for a while about selling my engagement ring. I was torn and found the idea of it just too upsetting but tonight... part of me just wants rid of it. It is and always was meaningless. It will be the only one I ever recieve, of that I am certain, but I no longer need it nor what it symbolizes.

Getting rid of it would be saying good riddance to a person who:

Destroyed my confidence.
Lied to my face.
Cheated on me.
Watched pornography.
Was selfish.
Took away my home and left me with nothing.
Was happy to mislead me in order for him to achieve the above.
Jumped into another girls bed in a matter of weeks after telling me it was over.
Frequently told me what a bad person I was.
Couldn't be arsed to support me when my mum got cancer.
Put his work before everything else.
Who is blind to his toxic family.
Who told me he loved me and continued sleeping with me while he lined up his next relationship.
Made me feel I was never enough.
Caused me to have to go through the lowest times in my life.
Continues to speak bullshit to protect his reputation.
Didn't allow me room to be sad.
Hated to be challenged.
Was elitist and politically right wing.
Was happy to destroy other peoples relationships.

And I'm hanging on to it why?

I'd rather have never had one at all and not have wasted 10 years on that fuck up.

Good riddance.

The Test.

 The day has come to test these two Ice Cream Behemoths...

 

 

 

It was with great trepidation that I picked up that spoon.  This was the moment.  Some 8/9 years since had passed before Minter Wonderland had entered my mouth on it's shiney, silver steed. I've been used to Haagen Dazs for the last few years, it stepping in to fill the void left behind Minter Wonderlands epic wake.  I know the taste of Haagen Dazs now, as if it is part of my own body.  And yet, here, armed with my weapon-like spoon, I plunged back into the past to see if the lasting memory of this frozen creamy-dream lived up to the reality.

 

I have to say, I was surprised with the results. 

 

I can officially announce that Minter Wonderland... is NOT tastier than it's rival. 

 

Mint Leaves... the Ice Cream is creamier, tastier with more depth of mintiness flavour, and there is more chocolate per spoonful.  It also seems to melt quicker in the mouth. 

 

Minter Wonderland lacked that punch.  It's Ice Cream tastes blander in comparison, and although the chocolate chunks are "meatier" there are fewer of them in the tub it would appear.  It's not as minty or as refreshing to the pallet.

 

It looks like Haagen Dasz has surpassed Minter Wonderland... had it not been for Minter Wonderland's initial demise prior to Mint Leaves being marketed, I feel I would have made the switch regardless.  It would appear that Minter Wonderland only retained it's mantle in my heart and mind due to it's unavailability, a lost treasure, the memory of which appears to have been greater than truth. 

 

And now, Mint Leaves can take it's rightful place... the consistent provider who didn't abandon me can now bathe in it's glorious defeat of the old ruler of the minty dessert Kingdom.  All hail... the worlds best Ice Cream... Mint Leaves and Chocolate! 

The Second Coming.

On the 10th November 2014 at 1904hrs I got sent this...

 

 

This.... is THE ice cream. 

 

In short:  **READ IT HERE**

 

2005- Ben & Jerry's release this BEAST of an Ice Cream.  I am addicted.

2005- The Ice Cream vanishes to the depths of the Ben & Jerry's Graveyard

2005- I drop into a despair and grief that can only be understood by hardcore addicts. Withdrawal symptoms included emailing Ben & Jerry's to beg for it's return- only to be told I can "view" it in the Graveyard on their website.  I do.  I am heartbroken.

2005-13 Years of heartache and Mint Ice Cream misery ensue.  No other mint ice cream tastes the same.

2013- Hagen Daas release Mint Leaves & Chocolate. My faith in humanity, hope, ice cream and mint is restored.

2014- Minter Wonderland descends. I explode with Joy.

 

It has returned.  In my time of need.  It has returned.  Words genuinely cannot express how I felt seeing that photograph... it was monumental.  I can only compare it to finding my long lost snake ring all those years ago after a year of it being lost.  It was spiritual, emotional and just epic. 

 

I was sent a few torturous videos of it being opened and eaten... however... this was short lived and manageable.  There then followed a WEEK of trying to hunt some down in various supermarkets. And finally.. FINALLY ... I managed to get hold of some after a tip off of some stock in Sainsburys.  I got the last two tubs.  At present I have two tubs of Minter Wonderland and two tubs of Mint Leaves in my freezer.  This makes me feel... glorious.

 

Tomorrow I plan on having a compare of the two ice creams. This is going to be a huge moment for Ice Cream and an even huger moment for my tastebuds. I will blog my results following the strictly controlled experiment.

 

I know my time with this ice cream is short... it won't still be here like the Hagen Daas has been all this time, so I hope it permits me a short, brief affair with the ice cream that started this all. 

Black Glitter.

I was searching for some new music the other night and came across this not-so-new band. 

I immediately loved it and I'll explain why below.



This music is the sound of my teenage years.  I listen and hear echoes of the glory days of the 90s where tuneful rock permeated the mainstream.  I hear echoes of The Smashing Pumpkins and The Pixies in the vocals; Placebo and The Silversun Pickups in the fuzzy, crisp chord changing guitars.  I close my eyes and I could be 16 again, in a sweaty, dark, packed gig venue with bleach blonde hair and chipped, black glitter nail polish on guitar-hardened fingers; an outlet for a collective teenage angst unfolding before my ears and eyes.

Total flashback.

<3 p="">

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Well...

I think the lack of blogging over the last month pretty much sums up how busy I've been.

I'm glad to say work is settling and I feel like I'm finally making progress and finding my feet which has been a huge help to feeling more stable in general.

My weekends have been jam packed for the last few weeks which is brilliant but exhausting and I still feel like I need some downtime! I'll get round to it soon...

So three weekends ago I stayed in Nottingham to Mrs P's birthday celebrations.  It was great to meet up with the old gang in some of our old haunts though it's safe to say Rock City isn't at all what it once was... and even then it was average!

The following weekend was my first ever trip to the Formula One Belgian Grand Prix. Scratch that... my first ever GP! Becko and I had a fantastic time in Brussels and despite the dodgy weather which included torrential downpours AND sunburn, even Becko was converted into a newbie motorsport fan. I took lots of photo's with both camera phone and my trusty old digital SLR so it was nice to get a good blend of both in Brussels and our day trip to Brugge.  I wish I'd blogged nearer my return home to regale readers with the funny little stories, jazzed up with photographs but it seems so long ago now it seems a bit redundant!! Needless to say it was a brilliant trip and I was so glad to share it with one of my very best friends. :-)

Last weekend was spent throwing what turned out to be a slightly smaller scale party than we initially anticipated- however we went all out on the Hawaiian Theme decorations and a good night was had by all.  On the following day I finally got to look around the new library in Brum which I have to say is a beautifully constructed and designed building. It's definitely something for Brum folk to feel proud of. My trip was interjected with a visit to my favourite café Mount Fuji where my favourite bento box hit the spot as usual.

Yesterday I had my hair chopped off and spent an absolute fortune on baby shower and 60th birthday gifts for a friend and my Mum.. which is what I have planned for the upcoming weekend.

Today I've been to Rockingham Motor Speedway to watch British Touring Car Championship with my sister and her bloke.  It was the first one we've been to this year which didn't require raincoats and umbrella's at some point... amazingly it was fine and dry and even more amazingly I haven't got sunburned!!!! :-D MEGA bonus! Again, I have more piccies and have eaten my weight in sarnies, picnic food and the obligatory motor racing delicacy - Tea and doughnuts! Perrfect.

Things are good... busy and good.  Upcoming I have dates to arrange, a Halloween party to plan, Mum's 60th, attending my first ever baby shower (not comfortable with this) and in a few weeks time... Silverstone for my final BTCC event of the year! I also want to squeeze in a sedgway rally and another hill walk too at some point. :-)

YOWZER.

Letting Go.

Bad Things:

I've avoided posting this for a while.  The last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest I've experienced for a very very long time.  I've managed to pull myself back together... or just about, and feel like I can move forward albeit tentatively.

N has been a big part of my life for the last decade.  We were together for eight years and even when I left two years ago we remained very close, still seeing each other regularly and spending time together when we could.  I never ever pictured my life without him, rightly or wrongly and continued to tell people who didn't understand how we remained so close, that he was my soulmate and always would be.

N has met someone now, and recently told me that there would be no chance of us recovering our past relationship and that it would be best if we no longer continued to stay in touch. Despite me knowing this could have been a reality, hearing it so bluntly threw me for six.  I was now faced with having to face the unknown of the rest of my life without my best friend. It hurt. A lot. It hurt that I was no longer considered irreplaceable in his life and that he had moved forward with out the need for me in his life.  I think it hurt an awful lot more than I ever thought it would, but then I'd never really let myself think about it.  For a good two weeks I was pretty broken, feeling like the world had been turned upside down and left fighting the dark, this in the first two weeks of my new job too.  Stress. It's been awful.  I stopped eating and sleeping and basically drifted along in a state of misery for two weeks.  My new job was stressful and I was missing my friends and colleagues hugely... I still do.

Good things:

But I'm back.  It is what it is, and whilst it hurt a great deal it's important that I keep plodding on.  It's scary, but I've realised just how great my family and friends have been in supporting me.

I face a long road alone now... and whilst that scares me it's important that I get used to my own company and learn to live without the friends I've come to rely on.  Obviously they will be there, but they all have their own lives and I need to shape mine be that on my own or with someone I may meet in the future.  I think for my sake I need to try and get used to the fact that I may not have the happy partner, wedding, the marriage, kids and house ... but it's important I make the most of what I have not what I don't.  I'm in my thirtees, I know who I am and what I want.  If people have a problem with it they can and will walk away... I won't be chasing after them.  If I can't find a companion and soulmate then so be it... but I'm determined to be happier than I feel now.  Alone or otherwise.

I went to a Tarot night on Friday.  My cards were brilliant... They showed my present - a big argument, losing a loved one, letting go. They showed security and success in my job with a possible further promotion at some point.  It warned me to steer clear of a person connected to work who is two faced.  I know who this was. It also told me there was a man coming into my life soon, it said I was going away shortly (to Belgium later this month) and that I needed to not hang on to the past anymore.  It all makes sense... and no matter what people's thoughts are on the topic, I felt like it was all very relevant.  I also spoke to a "psychic" man who asked me without any prompting what who the man with the dry hands was (this is N who had dermatitis!) and said that I was missing him. He also told me about a man with epaulettes, built frame who I should be wary of.  This matched up with my cards warning me about the person at work. It was all a bit of fun... not sure I was convinced by the psychic guy's talents although he did ask some questions and picked up that I made things in great detail (my sculpting) and that I recently had a problem with my cars brakes which was odd considering I'd never spoken to him before! He said he could picture me with a big car in the future and possibly with my own shop! :-D

I have a date tonight.  It's a bit of fun and I'm not expecting it to go anywhere but it'll get me back into the dating scene and get used to meeting new people again.  Who knows.

I have the Belgian GP also in a few weeks. I was meant to be going with N but I am now going with my dear Becko so it should still be a fun little adventure. 

I have a mini reunion next weekend with uni chums for the fabulous Mrs P's birthday. This will be bittersweet as it will be my first meeting with N since everything.  We won't have had any contact for nearly three weeks.  I'm not sure how I will feel, made tougher by the fact I will be the only single person there, but I just need to be strong and try and enjoy seeing friends who I don't get to see often, in a city I love, in our old haunts.

I have also booked tickets to the next BTCC event in Rockingham in early September so I have that to look forward to also! :)

I spent a good hour on Skype this morning with my neice, bro, sister in law and my folks who are over in Japan visiting.  She blew me bubbles and showed me her playdough desk and tools- she might be a budding little sculptor like me! She even blew me a kiss when I said goodbye... she is so precious and I can't wait to meet her again, hopefully in the next year or so.

I just need to keep smiling and remind myself often that everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.

Buckle Up.

What. A. Week.

Monday was my first day in my new job.  Talk about being thrown in at the deep end.  As is typical of my organisation I literally rocked up on my first day, nervous as hell and was handed some numbers and told to pretty much get on with it.  Fortunately there is another girl doing the same role who was equally as bewildered as I was.  When I was taken to my first meeting on Monday afternoon expecting to have prepared a report and be able to deliver it to the meeting, I pretty much felt like I'd made a massive mistake in leaving the comfort  and familiarity of my old team.  As it turned out, there had been a cock up and the meeting was actually scheduled for that morning so I managed to escape certain embarrassment by delivering to a meeting that I had NO idea about. 

Tuesday got worse, and I winded up emailing the Sgt who was overseeing the roll out of our jobs to different sectors to complain that we had effectively been left to do a job without any training or preparation.  It fell on deaf ears, and Tuesday night I got home and cried, wanting to re-apply for my old job.

However, I think the breakdown did me good and cleared my head a little.  Wednesday saw a slight improvement as I embraced the uncertainty and focussed on the good points of the role which include actually having just one job to focus on.  On Thursday I delivered to my first conference and the feedback was that I sounded professional and precise which was amazing considering how nervous I felt. 

I feel better about it... I think it will improve as I settle and feel more comfortable in the role.  I need a few more meetings under my belt to get me used to the way they work.  I know at some point there is going to be a confrontation due to the sensitive nature of the meeting, so that will be a new and challenging aspect to the role that I haven't experienced yet.  Can't say I'm looking forward to that aspect but it's part and parcel of the work and can only improve the skills I already have. 

The new job has been the sandwich filling nestled firmly between two large, soft and wonderfully tasty slices of awesomeness this week.  On Monday night I went to see Extreme, straight after work, and having had ZERO sleep.  Rock. AND. Roll.  Extreme's 90's hair metal classic album Pornograffiti is one of the albums of my childhood- and yes I am aware how inappropriate that sounds - however the music itself is amazing, cheesy as hell, but amazing-feel-good cheese which warms my soul.  I know every detail of the album inside out and one of my memories of it is playing it at my 7/8th birthday party much to the bemusement of my7/8 year old, flowery dress-adourned party invitees.  Awesome.  They were aging, but brilliant.  As a 25th anniversary tour of the album, they played the FULL thing in its entirety.  Nuno still looks FIT AS, despite approaching 50.  Brilliant, I honestly haven't felt as happy as I did when I was singing away to "Hole Hearted" and I pretty much think I was mesmerised at one point by Nuno's solo- skills. Unbelieveble.  And he makes it look so easy.

At the other end of the week - Friday night I went to see The Penguin Café Orchestra which again, is another childhood musical experience.  The music reminds me of my Dad, and brings back so many cherished and happy memories of sitting as a family in the lounge, chatting, laughing and listening to the music all together.  The concert was at The Lichfield Cathedral which couldn't have been a more acoustically perfect setting for the music.  It sounded beautiful and just made my soul feel content and relaxed and happy.  I'd seen them once before, and possibly preferred their first offering in terms of content, however I love how the guy who now runs the orchestra is the son of the original founding member, and he recalls how the music relates to his childhood from the time when I too remember first hearing it all.  The parallels are as wonderfully fitting to me as the music is to it's own individual themes and concepts. 

After such an emotionally charged and stressful week I've taken this weekend off any sculpture projects to recharge my batteries.  Saturday was spent catching up with my two besties, N and Markuus, at the Fuse festival in Lichfield which consisted of sitting in a field drinking strawberry cider in the sunshine and listening to a number of acoustic sets and some good old fashioned sea shanties.

Today I've come to Nottingham to see family as I've spent so many of the last few weekends working on sculptures and commissions that I've not seen my Grandparents in months.  Time is precious, and so I've ensured today is spent in their company.  A roast is being prepared, and I look forward to spending an hour or two round the dinner table listening to my Grandad recount old stories and tales from his past, many of which I've heard before... but that I love hearing again and again nonetheless.

:-) Happy.

Easter Weekend.

After finding out on Thursday that I had managed to get two interviews for two out of the three job applications I'd submitted, I broke up for the bank holiday weekend with a mix of excitement and mild panic that I wouldn't have time to prepare for my first one which was scheduled for Wednesday (today!).

However, the weekend was upon me, and after spending Friday catching up with chores and making some preparation notes, Saturday brought far more interesting times.  It was my first BTCC weekend of the season, with the tournament coming to Donington Park.

It will always remain "my" track, my local, my home from home and somewhere I simply love to be. 

Saturday was mainly dry and we found a good seating area on some rock formed steps down at the bottom of Craner curves.  We stocked up on doughnuts and hot drinks from the obligatory vans as we watched qualifying rounds for all the formulas who would be racing the following day.

It was so good to be back there again; the familiar sights sounds and smells seeping back under my skin. 

It was a bit cold and windy at times and I left swearing that on our return the following day I would layer up!

We left early in order to get back in time for my little sister V's birthday meal.  The family gathered at Miller and Carter for a slap up tasty steak meal.  I sadly couldn't manage a starter, main AND pudding so I opted for a rather tasty After Eight mint cocktail as my desert. DEEELISH.

On Sunday morning, we set off early for another day's racing.  I went fully prepared with two vest tops, two jumpers, a fleece and my H2NO rain coat. It was a good job because the mother of all downpours occurred as soon as we got out the car.  Along with another 100 racing fans we all tried to squeeze into the diner café and under the big parasols outside to stay out of the wet.  Our hopes of a comfortable days racing faded as it got heavier and heavier.  We wouldn't be leaving early today, and as we had tickets for the BTCC After Party! So staying dry was a priority! Fortunately we managed to stay dry during the downpour and once it trailed off, we drifted down to find a suitable perch for the days races.  Showers came and went throughout the day, but this lead to some pretty interesting and action packed races! :-) We had a second downpour in the afternoon, which V and I just hunkered down on our rock step seats and covered ourselves in our brolly, managing to avoid a soaking.


My trusty waterproof held out and the best racing was at towards the end of the afternoon with some brilliant racing and manoeuvres. We moved away from our sheltered rock steps and headed to the first corner for the final race of the day, and it was well worth the wind and cold there.  V took some brilliant photographs of the action.

The best of the weekend was still to come as after the racing finished we headed straight to the BTCC After Party!

After a VERY disappointing turkey and stuffing bap from one of the vintage themed food vans, we took our place near the stage, sneaking into the VIP area at the request of the first band- Ferris.  They played an average set, but were pretty uninspiring.  Following them was Toploader who played a fairly decent set but the sound quality was awful.  There was NO vocal sound for the front of the stage, so while the rest of the music could be heard, the vocals sounded muffly like Peter Kay's DJ.  The band and sound guys were informed by two slightly crazy people stood next to me (more on these later) but the sound issue remained throughout the whole set.  They played the only two songs I actually knew which was Achilles Heel and Dancing In The Moonlight which is one of very few songs that actually incite physical repulsion and hatred in me.  It's an AWFUL song. On every level.  But I endured it... and all for the headline act... REEF.

I have loved Reef since my teens when they were big throughout the Britpop years and they TOTALLY lived up to expectation.  To my (and the crazy fans next to me's) relief the sound was fixed as Reef brought with them, their own sound engineer.  It turned out the crazy fans next to me were SO crazy that they knew the band.  I say knew, as in they have clearly stalked them from day one and appear at all of their gigs.  They'd already travelled from Southampton for this gig because it was the guitarist's last ever show. 

Reef were incredible.  After the previous two distinctly average bands, they completely took over the room.  Gary Stringer looked EXACTLY as he did from the early reef days and sounded amazing.  Being so close to the stage he smiled and crouched right in front of me for photographs; and just owned the stage like a pro. It was brilliant. I sang away to my hearts content, which Gary seemed to appreciate giving me a lovely big smile half way through Yer Old.  He's still fit as. Amazing.

I know it was amazing... as I am still thinking about it days later.  If that isn't a sign of a good gig I don't know what is.  Speaking of gigs... I haven't blogged about my big news yet.  *Mental Note to blog about that tomorrow *.

Monday was spent in the park doing some more interview prep before returning back to work on Tuesday.  My interview was today, and after spending a few days feeling completely under prepared I think it went okay.  It was a bit short, felt a bit rushed by the interviewers at times but I think this was because they had a lot of applicants to get through.  By and large it was okay... I don't think I've ever come out of an interview thinking I said EVERYTHING I needed to, but generally I think they got the message that I had the skills for the role, and they made some comments suggesting that I would be considered for a post. Time will tell.  I have another interview to prepare for next week so after a night off I'll get back on the studying. I've been back to the gym tonight for the first time in about two weeks due to me being ill and then busy and then lazy. Must get back on it!!! I'm also half way through a wedding topper commission which I need to finish in the next couple of weeks! eek... If only I had more hours in the day!

Birthday(S)

In true Slink style my birthday has been stretched over as many days as possible and I have loved every minute of it.  Monday I was pampered with a wonderfully relaxing facial and a tough but well worth it massage which seemed to loosen out some creaky back and shoulder problems at the spa courtesy of H.  We finished off the afternoon with a slap up meal at a new restaurant not far away from us which I think we will be frequenting again at some point.  Good food and a nice cosy but classy atmosphere. Loved it. On getting home, we scared ourselves silly watching a horror film called The Conjuring which was ridiculous in many cliché ways but still managed to get my old spine tingling in places. No nightmares either! Boom.

Tuesday, my actual birthday was spent with my dear N.  I opened my presents and cards in the morning and after a nice cuppa we hit the road, heading for Watford for the Warner Brothers Studio Tour dedicated to the making of the Harry Potter films.

I was concerned I was going to look like a great big idiot having no children to wander round with but I was pleased to find there were far more adults than children which is ALWAYS a good thing! At the risk of sounding terribly saccharin, it was one of the best days out I've had in years. Although very pricey, there was just so much to look at.  I took photo after photo albeit annoyingly on my mobile due to me absent mindedly walking out the house without my dSLR which I'd put to one side for the trip! Here are just a few to wet your whistle...

There was just so much to see.  I would definitely recommend it for a day out weather you have kids or even if you're not overly familiar with the books and stories.  My personal favourite was the Creature Workshop where you could see masks, sculptures and artwork from the creative departments involved in production.  It was just a treasure trove of oddities and it really tuned you in to the incredible skill of the staff who have helped to shape the films from words on a page into reality without losing any of the magic. The technical drawings, planning, architect drawings also made it all the more incredible at the sheer scale of the filming process. Brilliant.

I picked up a few token goodies for friends and family (chocolate frogs, chocolate wands and some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans); N even bought me a Slytherin vest top as a souvenir of our trip, and after three hours of awe and smiles we were back on the road.

But the good times didn't end there.  On the way home, we stopped off in Brum at Jamie's Italian for a slap up meal.  It was delish, even if I did manage to order a dish which was a tad too spicey for my delicate (bland) palette.  After our feast, we went to the cinema where we caught the next available film which happened to be one called Labor Day.  It turned out to be fairly good albeit a bit of a slow burner.  Some interesting concepts about being prisoner (both literal and non literal) and personal freedoms; not my usual pick of film but it wasn't all that bad a choice.  Interestingly the film I would have rather have seen was also based around the theme of imprisonment- Starred Up which is a British film about a prison inmates move from Youth Offending Institute to Adult Prison and the sub-societies, cultures and social hierarchies within the prison institution. It's meant to be gritty, violent and controversial but incredibly well observed. It's on my Watch list.

Today has been spent shopping in Brum, although I've been largely unsuccessful spending my birthday money finding most of the shops completely uninspiring.  The only thing I found and liked a lot was an awesome Superdry jacket but I have lots of jackets and don't really have need to buy another. Sadly.  I did manage to squeeze in a trip to my favourite Japanese Restaurant/Café - Mount Fuji for a chicken Teryaki and Tempura Bento box with Prawn Sushi, and Edamame beans to start.  Pure heaven.

Tomorrow I have a pretty menial morning of catching up with ironing, cleaning and a dentist appointment but in the evening I have my final birthday celebration of the year with a meal and cocktails with some girls from work who also share a March birthday.  Bring it on!!! :-D 

Autosport Show 2014

So, I was having a really lovely weekend - having lovely catch up drinks with B on Friday and a further catch up with SB on Saturday after a DESPERATELY needed car wash for Franko and some household chores... when my dear N offered me a ticket to the AUTOSPORT Show on Sunday! Happy Days!

And what a day at that! The main thing I enjoyed was getting back to grips with my digital SLR.  I've missed it.  The feel of it, the weight of it in my hands; having to compose and think about the subject and final image before taking the shot; the familiar bleep of the focus, and satisfying click of the shutter. I loved being back behind the camera.  I missed the instant sharing as I've become accustomed to through social networking to but this was outweighed by the excitement of getting home, downloading all the images from my camera and unveiling each one- most triumphant little compositions, others being cast out like an editor making cuts from a film reel.

Seeing so many racing cars under one roof has really given me the motorsport bug for the impending season and the live action arena was equally brilliant.  We were treated to drifting, moto cross, stock cars, vintage racing cars, stunt driving, smart car racing and even some double bonneted cars which could race in both directions and even split apart!

Another little highlight was artist Ian Cook posing for a photograph for me while he worked on his latest piece in front of a fascinated crowd.  Sadly, I took this one on my phone so that I could share it on twitter and as a result it came out a little blurry which I was gutted about seeing as he'd been so kind as to pose for me!

I did a small bit of autograph hunting too, gaining signatures from Matt Neal, Gordon Sheddon, Andrew Jordan, Alan McNish, Tom Kristensen and Rob Austin in my Paddock Pass lanyard book. I also managed to get an autograph for my sister from Rob Austin as she's sponsoring his drive this year via his Roof Share scheme.

And at the end of it all, I've had time to post all my photographs, update my blog and soak it all in all over again. Happy Slink tonight thanks to a truly awesome weekend.  Here's to more of these!

:-)

Christmas Eve Eve; 2013 Reflections

I'm sitting in my slippers, watching A Christmas Carol on TV.  It's Christmas Eve Eve and I finished work today for the rest of the week. 

It's normally this time of the year when I'm doing a review of the year and compiling some New Years Resolutions, but I'm feeling a distinct lack of energy to do either. Plus, I'm not sure summarising my year will be all that eventful this time!

However... now I think back...

Things I have lost: 

Some friends. Not in a physical sense, they're alive and well.  People change, people move on and some people you realise really aren't worth your time and energy. Those who mean a lot to me, remain, however. Even if I don't see them as much as I would like. Thank you for your continued friendship to Mrs P, Markuus, and my dear N who I will always love with all my heart.

Money- a lot has been thrown away on copious drinking, nights out and shoes... but all in all I have some memories of happy times such as motor racing with N and many a post-working-week-debriefing drinks down the local.

My twenties- A heart felt goodbye to my twenties; bittersweet as I lay to rest many fun and happy memories of my youth interspersed with the anxiety, insecurity, angst and heartache that goes along with it.

Things I have gained:

New friends. 
New flat. 
My independence back. 
Strength and Tone from my gym workouts.
Perspective.
A whole new decade ahead of me as I entered my thirties.
New gig experiences- Deftones, Bastille and the amazing Nine Inch Nails... memories of the latter I will treasure forever. Two more ticks off on my "Bands to See Before I Die" list. 

A review of my 2013 Resolutions:

Resolution 1: Be more active.
Achieved. I'm still going to the gym about twice a week and generally feeling better for it; although I certainly notice the difference when I don't go.

Resolution 2: Be less angry.
Semi- Achieved. I'm not sure this has happened... if it has it's more by the ever-so-slightly decreased invasion of the Government impacting on my job and colleagues. I think this year has been more stressful than angry so I'm saying this is semi-achieved.

Resolution 3: Laugh more.
Achieved. I have certainly laughed a lot this year.  I have a graffiti'd piggy bank on my desk at work which says "Just Keep Larfin" thanks to my colleague Daz who decorated it for me and says I say the word Laugh posh.  He's from the Black Country.

Resolution 4: Be Inspired.
Semi- Achieved.  I've been to the cinema, seen films at home and been to gigs this year which have all been inspiring to me. However I need to get out more next year and see more places.  I've spend too much time in the office this year... I need inspiration from nature and new cities next year (money permitting).

Resolution 5: Be more creative.
Semi-Achieved. I failed to get my new tattoo thanks to money issues, however I have one planned for my birthday in 2014.  I've done more sculpture commissions this year and have two lined up for the beginning of next year.  To be continued. 

Resolution 6: Blog more.
Achieved. This has definitely been achieved.

Resolution 7: Feel settled.
Not achieved. Work in progress.  I think I know what I need to be happy- companionship.  At the moment I'm at a loss as to where to find this.


2014 Resolutions to be posted soon. 

Came Back Haunted

And now the come down.

On wednesday morning I was sitting in Birmingham Airport awaiting my flight to Belfast to see Nine Inch Nails. It's hard to believe that it was a whole three days ago!

 

After checking into the hotel which was a stones throw from Chapter House Square where the gig took place, N and I went and got food in a nice little gastro-pub round the corner. We started queuing shortly after to ensure we got a good spot.  And I have to say I got THE BEST spot I have EVER EVER had at a gig.  Running down one side of the big courtyard where the crowd gathered, was a "VIP" area which was raised up about three feet. People had paid an extra tenner for the privilige but I would suggest it was debatable wether it was worth it.  Running along this was the normal security barriers which come with handy steps for security to step onto to lift people over.  This would become my position for the night.  I sat on the ledge for the first two bands, both of whom where better than anticipated- local bands Little Matador and And So I Watch You From Afar. I was particularly impressed by the latter who sounded like a more lively Maybeshewill, with tinges of Steve Vai.  I've yet to check out their albums, as I expect they may sound better live than on Cd. We managed to make an aquaintence of a strange character from Canada called Darren who flitted between seeming like a harmless, lonely drunk to being slightly dark and a bit mysterious.  However, when the music started, his attentions were quite rightly focussed on his idols.

 

It rained a bit, but fortunately I had my trusty cardigan with the goblin hood to keep the rain off, and so I took my position in anticipation of Nine Inch Nails coming on stage.  I could see the whole stage and was close enough to see the bands faces- including the face of the GENIUS Mr Reznor, the whole crowd in front, aside and to the back of me... it was immense.  And then it just all happened.  I was just elated and enthralled through out the whole set, taking photo's and videos without getting knocked about.  I just soaked every second of it up. 

Highlights for me were Copy of A which was their opening track- the energy from the stage and crowd was just epic; Closer and Hurt.  Hurt was just incredible- hearing the crowd singing along in the darkness... I felt quite emotional and just about managed to stop myself welling up like a total saddo.

The night was finished off with a NIN themed Guiness and a JD and Coke in the hotel before retiring to rest our weary heads and prepare for the post-gig come down.  Whilst I am THRILLED to have seen them, I am running out of "Bands to see before I die".  I only have one (kindof) left- A Perfect Circle/Puscifer and I have a feeling I will have to travel a little bit further afield to see one of those two as they rarely tour, let alone outside of America.

The day after the gig, we had a couple of hours to kill before our flight home so we took a look round the new Titanic museum.  Wierd building, but fairly decent inside, however in my opinion they should have made more of the tradgedy and focussed on the mass death a bit more, not in a morbid way you understand, but more to get an idea of the scale of the disaster.  Understandably, they focussed it on the building and construction, as the museum stands on the docks where the Titanic was built. I dunno- maybe I just prefer a bit more punch and drama in my museum excursions. Hehe.

Goodbyes.

I got back from Kirsten's funeral a few hours ago. 

It was what she would have wanted- short but sweet, with an elegant simplicity.  Everyone wore something pink - a tribute to her fight with breast cancer. 

Walking into the crematorium behind her family and friends, her tiny coffin covered with beautiful flowers and the Goo Goo Dolls' song Iris playing was heartbreaking; so many people shedding tears at their individual losses.  Yet the messages throughout the service were clear- smile.  Always keep smiling.  As Kirsten did throughout her illness.  Her final song, as we exited the room, was Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  I could just picture her dancing away to it.

Her wake was decorated so beautifully with fairy lights, tables covered with objects associated with Kirsten (Some My Little Ponys and Barbies amongst them!), photographs and little reminders of this lovely lady.  It was nice to see her remembered so fondly, everyone sharing their stories and memories over drinks.  It must have been both heartbreaking and comforting for her family to know just how many will miss her smile. 

RIP Kirsten.

:-)

About a Girl.

When N and I moved in to our house years ago, our new neighbours (Kirsten, Nathan and their beagle Holly!) left us a bottle of wine and a card welcoming us to the street.  It made us feel instantly at home and when we went round to thank you, we could tell this was a couple we were going to get along with.  We met them for drinks a few times and got to know them via a few parties and pub trips in the local area, sharing stories, interests and most importantly laughs.

Kirsten was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer a few years ago.  Her intensive chemotherapy treatments never dulled her zest for life and I really admired her courage through a hardship that I'd been spared seeing my own Mother go through when she underwent a successful attempt at removing her own breast cancer.  I attended Kirsten's 35th birthday party two years ago, despite no longer living in the area.  It was a celebration of her getting through another bout of chemo and she was happy, beautiful and her usual wise, energetic and happy self. 

On Wednesday night, I got a phonecall from N who informed me that Kirsten had passed away last Friday.  It was a shock. Although I hadn't seen her for a while, I'd read her posts on facebook of her undergoing more chemo in a last ditch attempt to rid her body of the returned cancer.  It dawned on me that although her prognosis had never been good due to its aggressive nature and the fact it had returned, her strength had amazed me so much that it never occurred, naively, that she would lose this fight so suddenly.  She died in her home, peacefully, with NT by her side.

I've been very lucky in my life, not to have had to deal with much death.  I still have all four grandparents, and although various elderly relatives have passed away they've been distanced enough for me to not feel a vast amount of grief. 

Last night I sat reading the memorial web page Kirsten's friends and family have made for her.  It was so upsetting to read all the memories, each one filled with heartache from people who were missing Kirsten in one way or another, suddenly finding a Kirsten shaped gap in their lives.
It's all so surreal and desperately sad.  Her facebook page is still there;  Her car is on her driveway, where she stood laughing, telling us about the latest little bump she'd managed to get in her company car.  Yet, she's not here anymore.  This lovely, caring, incredibly strong and genuine human being no longer laughs, smiles, breathes.  So young, yet bringing such happiness to the lives of the people she encountered.  It's hard to get my head around.  My grief is miniscule compared to her closer friends and of course her family, and I dread to think how consuming grief will be for me when it is a member of my own family whose death I have to accept, but still- I've cried and I feel better for it. 

I will be attending her funeral on Monday.  I'll admit, this will be my first funeral for someone I considered a friend, despite us not being close, and also for someone so young.  Every other funeral I've been to has been for an elderly person, where there is something inevitable and quietly natural about it.  This time, the unfairness of it will make it all the more sad.  She fought this absolutely awful disease so hard, at such a young age and yet it claimed her.  The only relief is that she won't have to endure that any longer. 

I'm not at all looking forward to Monday, however, I feel I owe it to her memory to be there.  I wasn't as there for her as I could have been.  It's a chance to say goodbye to her. 

I do remember her saying to me, giving me some direct, honest advice before I left N- "life is short, far too short to waste being unhappy".  All the more poignant now she's gone. 

Thin Mint Ice.

In 2005, this happened...

... this Ice Cream was monumental. 

It was THE best Ice Cream I had ever EVER tasted.  I loved it.  I bought it weekly as my Saturday treat.  It was my paradigm shift in the world of Ice Cream, changing my conceptions of cream based, icy food forever.

No less than a few months after Minter Wonderland shone light upon my tastebuds... Ben & Jerrys condemned it to  the Ice Cream graveyard and stopped selling it.  For a few months I checked supermarkets in the vain hope of finding a stray tub- to no avail.  I was never to see or taste this Ice Cream again. 

It took me many years to get over this- in fact I'm not sure I have forgiven Ben & Jerrys yet for their cruelty.  No Mint Ice cream was ever going to compare...

and then, a few weeks ago, by sheer chance, this happened...

... Oh. My God.  Mint Leaves and Chocolate.  The years of Ben & Jerry's heartbreak ended as I slipped that smooth cold spoon of icy, minty goodness into my mouth.  That Ice Cream and my tongue were meant to be together, united, in perfect harmony.  I never thought anything would taste as good as Minter Wonderland... but this, completely surpassed my expectations.  Years of empty, flavourless, dull, boring utterly CRAP mint choc chip Ice Cream melted away and my life felt complete once again.

I consumed two tubs... and then the fear of this amazing happiness-in-a-tub being taken away from me took over.  The next couple of days I visited Sainsbugs AND Tesco and noted they didn't appear to have any of my Ice Cream left- this could be both good and bad.  Maybe stocks are just low because it's new...  "Don't panic" I thought, lets check online.  To my horror, my ice cream was now only being stocked in Waitrose and Ocado.  That's okay... we are fortunate to live near two Waitrose supermarkets.  The larger of these stores, had just three tubs in stock.  I bought all three.  They are safe in my freezer.

However, my love affair is, I fear, to be short lived.  I stopped by a smaller Waitrose this afternoon on my way home from work in the hope of stocking up on a few more tubs.  I scoured the shelves of the Ice Cream freezers- There were none.  There wasn't even a label for them.  That familiar feeling returns... my ice cream is slowly but surely slipping out of my grasp once again. 

There are still supplies... online mainly.  I'm considering whether my addiction is worthy of ordering a few more tubs- potentially having to pay for delivery.  Just how far will I go to get this Ice Cream?  Is there such a thing as black market ice cream dealer where I can fuel my habit? Perhaps the local Mr Whippy van could strike up some sort of deal... Yes, desperate times.

I still have my three tubs...these will now be subject to STRICT rations.  It's going to be a sad, emotionally tough day when I spoon out the last scoop from my last tub.

So fleeting... so passionate... and then it's over... so suddenly. 

The world of Ice Cream is a cruel, cruel place.   

Semi-Charmed Kinda Life.

One of my earliest memories is of me spending hours looking at my Mum's charm bracelet. I remember it as a big, chunky, treasure of silver which used to jangle a lot.  I would love looking at all the tiny details on each individual charm and hearing my Mum tell me the story behind it- where the charm was bought and for what occasion.  Some of the charms opened- she was bought a little church one when she got married, which opened to reveal a tiny little silver bride and groom inside.  I loved it- and it still sits in my Mum's jewellery box.  It's full of stories and memories, and paints a picture of my Mum's personality and life in tiny little silver pendants.

 

I was bought a charm bracelet for my 20th birthday and it was soon filled with little charms that summed me up perfectly.  It's a beautiful thing and whilst I don't wear it often in fear of losing some of them, I would be devastated if I ever lost it.  I love that it is unique to me, the places I've been, the things I love and find funny.  There's a little camera, artist pallet and handcuffs (bought before I joined the Police I might add!); there's also a spider on a web to mark my insane fear of spiders and a pumpkin containing a tiny mouse, because of my love for Halloween and Tim Burton.  There's a squirrel (Uni chums will get this), a graduation charm, a pirate flag, a chequered flag for my love of motor racing and a little Shakespeare as people who know me well know I love Stratford Upon Avon on a sunny day in Summer.  There are charms from the Peaks, Lakes and Cornwall denoting some of my favourite places in the UK. There is also a butterfly- a symbol for something that only about three people in my life know about.  My old bracelet is shown below in the first two pictures.

 

 

My charm bracelet has been full up for about five years.  While my Mum's was filled slowly over many years, mine was filled in about five, such is my love for completing things I've started!

However, this year for my thirtieth, my work colleagues clubbed together to get me a new charm bracelet- one of the new Pandora charm bracelets, shown in contrast in the last picture. 
The style of these bracelets are far more commercial and slightly less unique; Pandora shops are all the same, carrying the same stock and there's no little pirate ships or pumpkins- the old style charms you can pick up from quirky little jewellers and you can always find ones you've never seen before, even now, if you know where to look. I actually love that I've been bought a new one to start a new chapter.  Perhaps this one will be filled more steadily, and while the charms may be slightly less unique, each one will have a meaning as to when they were bought, by whom etc.  More subtle maybe, more understated as I guess my thirties may be- and that's no bad thing either!

Here's to a new chapter of charms.  :)