Platonic.

Due to my choice of University and subsequently my choice of career, I've always had many male friends.  Even in school I had a nice mixed group of friends in sixth form.  I actually find male company less intense, and up until my current job, a lot less complicated without the usual and stereotypical cattiness that comes with being around lots of women.  There have been complications previously, when the boundaries of friendship have blurred on one side and not the other, but generally my male friends have had just a bigger influence on my life as my female ones.

However, now I'm getting older, my circle of friends has decreased naturally, as it does when you start to understand who is meant to stay and who isn't.  In the last week, I've had two good male friends say that meeting up with me would make their partner uncomfortable.  To pad this out, both these friends of mine have never ever been anything more than friends. Both have long-term partners - one a fiancé, the other a wife.  I've been told that both these women would be uncomfortable with their partner meeting me for a drink or coffee which I find to be a massive judgment on my character based on nothing other than the fact that I am female and single, which clearly means I must be desperate to steal other women's men.  Even when you're happily married, it would appear I am still a threat.  It's ridiculous.  I can partly understand the unknown being a source of anxiety for women in this situation, but there are ways around it; getting to know me for a start!

I guess this is going to get more and more common.  With my female friends getting married and settling down, and my male friends being banned from seeing me... it's set to be a pretty lonely decent into my thirties.

Fright Night and Fisty Cuffs.

The much anticipated Halloween Party 2014 took place last Friday.  I freakin LOVE Halloween as it's a good chance to get dressed up in something weird and outrageous and decorate the flat in awesome, gory tat.  This year I went for a classic Beetlejuice and I have to say I think I did a good job on the ol' makeup.  :-) A good night was had by all, although it finished fairly early due to a lot of people driving and/or working the next day. The only downside was being very poorly that night thanks to someone untrained in the art of making whiskey mixers virtually poisoning me with a quadruple strength Southern Comfort and Coke.  And maybe me for drinking it... but that's by the by.

 

 

The last two days of this week have been spent on some Personal Safety Training and I have to say, after my partner and I getting recognition for being the best two students of the course, it's given me a hankering to get back to the gym and build up more strength.  I thoroughly loved my course and have hopefully picked up some safety tips should I ever get attacked both in and out of my job.  I love that size doesn't come into it, and that you can quite easily defend yourself no matter how teeny you are.  It makes me want to box, and get stronger so I can really take people by surprise.  Comments of the day today were: "God you are really quite strong" and "You're really aggressive for a tiddly person".  Yeah man.  That is all I want... to be stronger than I actually appear.  I'm never going to be really strong and I don't have the commitment and dedication to be super fit either, but as long as I can be stronger than I appear... I'm happy. 

 

All in all, a brilliant two days.  I did get a liiiiiiiittle bit of a crush on one of the trainers, who was a trained fighter.  I just love the spikey movements and the speed of their skills.  I'm a sucker for it. 

 

It's done me good.  I went straight to the gym after my course finished today so chuffed with that too.  I'm going to try my best to go at least 2/3 times a week and get back into the swing of it, as the last few weeks have been pretty slack due to being totally shattered from work and a few other stressful situations which I don't have the energy to go into now.  I feel better tonight than I have this week... before today I felt drained, tired and fed up so beating the shit out of people seems to be a really good pick me up.  :)

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Well...

I think the lack of blogging over the last month pretty much sums up how busy I've been.

I'm glad to say work is settling and I feel like I'm finally making progress and finding my feet which has been a huge help to feeling more stable in general.

My weekends have been jam packed for the last few weeks which is brilliant but exhausting and I still feel like I need some downtime! I'll get round to it soon...

So three weekends ago I stayed in Nottingham to Mrs P's birthday celebrations.  It was great to meet up with the old gang in some of our old haunts though it's safe to say Rock City isn't at all what it once was... and even then it was average!

The following weekend was my first ever trip to the Formula One Belgian Grand Prix. Scratch that... my first ever GP! Becko and I had a fantastic time in Brussels and despite the dodgy weather which included torrential downpours AND sunburn, even Becko was converted into a newbie motorsport fan. I took lots of photo's with both camera phone and my trusty old digital SLR so it was nice to get a good blend of both in Brussels and our day trip to Brugge.  I wish I'd blogged nearer my return home to regale readers with the funny little stories, jazzed up with photographs but it seems so long ago now it seems a bit redundant!! Needless to say it was a brilliant trip and I was so glad to share it with one of my very best friends. :-)

Last weekend was spent throwing what turned out to be a slightly smaller scale party than we initially anticipated- however we went all out on the Hawaiian Theme decorations and a good night was had by all.  On the following day I finally got to look around the new library in Brum which I have to say is a beautifully constructed and designed building. It's definitely something for Brum folk to feel proud of. My trip was interjected with a visit to my favourite café Mount Fuji where my favourite bento box hit the spot as usual.

Yesterday I had my hair chopped off and spent an absolute fortune on baby shower and 60th birthday gifts for a friend and my Mum.. which is what I have planned for the upcoming weekend.

Today I've been to Rockingham Motor Speedway to watch British Touring Car Championship with my sister and her bloke.  It was the first one we've been to this year which didn't require raincoats and umbrella's at some point... amazingly it was fine and dry and even more amazingly I haven't got sunburned!!!! :-D MEGA bonus! Again, I have more piccies and have eaten my weight in sarnies, picnic food and the obligatory motor racing delicacy - Tea and doughnuts! Perrfect.

Things are good... busy and good.  Upcoming I have dates to arrange, a Halloween party to plan, Mum's 60th, attending my first ever baby shower (not comfortable with this) and in a few weeks time... Silverstone for my final BTCC event of the year! I also want to squeeze in a sedgway rally and another hill walk too at some point. :-)

YOWZER.

Letting Go.

Bad Things:

I've avoided posting this for a while.  The last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest I've experienced for a very very long time.  I've managed to pull myself back together... or just about, and feel like I can move forward albeit tentatively.

N has been a big part of my life for the last decade.  We were together for eight years and even when I left two years ago we remained very close, still seeing each other regularly and spending time together when we could.  I never ever pictured my life without him, rightly or wrongly and continued to tell people who didn't understand how we remained so close, that he was my soulmate and always would be.

N has met someone now, and recently told me that there would be no chance of us recovering our past relationship and that it would be best if we no longer continued to stay in touch. Despite me knowing this could have been a reality, hearing it so bluntly threw me for six.  I was now faced with having to face the unknown of the rest of my life without my best friend. It hurt. A lot. It hurt that I was no longer considered irreplaceable in his life and that he had moved forward with out the need for me in his life.  I think it hurt an awful lot more than I ever thought it would, but then I'd never really let myself think about it.  For a good two weeks I was pretty broken, feeling like the world had been turned upside down and left fighting the dark, this in the first two weeks of my new job too.  Stress. It's been awful.  I stopped eating and sleeping and basically drifted along in a state of misery for two weeks.  My new job was stressful and I was missing my friends and colleagues hugely... I still do.

Good things:

But I'm back.  It is what it is, and whilst it hurt a great deal it's important that I keep plodding on.  It's scary, but I've realised just how great my family and friends have been in supporting me.

I face a long road alone now... and whilst that scares me it's important that I get used to my own company and learn to live without the friends I've come to rely on.  Obviously they will be there, but they all have their own lives and I need to shape mine be that on my own or with someone I may meet in the future.  I think for my sake I need to try and get used to the fact that I may not have the happy partner, wedding, the marriage, kids and house ... but it's important I make the most of what I have not what I don't.  I'm in my thirtees, I know who I am and what I want.  If people have a problem with it they can and will walk away... I won't be chasing after them.  If I can't find a companion and soulmate then so be it... but I'm determined to be happier than I feel now.  Alone or otherwise.

I went to a Tarot night on Friday.  My cards were brilliant... They showed my present - a big argument, losing a loved one, letting go. They showed security and success in my job with a possible further promotion at some point.  It warned me to steer clear of a person connected to work who is two faced.  I know who this was. It also told me there was a man coming into my life soon, it said I was going away shortly (to Belgium later this month) and that I needed to not hang on to the past anymore.  It all makes sense... and no matter what people's thoughts are on the topic, I felt like it was all very relevant.  I also spoke to a "psychic" man who asked me without any prompting what who the man with the dry hands was (this is N who had dermatitis!) and said that I was missing him. He also told me about a man with epaulettes, built frame who I should be wary of.  This matched up with my cards warning me about the person at work. It was all a bit of fun... not sure I was convinced by the psychic guy's talents although he did ask some questions and picked up that I made things in great detail (my sculpting) and that I recently had a problem with my cars brakes which was odd considering I'd never spoken to him before! He said he could picture me with a big car in the future and possibly with my own shop! :-D

I have a date tonight.  It's a bit of fun and I'm not expecting it to go anywhere but it'll get me back into the dating scene and get used to meeting new people again.  Who knows.

I have the Belgian GP also in a few weeks. I was meant to be going with N but I am now going with my dear Becko so it should still be a fun little adventure. 

I have a mini reunion next weekend with uni chums for the fabulous Mrs P's birthday. This will be bittersweet as it will be my first meeting with N since everything.  We won't have had any contact for nearly three weeks.  I'm not sure how I will feel, made tougher by the fact I will be the only single person there, but I just need to be strong and try and enjoy seeing friends who I don't get to see often, in a city I love, in our old haunts.

I have also booked tickets to the next BTCC event in Rockingham in early September so I have that to look forward to also! :)

I spent a good hour on Skype this morning with my neice, bro, sister in law and my folks who are over in Japan visiting.  She blew me bubbles and showed me her playdough desk and tools- she might be a budding little sculptor like me! She even blew me a kiss when I said goodbye... she is so precious and I can't wait to meet her again, hopefully in the next year or so.

I just need to keep smiling and remind myself often that everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay.

BOOM!

Yikes. Where to start?!

Friday couldn't come soon enough last week; the week seemed to go on forever after my first okay interview and the one from hell... I just wanted the three day weekend to come so I could relax... well kindof.

I pretty much wished most of Friday away hoping that the phonecall turning me down for the job position was over quickly so I could forget about it over the weekend.  I had already made up my mind about the first job and was prepared to turn it down on the basis that it was (wrongly) less money.  The second one, I just wanted to get the dreaded feedback and forget the whole thing.

What I wasn't expecting as my phone conveniently rang as I parked up at Sainsbugs on my way home on Friday, was for them to offer me the job!??! This was met by .... "er what?" as I tried to compute how they could possibly have cruelly got the wrong phone number to call for the job offer?! I've avoided even posting about it because the whole experience was just awful... consisting of analysing a case study for ten minutes, then getting an hour to produce a presentation and then present it to the interview panel in ten minutes.  This was immediately followed by 5/6 challenging interview questions.  I was a bit overwhelmed with the case study; ten minutes not being long enough for me to process the pages of intell logs, crime reports and offender profiles.  I managed to string some semblance of an inference together with some recommendations but my presentation wasn't slick or structured and I rushed through it with minutes to spare. The mess up through me and I felt flustered through the interview in which I stupidly managed to end up discussing my main weakness in relation to the post (!? I mean really?! ) before finally leaving knowing I had been completely out of my depth. It was awful.

Clearly they disagreed! I was absolutely stunned and remain pretty puzzled as to how on EARTH I got offered it. I'd told everyone who asked during the week that unless no one else showed up I had ZERO chance at the job! The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had one more interview pending... the one I really want- Job C.

On Friday, I also got confirmation that I had passed the paper sift and would be given an interview date in the next couple of weeks. I've had to inform Job B about Job C, and he's kindly waiting until I get a date for the interview.  I just hope it isn't AAGES away as I don't want to keep them waiting too long for an answer.

Fingers crossed... and hopefully I can avoid any further magpies for this upcoming interview.  But, at least, if I don't get it, I have a really good job offer as a back up plan with a slightly smaller pay increase, but lots of potential and intrigue all the same. Big smiles.

I kept my good news quiet for that evening, as it was my Dad's birthday meal and I didn't want to detract from his birthday outing.  We went to a newly refurbished restaurant nearby called the Trooper which specialised in Longhorn Steaks. I opted for scallops and a tasty sea bass but the highlight was the dessert... My sister and I shared a chocolate stuffed crust pizza with a berry compote and hot chocolate sauce topping with melted marshmallows.  The tension built as we watched it get prepared and put into the Roman stone oven and I held my camera phone in anticipation of it arriving before us on the table.  Sadly, it lacked on visual presentation looking like a large, ugly cowpat but OH MY FREAKIN GOD the taste was IMMENSE.  It was by the far the most amazing pudding I have tasted in some time and I KNOW my puddings.  It was just delicious; oozing with warm, smooth, chocolate sauce and a light chocolate pizza dough base.  Perfection.

Saturday was spent sculpting; eagerly trying to finish my latest commission before my deadline next weekend.  Problems hit left, right and centre as I had major stability problems with both figures which I've only partially fixed.  I'm not happy with the arms either, struggling to fit the two together properly and having to bodge the arms a little bit at the back. These are all things that I need to resolve next weekend.

Sunday; N, Becko and her partner E, set off for a day hiking in the Peaks.  With perfect walking conditions (not too hot, but dry and overcast) we climbed three very steep hills; the challenge being getting down most of them rather than getting up! One was particularly steep on the slope down, with any semblance of gravelly pathways just turning to loose, marbles under your feet.  It was easier to grip on to the grass and just slowly edge your way down on all fours.  We were out from about 11.30 to 4.30 walking, exploring and absorbing the sights.  I got some brilliant photographs which probably still don't do justice to the views or the height.

A truly perfect day, aside from some annoying and uncomfortable tummy cramps. A day of fresh air, energy bars, leg muscles, landscapes and scrambling up and down steep slopes and across sweeping green fields.  Needless to say I slept like a baby that night!

Bank Holiday Monday was a slightly less energetic affair with me spending most of the day reading up on some interview prep documents, a bit of sculpting and washing little Franko.  Not very exciting I think you will agree, but all necessary tasks!

So with my weeks at my current job looking numbered, I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can.  Changes are coming... big ones... and all for the good.  :)

Now if I could just get rid of those magpies...

Ahoy Me Hearties!

On Friday I set my Out Of Office notice for a whole week off:  One of the small treasures of the hustle and bustle of the modern world.

I have the same week off most years, work permitting in order to use up the last of my annual leave before the end of March and also to avoid any trace of menial work on my birthday!

On Saturday the flat was decorated with Palm trees, parrots, pirate coins and candles.  Sails and rope, lots of flags and lanterns; even some pirate cupcakes adorned the treasure chest laden table! Friends donned fancy dress for a Pirate themed birthday party.  Cocktails were made, Rum flowed, Lanterns were set to soar into the night, two hilarious games of Ring Of Fire were played and a good night was had by all. Much love to everyone who came and made it such a great night. :) 

Just proves that no matter how old I get, I can still act like a great big kid and reaffirm my inner Pirate.

I have much planned for my week off.  My birthday is being celebrated on five different days this year so it's not a bad way to see in my thirties!! Today was kicked off with hangover breakfast pancakes at a nearby Creperie, then after tidying up the flat from last night's festivites and catching up on some sleep, I was treated to a nice family birthday meal at The Whittington Arms.  I repeated the same mistake I made a year or so ago when I ordered a prawn dish in there; forgetting once more that they come WHOLE. Shells, Legs, Eyes, Heads, Tentacle-y bits.  WHOLE.  And covered in sweet chilli sauce.  By the time I had finished it was scene of pure prawn massacre.  Carcasses, tentacles, disembowled shells, heads, countless legs.  Oh god.. the legs.  Thank god for the finger bowl and napkins! Still, a lovely time was had by all and it was nice to have all the immediate family (in England anyway) around a dinner table again.

So that's the weekend gone already!  I have a brilliant week off planned.  H has treated me to a spa day so my birthday celebrations day three kicks off tomorrow with some sort of Yoga class, then food, then a facial and a massage to top it all off.  Just what I need.

Tuesday is my actual birthday and I'm dead excited to be carrying on reliving my childhood by being taken to the Harry Potter Studios in Watford. Wednesday I have a free day, and then Thursday I'm back on the birthday train for a last and final farewell to my birthday week with a cocktail and curry with work colleagues!  Sunday I will be off to Nottingham to see family for Mothers Day... and wo betide, before I know it it'll be back to work and into April!!! Thankfully I already have the first weekend booked off for a mystery trip to an unknown location!

All I can say is...

 

Daan Saaarf.

I need a new job.

The office politics is tiring and adds to the weight of busy days.

HOWEVER.  I don't want another angsty post about crappy people.  I want to interject the gloom with happier stuff!

The weekend before last was Valentines Day. I have to say I found it particularly hard this year for reasons unknown to me.  I guess it's because I have been feeling lonely... and this is emphasized by the commercial shite that is rammed down people's throats at this time of year.  When I arrived home from drinks with a fellow singleton where we stole roses out the toilets of Bacchus Bar, I got home to a Red Rose and chocolates. :-)

The following day, I went to London to stay with B and her boyfriend E.  After a quick bite to eat for lunch in a lovely little London pub, B took me to this awesome museum she'd found, called The Hunterian Museum at the Royal College of Surgeons which housed a collection of pathology and anatomy specimens in jars.  I could have easily spent longer in there as there was just shelf after shelf of weird, crazy specimens from human embryos to spinal chords, to deformed skeletons and diseased body parts.  It was fascinating. It made me wish I'd stuck with the only science I loved at school which was biology. We spent a few hours looking at all the specimens in awe, then went to get food at Nando's.  The evening was spent putting up our achey feet and watching films in E's absolutely amazing flat in Canary Wharf with some stunning views across the river.

The following day we took a walk down the river to Grenwich and spent the morning walking round the park, feeding squirrels and strolling along with all the people who were grateful for a bit of sunshine at long last. 

It was only a short stay, but it was so nice to spend it away from Brum and with one of my best mates and her lovely chap.  To top it off, thanks to flooding I was able to use my cheapo Chiltern tickets on Virgin Trains so I got a quicker journey there and back on a nicer train for peanuts! Bonus! :-D

Hello Coward.

"Only a few people truly care. The rest are just curious."

Wide Eyed.

Well there's a week I am glad to see the back of.  It was the David Cameron of weeks.

I could say that it was a week of losses.  But I'm not going to. 

A "close friend" who I have known since Uni has cut me out their lives for reasons I will go into in another post when I can be arsed to process it all.

Another idiot revealed their true selves also.  I welcome the clarity that these two very different situations have provided. As of last year, I declared not to give two fucks about anyone who doesn't do the same for me. And that's going to be the attitude I stick with throughout 2014. So for anyone else who wants to exit my life, I'll be holding the door wide open for you ready to close and lock it on your way out. I'm not even angry... I no longer have anything but apathy for people who leave and a grateful respect for the few honest, genuine friends who remain of greatest importance in my life.

The only true, real loss from this week has been the death of my Grandad's sister, my Auntie Thelma.  Naturally I'm most worried about the effect this might have on my Grandad, as the last remaining one of his family. It must be hard and with him being a big part of my life from a very young age, I can't imagine him any other way than happy. I will be going with him to the funeral on Friday.

Since last Monday, when all the shit kicked off with friend Z I haven't slept properly.  I think I've probably had a total of about five hours sleep over the last seven days.  Any modicum of sleep I have been getting has been full of very odd dreams and then awaking with a terrible headache which feels like someone has taken a lump hammer to my frontal lobe.  The two hours I got last night before I woke up with a start and had an immediate nosebleed was a welcome relief! I've got 6 closely rationed Zopiclone tablets for when I get incredibly desperate. Because of the insomnia, my appetite has gone out of whack, and because of my mucus filled lungs (which are showing no sign of recovery) I haven't been to the gym in over a week either.  Needless to say by Thursday night I was a mess, and winded up booking an emergency flexi day to recover and kick-start my week off work. 

I'm hoping the impending week off will replenish my depleted, weary mind and body as I feed it with good company, cinema, vitamins, gym and sculpture projects. I have lots planned, I just need to feed my body and soul with sleep, food and good music so I have the energy to do it all. 

The coming week will be my week of replenishment.  I can't bloody wait.

Christmas 2013

I think the below video best sums up my Christmas and New Year.

It's been fantastic: Some much MUCH needed time off work spent with friend and family, including my little neice, bro and sister in law on Skype. I've caught up with family I don't see much and got to spend time with the people I care about most. It's been just brilliant.



New Years eve was spent at the new flat with a small selection of friends.  Most importantly for me- Markuus and his partner Jo came over; and N also spent the evening with us so it was lovely to spend it with some of my favourite people. :-)

The only sad thing is that's it's all flown by so fast... I've barely had time to think up any resolutions and now this week I have suddenly found myself back at work in an almost zombie-like stupor trying to remember what my job is.

Resolutions coming up...

Christmas Eve Eve; 2013 Reflections

I'm sitting in my slippers, watching A Christmas Carol on TV.  It's Christmas Eve Eve and I finished work today for the rest of the week. 

It's normally this time of the year when I'm doing a review of the year and compiling some New Years Resolutions, but I'm feeling a distinct lack of energy to do either. Plus, I'm not sure summarising my year will be all that eventful this time!

However... now I think back...

Things I have lost: 

Some friends. Not in a physical sense, they're alive and well.  People change, people move on and some people you realise really aren't worth your time and energy. Those who mean a lot to me, remain, however. Even if I don't see them as much as I would like. Thank you for your continued friendship to Mrs P, Markuus, and my dear N who I will always love with all my heart.

Money- a lot has been thrown away on copious drinking, nights out and shoes... but all in all I have some memories of happy times such as motor racing with N and many a post-working-week-debriefing drinks down the local.

My twenties- A heart felt goodbye to my twenties; bittersweet as I lay to rest many fun and happy memories of my youth interspersed with the anxiety, insecurity, angst and heartache that goes along with it.

Things I have gained:

New friends. 
New flat. 
My independence back. 
Strength and Tone from my gym workouts.
Perspective.
A whole new decade ahead of me as I entered my thirties.
New gig experiences- Deftones, Bastille and the amazing Nine Inch Nails... memories of the latter I will treasure forever. Two more ticks off on my "Bands to See Before I Die" list. 

A review of my 2013 Resolutions:

Resolution 1: Be more active.
Achieved. I'm still going to the gym about twice a week and generally feeling better for it; although I certainly notice the difference when I don't go.

Resolution 2: Be less angry.
Semi- Achieved. I'm not sure this has happened... if it has it's more by the ever-so-slightly decreased invasion of the Government impacting on my job and colleagues. I think this year has been more stressful than angry so I'm saying this is semi-achieved.

Resolution 3: Laugh more.
Achieved. I have certainly laughed a lot this year.  I have a graffiti'd piggy bank on my desk at work which says "Just Keep Larfin" thanks to my colleague Daz who decorated it for me and says I say the word Laugh posh.  He's from the Black Country.

Resolution 4: Be Inspired.
Semi- Achieved.  I've been to the cinema, seen films at home and been to gigs this year which have all been inspiring to me. However I need to get out more next year and see more places.  I've spend too much time in the office this year... I need inspiration from nature and new cities next year (money permitting).

Resolution 5: Be more creative.
Semi-Achieved. I failed to get my new tattoo thanks to money issues, however I have one planned for my birthday in 2014.  I've done more sculpture commissions this year and have two lined up for the beginning of next year.  To be continued. 

Resolution 6: Blog more.
Achieved. This has definitely been achieved.

Resolution 7: Feel settled.
Not achieved. Work in progress.  I think I know what I need to be happy- companionship.  At the moment I'm at a loss as to where to find this.


2014 Resolutions to be posted soon. 

Wedding Weekend.

Three days off have absolutely FLOWN by.  So fast in fact, that I can barely even remember what I did on Friday- probably because I spent most of the morning catching up on sleep!

On Saturday N and I set off to our old stomping ground Loughborough where we met up with The P's, Arf and Sam before setting off to Nottingham for the wedding of another fellow uni-chum.  It's nice to be involved in such a happy occasion especially when it involves a mini reunion with the old Uni crew. 

A good time was had by all despite the DJ leaving a lot to be desired, even in the cheesey-wedding-music stakes.  However, thanks to some expertly chosen requests and some dubious dancing in my lovely blue Karen Millen dress the night was a good one.

Unfortunately due to our age all we could manage to achieve the following day was snoozing on sofa's watching motor racing and drinking cups of tea although we managed to venture out to the Harvester for some grub a bit later on.  The weather was shocking too so we probably chose the best activities for such a wet, cold and miserable day.

The journey back was just as stagnant, getting stuck in a traffic jam due to what was probably one of the most horrific looking car accidents I've seen on a motorway.  A journey which usually takes 40 minutes, took two hours as we were sat on the M42 playing eye spy for about 45 minutes. 

And that was that! The end of a super fast three day weekend! What's next... ?

Blow Out.

Bank holiday Monday has been and gone; the last one of the year until Christmas!

Despite being worried about getting approval from my client for the commission I managed to complete- I had a lovely bank holiday, whiling away a few hours with Markuuuus by the canal in Hopwas. 

I can barely believe my six days off work have been and gone! Here they are in bullet form:

Wed- Flight over to Belfast, EasyJet, annoying child on plane and a very angry, huffing-puffing butch lady.

Wed night- Nine Inch Nails gig in Charter House Square. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Thur- Titanic museum and flight back home.

Fri- Work on commission- it does NOT go well and I swear a lot.

Fri night- traditional Friday night drinks with H; scarily quiet for a bank holiday weekend. Cocktails are consumed. I pretend not to have noticed the incompetence of the barman as he spills half a daiquiri onto the bar in front of me. He looks mortified. I watch the TV above him to save him further embarrassment.

Sat- Work on commission. It goes better. Less swearing.  Good gym session despite nearly fainting at one point due to the heat.

Sun- Commission is completed. Email sent for approval. Nervous wait so car is washed, tea is eaten and a big session at the gym is undertaken.  I am buzzing... so much so that I return home and eat a bag of doritos and a slice of cheese cake.

Mon- Still hungry from the gym and fuelled by nerves from the lack of contact from my client, I meet Markuus for bank holiday drinks in Hopwas.  Beautiful day for it.  Sun, wasps, half a roast chicken with chips and an eton mess for dessert interspersed with drinks and a hot choc.  Bliss. Approval comes in the form of a lovely email from client. So once home, commission is baked, finished and boxed up for delivery.

Tue- Back to work to find no handover after 6 days, a chocka email account thanks to the bank holiday, a four hour meeting to prepare for and complete minutes for, hardly any staff, my colleague off work so I have to take on her work load also.  Stress.  Stress. Stress. 

That's it.  In a nutshell. It's just flown by! I fully expect that by the end of the week my head's going to explode. And its only my first day back.  :-(

Another Busy Weekend...

It's been a very busy couple of weeks at work.  Things are building up again and my days can be long and draining.  Booking leave is getting tricky lately too, I've had some refused recently and had to get my Inspector to intervene and let me use up all the hours that I work over my contracted time.  When I do get a day off, I make plans to meet people I haven't seen in a while or cheer up lunches for people having a much worse time than myself so even my days away from work fly be without me noticing. I'm even struggling to fit the gym in recently. 

I get tired.  I could do with a lazy weekend watching films and slobbing out in PJ's for a while.  But alas, my next few weekends are all booked up and I somehow have to fit in a new cake topper commission into all this.  Fortunately I think the bank holiday weekend is going to have to be allocated to some serious sculpting time.

This weekend, I've been on a mini road trip up to the mysterious and strange lands of The North.  My friend L from Uni was celebrating her 30th birthday so N, Markuus and another uni chum Adam travelled up to sunny Hull to celebrate with her.  Aside from my taxi rage ( having to wait nearly two hours for a taxi is NOT, I repeat NOT, good for Slinks stress levels) it was good to have a good catch up with friends over a LOT of cocktails. 

My traditional weekly Friday work-de-brief drinks with H will be instigated again this week after a two week hiatus.  However, we're having to divert from our local due to an unwelcome invasion so we're heading a bit further north for our night out.  Gutted, as it's my local pub and it's become a regular feature of my post-working-week drinks over the last few years, but hey ho, I'm not going to let a particular nasty individual affect my night.  I shall party on elsewhere.  :-)

Time is steadily ticking by and it will be TWO weeks on Wednesday until I'll be flying over to Ireland to see Nine Inch Nails.  Oh my god.  My heart skips a beat every time I think about it.  I simply cannot wait and am counting down the days.  It's going to be so immense. 

A Film in the Sunshine.

Last night my friend H and I went to Brum to catch an outdoor film showing of Breakfast At Tiffany's. It was a free event in the lovely Brindley Place and the organisers handed out bean bags, free popcorn and blankets to the crowd.  It was a different way to spend the evening, sitting on the steps in the shade watching a film, especially one I haven't seen in years!

I have another fairly busy weekend coming up with my Boss's leaving do on Friday and some drinks in Brum with H on Saturday, starting off at Marco Pierre Whites for some cocktails.

I've also finally been back to the gym this week after a few weeks off due to my inner ear problems which thankfully seem to have cleared up.  Good times! :-)

Sunspots.

What an awesome weekend!

It kicked off with some sunny post-work drinks on Friday evening with H from work.  I survived my first round of drinking post inner-ear troubles.  Having felt drunk for three weeks I was a bit wary of getting back on the good ol' Jack n Coke, but yep, it was just what I needed.

Following that I spent Saturday on a mini road trip with N up to Chester.  It was beautifully sunny and we strolled around the quaint little shops and had a waffle cone ice cream by the river.  We took a walk all round the ancient city walls and looked around the Roman gardens and amphitheatre although I was put off by the creepy stilt walker who seemed to be tottering around.  I still hate them. Always will. 
I failed miserably at remembering my digital SLR to take any decent photographs which pissed me off no end, but to redeem myself I am proud to say I refrained from spending any money in the shops despite being very tempted by a nice new handbag.  Be proud. 

Saturday evening was spent being set up in the back garden with some Honey Jack, Peanuts, a nice warm chicken salad and the Sono's blaring out some awesome tunes while a little lantern flickered in the gentle breeze.  It was perfect. 

Today I spent the morning strolling around Cars In the Park in Lichfield wishing I was rich enough to have a car for every day of the week.  A quick lunch was had at Ego nearby, a Mediterranean bar where I had a Fusion Mezze platter and a Strawberry, Mango and Stem Ginger Eton Mess for dessert.  Then, back to the park for a last drool over some amazing cars... before heading back in time for the Wimbledon final where grumpy-ass Murray took the cup. 

I've picked the following as my faves from today although the F type Jag and a BEAUTIFUL blue TVR Sagaris also looked incredible.  I think you will agree the matt black Hudson complete with skull on the dashboard is very me.  :-)

The weekend was finished off with a family barbeque in place of the traditional Sunday dinner, complete with steaks, burger, sausage, rice, salad, new potatoes and kebab roasted vegetables. 

I have some sunburn from today.  I plastered myself in factor 30 this morning, and seem to have staved off getting burnt in the normal places like my neck.  However, I do have an interesting red, stripe down my nose, and some weird patterns on my arms which look equally strange! It must have been where I was holding my bag or something and have got burnt in between the straps.  No matter how hard you try, when you have ghostly white pale skin like me, the sun will get to you somehow!!!

Despite the sunburn, this weekend has been - simply PERFECT.  :-)

Coming up this week... I am planning on returning to the gym now I'm fully fit, shopping for Boss' leaving present on Tuesday, Boss' leaving do on Friday and then potentially a night out in Brum on Saturday! I want to squeeze in a trip to the cinema, headphone shopping, potential holiday shopping and wedding guest dress shopping also this week.

Ooh... and I must blog about the imminent awesomeness that I have managed to source for myself.

Dear Asshole,

Thanks for finally revealing your true nature.

In particular, I love how you've consistently tried to hide the fact that you're:

- weak
- superficial
- dishonest
- completely incapable of any empathy
- self centred
- narrow minded
- uncaring
- shallow
- callous
- cowardly
- disloyal
- pathetically vain
- slutty
- egotistical
- illogical
- unbelievably selfish
- incapable of understanding/coping with/conveying emotions
- defensive
- attention seeking
- spineless
- arrogant
- fearful
- a carbon copy of the other meaningless twat you were so desperate to be different to, yet surpass his crap-ness by not even having the self awareness he did to admit you're a total dick and apologise for it. Hilarious.

You fail on every level at meeting my expectations of what makes a man.

Your weakness makes me stronger and I celebrate you reminding me just how much better I deserve. 

Fuck you, and enjoy your half life of avoidance and ineptitude. 

S
x

Goodbyes.

I got back from Kirsten's funeral a few hours ago. 

It was what she would have wanted- short but sweet, with an elegant simplicity.  Everyone wore something pink - a tribute to her fight with breast cancer. 

Walking into the crematorium behind her family and friends, her tiny coffin covered with beautiful flowers and the Goo Goo Dolls' song Iris playing was heartbreaking; so many people shedding tears at their individual losses.  Yet the messages throughout the service were clear- smile.  Always keep smiling.  As Kirsten did throughout her illness.  Her final song, as we exited the room, was Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  I could just picture her dancing away to it.

Her wake was decorated so beautifully with fairy lights, tables covered with objects associated with Kirsten (Some My Little Ponys and Barbies amongst them!), photographs and little reminders of this lovely lady.  It was nice to see her remembered so fondly, everyone sharing their stories and memories over drinks.  It must have been both heartbreaking and comforting for her family to know just how many will miss her smile. 

RIP Kirsten.

:-)

About a Girl.

When N and I moved in to our house years ago, our new neighbours (Kirsten, Nathan and their beagle Holly!) left us a bottle of wine and a card welcoming us to the street.  It made us feel instantly at home and when we went round to thank you, we could tell this was a couple we were going to get along with.  We met them for drinks a few times and got to know them via a few parties and pub trips in the local area, sharing stories, interests and most importantly laughs.

Kirsten was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer a few years ago.  Her intensive chemotherapy treatments never dulled her zest for life and I really admired her courage through a hardship that I'd been spared seeing my own Mother go through when she underwent a successful attempt at removing her own breast cancer.  I attended Kirsten's 35th birthday party two years ago, despite no longer living in the area.  It was a celebration of her getting through another bout of chemo and she was happy, beautiful and her usual wise, energetic and happy self. 

On Wednesday night, I got a phonecall from N who informed me that Kirsten had passed away last Friday.  It was a shock. Although I hadn't seen her for a while, I'd read her posts on facebook of her undergoing more chemo in a last ditch attempt to rid her body of the returned cancer.  It dawned on me that although her prognosis had never been good due to its aggressive nature and the fact it had returned, her strength had amazed me so much that it never occurred, naively, that she would lose this fight so suddenly.  She died in her home, peacefully, with NT by her side.

I've been very lucky in my life, not to have had to deal with much death.  I still have all four grandparents, and although various elderly relatives have passed away they've been distanced enough for me to not feel a vast amount of grief. 

Last night I sat reading the memorial web page Kirsten's friends and family have made for her.  It was so upsetting to read all the memories, each one filled with heartache from people who were missing Kirsten in one way or another, suddenly finding a Kirsten shaped gap in their lives.
It's all so surreal and desperately sad.  Her facebook page is still there;  Her car is on her driveway, where she stood laughing, telling us about the latest little bump she'd managed to get in her company car.  Yet, she's not here anymore.  This lovely, caring, incredibly strong and genuine human being no longer laughs, smiles, breathes.  So young, yet bringing such happiness to the lives of the people she encountered.  It's hard to get my head around.  My grief is miniscule compared to her closer friends and of course her family, and I dread to think how consuming grief will be for me when it is a member of my own family whose death I have to accept, but still- I've cried and I feel better for it. 

I will be attending her funeral on Monday.  I'll admit, this will be my first funeral for someone I considered a friend, despite us not being close, and also for someone so young.  Every other funeral I've been to has been for an elderly person, where there is something inevitable and quietly natural about it.  This time, the unfairness of it will make it all the more sad.  She fought this absolutely awful disease so hard, at such a young age and yet it claimed her.  The only relief is that she won't have to endure that any longer. 

I'm not at all looking forward to Monday, however, I feel I owe it to her memory to be there.  I wasn't as there for her as I could have been.  It's a chance to say goodbye to her. 

I do remember her saying to me, giving me some direct, honest advice before I left N- "life is short, far too short to waste being unhappy".  All the more poignant now she's gone. 

Exclusive: Slink Captured on Film in Natural Habitat.

The awesome KTP has put together a fab little video of my birthday celebrations at my favourite rock club, Eddies, back in March.  It just makes me smile and I wanted to share it here too:

I can't stop grinning after watching it.  I love that there is a cluster of songs that will ALWAYS always be etched on my soul and bind me with some absolutely amazing friends and some equally amazing times at Uni.  Despite these moments getting further and further into the past, the effect these songs has on each one of us will always spark memories of happy times.  I love it.  It's priceless.  :-)

I'm still waiting to be given the all clear so I can return to work.  I have an appointment tomorrow where I'm hoping to be booked back fit. If not, I'll have to wait until my sick note runs out on Friday.  I just want to get back to the normal drudgery of work now, I miss it!