Ticking Boxes.

It's been a while!

I've met someone.

I'd given up on meeting anyone to share my life with and was starting to accept that my life could be just as fulfilled and happy whilst on my own... and then I met M.

He has turned my life upside down.  There are so many things about him that are perfect for me.  I don't especially buy in to the whole- there is one perfect person for people, or that there are people out there made for each other... however, with M so much feels right.

For a start, he is a Pirate.  Well, not quite, but he works as a navigator at sea for five weeks at a time and he manages a crew of staff on board.

He works out.  He used to play rugby.  He has amazing shoulders and has the nicest, kindest eyes I have ever seen.  He likes rock music; he knows Eddies (my rock club).  He is caring and treats me like I actually mean something. He is intelligent, successful and grounded.  He is a gentleman, and he is the first real man I have met who is willing to actually earn my affections.

After our first proper date, he went out to sea.  We spoke every day for five weeks while he was away and we just find things to talk about.  It just falls into place.  When he came home, we had a day at the zoo (we both love animals); he took me to an amazing Michelin star restaurant in Birmingham which is just the best, most incredible meal I have ever had in my life.  He took me to the Royal Shakespeare Theatre for an amazing performance of Otherllo and he also crossed off one of my bucket list items by organizing a trip to Gruyere in Switzerland where the HR Giger museum is.  It was MIND-BLOWING.  Such a place of beauty being up in the mountains; fresh, crisp air, chocolate, cheese and just the best company I could have asked for.  It was just a perfect weekend.  We even had a huge storm on the first night for which we donned our rain macs and went and sat up in the castle grounds of Gruyere and watched the lightening lighting up the whole sky, mountains and valleys.  We were both in awe of it.  Gruyere was home to these amazing, rare little humming bird moths which I had great fun trying to photograph.  I managed to get an awesome photo of one too, which I am chuffed with.  We spent an afternoon in the perfectly decorated Giger Bar drinking cocktails, Absynthe and hot chocolate with meringues and cream ( a Swiss special) and loved every minute.  It feels right.  Finally.

After an amazing weekend, we spent Tuesday in Lincoln where M's new boat is moored.  It was great to see him so happy and smiling... and we're using the Marina as a neutral place for him to meet my folks next weekend before he heads back off-shore for his next five week tour of duty.

For the first time in a long long time- I may have finally found someone worthy of my heart and trust and love.

Happy :-)

Every Cloud...

So after three years, gathering dust in a drawer, I finally decided to take the plunge and sell my old engagement ring.  The only sentiment it had to me after that time was that I suspect it will be my only engagement ring, however I see no point holding on to an empty memory of 10 years wasting my life with someone who gave so little.  I sold it two weeks ago to a jeweller friend at work and I have to say... it was a big, positive step.  I felt released.  It made me realise that after heartbreak, comes rebirth. 

 

In true Slinky style, I obviously put the money towards something altogether more meaningful and special... something that embodies a philosophy I believe in, and looks fucking awesome- Alexander McQueen. I could not be more chuffed with my new goodies.  This beautiful silk scarf and bracelet symbolise moving forward and away from 10 years of wasted time and energy on someone unworthy. 

 

A colleague asked me if I felt emotional about selling it, but no... no I didn't.  I felt relieved and liberated from something bad.  And the big wad of cash in my hand helped too. :)  I only had one person who tried to make me feel guilty for my decision but I refuse.  It's not me who gave in ultimately.  It's not me who threw it away.  So I can hold my head up high and move forward knowing I lost nothing and gained some better things that I love and which hold far more value to me.

 

 

They couldn't have arrived at a better time either - at a time when I've just got rid of two other toxic rats.  No more toxicity.  No more negative people.  From now on- I only have room in my life for people worthy of my trust, respect and time.  If you can't hack it- close the door on your way out.

 

And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons

And I wanted it, I wanted it so bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one

You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart

And I will stay up through the night
Let's be clear, won't close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I'll walk through fire to save my life

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me
 I'm still fighting for peace

 Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart

I've got an elastic heart 

 

 

Slinky is back.

 

:) 

GOO.

After the countdown to my Tokyo trip started in earnest yesterday, by 3.30am I hit upon my first hitch.  I seem to have contracted conjunctivitis.   Shit.  A colleague at work has had it and against better advice attended work on Monday.  Two days later, I have it.  Trouble is, my colleague has a particularly nasty case and has had it for two weeks now.  I have 6 days til a longhaul flight. Already I'm panicking.  An internet search informed me, that some airlines reserve the right to refuse passengers with contagious diseases such as flu and conjunctivitis.  SHIT.

 

So first thing this morning I phoned the doctors to get an appointment and beg for antibiotic drops in the hope that they will help it to heal up in just 6 days time. 

 

I've cleaned my whole desk, phones and office-pens in the office with antibacterial wipes and have two hand sanitisers on my desk also.  However, by lunchtime I could barely see and I got sent home looking like Quasimodo.

 

My friend tried to cheer me up by saying I had Rainbow Tears which was a rather beautifully romantic and naively inaccurate way of saying that my tears are no longer watery, clear but thick green glue.  Imagine someone mixing sand in with superglue and rubbing it in your eye and that comes close to how this feels... oh and then send you wandering around outside looking like THIS....

 

 

... and being unable to wear any makeup which I haven't done since I was about 13.  Leaving the house without makeup is one of my fears. :(

 

I just really REALLY need this to go asap.  Even if I get let on the plane, I don't particularly want to endure a 17 hour flight with air conditioning exaggerating an already extremely uncomfortable condition.  I don't especially want to be attempting to put drops in on board.  And I don't particularly want to spend the first week of my trip not being able to see anything and kept away from my neice.  :(  I honestly just cannot believe this has happened... I've never even HAD this flippin' thing before and I had no idea just how horrible it was.

 

If ever any advertising types out there want a perfect way to advertise conjunctivitis products, I would say reach for the obvious choice; which just about summarises and epitomises just how this infection feels....

.... The Eye of Sauron.

 

 

 

Please.  PLEASE conjunctivitis.... PLEASE leave soon.  YOU SHALL NOT PASS! 

Tidings.

So Christmas has been and gone. 

I can't quite believe that tomorrow will be my last day of annual leave before returning to work on Monday.  It hasn't felt like two weeks- but I have enjoyed my time off and I'm really glad I didn't cancel it.

It's been a nice Christmas and better than I anticipated. 

I've spent today nursing the usual sleepiness of post-New Years Eve celebrations.  Its usually at this point that I make some resolutions however I'm not going to bother: They are always the same and the only thing I need to change this year is to waste no time on twats and to not overthink things.

I have much to look forward to in 2015:  I have a trip to Japan and possibly a trip to Australia later in the year with a view to looking into job prospects there. 

Lots to see, projects to do and no one holding me back anymore.  Here's hoping it's a good one.

Holly.

A small red cheery berry and a dark green spikey leaf that hurts.

It's Christmas. 

Despite the normal grumbles about commuting in potential snow... December is usually my favourite time of the year. This year however it feels somewhat muted.  I'm trying so hard to stay positive and enjoy it but I can't help feeling that I'm simply not as jolly this year.  Perhaps it's just because of the events of the last six months, or just a general fatigue from being overworked ... I'm not sure... but I've struggled to maintain the usual excitement and this has affected my ability to plan and prepare for the holiday season too. 

I've normally done all my shopping and got it wrapped under a strictly colour-co ordinated Christmas tree. I haven't. I only just finished my shopping this morning and have yet to have things delivered, wrapped and ready.  My presents seem a bit hap-hazard and the ones I've made I'm not incredibly pleased with either; I've scrapped one handmade one, and have three more to complete.  I've wrapped what I do have... a mishmash of Christmas wrapping paper and ribbons from previous years which are usually perfectly planned and co ordinated. I've just had to make do, unwilling to put the full effort and money into the usual standards I achieve.  This is pretty much a summary of where I am in my life.  Caught in between lots of things and not really completely together. But that's ok.  

Despite all this... it's not all gloom.  I've had some lovely festive outings already with some tasty cocktails and good company; a trip to the German market and sampling some Brum pubs; and have a few more before the end of the year.  I've not spent a ridiculous amount of money and needing to save for Christmas has meant I've had some cosy weekends in sculpting instead of spending money on alcohol.  I'm also back in touch with a friend I thought I lost this Christmas. You've got to be grateful for small things.

I'm sure the December reflections will be there, niggling, in the back of my mind for some time... but I'm trying to keep my focus on what is important.  Whatever happens next year is next year, for now, sit back, enjoy the family, friends and Christmas cheeriness in people's eyes... and try to relax. If nothing else, two weeks off will be much needed to replenish and kick back.

The Test.

 The day has come to test these two Ice Cream Behemoths...

 

 

 

It was with great trepidation that I picked up that spoon.  This was the moment.  Some 8/9 years since had passed before Minter Wonderland had entered my mouth on it's shiney, silver steed. I've been used to Haagen Dazs for the last few years, it stepping in to fill the void left behind Minter Wonderlands epic wake.  I know the taste of Haagen Dazs now, as if it is part of my own body.  And yet, here, armed with my weapon-like spoon, I plunged back into the past to see if the lasting memory of this frozen creamy-dream lived up to the reality.

 

I have to say, I was surprised with the results. 

 

I can officially announce that Minter Wonderland... is NOT tastier than it's rival. 

 

Mint Leaves... the Ice Cream is creamier, tastier with more depth of mintiness flavour, and there is more chocolate per spoonful.  It also seems to melt quicker in the mouth. 

 

Minter Wonderland lacked that punch.  It's Ice Cream tastes blander in comparison, and although the chocolate chunks are "meatier" there are fewer of them in the tub it would appear.  It's not as minty or as refreshing to the pallet.

 

It looks like Haagen Dasz has surpassed Minter Wonderland... had it not been for Minter Wonderland's initial demise prior to Mint Leaves being marketed, I feel I would have made the switch regardless.  It would appear that Minter Wonderland only retained it's mantle in my heart and mind due to it's unavailability, a lost treasure, the memory of which appears to have been greater than truth. 

 

And now, Mint Leaves can take it's rightful place... the consistent provider who didn't abandon me can now bathe in it's glorious defeat of the old ruler of the minty dessert Kingdom.  All hail... the worlds best Ice Cream... Mint Leaves and Chocolate! 

Fright Night and Fisty Cuffs.

The much anticipated Halloween Party 2014 took place last Friday.  I freakin LOVE Halloween as it's a good chance to get dressed up in something weird and outrageous and decorate the flat in awesome, gory tat.  This year I went for a classic Beetlejuice and I have to say I think I did a good job on the ol' makeup.  :-) A good night was had by all, although it finished fairly early due to a lot of people driving and/or working the next day. The only downside was being very poorly that night thanks to someone untrained in the art of making whiskey mixers virtually poisoning me with a quadruple strength Southern Comfort and Coke.  And maybe me for drinking it... but that's by the by.

 

 

The last two days of this week have been spent on some Personal Safety Training and I have to say, after my partner and I getting recognition for being the best two students of the course, it's given me a hankering to get back to the gym and build up more strength.  I thoroughly loved my course and have hopefully picked up some safety tips should I ever get attacked both in and out of my job.  I love that size doesn't come into it, and that you can quite easily defend yourself no matter how teeny you are.  It makes me want to box, and get stronger so I can really take people by surprise.  Comments of the day today were: "God you are really quite strong" and "You're really aggressive for a tiddly person".  Yeah man.  That is all I want... to be stronger than I actually appear.  I'm never going to be really strong and I don't have the commitment and dedication to be super fit either, but as long as I can be stronger than I appear... I'm happy. 

 

All in all, a brilliant two days.  I did get a liiiiiiiittle bit of a crush on one of the trainers, who was a trained fighter.  I just love the spikey movements and the speed of their skills.  I'm a sucker for it. 

 

It's done me good.  I went straight to the gym after my course finished today so chuffed with that too.  I'm going to try my best to go at least 2/3 times a week and get back into the swing of it, as the last few weeks have been pretty slack due to being totally shattered from work and a few other stressful situations which I don't have the energy to go into now.  I feel better tonight than I have this week... before today I felt drained, tired and fed up so beating the shit out of people seems to be a really good pick me up.  :)

Where is my mind?

Holy ****.

Now my glass nail file has vanished.  This has a home- in my nail polish bag... and now it's gone. 

I am genuinely now concerned about my mental health. 

This is either:

1).  A ghost
2).  I have alzheimers

I dislike both of those options.

It has been suggested by a few people that maybe I have just been really busy and this has lead to a spate of losing stuff but I'm struggling with this concept as the items are just NOWHERE.

I can now recall (there maybe more as I no longer trust my dementia full brain) a total of THREE items which have vanished beyond trace.

This may be my last post, as tomorrow I could wake up not knowing where the hell my laptop, phone and desktop computer is. 

What. The. Actual. ****.?!

Money.

I have none.

I could leave it there but I need a rant.

My new job was a promotion.  It was a 6k salary rise for me and I thought finally I'd be able to live a little more comfortably.  Well, it would appear I've been a bit too comfortable and now I'm suffering for it.

I've had an awesome few months as is evident from my lack of blog posts... but I fear those times are gone and I now need to knuckle down and stop spending money on having fun.  I need to save. My new job gives me an extra £200 a month which is currently being eaten up by a mahoosive increase in petrol costs. I now have an hour commute, along with having to use my car for meetings and I've yet to see a penny in any mileage costs (which only covers my meetings anyway).

The good times, the shopping, the cocktails and drinks and yummo food all needs to stop now.  I got paid last Thursday.  A week later I have £300 to last me the rest of the month.  This is desperate times.

I've cancelled my monthly saving direct debit. I've also delved into my savings.

From now on... it's nights in. Booze at home. Movies.

And handmade Christmas presents.

:(

Letting Go.

Bad Things:

I've avoided posting this for a while.  The last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest I've experienced for a very very long time.  I've managed to pull myself back together... or just about, and feel like I can move forward albeit tentatively.

N has been a big part of my life for the last decade.  We were together for eight years and even when I left two years ago we remained very close, still seeing each other regularly and spending time together when we could.  I never ever pictured my life without him, rightly or wrongly and continued to tell people who didn't understand how we remained so close, that he was my soulmate and always would be.

N has met someone now, and recently told me that there would be no chance of us recovering our past relationship and that it would be best if we no longer continued to stay in touch. Despite me knowing this could have been a reality, hearing it so bluntly threw me for six.  I was now faced with having to face the unknown of the rest of my life without my best friend. It hurt. A lot. It hurt that I was no longer considered irreplaceable in his life and that he had moved forward with out the need for me in his life.  I think it hurt an awful lot more than I ever thought it would, but then I'd never really let myself think about it.  For a good two weeks I was pretty broken, feeling like the world had been turned upside down and left fighting the dark, this in the first two weeks of my new job too.  Stress. It's been awful.  I stopped eating and sleeping and basically drifted along in a state of misery for two weeks.  My new job was stressful and I was missing my friends and colleagues hugely... I still do.

Good things:

But I'm back.  It is what it is, and whilst it hurt a great deal it's important that I keep plodding on.  It's scary, but I've realised just how great my family and friends have been in supporting me.

I face a long road alone now... and whilst that scares me it's important that I get used to my own company and learn to live without the friends I've come to rely on.  Obviously they will be there, but they all have their own lives and I need to shape mine be that on my own or with someone I may meet in the future.  I think for my sake I need to try and get used to the fact that I may not have the happy partner, wedding, the marriage, kids and house ... but it's important I make the most of what I have not what I don't.  I'm in my thirtees, I know who I am and what I want.  If people have a problem with it they can and will walk away... I won't be chasing after them.  If I can't find a companion and soulmate then so be it... but I'm determined to be happier than I feel now.  Alone or otherwise.

I went to a Tarot night on Friday.  My cards were brilliant... They showed my present - a big argument, losing a loved one, letting go. They showed security and success in my job with a possible further promotion at some point.  It warned me to steer clear of a person connected to work who is two faced.  I know who this was. It also told me there was a man coming into my life soon, it said I was going away shortly (to Belgium later this month) and that I needed to not hang on to the past anymore.  It all makes sense... and no matter what people's thoughts are on the topic, I felt like it was all very relevant.  I also spoke to a "psychic" man who asked me without any prompting what who the man with the dry hands was (this is N who had dermatitis!) and said that I was missing him. He also told me about a man with epaulettes, built frame who I should be wary of.  This matched up with my cards warning me about the person at work. It was all a bit of fun... not sure I was convinced by the psychic guy's talents although he did ask some questions and picked up that I made things in great detail (my sculpting) and that I recently had a problem with my cars brakes which was odd considering I'd never spoken to him before! He said he could picture me with a big car in the future and possibly with my own shop! :-D

I have a date tonight.  It's a bit of fun and I'm not expecting it to go anywhere but it'll get me back into the dating scene and get used to meeting new people again.  Who knows.

I have the Belgian GP also in a few weeks. I was meant to be going with N but I am now going with my dear Becko so it should still be a fun little adventure. 

I have a mini reunion next weekend with uni chums for the fabulous Mrs P's birthday. This will be bittersweet as it will be my first meeting with N since everything.  We won't have had any contact for nearly three weeks.  I'm not sure how I will feel, made tougher by the fact I will be the only single person there, but I just need to be strong and try and enjoy seeing friends who I don't get to see often, in a city I love, in our old haunts.

I have also booked tickets to the next BTCC event in Rockingham in early September so I have that to look forward to also! :)

I spent a good hour on Skype this morning with my neice, bro, sister in law and my folks who are over in Japan visiting.  She blew me bubbles and showed me her playdough desk and tools- she might be a budding little sculptor like me! She even blew me a kiss when I said goodbye... she is so precious and I can't wait to meet her again, hopefully in the next year or so.

I just need to keep smiling and remind myself often that everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.

Break.

Buckle Up.

What. A. Week.

Monday was my first day in my new job.  Talk about being thrown in at the deep end.  As is typical of my organisation I literally rocked up on my first day, nervous as hell and was handed some numbers and told to pretty much get on with it.  Fortunately there is another girl doing the same role who was equally as bewildered as I was.  When I was taken to my first meeting on Monday afternoon expecting to have prepared a report and be able to deliver it to the meeting, I pretty much felt like I'd made a massive mistake in leaving the comfort  and familiarity of my old team.  As it turned out, there had been a cock up and the meeting was actually scheduled for that morning so I managed to escape certain embarrassment by delivering to a meeting that I had NO idea about. 

Tuesday got worse, and I winded up emailing the Sgt who was overseeing the roll out of our jobs to different sectors to complain that we had effectively been left to do a job without any training or preparation.  It fell on deaf ears, and Tuesday night I got home and cried, wanting to re-apply for my old job.

However, I think the breakdown did me good and cleared my head a little.  Wednesday saw a slight improvement as I embraced the uncertainty and focussed on the good points of the role which include actually having just one job to focus on.  On Thursday I delivered to my first conference and the feedback was that I sounded professional and precise which was amazing considering how nervous I felt. 

I feel better about it... I think it will improve as I settle and feel more comfortable in the role.  I need a few more meetings under my belt to get me used to the way they work.  I know at some point there is going to be a confrontation due to the sensitive nature of the meeting, so that will be a new and challenging aspect to the role that I haven't experienced yet.  Can't say I'm looking forward to that aspect but it's part and parcel of the work and can only improve the skills I already have. 

The new job has been the sandwich filling nestled firmly between two large, soft and wonderfully tasty slices of awesomeness this week.  On Monday night I went to see Extreme, straight after work, and having had ZERO sleep.  Rock. AND. Roll.  Extreme's 90's hair metal classic album Pornograffiti is one of the albums of my childhood- and yes I am aware how inappropriate that sounds - however the music itself is amazing, cheesy as hell, but amazing-feel-good cheese which warms my soul.  I know every detail of the album inside out and one of my memories of it is playing it at my 7/8th birthday party much to the bemusement of my7/8 year old, flowery dress-adourned party invitees.  Awesome.  They were aging, but brilliant.  As a 25th anniversary tour of the album, they played the FULL thing in its entirety.  Nuno still looks FIT AS, despite approaching 50.  Brilliant, I honestly haven't felt as happy as I did when I was singing away to "Hole Hearted" and I pretty much think I was mesmerised at one point by Nuno's solo- skills. Unbelieveble.  And he makes it look so easy.

At the other end of the week - Friday night I went to see The Penguin Café Orchestra which again, is another childhood musical experience.  The music reminds me of my Dad, and brings back so many cherished and happy memories of sitting as a family in the lounge, chatting, laughing and listening to the music all together.  The concert was at The Lichfield Cathedral which couldn't have been a more acoustically perfect setting for the music.  It sounded beautiful and just made my soul feel content and relaxed and happy.  I'd seen them once before, and possibly preferred their first offering in terms of content, however I love how the guy who now runs the orchestra is the son of the original founding member, and he recalls how the music relates to his childhood from the time when I too remember first hearing it all.  The parallels are as wonderfully fitting to me as the music is to it's own individual themes and concepts. 

After such an emotionally charged and stressful week I've taken this weekend off any sculpture projects to recharge my batteries.  Saturday was spent catching up with my two besties, N and Markuus, at the Fuse festival in Lichfield which consisted of sitting in a field drinking strawberry cider in the sunshine and listening to a number of acoustic sets and some good old fashioned sea shanties.

Today I've come to Nottingham to see family as I've spent so many of the last few weekends working on sculptures and commissions that I've not seen my Grandparents in months.  Time is precious, and so I've ensured today is spent in their company.  A roast is being prepared, and I look forward to spending an hour or two round the dinner table listening to my Grandad recount old stories and tales from his past, many of which I've heard before... but that I love hearing again and again nonetheless.

:-) Happy.

Closing Time.

Well, I just finished my last day at work.  I've been dreading it to be honest.  Since my job was confirmed I've actually found it really hard to get excited about my new post- mainly because the reality of leaving my team, my friends, my family for the last three years, was just really quite painful.  Not a day has passed when I haven't laughed myself into oblivion at work, and I really will miss that the most.  I've genuinely not wanted to leave and I've even questioned if I've made the right move because of how much I've enjoyed my time there.  However, I need to remember the reasons I went for this, there were plenty of days I felt stressed and tired, and there's very limited room for growth in that post.  I'd mastered what I could and simply wasn't getting paid anything near enough for the time and energy I gave the role. 

I will miss my team so much but I'm well aware that having moved teams twice in the past, the mini heartache won't last long.  I shed a few tears today, as did a few others.

I had a lovely send off despite my Gaffa and Sarge not being around for it.  I had a nice little collection of pressies including a lovely necklace (below), Good Luck balloon, champers, bottle of Jack, choccies and a choc orange, plus a little bit of drinking money.

As sad as today has been, I actually feel better about the prospect of my new job now that the tears have passed.  I feel more ready and like I can actually focus on my new opportunity.  The commute will suck ass, and the banter *may* not be quite the depraved, debauched hilarity of the OMU, but I am sure my new team will become my new family and if they don't ... well then I can keep moving forwards.

Onwards and Upwards.  Bring on the new challenge...

BOOM II

Well... after another loooooooooong week... I got the call.  After waiting anxiously all day I got the news I had been waiting for.  I got the job! :-) I have no location yet but FINALLY I am going to be getting paid a decent amount and have a new role, a new challenge which uses my skills and all the knowledge I've built up. I am so chuffed. I will be gutted to leave such a great team of people; they've become my little family over the last two years and I'll miss the banter and laughs so much. BUT, it's got to happen sooner or later; things could have changed beyond my control anyway so at least this way I am leaving on MY terms to a promotion that I want and have worked for. It's a new challenge and a completely new role for the force so it's an exciting opportunity.

I am so pleased.  This week I've just got to keep my fingers crossed that my postings location is one that I've preferenced and get my leaving date confirmed, then it's all signed, sealed and delivered. Boom indeed.

It meant I could actually, properly relax this weekend and enjoy three days of chilling despite the rain.  I've had drinks, movies, good food and caught up with some chums. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

I also got to spend a few minutes on Sunday night watching my little niece open her presents on her second birthday. She said hello and smiled and waved at me.. then she opened her presents and seemed to take an interest in the bilingual books I had got her.  She can say a few English words now- Apple, Ball, T-Shirt and an interesting take on the word Thank you... but it was so precious to see her starting to use vocabulary in two languages the clever little monkey. I really hope I can get to see her next year. I need to get saving!

Smiles all round this weekend.  I've managed to catch up on some sleep and have started having some weird dreams lately about problems with my body, and then one last night about Pirates!

I feel really proud of myself - not something I say all that often - but I am.

Happy, happy times. :-)

Piggy.

Nine Inch Nails on Sunday night was, as expected, EPIC.  The gig was a more meaty than their Belfast gig last year.  It was less about playing the classics and crowd-pleasers and more about blowing minds.  If you were new to Nine Inch Nails (unlikely) I can imagine it was a bit of a baptism by fire.  It was unbelievable: perfect sound coupled with a blinding, awe-inspiring lighting performance and staging.  Favourites of the night were Disappointed, a brilliantly haunting version of Sanctified, The Great Destroyer (which is immense through decent earphones; practically hypnotic and made my heart race; gave me goosebumps live) and a superb Piggy.

 

 

 

I know I'm biased, because in my eyes (ears?) pretty much everything Trent Reznor touches turns to gold, however this music just feels like my insides; how my soul feels.  It's just fucking awesome. 

 

"Piggy"Hey pig,
Yeah you.

Hey pig, piggy, pig, pig, pig
All of my fears came true.
Black and blue and broken bones,
You left me here; I'm all alone.
My little piggy needed something new.

 Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

Hey pig,
Nothing's turning out the way I planned.
Hey pig,
There's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand.
What am I supposed to do? I lost my shit because of you. 

 

Nothing can stop me now,
'Cause I don't care anymore.
Nothing can stop me now,
  'Cause I just don't care.

 

Oh god. Perfect.

Storm.

I feel good.

What a beautifully, refreshing day of laziness I've had.

It's been warm... the sun has tried to nudge it's way through the clouds. It's close, humid, like there is a storm bubbling... or maybe that's residual energy from last night's bizarre conversations.

I had an apology yesterday. 

Unexpected and out of the blue. 

This has happened twice to me in the last two years... the former was perhaps more necessary than the latter... but at least it came. It's small... sometimes a bit insignificant but it helps to know that I'm not completely crazy and people are capable of self awareness.

I've surprised myself by accepting both.  I can be pretty hateful when hurt.  Time passes and you realise you are better off anyway, but an apology is still welcome from some.

I wish these people well- genuinely- despite them playing no further part in my life.

People are in your past for a reason. 

More so if you're a lying, manipulative, egotistical, illogical, unapologetic c*nt who deserves nothing but disdain.  Your word dear- it is, I must say, perfect.  May it echo in your shallow brain for eternity. I wish you nothing. You deserve it;  Fucking people about, lying wherever you go and being proud of it... you have bigger problems than you will ever realise.  Good luck to whoever you're currently conning into believing you're a decent human being.  Undoubtedly the most regrettable person I have ever trusted and thought I knew... I still remain shocked at just how incredibly wrong I was.  Almost a year since we spoke... a letter that will never get read... will now burn.

What goes around comes around.

I am better, stronger, sharper, greater.  I am in a good place right now.  Refreshed after an intense, stressy month all I needed was one day to catch up on sleep, rest my head and focus. An apology from someone who means little to me now, but still cared enough to say it.  Closure.

Good things are happening for me... changes are coming... and I am excited...

Flop.

Aaaannd relax.

Three weeks.  THREE. WEEKS. of interviews is finally over.  Interview 3 went... ok.  After the last debacle I am finding it hard to judge.  But it was neither great nor terrible.  The weeks of prep work, studying, reading reams and reams of documents, guidance, policies and revising various law acts went COMPLETELY to waste as I wasn't asked ONCE what I did to prepare!!! Gutted.  Since I got out I've grown more and more aware of all the missed opportunities that I could have weaved all that prep work into my answers and pushed my hard work more... but really it would have been taking it all off track and not kept my answers focussed on the question... ugh it's hard. 

Either way, it's over now and all I can do is sit and wait. No actually... sit and RELAX and wait.

The last seven weeks have been ridiculous. Four of them running the office by myself, the latter three being taken up with interviews and squeezing in a cake topper for good measure. Stressy. But it's all over... this weekend I have FOUR days off with no interview prep, no cake topper to finish... it's ALL me time and I intend to enjoy EVERY minute of it.  I can also get back into the gym which I've been neglecting lately and man I can really tell.

To make it even more immense... Sunday is NINE INCH NAILS time. Holy. Shit.

BOOM!

Yikes. Where to start?!

Friday couldn't come soon enough last week; the week seemed to go on forever after my first okay interview and the one from hell... I just wanted the three day weekend to come so I could relax... well kindof.

I pretty much wished most of Friday away hoping that the phonecall turning me down for the job position was over quickly so I could forget about it over the weekend.  I had already made up my mind about the first job and was prepared to turn it down on the basis that it was (wrongly) less money.  The second one, I just wanted to get the dreaded feedback and forget the whole thing.

What I wasn't expecting as my phone conveniently rang as I parked up at Sainsbugs on my way home on Friday, was for them to offer me the job!??! This was met by .... "er what?" as I tried to compute how they could possibly have cruelly got the wrong phone number to call for the job offer?! I've avoided even posting about it because the whole experience was just awful... consisting of analysing a case study for ten minutes, then getting an hour to produce a presentation and then present it to the interview panel in ten minutes.  This was immediately followed by 5/6 challenging interview questions.  I was a bit overwhelmed with the case study; ten minutes not being long enough for me to process the pages of intell logs, crime reports and offender profiles.  I managed to string some semblance of an inference together with some recommendations but my presentation wasn't slick or structured and I rushed through it with minutes to spare. The mess up through me and I felt flustered through the interview in which I stupidly managed to end up discussing my main weakness in relation to the post (!? I mean really?! ) before finally leaving knowing I had been completely out of my depth. It was awful.

Clearly they disagreed! I was absolutely stunned and remain pretty puzzled as to how on EARTH I got offered it. I'd told everyone who asked during the week that unless no one else showed up I had ZERO chance at the job! The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had one more interview pending... the one I really want- Job C.

On Friday, I also got confirmation that I had passed the paper sift and would be given an interview date in the next couple of weeks. I've had to inform Job B about Job C, and he's kindly waiting until I get a date for the interview.  I just hope it isn't AAGES away as I don't want to keep them waiting too long for an answer.

Fingers crossed... and hopefully I can avoid any further magpies for this upcoming interview.  But, at least, if I don't get it, I have a really good job offer as a back up plan with a slightly smaller pay increase, but lots of potential and intrigue all the same. Big smiles.

I kept my good news quiet for that evening, as it was my Dad's birthday meal and I didn't want to detract from his birthday outing.  We went to a newly refurbished restaurant nearby called the Trooper which specialised in Longhorn Steaks. I opted for scallops and a tasty sea bass but the highlight was the dessert... My sister and I shared a chocolate stuffed crust pizza with a berry compote and hot chocolate sauce topping with melted marshmallows.  The tension built as we watched it get prepared and put into the Roman stone oven and I held my camera phone in anticipation of it arriving before us on the table.  Sadly, it lacked on visual presentation looking like a large, ugly cowpat but OH MY FREAKIN GOD the taste was IMMENSE.  It was by the far the most amazing pudding I have tasted in some time and I KNOW my puddings.  It was just delicious; oozing with warm, smooth, chocolate sauce and a light chocolate pizza dough base.  Perfection.

Saturday was spent sculpting; eagerly trying to finish my latest commission before my deadline next weekend.  Problems hit left, right and centre as I had major stability problems with both figures which I've only partially fixed.  I'm not happy with the arms either, struggling to fit the two together properly and having to bodge the arms a little bit at the back. These are all things that I need to resolve next weekend.

Sunday; N, Becko and her partner E, set off for a day hiking in the Peaks.  With perfect walking conditions (not too hot, but dry and overcast) we climbed three very steep hills; the challenge being getting down most of them rather than getting up! One was particularly steep on the slope down, with any semblance of gravelly pathways just turning to loose, marbles under your feet.  It was easier to grip on to the grass and just slowly edge your way down on all fours.  We were out from about 11.30 to 4.30 walking, exploring and absorbing the sights.  I got some brilliant photographs which probably still don't do justice to the views or the height.

A truly perfect day, aside from some annoying and uncomfortable tummy cramps. A day of fresh air, energy bars, leg muscles, landscapes and scrambling up and down steep slopes and across sweeping green fields.  Needless to say I slept like a baby that night!

Bank Holiday Monday was a slightly less energetic affair with me spending most of the day reading up on some interview prep documents, a bit of sculpting and washing little Franko.  Not very exciting I think you will agree, but all necessary tasks!

So with my weeks at my current job looking numbered, I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can.  Changes are coming... big ones... and all for the good.  :)

Now if I could just get rid of those magpies...

One for Sorrow...

Is it just me or has there been an increase in the number of Magpies?

The last two weeks, funnily enough around my interviews... I've seen loads of them; nearly always on their own.  Or could it be, that I'm just more aware of them?

It seems to have tailed off this week... but it's just weird. 

One for Sorrow
Two for Joy
Three for a girl
Four for a boy
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret never to be told
Eight for a wish
Nine for a kiss
Ten for a surprise you won't want to miss
Eleven for health
Twelve for wealth
Thirteen beware, it's the devil himself.

And yeah, I HAVE seen thirteen at once.

Definitely some sorrow this week. MOST definitely some bad luck... though I wish I could solely blame the Magpie's for my shocking interview performance but sadly I think that was down to me and me only!

Apparently they mean different things all over the world... being lucky in some! Some countries say they can control the weather, some say that they bring death, others saying they bring good charms and good people into your life! But whilst I'm not especially superstitious about other things, I genuinely can't see a Magpie without greeting it properly to ward off the bad luck.

Having said that I did force a tiny money spider to cross my palm last week in the hope it might bring me luck.  I may as well absorb as much as I can for the next two weeks... This. Could. Be. It.

It's coming...

Birthday(S)

In true Slink style my birthday has been stretched over as many days as possible and I have loved every minute of it.  Monday I was pampered with a wonderfully relaxing facial and a tough but well worth it massage which seemed to loosen out some creaky back and shoulder problems at the spa courtesy of H.  We finished off the afternoon with a slap up meal at a new restaurant not far away from us which I think we will be frequenting again at some point.  Good food and a nice cosy but classy atmosphere. Loved it. On getting home, we scared ourselves silly watching a horror film called The Conjuring which was ridiculous in many cliché ways but still managed to get my old spine tingling in places. No nightmares either! Boom.

Tuesday, my actual birthday was spent with my dear N.  I opened my presents and cards in the morning and after a nice cuppa we hit the road, heading for Watford for the Warner Brothers Studio Tour dedicated to the making of the Harry Potter films.

I was concerned I was going to look like a great big idiot having no children to wander round with but I was pleased to find there were far more adults than children which is ALWAYS a good thing! At the risk of sounding terribly saccharin, it was one of the best days out I've had in years. Although very pricey, there was just so much to look at.  I took photo after photo albeit annoyingly on my mobile due to me absent mindedly walking out the house without my dSLR which I'd put to one side for the trip! Here are just a few to wet your whistle...

There was just so much to see.  I would definitely recommend it for a day out weather you have kids or even if you're not overly familiar with the books and stories.  My personal favourite was the Creature Workshop where you could see masks, sculptures and artwork from the creative departments involved in production.  It was just a treasure trove of oddities and it really tuned you in to the incredible skill of the staff who have helped to shape the films from words on a page into reality without losing any of the magic. The technical drawings, planning, architect drawings also made it all the more incredible at the sheer scale of the filming process. Brilliant.

I picked up a few token goodies for friends and family (chocolate frogs, chocolate wands and some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans); N even bought me a Slytherin vest top as a souvenir of our trip, and after three hours of awe and smiles we were back on the road.

But the good times didn't end there.  On the way home, we stopped off in Brum at Jamie's Italian for a slap up meal.  It was delish, even if I did manage to order a dish which was a tad too spicey for my delicate (bland) palette.  After our feast, we went to the cinema where we caught the next available film which happened to be one called Labor Day.  It turned out to be fairly good albeit a bit of a slow burner.  Some interesting concepts about being prisoner (both literal and non literal) and personal freedoms; not my usual pick of film but it wasn't all that bad a choice.  Interestingly the film I would have rather have seen was also based around the theme of imprisonment- Starred Up which is a British film about a prison inmates move from Youth Offending Institute to Adult Prison and the sub-societies, cultures and social hierarchies within the prison institution. It's meant to be gritty, violent and controversial but incredibly well observed. It's on my Watch list.

Today has been spent shopping in Brum, although I've been largely unsuccessful spending my birthday money finding most of the shops completely uninspiring.  The only thing I found and liked a lot was an awesome Superdry jacket but I have lots of jackets and don't really have need to buy another. Sadly.  I did manage to squeeze in a trip to my favourite Japanese Restaurant/Café - Mount Fuji for a chicken Teryaki and Tempura Bento box with Prawn Sushi, and Edamame beans to start.  Pure heaven.

Tomorrow I have a pretty menial morning of catching up with ironing, cleaning and a dentist appointment but in the evening I have my final birthday celebration of the year with a meal and cocktails with some girls from work who also share a March birthday.  Bring it on!!! :-D