Irritation.

We all know them. Those occasional, thankfully infrequent liaisons with people who put simply, irritate the fuck out of you.

I've met one.

There are people who I like, and hit it off with immediately. There are people who I know I'll not get on with; and those who I neither care about either way. There are have even been people who take an immediate dislike to me and more often than not I can't care less about them. However, every now and then, you meet one who just really, really, completely irritates the HELL out of you.

I repeat... I've met one.

This person, I will call Y. I have rarely come across someone who has irritated me quite as much as this person does; and it's been right from the SECOND she first opened her mouth. I can't even explain most of it. It's just a totally irrational, entirely unpleasant personification of nails on a chalk board.  I have a few issues with the way this person behaves, talks... and after this week breathes. 

I first experienced this person on the telephone when she phoned the wrong department to enquire about the job vacancy.  After me repeating about five times that she'd come through to the wrong department, after fifteen minutes she took a breath and enabled me to actually transfer her to my friend Dave, who is now her mentor.  My second encounter with her just brought back awful flashbacks of the phonecall; heightened by her smug little face as she twittered on about how she now had a three minute drive to work... to MY preferred job location, while I'd been given an hours commute because I haven't popped out children.  My contact with her has been limited, thankfully, as I then found out this shrill, being is paid about 5k more than everyone else to do the same job.  This has added to my annoyance. 

I now find myself on WEEK LONG training course with Y.  It's Tuesday... and I'm already finding myself digging my nails into the side of my seat on the NUMEROUS occasions she feels it necessary to open her gob and tell another long winded, excruciatingly, mundane story about things the WHOLE room already knows and experiences on a daily basis.  

This person should be a primary school teacher.  She talks like one.  To everyone;  And in a Black country, sing song, nursery rhyme accent that makes me want to smash up the room in some vain effort to get her to just PLEASE. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.  I genuinely don't think that would work.  I could smash every single chair through every single window and turn around to still find her twittering away. 

I can't help the eye rolling, the jaw clenching, the whole body tensing and slow intake of breath every time she speaks.  She speaks... TOO MUCH... and FAR FAR too often.  I'm not the only one to notice either.  I am often told I am too expressive; that is that I can't hide my emotions.  They're usually written all over my face and I have limited control over this.  Today she challenged something I was saying and she basically provoked me into challenging her back and making her look like a total knob in front of the whole course.  I had too.  For the sake of my own sanity I had to correct her, if only just to shut her the fuck up. 

I somehow have to get through another three days of this.  Frighteningly the course involves group work and I live in fear of being told I have to work with her.  I fear my head will actually explode if I have to endure that hellish prospect.

I'm not a nasty person.  I'm not.  However I am sensitive, and therefore easily irritated as you may have discovered from my posts about Misophonia last year. This woman, is the human equivalent of that never ceasing nose whistle, the all-night snore, the endless, slushy, chomp chomp chomp of food between salivating teeth and jaws. 

Friday can NOT come soon enough....

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Well...

I think the lack of blogging over the last month pretty much sums up how busy I've been.

I'm glad to say work is settling and I feel like I'm finally making progress and finding my feet which has been a huge help to feeling more stable in general.

My weekends have been jam packed for the last few weeks which is brilliant but exhausting and I still feel like I need some downtime! I'll get round to it soon...

So three weekends ago I stayed in Nottingham to Mrs P's birthday celebrations.  It was great to meet up with the old gang in some of our old haunts though it's safe to say Rock City isn't at all what it once was... and even then it was average!

The following weekend was my first ever trip to the Formula One Belgian Grand Prix. Scratch that... my first ever GP! Becko and I had a fantastic time in Brussels and despite the dodgy weather which included torrential downpours AND sunburn, even Becko was converted into a newbie motorsport fan. I took lots of photo's with both camera phone and my trusty old digital SLR so it was nice to get a good blend of both in Brussels and our day trip to Brugge.  I wish I'd blogged nearer my return home to regale readers with the funny little stories, jazzed up with photographs but it seems so long ago now it seems a bit redundant!! Needless to say it was a brilliant trip and I was so glad to share it with one of my very best friends. :-)

Last weekend was spent throwing what turned out to be a slightly smaller scale party than we initially anticipated- however we went all out on the Hawaiian Theme decorations and a good night was had by all.  On the following day I finally got to look around the new library in Brum which I have to say is a beautifully constructed and designed building. It's definitely something for Brum folk to feel proud of. My trip was interjected with a visit to my favourite café Mount Fuji where my favourite bento box hit the spot as usual.

Yesterday I had my hair chopped off and spent an absolute fortune on baby shower and 60th birthday gifts for a friend and my Mum.. which is what I have planned for the upcoming weekend.

Today I've been to Rockingham Motor Speedway to watch British Touring Car Championship with my sister and her bloke.  It was the first one we've been to this year which didn't require raincoats and umbrella's at some point... amazingly it was fine and dry and even more amazingly I haven't got sunburned!!!! :-D MEGA bonus! Again, I have more piccies and have eaten my weight in sarnies, picnic food and the obligatory motor racing delicacy - Tea and doughnuts! Perrfect.

Things are good... busy and good.  Upcoming I have dates to arrange, a Halloween party to plan, Mum's 60th, attending my first ever baby shower (not comfortable with this) and in a few weeks time... Silverstone for my final BTCC event of the year! I also want to squeeze in a sedgway rally and another hill walk too at some point. :-)

YOWZER.

Buckle Up.

What. A. Week.

Monday was my first day in my new job.  Talk about being thrown in at the deep end.  As is typical of my organisation I literally rocked up on my first day, nervous as hell and was handed some numbers and told to pretty much get on with it.  Fortunately there is another girl doing the same role who was equally as bewildered as I was.  When I was taken to my first meeting on Monday afternoon expecting to have prepared a report and be able to deliver it to the meeting, I pretty much felt like I'd made a massive mistake in leaving the comfort  and familiarity of my old team.  As it turned out, there had been a cock up and the meeting was actually scheduled for that morning so I managed to escape certain embarrassment by delivering to a meeting that I had NO idea about. 

Tuesday got worse, and I winded up emailing the Sgt who was overseeing the roll out of our jobs to different sectors to complain that we had effectively been left to do a job without any training or preparation.  It fell on deaf ears, and Tuesday night I got home and cried, wanting to re-apply for my old job.

However, I think the breakdown did me good and cleared my head a little.  Wednesday saw a slight improvement as I embraced the uncertainty and focussed on the good points of the role which include actually having just one job to focus on.  On Thursday I delivered to my first conference and the feedback was that I sounded professional and precise which was amazing considering how nervous I felt. 

I feel better about it... I think it will improve as I settle and feel more comfortable in the role.  I need a few more meetings under my belt to get me used to the way they work.  I know at some point there is going to be a confrontation due to the sensitive nature of the meeting, so that will be a new and challenging aspect to the role that I haven't experienced yet.  Can't say I'm looking forward to that aspect but it's part and parcel of the work and can only improve the skills I already have. 

The new job has been the sandwich filling nestled firmly between two large, soft and wonderfully tasty slices of awesomeness this week.  On Monday night I went to see Extreme, straight after work, and having had ZERO sleep.  Rock. AND. Roll.  Extreme's 90's hair metal classic album Pornograffiti is one of the albums of my childhood- and yes I am aware how inappropriate that sounds - however the music itself is amazing, cheesy as hell, but amazing-feel-good cheese which warms my soul.  I know every detail of the album inside out and one of my memories of it is playing it at my 7/8th birthday party much to the bemusement of my7/8 year old, flowery dress-adourned party invitees.  Awesome.  They were aging, but brilliant.  As a 25th anniversary tour of the album, they played the FULL thing in its entirety.  Nuno still looks FIT AS, despite approaching 50.  Brilliant, I honestly haven't felt as happy as I did when I was singing away to "Hole Hearted" and I pretty much think I was mesmerised at one point by Nuno's solo- skills. Unbelieveble.  And he makes it look so easy.

At the other end of the week - Friday night I went to see The Penguin Café Orchestra which again, is another childhood musical experience.  The music reminds me of my Dad, and brings back so many cherished and happy memories of sitting as a family in the lounge, chatting, laughing and listening to the music all together.  The concert was at The Lichfield Cathedral which couldn't have been a more acoustically perfect setting for the music.  It sounded beautiful and just made my soul feel content and relaxed and happy.  I'd seen them once before, and possibly preferred their first offering in terms of content, however I love how the guy who now runs the orchestra is the son of the original founding member, and he recalls how the music relates to his childhood from the time when I too remember first hearing it all.  The parallels are as wonderfully fitting to me as the music is to it's own individual themes and concepts. 

After such an emotionally charged and stressful week I've taken this weekend off any sculpture projects to recharge my batteries.  Saturday was spent catching up with my two besties, N and Markuus, at the Fuse festival in Lichfield which consisted of sitting in a field drinking strawberry cider in the sunshine and listening to a number of acoustic sets and some good old fashioned sea shanties.

Today I've come to Nottingham to see family as I've spent so many of the last few weekends working on sculptures and commissions that I've not seen my Grandparents in months.  Time is precious, and so I've ensured today is spent in their company.  A roast is being prepared, and I look forward to spending an hour or two round the dinner table listening to my Grandad recount old stories and tales from his past, many of which I've heard before... but that I love hearing again and again nonetheless.

:-) Happy.

Closing Time.

Well, I just finished my last day at work.  I've been dreading it to be honest.  Since my job was confirmed I've actually found it really hard to get excited about my new post- mainly because the reality of leaving my team, my friends, my family for the last three years, was just really quite painful.  Not a day has passed when I haven't laughed myself into oblivion at work, and I really will miss that the most.  I've genuinely not wanted to leave and I've even questioned if I've made the right move because of how much I've enjoyed my time there.  However, I need to remember the reasons I went for this, there were plenty of days I felt stressed and tired, and there's very limited room for growth in that post.  I'd mastered what I could and simply wasn't getting paid anything near enough for the time and energy I gave the role. 

I will miss my team so much but I'm well aware that having moved teams twice in the past, the mini heartache won't last long.  I shed a few tears today, as did a few others.

I had a lovely send off despite my Gaffa and Sarge not being around for it.  I had a nice little collection of pressies including a lovely necklace (below), Good Luck balloon, champers, bottle of Jack, choccies and a choc orange, plus a little bit of drinking money.

As sad as today has been, I actually feel better about the prospect of my new job now that the tears have passed.  I feel more ready and like I can actually focus on my new opportunity.  The commute will suck ass, and the banter *may* not be quite the depraved, debauched hilarity of the OMU, but I am sure my new team will become my new family and if they don't ... well then I can keep moving forwards.

Onwards and Upwards.  Bring on the new challenge...

Slumps.

I seem to lumber from one mound of stress to another these days!  I seem to have just come out of my last slump which I think I put mainly down to being ill for about two weeks.  I just felt rubbish... low, ugly, not confident, not myself, ill, tired, achey, tired of being ill and fed up of feeling lonely and inadequate and generally all round shit.  I like the warmer weather but I hate the insecurities it brings with my figure and ghostly white skin. However I'm starting to feel better despite pretty sad and anxious at leaving my lovely team in a weeks time and starting my new job. 

It's just speeding round now.  I'm gutted, genuinely gutted, to be leaving my team.  No more banter or crying from laughter... exchanging it for an hour long, traffic ridden commute and a serious albeit important and challenging job.  I'll embrace it, but I still incredibly sad and nervous about the whole situation.  Things are changing though in my current department and as such it will help that the office I'm leaving behind won't remain the same for long.  It won't be the office I know and love anyway, so that's something.

My sculpty commissions have been continuing to roll in.  I've completed two this month and have just started a third.  I have another two lined up after that to keep me occupied for another month. :)

I don't think I have much more in the way of news until I start my new job.  I'll have to make my leaving drinks pretty special and I might just buy myself a new dress for it. :)

BOOM II

Well... after another loooooooooong week... I got the call.  After waiting anxiously all day I got the news I had been waiting for.  I got the job! :-) I have no location yet but FINALLY I am going to be getting paid a decent amount and have a new role, a new challenge which uses my skills and all the knowledge I've built up. I am so chuffed. I will be gutted to leave such a great team of people; they've become my little family over the last two years and I'll miss the banter and laughs so much. BUT, it's got to happen sooner or later; things could have changed beyond my control anyway so at least this way I am leaving on MY terms to a promotion that I want and have worked for. It's a new challenge and a completely new role for the force so it's an exciting opportunity.

I am so pleased.  This week I've just got to keep my fingers crossed that my postings location is one that I've preferenced and get my leaving date confirmed, then it's all signed, sealed and delivered. Boom indeed.

It meant I could actually, properly relax this weekend and enjoy three days of chilling despite the rain.  I've had drinks, movies, good food and caught up with some chums. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

I also got to spend a few minutes on Sunday night watching my little niece open her presents on her second birthday. She said hello and smiled and waved at me.. then she opened her presents and seemed to take an interest in the bilingual books I had got her.  She can say a few English words now- Apple, Ball, T-Shirt and an interesting take on the word Thank you... but it was so precious to see her starting to use vocabulary in two languages the clever little monkey. I really hope I can get to see her next year. I need to get saving!

Smiles all round this weekend.  I've managed to catch up on some sleep and have started having some weird dreams lately about problems with my body, and then one last night about Pirates!

I feel really proud of myself - not something I say all that often - but I am.

Happy, happy times. :-)

Storm.

I feel good.

What a beautifully, refreshing day of laziness I've had.

It's been warm... the sun has tried to nudge it's way through the clouds. It's close, humid, like there is a storm bubbling... or maybe that's residual energy from last night's bizarre conversations.

I had an apology yesterday. 

Unexpected and out of the blue. 

This has happened twice to me in the last two years... the former was perhaps more necessary than the latter... but at least it came. It's small... sometimes a bit insignificant but it helps to know that I'm not completely crazy and people are capable of self awareness.

I've surprised myself by accepting both.  I can be pretty hateful when hurt.  Time passes and you realise you are better off anyway, but an apology is still welcome from some.

I wish these people well- genuinely- despite them playing no further part in my life.

People are in your past for a reason. 

More so if you're a lying, manipulative, egotistical, illogical, unapologetic c*nt who deserves nothing but disdain.  Your word dear- it is, I must say, perfect.  May it echo in your shallow brain for eternity. I wish you nothing. You deserve it;  Fucking people about, lying wherever you go and being proud of it... you have bigger problems than you will ever realise.  Good luck to whoever you're currently conning into believing you're a decent human being.  Undoubtedly the most regrettable person I have ever trusted and thought I knew... I still remain shocked at just how incredibly wrong I was.  Almost a year since we spoke... a letter that will never get read... will now burn.

What goes around comes around.

I am better, stronger, sharper, greater.  I am in a good place right now.  Refreshed after an intense, stressy month all I needed was one day to catch up on sleep, rest my head and focus. An apology from someone who means little to me now, but still cared enough to say it.  Closure.

Good things are happening for me... changes are coming... and I am excited...

Flop.

Aaaannd relax.

Three weeks.  THREE. WEEKS. of interviews is finally over.  Interview 3 went... ok.  After the last debacle I am finding it hard to judge.  But it was neither great nor terrible.  The weeks of prep work, studying, reading reams and reams of documents, guidance, policies and revising various law acts went COMPLETELY to waste as I wasn't asked ONCE what I did to prepare!!! Gutted.  Since I got out I've grown more and more aware of all the missed opportunities that I could have weaved all that prep work into my answers and pushed my hard work more... but really it would have been taking it all off track and not kept my answers focussed on the question... ugh it's hard. 

Either way, it's over now and all I can do is sit and wait. No actually... sit and RELAX and wait.

The last seven weeks have been ridiculous. Four of them running the office by myself, the latter three being taken up with interviews and squeezing in a cake topper for good measure. Stressy. But it's all over... this weekend I have FOUR days off with no interview prep, no cake topper to finish... it's ALL me time and I intend to enjoy EVERY minute of it.  I can also get back into the gym which I've been neglecting lately and man I can really tell.

To make it even more immense... Sunday is NINE INCH NAILS time. Holy. Shit.

BOOM!

Yikes. Where to start?!

Friday couldn't come soon enough last week; the week seemed to go on forever after my first okay interview and the one from hell... I just wanted the three day weekend to come so I could relax... well kindof.

I pretty much wished most of Friday away hoping that the phonecall turning me down for the job position was over quickly so I could forget about it over the weekend.  I had already made up my mind about the first job and was prepared to turn it down on the basis that it was (wrongly) less money.  The second one, I just wanted to get the dreaded feedback and forget the whole thing.

What I wasn't expecting as my phone conveniently rang as I parked up at Sainsbugs on my way home on Friday, was for them to offer me the job!??! This was met by .... "er what?" as I tried to compute how they could possibly have cruelly got the wrong phone number to call for the job offer?! I've avoided even posting about it because the whole experience was just awful... consisting of analysing a case study for ten minutes, then getting an hour to produce a presentation and then present it to the interview panel in ten minutes.  This was immediately followed by 5/6 challenging interview questions.  I was a bit overwhelmed with the case study; ten minutes not being long enough for me to process the pages of intell logs, crime reports and offender profiles.  I managed to string some semblance of an inference together with some recommendations but my presentation wasn't slick or structured and I rushed through it with minutes to spare. The mess up through me and I felt flustered through the interview in which I stupidly managed to end up discussing my main weakness in relation to the post (!? I mean really?! ) before finally leaving knowing I had been completely out of my depth. It was awful.

Clearly they disagreed! I was absolutely stunned and remain pretty puzzled as to how on EARTH I got offered it. I'd told everyone who asked during the week that unless no one else showed up I had ZERO chance at the job! The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had one more interview pending... the one I really want- Job C.

On Friday, I also got confirmation that I had passed the paper sift and would be given an interview date in the next couple of weeks. I've had to inform Job B about Job C, and he's kindly waiting until I get a date for the interview.  I just hope it isn't AAGES away as I don't want to keep them waiting too long for an answer.

Fingers crossed... and hopefully I can avoid any further magpies for this upcoming interview.  But, at least, if I don't get it, I have a really good job offer as a back up plan with a slightly smaller pay increase, but lots of potential and intrigue all the same. Big smiles.

I kept my good news quiet for that evening, as it was my Dad's birthday meal and I didn't want to detract from his birthday outing.  We went to a newly refurbished restaurant nearby called the Trooper which specialised in Longhorn Steaks. I opted for scallops and a tasty sea bass but the highlight was the dessert... My sister and I shared a chocolate stuffed crust pizza with a berry compote and hot chocolate sauce topping with melted marshmallows.  The tension built as we watched it get prepared and put into the Roman stone oven and I held my camera phone in anticipation of it arriving before us on the table.  Sadly, it lacked on visual presentation looking like a large, ugly cowpat but OH MY FREAKIN GOD the taste was IMMENSE.  It was by the far the most amazing pudding I have tasted in some time and I KNOW my puddings.  It was just delicious; oozing with warm, smooth, chocolate sauce and a light chocolate pizza dough base.  Perfection.

Saturday was spent sculpting; eagerly trying to finish my latest commission before my deadline next weekend.  Problems hit left, right and centre as I had major stability problems with both figures which I've only partially fixed.  I'm not happy with the arms either, struggling to fit the two together properly and having to bodge the arms a little bit at the back. These are all things that I need to resolve next weekend.

Sunday; N, Becko and her partner E, set off for a day hiking in the Peaks.  With perfect walking conditions (not too hot, but dry and overcast) we climbed three very steep hills; the challenge being getting down most of them rather than getting up! One was particularly steep on the slope down, with any semblance of gravelly pathways just turning to loose, marbles under your feet.  It was easier to grip on to the grass and just slowly edge your way down on all fours.  We were out from about 11.30 to 4.30 walking, exploring and absorbing the sights.  I got some brilliant photographs which probably still don't do justice to the views or the height.

A truly perfect day, aside from some annoying and uncomfortable tummy cramps. A day of fresh air, energy bars, leg muscles, landscapes and scrambling up and down steep slopes and across sweeping green fields.  Needless to say I slept like a baby that night!

Bank Holiday Monday was a slightly less energetic affair with me spending most of the day reading up on some interview prep documents, a bit of sculpting and washing little Franko.  Not very exciting I think you will agree, but all necessary tasks!

So with my weeks at my current job looking numbered, I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can.  Changes are coming... big ones... and all for the good.  :)

Now if I could just get rid of those magpies...

Fail.

Today was a day I would rather forget.

Interview 2 was awful. Just awful.

Easter Weekend.

After finding out on Thursday that I had managed to get two interviews for two out of the three job applications I'd submitted, I broke up for the bank holiday weekend with a mix of excitement and mild panic that I wouldn't have time to prepare for my first one which was scheduled for Wednesday (today!).

However, the weekend was upon me, and after spending Friday catching up with chores and making some preparation notes, Saturday brought far more interesting times.  It was my first BTCC weekend of the season, with the tournament coming to Donington Park.

It will always remain "my" track, my local, my home from home and somewhere I simply love to be. 

Saturday was mainly dry and we found a good seating area on some rock formed steps down at the bottom of Craner curves.  We stocked up on doughnuts and hot drinks from the obligatory vans as we watched qualifying rounds for all the formulas who would be racing the following day.

It was so good to be back there again; the familiar sights sounds and smells seeping back under my skin. 

It was a bit cold and windy at times and I left swearing that on our return the following day I would layer up!

We left early in order to get back in time for my little sister V's birthday meal.  The family gathered at Miller and Carter for a slap up tasty steak meal.  I sadly couldn't manage a starter, main AND pudding so I opted for a rather tasty After Eight mint cocktail as my desert. DEEELISH.

On Sunday morning, we set off early for another day's racing.  I went fully prepared with two vest tops, two jumpers, a fleece and my H2NO rain coat. It was a good job because the mother of all downpours occurred as soon as we got out the car.  Along with another 100 racing fans we all tried to squeeze into the diner café and under the big parasols outside to stay out of the wet.  Our hopes of a comfortable days racing faded as it got heavier and heavier.  We wouldn't be leaving early today, and as we had tickets for the BTCC After Party! So staying dry was a priority! Fortunately we managed to stay dry during the downpour and once it trailed off, we drifted down to find a suitable perch for the days races.  Showers came and went throughout the day, but this lead to some pretty interesting and action packed races! :-) We had a second downpour in the afternoon, which V and I just hunkered down on our rock step seats and covered ourselves in our brolly, managing to avoid a soaking.


My trusty waterproof held out and the best racing was at towards the end of the afternoon with some brilliant racing and manoeuvres. We moved away from our sheltered rock steps and headed to the first corner for the final race of the day, and it was well worth the wind and cold there.  V took some brilliant photographs of the action.

The best of the weekend was still to come as after the racing finished we headed straight to the BTCC After Party!

After a VERY disappointing turkey and stuffing bap from one of the vintage themed food vans, we took our place near the stage, sneaking into the VIP area at the request of the first band- Ferris.  They played an average set, but were pretty uninspiring.  Following them was Toploader who played a fairly decent set but the sound quality was awful.  There was NO vocal sound for the front of the stage, so while the rest of the music could be heard, the vocals sounded muffly like Peter Kay's DJ.  The band and sound guys were informed by two slightly crazy people stood next to me (more on these later) but the sound issue remained throughout the whole set.  They played the only two songs I actually knew which was Achilles Heel and Dancing In The Moonlight which is one of very few songs that actually incite physical repulsion and hatred in me.  It's an AWFUL song. On every level.  But I endured it... and all for the headline act... REEF.

I have loved Reef since my teens when they were big throughout the Britpop years and they TOTALLY lived up to expectation.  To my (and the crazy fans next to me's) relief the sound was fixed as Reef brought with them, their own sound engineer.  It turned out the crazy fans next to me were SO crazy that they knew the band.  I say knew, as in they have clearly stalked them from day one and appear at all of their gigs.  They'd already travelled from Southampton for this gig because it was the guitarist's last ever show. 

Reef were incredible.  After the previous two distinctly average bands, they completely took over the room.  Gary Stringer looked EXACTLY as he did from the early reef days and sounded amazing.  Being so close to the stage he smiled and crouched right in front of me for photographs; and just owned the stage like a pro. It was brilliant. I sang away to my hearts content, which Gary seemed to appreciate giving me a lovely big smile half way through Yer Old.  He's still fit as. Amazing.

I know it was amazing... as I am still thinking about it days later.  If that isn't a sign of a good gig I don't know what is.  Speaking of gigs... I haven't blogged about my big news yet.  *Mental Note to blog about that tomorrow *.

Monday was spent in the park doing some more interview prep before returning back to work on Tuesday.  My interview was today, and after spending a few days feeling completely under prepared I think it went okay.  It was a bit short, felt a bit rushed by the interviewers at times but I think this was because they had a lot of applicants to get through.  By and large it was okay... I don't think I've ever come out of an interview thinking I said EVERYTHING I needed to, but generally I think they got the message that I had the skills for the role, and they made some comments suggesting that I would be considered for a post. Time will tell.  I have another interview to prepare for next week so after a night off I'll get back on the studying. I've been back to the gym tonight for the first time in about two weeks due to me being ill and then busy and then lazy. Must get back on it!!! I'm also half way through a wedding topper commission which I need to finish in the next couple of weeks! eek... If only I had more hours in the day!

Brain Fry (day).

Well that was the longest four day week ever.  Busy as hell. Stress has taken it's toll (again) making me sick (again).  I've managed to pick up yet another cold which is wreaking yet more havoc on my lungs.  I've been unable to go to the gym, not that I've had much time anyway having been staying behind at work to make sure I get everything finished.  :(

A lot of the stress has been self induced- applying for three jobs at once and having to do three times the research/prep probably isn't the most sensible way of doing things, but you've got to jump head in sometimes.

I've got two interviews out of the three jobs I've applied for so far with one pending paper sift today.  Annoyingly, the job I really want is the one which is still being sifted, and I have two interviews in the meantime which I am now trying to prepare for. This means lots of school-type revision and reading up and the obligatory notecards! Ahh... takes me back to revising for exams.

So... It's Good Friday, and I am sat on my bed surrounded by papers detailing the finer points of NIM, 5x5x5 and a whoooole heap of policies and legislation which I don't understand properly;  But I have coloured pens and coloured note cards so with these tools I can combat the world!

I've done two wash loads, vacuumed and dusted my room and been to town to pick up some wrapping paper for my sisters birthday present today too so I am slowly ticking off my To Do list.  I have a brilliant weekend lined up- today being my chill day.  Tomorrow is my little baby sisters birthday so after a day out at Donington watching fast cars we're off out for a birthday meal for her.  Sunday we're back at Donington Park for more brilliant racing, then attending the after party in the evening! Monday will be spent doing more interview prepwork before returning to work on Tuesday to find four days worth of emails, enquiries and general crap to sort out! My first interview is Wed, with another the following Tuesday...

... EEK...

... But I am trying not to panic.  There is plenty of time, and I am a good candidate. I've just got to prove it.

Back to my note cards... though my mind keeps drifting to how I can achieve Honda themed nail polish for the racing tomorrow.  Haha!

Time Out.

I had another long weekend this weekend.

I like them.

Especially when I get to go on mini road trips to mystery locations!

This weekend I was taken up to Newcastle for a lovely stay in a nice secluded hotel, lots of good food in good restaurants, some fresh air, a walk to a waterfall, a walk along the beach, lots of photographs both SLR and phone, and just a general good chillax.  It was awesome and I loved every second of it.

Sadly it was only three nights and work has speedily brought me back down to earth with a bump.  With my colleague off sick I am SWAMPED, and I'm also completing three job applications which these days doesn't just span to filling out a form (which takes long enough in itself!) but having to undergo mini training sessions and application prep work with numerous other departments for a job you might not even get an interview for! I have meetings coming out my ears.  I am trying desperately to research three different postings and complete application forms for all three whilst completing my regular duties and that of my absent colleague (for which I am untrained and largely at a loss!).

In addition to this I have a deadline FAST approaching for my next wedding topper commission so I NEED to spend a weekend doing that.  I have created a secondary twitter account for my sculpting sideline which has so far been a success.  I'm trying (and failing) to keep in contact with buddies both locally and otherwise but currently feel stretched timewise and after just two days back I think I am ready to take another holiday! Luckily, we have some bank holidays approaching and they can't come soon enough!

It's just all happening at the moment, in a good way I guess, which means time FLIES by and pretty much seems to  take your money flying out the window with it! I have two outstanding bills, a holiday to pay for and the sorry looking dregs of an emptied out bank account after a busy month of too much partying and far too much "Work Hard, Play Hard".

Belong.

I've just caught up on a few weeks of blog-reading and thought it was probably time to update my own.

The truth being told- much has changed but I've avoided posting anything for some time for a few reasons: 1- I have been incredibly busy.  2- I had no internet access for a few weeks. 3- some issues I've had I felt best not to air in the public realm (aka- if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all).

I've moved into a flat with my friend and colleague H.  It's not quite home yet, pictures still need to be hung.  If I'm honest it all feels very temporary. But I think everything does now.  Everything.

It's Christmas and I've been very disorganised this year.  Moving in at the start of November proved very expensive so I think Christmas has been somewhat tainted by a general worry about money this year.  The last few weeks have been busy. Both at work and socially.... genuinely too much to list but it's been a blur of funerals, tears, too much drink, too much work, stress and laughs.  I'm writing this hours before my fourth and final Christmas work do this year. I'm not sure my feet or my liver can cope with many more!

I'm still going to the gym albeit the last few weeks have been hard to find time to fit anything worth while in.  Slacking.

I generally feel very tired.. I'm always tired these days.  I don't work long hours like others but I give 110% to a job where I get paid averagely for the effort I put in.  My priority next year is to get a new job and possibly outside of the Force so I don't have to be quite so worried about being made redundant every few months. In addition to work stress, I don't sleep well.  I have two Zopiclone on ration for when I really REALLY need to sleep but generally I think I've gotten used to feeling semi tired on a daily basis.

I'm struggling with Christmas this year.  It seems to have lost its meaning, like many things have to be honest. Recent events have put certain things in perspective and I am lucky to have my health, my family and a sprinkling of friends who genuinely care, however all this is clouded by a general feeling of not belonging anywhere.

This is the trouble with Christmas.  It's great if you're happy;  If you aren't it's like a giant microscope magnifying everything you're missing in full focus...

So you just smile and grab another drink.

No Dollar.

I have spent A LOT of money this weekend.  I've been out drinking on both Friday and Saturday, with a shopping trip sandwiched in the middle. 

I have however, now got a BEAUTIFUL dress for a friends wedding next weekend.  It cost me a lot but the dress is stunning- just hope I can do it justice! I have an Ashton-Friday (flexi day off work) this Friday so I will probably spend some of that teaming up my new dress with a suitable bag and shoes from my stash at home.  I also had to get some pressies for Mum for her birthday next week.

I haven't been to the gym in a week due to mother nature and straining my shoulder on some free-weights at home earlier in the week so I NEED to go to the gym tonight and smash it.  I think two nights out on the trot drinking has taken its toll on my weary body.  I feel pretty tired today so hopefully I'll knacker myself at the gym and sleep well tonight. 

I think I've just lost a commission so I can crack on with the next one I have lined up.  It should be quite a challenge as the pose is an interesting one.  It's of a Police dog handler and his dog, for a friend at work.  Looking forward to the challenge!

Rations until payday this month!

I don't like Mondays.

DAY. FROM. HELL.

Firstly I have a burnt face- this will be explained later.

There is NO let up at work at the moment.  It's so busy and I'm holding down the fort by myself. The stress is tempered slightly by the good laughs and chats of the office, I work with some great characters, but also it can be a hindrance when I need to concentrate.

I've had one of those nightmare days where I couldn't finish anything, the phones wouldn't stop, every enquiry was a total ball-ache, nothing was straight forward and time flew so fast I left feeling like I hadn't got anything done!

My loon of a chum cheered me up by making me laugh all the way home by following me in his car and beeping me most of the way, then threatening to lock me up for speeding. Oops.

I could MURDER a Jack and Coke right now. I was meant to be going to the Gym tonight but certain aspects of mother nature have prevented me from doing so (another highlight of my day!).  I will however be completing day two of my 30 day squat challenge.  I started yesterday with 50 squats and a 20 second plank.  Today I think it goes up to 70 with a 30 second plank.  I'll do that at home with some weights I think so I don't miss out too much.  I actually WANTED to go to the gym tonight, I feel like I need it after my stodgy weekend.

I had a fab weekend;  A nice chilled Saturday doing some unsuccessful online shopping for a dress for a wedding in two weeks followed by a trip to see The Lion King at the Hippodrome.  Sunday was spent at Donington Park Race Circuit watching the Superstars World Series which is mainly Italian drivers racing Ferrari's, Audi's and Chevvies.  It was nice to mill around and look at some sexy racing cars, but I managed to completely burn my face.  I currently look like a tomato. 

Because my colleague is off, I don't think I'm likely to get many days off work but I could really do with Friday off to relax.  However, any time I take off will only make my workload worse the following Monday. :-(

My day got instantly brighter, when I got home tonight to find my BRAND SPANKING NEW NINE INCH NAILS ALBUM- Hesitation Marks had arrived!!!!  .... a full blog post will be dedicated to this in due course.  Needless to say I have found my commuting music for this week and possibly the next month!!! :-) :-) :-)

Blow Out.

Bank holiday Monday has been and gone; the last one of the year until Christmas!

Despite being worried about getting approval from my client for the commission I managed to complete- I had a lovely bank holiday, whiling away a few hours with Markuuuus by the canal in Hopwas. 

I can barely believe my six days off work have been and gone! Here they are in bullet form:

Wed- Flight over to Belfast, EasyJet, annoying child on plane and a very angry, huffing-puffing butch lady.

Wed night- Nine Inch Nails gig in Charter House Square. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Thur- Titanic museum and flight back home.

Fri- Work on commission- it does NOT go well and I swear a lot.

Fri night- traditional Friday night drinks with H; scarily quiet for a bank holiday weekend. Cocktails are consumed. I pretend not to have noticed the incompetence of the barman as he spills half a daiquiri onto the bar in front of me. He looks mortified. I watch the TV above him to save him further embarrassment.

Sat- Work on commission. It goes better. Less swearing.  Good gym session despite nearly fainting at one point due to the heat.

Sun- Commission is completed. Email sent for approval. Nervous wait so car is washed, tea is eaten and a big session at the gym is undertaken.  I am buzzing... so much so that I return home and eat a bag of doritos and a slice of cheese cake.

Mon- Still hungry from the gym and fuelled by nerves from the lack of contact from my client, I meet Markuus for bank holiday drinks in Hopwas.  Beautiful day for it.  Sun, wasps, half a roast chicken with chips and an eton mess for dessert interspersed with drinks and a hot choc.  Bliss. Approval comes in the form of a lovely email from client. So once home, commission is baked, finished and boxed up for delivery.

Tue- Back to work to find no handover after 6 days, a chocka email account thanks to the bank holiday, a four hour meeting to prepare for and complete minutes for, hardly any staff, my colleague off work so I have to take on her work load also.  Stress.  Stress. Stress. 

That's it.  In a nutshell. It's just flown by! I fully expect that by the end of the week my head's going to explode. And its only my first day back.  :-(

Busy-ness.

Has it really been two weeks since I blogged? cripes.

It's been busy! Work is manic, with stress levels hitting new heights.  The good thing about the people I work with is that as stress levels rise, so does the sense of humour and mischievousness so we've had two weeks of intensely hard work flanked by points of hilarity, practical jokes and lots of laughs.  Too many laughs at points, with me getting told off for laughing too loud while a colleague was on the phone. 

I've been working hard at the gym and also went for a run with my chum H this week.  I was crap at it, having to run for short bursts and then walk in between.  Today, I've finally managed to do a set of six 8kg shoulder pressed weights which is a big achievement for me and a sure sign that my little spaghetti arms are getting much stronger.  I feel more toned and solid.

I've spent this weekend doing some sculpting, and I have to say despite the slow pace, I'm pretty pleased with the likeness I've achieved in the face of this commission.  It's been a really productive weekend- buzzing... and the best is yet to come.  I have a two day work week this week because....

... It's finally arrived.

This Wednesday, I will be watching Nine Inch Nails in an open air gig in Ireland.

Holy Fuck.

This is going to be... Epic.

Round Up!

Another busy weekend has flown by!

Last Friday was my boss' leaving do (due to having to take forced retirement thanks to the Government bringing in A19).  We started at a nearby pub straight after work, followed by a trip to the dogs.  I was mislead into purchasing my whole evening's worth of bets in one go and I put £2.00 per race on a Reverse Forecast.  This cost me £20, but since I'd chosen my two lucky numbers I thought I couldn't go wrong.  Shortly after the first race however, I discovered that Forecast meant the two I had chosen HAD to finish First AND Second.  I thought I only had to get one to win, so I pretty much thought my chances were screwed.

I was wrong.  I had TWO races where my lucky numbers finished first and second, winning £13 the first time and £14 the second; leaving with a profit of £7! Wooohoo!  My lucky numbers never let me down. :-)
Following this, and with many a drunk Officer in tow, we headed to another pub.  I was driving so I finally got home at 1.30am having dropped off two people including my boss. 

Saturday evening I hit the town with H, going to our local first of all and then heading into the city for cocktails at Marco Pierre Whites where we caught a cool breeze out on the terrace of The Cube.  It was a lovely view, watching the sunset over concrete-y Brum.  Unfortunately, as with many of these places, the only downside to the nice environment was the snotty, pathetic, bitchy crowd.  We later met up with N, his brother, his girlfriend and an old mate a bit later in the evening.  It was far too hot to stay in the Yardbird so we ended up outside.

Sunday I spent some time with the family, in particular my Grandparents who I haven't seen for a few months.  My Grandad's stories make me laugh, and I love how him and my Grandma still hold hands and have play fights.  I ended Sunday at the Gym where I'm trying to rebuild all the strength I lost when I had to take three weeks off from the Gym due to my Labyrinthitis/ Vertigo. To my amazement I was able to lift one of the higher freeweights which made my evening, however, I still have a long way to go to re-tone and re-build.  I'm cutting down so much on cardio, sticking to a bit of rowing or cycle just as a warm up exercise. 

I've just been given the go ahead for a new wedding cake topper commission so I need to get round to some preliminary sketches this weekend. 
I've lost my prescription sunglasses so I also need to take on the onerous, horrendous task of getting my eyes tested and new glasses.
I also had a really good write up from my supervisor as to my performance over the last year and have been given a bit more training in order to take the reigns on the departments website, so I'm chuffed with that too.
I'm also sleeping much better thanks to some handy ear plugs. This is massively helping my appetite and general mood

Things feel good. Busy... but good.

UK not OK.

A few weeks ago, I was going to write a blog post about perceptions of the Police Force in the UK Media.  I put it off- and feel like today is the perfect day to bring it back up again.

Over the last few years, having seen Policing from the inside out, I've taken more notice of media perceptions of the Police in this country.  In the last 18 months there has been an outpouring of anti-police messages from the media ranging from tory-based newspaper articles, to TV programmes.  The papers are quick to pounce on a story highlighting inadequacies, incompetence and the chance to ridicule a police force- but there was little praise for the Police officers who leapt into action when the Riots took off in August 2011.  Not a word from the home secretary or Cameron to thank them for their hard work. 

Specifically, a BBC made programme called Mayday made a mockery of the UK police service showing incompetent police civilian staff and bumbling police officers, not to mention the actual murderer was a police man.  This isn't the first time, but is the freshest in my memory.  An ITV series, about to finish on prime time TV, called Broadchurch also shows a struggling police investigation with staff mostly painted out as demotivated, miserable workers who are feeling around in the dark. 

None of the above is an accurate portrait of UK Policing. None of it is justified or fair and I believe it is a deliberate attempt to rouse a general distrust from the public for British Policing and de-sensitise the public to  the damage being done to the Police Force by the Tory Government.

In stark contrast, in the US, Police Officers are respected and praised.  They are celebrated in US cop shows- CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Hawaii 50, NYPD Blue all show clever, dynamic and vibrant policing where the officers are given an almost hero status.  On the day that US police captured their bombing suspect- celebratory tweets, thanks and praise flooded in for the police operation and officers involved. Boston Police's now famous "CAPTURED" tweet was re-tweeted around the world in seconds; Fellow American Facebook users posted "Thanks to our Forces" pictures, words like Justice where being used just for the police arresting a man who is still by all accounts just s a suspect!;  even the anti-police BBC ran a full headline story about the policing operation. 

Whilst I am aware there are changes that should be made to British Policing, our force does NOT deserve the daily onslaught of degrading news articles and TV representation. There is good policing going on, unheard, unseen; it's because of Officer and Staff hard work without fanfare or reward, that communities are kept safe from harm for the most part unaware of some of the dangers they may otherwise face. 
It's not the British way to celebrate and praise- but a bit of pride, respect and recognition from the media would be nice.  I don't think for a minute that the general public has as much disregard for the Police as the Media clearly does, but it still has an impact on community perception, especially when the Police is undergoing such huge financial strain.

Policing needs the backing and support of the communities it protects.  The media would do well to remember that.