Flop.

Last year was a good year for Feminism... it felt energised and focussed and seemed to be raising some really interesting and good debates.  This year however, I feel it is losing that focus and along with it a great big heap of respect.

I think the turn around came with the campaigners getting duped by the Sun.  Since then, they seem to have gone on silly rampages which are damaging their reputation and also damaging any meaningful work they may have already done.

The first of these silly attacks came on the film Fifty Shades of Grey.  I'd have appreciated a campaign here on repetitive, poorly written books with slightly dodgy storylines... however some feminists decided to launch an attach on this film saying it advocated Domestic Violence.  Now, working in the department dealing with this topic for a year now I can honestly say this does NOT equate to Domestic Violence.  I'm partially hoping that SOME of them have actually read the book and have hugely misinterpreted the book due to it being so SHIT, but you have to be slightly stupid to miss the key word in the whole thing... being CONSENT.  The woman in the book/film CONSENTS to being hit. Sadism is not the same as domestic violence and never will be.  Get it right.  ANY feminist having an issue with this has got it wrong and would be far better campaigning against REAL, GENUINE domestic violence occurring daily with men and women as victims and perpetrators; there is enough of it going on.  Leave the shoddy house-wife porn alone and focus on an actual problem.

Last week I saw a tweet by Danny Wallace who I find absolutely hilarious, being lambasted by another misguided feminist who took offence to one of his posts.  The post itself was sarcastic and if you know his humour, you know exactly how it was intended, however this person jumped all over it for all the wrong reasons and just made a total mockery of everything she probably stood for, most of which people like Danny Wallace probably bloody AGREE with!

Now they've jumped on the Beach Body campaign... which yes... is tiresome and boring and old... a woman's body has been used for advertising... yes. Don't the company have plenty of male bodies used in adverts too? Highly likely... because it IS a body product about weight loss... just like any gym is also focussed on body image.  Forget the ad, and focus on campaigns like the "This Girl Can" campaign... PROMOTE the good ones. ENDORSE positive body image campaigns instead of an ever-so slightly misjudged targeting of any naked flesh. 

It's frustrating.  It's annoying.  Because there will now be a huge backlash every time there is an intent to raise what is probably a valid point and decent debate.  It's infuriating because of how long it has been for there to be ANY serious feminists making any changes.  Last year saw huge progress and the good kind of waves that were needed to bring down shit like NUTS and ZOO.  And now, I feel like it's all been wasted and the energy is less focused and is spiraling in the wrong directions. It's causing a nasty backlash which I know is part of the fight, but on the above two situations, I haven't been able to defend the cause AT ALL because by and large, I just don't think they're an issue. Or rather, there are FAR FAR greater things that could be being achieved.

I hope every feminist group out there takes some time to move passed the bad PR, re-group and start addressing some genuine concerns and make some good, positive changes to turn this around before it becomes borderline difficult for women (and men) to declare they are feminists once again.

Rat.

 

My gut instinct deserves a medal.  My heart, not so much.

 

Liars always get caught out by their own games and lies eventually... but you've not seen the depths of evil manipulation and desperation until you've seen someone fake a whole friendship in order to get laid for a few weeks while it waits for it's soulmate to leave someone so they can settle into a pitiful little life of shallow, emotionally-dead existence.  

 

I welcomed you back; I offered you more care, love, respect and trust than you ever will deserve and you laughed behind my back, insulted my intelligence and padded out the lies, while your pathetic agenda fell into place.

 

You are no man.  You are the ugliest, smallest, weakest, most worthless, cowardly and evil person I have ever met.

 

I hope the guilt eats away at you for the rest of your miserable life.

 

I hope she breaks you. 

 

Take Down.

It's been an interesting week for Feminism.... We've seen the downfall of Dapper Laughs: a sexist dickhead with a childish humour and dangerously disturbing attitude towards women who was successfully taken down by the fabulous OBJECT campaign #takedowndapperlaughs, which saw ITV2 cave to pressure and pull the show from their line-up.  The question remains what utter loser pitched this up as a good comedy offering in the first place?

Prior to this was my introduction to this sick twat - Julien BLANC who appears to be a big fan of sexually assaulting and degrading women and by all accounts appears to be able to get audiences of naïve men or disgusting pigs to hear him talk about it. 

And then there's yet another rapist footballer being given his job back despite public outcry.  Jessica Ennis is among some celebrities who have stated they wish to be removed from their publicity books and have the chair named after them removed from the site if he is re-signed.  It's not uncommon for sex offenders running around on a football pitch but again, reassuringly this time more people seem to be irritated by the concept. 

The positives are that these vile, misogynistic, dickheads are being brought to light in the media and largely ridiculed for their particular brand of hideous, obscene sexism, violence and hatred.  There were even reassuring calls from some to ban him BLANC from entering the UK just as any terrorist preaching hatred would.  I see no reason to treat him any differently. 

In stark contrast, Pussy Riot are currently visiting the UK upholding the banner for not only women but proving that bravery, strength and honesty can't be beaten down.

Clepto-ghost.

The following post will be so full of expletives I have actually decided to edit them out.  Apologies.

And no this is not about that irritating person mentioned in the post below.  It is more about the post before that about Money.

So.  I haven't had my glasses for the last week. I've been thinking they were sat on my desk at work and that when I can be bothered I'll go pick them up.  My glasses however are not at work, as I confirmed today.  My glasses would appear to have vanished off the face of the ******* earth. 

My glasses; the ones I spent over SIX WEEKS searching for; the ones I have had for SIX years over TWO prescriptions.  Why two prescriptions?! Because THEY (glasses designers) do not make glasses for people with small faces.  This is THE ONLY pair of glasses I have ever found which suits my small face and as such I've kept them for the last two prescriptions and got them re-lensed each time.  I don't love these glasses, they are a necessity, but now I have somehow lost them, I miss them as I know I will NOT find another pair that suit me as well.

And I've gone and ******* lost them.  I have the ****** glasses CASE but not my glasses leaving me absolutely ******* bewildered as to where the HELL they are. 

What makes this worse is that I have recently blogged about having NO money. What little savings I do have are the only tiny little security blanket I have when my flatmate H decides to move out and live with her bloke.  I have been contemplating using some of my savings to see my brother and niece in Japan next year.. but now I have to use them to buy some ******* new glasses that I wouldn't have needed if I hadn't lost them. Adding to the immense ANNOYANCE of this is the fact that I have a driving course in two weeks, which I will fail if I don't have my glasses!! ;-(

I cannot explain how much I HATE losing things.  I've actually had a mini breakdown this evening as it dawned on me that  I am now going to spend at least £300 on new glasses.  What's worse is I can't find my ******* prescription.  So make that £320 for another ******* eye test too.

MORE frustrating is that I am CONVINCED things are going missing from my room.  A few weeks ago a mirror which I use daily when straightening my hair, has gone missing.  It ALWAYS sits in the same place and rarely gets moved. One day I was using it, the next... it just wasn't there.  I have looked EVERYWHERE for it in my room and it just ******vanished.  And now my glasses have done the same. Unless I have some sort of early onset dementia I am putting this down to a ghost.  If it was dementia, surely I would find these things somewhere... they'd be in the freezer or a cupboard or something? But no... they are literally NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.  I have turned my room upside down looking for these things and they are NOT in there.  I've searched the kitchen, bathroom, lounge, under the sofa seat cushions.  I've searched all bags, pockets, coats, jeans... they are ****** gone.  This thieving ghost just needs to quit and give me all my stuff back before I lose my mind completely.

It's just. Freakin. Ridiculous.

Maybe I'm losing my mind.  This has just really come at the worst possible time.  And maybe I'm making a mountain out of something that really really doesn't sound like a drama.  But hey, **** you, YOU pay for them then.

*grumpiness continues*

Irritation.

We all know them. Those occasional, thankfully infrequent liaisons with people who put simply, irritate the fuck out of you.

I've met one.

There are people who I like, and hit it off with immediately. There are people who I know I'll not get on with; and those who I neither care about either way. There are have even been people who take an immediate dislike to me and more often than not I can't care less about them. However, every now and then, you meet one who just really, really, completely irritates the HELL out of you.

I repeat... I've met one.

This person, I will call Y. I have rarely come across someone who has irritated me quite as much as this person does; and it's been right from the SECOND she first opened her mouth. I can't even explain most of it. It's just a totally irrational, entirely unpleasant personification of nails on a chalk board.  I have a few issues with the way this person behaves, talks... and after this week breathes. 

I first experienced this person on the telephone when she phoned the wrong department to enquire about the job vacancy.  After me repeating about five times that she'd come through to the wrong department, after fifteen minutes she took a breath and enabled me to actually transfer her to my friend Dave, who is now her mentor.  My second encounter with her just brought back awful flashbacks of the phonecall; heightened by her smug little face as she twittered on about how she now had a three minute drive to work... to MY preferred job location, while I'd been given an hours commute because I haven't popped out children.  My contact with her has been limited, thankfully, as I then found out this shrill, being is paid about 5k more than everyone else to do the same job.  This has added to my annoyance. 

I now find myself on WEEK LONG training course with Y.  It's Tuesday... and I'm already finding myself digging my nails into the side of my seat on the NUMEROUS occasions she feels it necessary to open her gob and tell another long winded, excruciatingly, mundane story about things the WHOLE room already knows and experiences on a daily basis.  

This person should be a primary school teacher.  She talks like one.  To everyone;  And in a Black country, sing song, nursery rhyme accent that makes me want to smash up the room in some vain effort to get her to just PLEASE. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.  I genuinely don't think that would work.  I could smash every single chair through every single window and turn around to still find her twittering away. 

I can't help the eye rolling, the jaw clenching, the whole body tensing and slow intake of breath every time she speaks.  She speaks... TOO MUCH... and FAR FAR too often.  I'm not the only one to notice either.  I am often told I am too expressive; that is that I can't hide my emotions.  They're usually written all over my face and I have limited control over this.  Today she challenged something I was saying and she basically provoked me into challenging her back and making her look like a total knob in front of the whole course.  I had too.  For the sake of my own sanity I had to correct her, if only just to shut her the fuck up. 

I somehow have to get through another three days of this.  Frighteningly the course involves group work and I live in fear of being told I have to work with her.  I fear my head will actually explode if I have to endure that hellish prospect.

I'm not a nasty person.  I'm not.  However I am sensitive, and therefore easily irritated as you may have discovered from my posts about Misophonia last year. This woman, is the human equivalent of that never ceasing nose whistle, the all-night snore, the endless, slushy, chomp chomp chomp of food between salivating teeth and jaws. 

Friday can NOT come soon enough....

Letter to Friend Z.

Wow.

What a total bitch you turned out to be.

I am mostly- unsurprised.

Unsurprised that a drama-seeking, attention-loving, desperate, weak and completely self-absorbed, walking victim like you has reacted to the news that- hey, you're a fuck up.

We all are. Thing is we all just deal with it. 

I've been there, selflessly, for you for years.  In the ten years I have known you to be all the things I've mentioned above, I looked past it for one reason- friendship. I stuck up for you, spend fuck knows how many hours listening to your never-ending problems; it's only been in the last couple of years as I've watched you continuously CHOOSE drama, anguish and problems over being strong, independent and stable that my patience has worn thin.  Mistakes I can forgive, but only once.  After that, they cease to be mistakes and become INFORMED CHOICES.  And still, even then, I have listened with failing words of "advice" and comfort... running out of patience, energy and words. Until this.  And now, to have it thrown back in my face without a second thought (why would you being inherently selfish?) and to be labelled as much of an evil force in your life as your cheating ex- is quite frankly, laughable.

I am unsurprised that you couldn't handle the criticism when you can't even handle a day at work where a child has cried. Big fucking deal. 

I am unsurprised that you got defensive because deep down you know there is some truth to my words.

I am unsurprised you lack the mental capacity to think of anything but yourself because that is what I have become accustomed to in a one sided friendship where I have become more of a counsellor.

I haven't lost anything.  I haven't lost a friend I could count on as you were frequently too busy to give a fuck about anyone just because you had to put in an 8 hour day every now and then.  I haven't lost someone who cares about the last 12 months of my own life.  I've "lost" someone who admitted to feeling glad when I split up with N because you had someone to share in your own misery.  What a fucked up little bubble of shit you live in. 

I feel a weight has lifted.  And now I hear you have been bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. It's quite frankly pathetic but I understand why you're being as bitchy as you are.  Because you're not used to strong people telling you the truth.  I am stronger than you will ever be and as such I close the door behind your little strop and say "good riddance". 

I have lost nothing.

Enjoy wallowing in misery and drama for eternity; I no longer have time or energy for it and I no longer give a fuck about anyone who wouldn't do the same for me.

S

Fed the **** Up.

You can tell the weather has turned.  I never do well in September.  It's always been a difficult month for me for many reasons, and this year is no exception.

This week I just feel Fed Up.  Thoroughly.  Fed up of people, of work, of getting screwed over, of selfish people, of people so fucking caught up in their own shit that all I want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up.  Fed up of work, fed up of my colleague being off work, fed up of being on my own, fed up of not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I still find time to laugh every day- don't get me wrong, but I'm tired and all I want to do right now is get away.  Far away.  Somewhere safe, quiet and where I know I'm going to be okay, to just sleep a while and block it all out. Preferably in the arms of someone who genuinely gives a shit about me. 

Ugh.  That's it.

Normal slinky service will resume in 24 hours. Or maybe the weekend.

Invader.

So there I was... casually walking into my room, seeing my bright red, every-day handbag on the bedroom floor, reaching in side to get out my purse.  I opened up my purse and held it in front of me to look for my card, still bending down to place it back in my bag afterwards, when something caught my eye... something out of the ordinary was sitting in my bag.  And then my brain kicked in... my eyes focused in on a spider, sitting in my bag. 

Obviously, I threw my freakin purse and fell backwards.

A few moments of shock passed, and I returned to look in my bag for confirmation... the bastard had moved. 

Fuck.

I picked up the handles, and threw it out my bedroom, where it landed on it's side, but with most of the contents still in the bag.  I was hoping to see the little, evil cretin run out but it didn't.  Panic now ensued, because not only had I no idea where this nasty little creature was in my bag, but I'd thrown it in the path of the only exit to my bedroom.  So I was trapped, with a spider holding my handbag hostage.

The horror of the situation dawned on me when I realised my hand had been in that bag.  MY HAND.  The very thought of my skin coming into contact with a spider completely unexpectedly, quite honestly, horrifies me. 

I had no other choice but to call my Dad, who rather stupidly advised me to "Just tip it out".  Er, What now? And have it freakin' crawl towards my bare feet?? This wasn't an option.  He had to come and get it out.  Which he did, by tipping out my bag, and watching the little bastard escape into a dodgy floorboard in the bathroom.  Can I get over the fact that it was IN my handbag? No. Can I stop thinking about the prospect of it laying EGGS in my bag. No. No I can't.  Do I think about it everytime I reach into my bag? Yes. Yes I freakin do. Oh god.

The same spider, and yes I KNOW it was the same one (same size, same shape, same horrifically AWFUL legs)... this SAME spider proceeded to try and get back into my room the following day; I found it on the ceiling making it's way towards my door.  It's final attempt however, appears to have become its last.  I walked into the bathroom this evening to find it sitting in the middle of the floor.  I immediately stopped and adopted my usual Spider-terror stance, and then noticed it looked a bit weird. A slightly closer inspection revealed it's body appeared squashed... and I highly suspect my cat might have given the evil beast a friendly, playful pat on the head and accidently killed it. Good cat.

The reign of terror was over.  Though winning the battle is not winning the war.  Downstairs, I entered the living room to find one of those horrendous Orb spiders in the middle of the carpet- you know the ones with the tiny bodies and ridiculously, long, very fine legs which bend over.  I flattened it with the Radio Times.  Those ones seem weaker than the others; finer, slower. 

It's corpse is still on the floor.  I'm leaving it there as a message to the others that death WILL ensue if they persist with their assault on my house. 

Spiders: Do one. 

LADS: Lets be Less.

There's a guy I come into contact with regularly who is possibly the biggest Tri-Hard I know.

He's married and a father, perhaps not the brightest tool in the box but works hard to make a living for his family.  He appears to model himself on a mixture of Homer Simpson and your typical "LAD".   Here's a few examples:

- His facebook is littered with Laddish, semi-sexist meme's that he's found online.
- He shares images from groups with intellectual titles like "I just keep clicking until I see some boobs" and "Rack/Bum of the Day".
- His idol is James Bond.
- He prides himself on getting his wife stereotypically "thoughtful" gifts like a grill and a micro pedi for her birthday.
- Anything appealing to the humour of a 12 year old boy would also appeal to him.
- He frequently makes Jim Davidson style innuendo jokes.
- He makes self depreciating comments about himself like "I did one push up last night and my arms are killing me!"

This is a guy in his thirties.  I would expect all the above to apply to a 12 year old, maybe a simple student, but he's in his thirties.  And he's actually bred children which is a concern.  
Now, this guy is harmless.  Dull, but harmless.  But nevertheless he is actively, desperately almost, trying to live up to a set and quite frankly awful stereotype.  This is a concept completely alien to me.  Don't get me wrong, this man doesn't offend me, neither do I think he's a bad person- I just find his complete lack of originality and lack of identity, sadly pathetic.  He has a complete lack of self- nearly everything he says or does comes from somewhere else.  I hear him saying things which I know he's already shared on facebook a few days earlier... I hear him making jokes or telling stories with exactly the same "bloke" undertones as the day before and it's just rather tiresome.

And it's not uncommon.  We all grew up with a sense of wanting to belong.  We're tribal creatures; social creatures with common interests and hobbies which bring us together or divide us.  I get this.  I wasn't the most popular kid at school, never part of a huge crowd, but I had a small group of like minded friends and I failed to see how others wanted to be part of the "in" crowd just for the sake of it, rather than actually liking the people in the crowd.  Lets be honest, the "in" crowd is always full of absolute losers who are mainly shallow and not particularly nice people who I had ZERO in common with.  Why, why WHY would I EVER want to be accepted by them??! I had this mentality at the age of 12 and it caused me some isolation, some bullying but my god I wouldn't change it, it's made me the free-thinking person I am.

I know other men, or should I say boys, who become ensconced in this pathetic "LAD" culture of getting pissed, being sexist and fucking around, reducing women to their body parts etc.  I've seen fairly intelligent guys who disappointingly buy into this boy-dom, who lose the ability to think for themselves and then in turn become accustomed to being sexist, unattractive and frankly pathetic puppet consumers of archaic, sexist attitudes and cultures. 

And quite often, it takes a woman to challenge them and break the cycle, rather than it being a well informed, conscious decision to just strap on a pair and grow the hell up.  Alternatively, when these men become parents, more so to daughters, they then also see a step change, however some do not, and continue to pass down their stereotype to their sons and daughters.  And whilst touching on this area: I cannot stand the hypocrisy of some fathers who take on this over bearing, over-protective father role.  The worst offenders being those who are effectively protecting their daughters from men LIKE THEMSELVES and therefore openly admitting that most men are pathetic shitbags. Yet don't get called sexist. Odd.  

Why there aren't many men who come to their own conclusion that both men AND women deserve more than this, is beyond me.  I know many men.  I don't dislike men; I have a great many male friends, some very close male friends and indeed, my best friend is male.  But I  will remain cynical until more come forward, step up and reclaim being a MAN as being a decent, good, honest person who despite having a weakness for boobs, don't feel the need to denigrate women, reduce them to their body parts, and don't see the point in being part of a damaging and frankly pathetic culture of being LESS than they are capable of.  This is expressed far more eloquently in the below quote which is one of my all time favourites:

Males these days have suffered something of an identity crisis and I can't quite work out if this is a result of the advances women have made in asking for more, in expecting more, and demanding they are treated better because we ARE better than what we were being portrayed to be.  However, men seem to have retreated in the opposite direction and instead of wanting to be MORE than their stereotype (Homer Simspon- useless- fumbling- follow-his-friends- and-cheer-at-boobs) they've positively encouraged it.  They don't even want to be called MEN anymore, preferring lesser terms like Bloke and Lad. Possibly because there is confusion as to what a Man is these days.  Here's a thought- how about just trying to be a good HUMAN: accepting, honest, caring and respectful.

And it's not just guys. Some women are just as capable of this ridiculous act.  I know plenty of women who WANT to be less than they are and actually play up to a stereotype- dumbing down, not venturing any opinion, or possibly not having any for fear of it not being the "right" one; acting stupid, having to copy a certain look.  It's just ridiculous. And I don't get it.  Can't get it.  If you're yourself, you'll attract the right people to you.  I'm a right stroppy, opinionated cow and I have some AWESOME friends.

I fail to see how anyone would want to strive to be less than they are.  Perhaps it's reached a stage where I expect men to be sheep, and maybe I (wrongly) expect more from women since women have fought for us to be accepted as more than our stereotypes.  In the last Century women have pushed to be MORE.  There have been no such movements for Men.  Because men appear less bothered at being seen as less than they are, positively embracing their shoddy stereotypes in places.  They seek acceptance from their friends, defining themselves as the same rather than trying to be different, even when they hold a different opinion.  Sheep. Boring as hell, Sheep. Sorry Sheep.

I lose respect for any person (Man or Woman for that matter but for the purposes of this paragraph I will say "he") who claims he has the capacity to think intelligently and debate intelligently but who fails to see the problems he contributes to by being part of a pathetic, archaic, sheep style culture of sexist stereotyping and embraces being a Lad.  A Boy. 

I'm proud to be different. Opinionated, hot headed, controversial at times, and to my detriment occasionally- but only because I believe in things and I'm not afraid to voice them.  I am true to my being and my beliefs. I may not be pretty and cute and wife material.  But I'm me. And that's one thing I love about myself.

Fuck You- from a Blonde.

Forgive me a rant.  It won't take long.

The next man OR woman who assumes I am...

a). stupid
b). horny
c). slutty

... because of my fucking hair colour may well get stabbed in the face.

My hair is blonde.  Get the fuck over it.  Judging by the complete fuck-wits I've had the displeasure of meeting who have made any of the above assumptions, should I perhaps be reforming my opinions of brunette haired people as:
a). fucking thick as pig shit
b). lame
c). sexist
and d). have clearly been raised watching far too much pornography.????

Er... yeah maybe not. 

Yet again I guess the media doesn't help with this particular issue- fuelling it with ridiculous polls suggesting that most men and women prefer brunettes... hmm could that be because of a general, wide sweeping idea that blonde women are associated with pornography and sex by.... hmm, the media?!?!?.  No shit sherlocks.  I would wager I am 3000% more intelligent than any twat who is lame enough to even answer such a fucking stupid, pointless poll.

Get real you absolute fucking morons. 

That is all. 

:-)

UK not OK.

A few weeks ago, I was going to write a blog post about perceptions of the Police Force in the UK Media.  I put it off- and feel like today is the perfect day to bring it back up again.

Over the last few years, having seen Policing from the inside out, I've taken more notice of media perceptions of the Police in this country.  In the last 18 months there has been an outpouring of anti-police messages from the media ranging from tory-based newspaper articles, to TV programmes.  The papers are quick to pounce on a story highlighting inadequacies, incompetence and the chance to ridicule a police force- but there was little praise for the Police officers who leapt into action when the Riots took off in August 2011.  Not a word from the home secretary or Cameron to thank them for their hard work. 

Specifically, a BBC made programme called Mayday made a mockery of the UK police service showing incompetent police civilian staff and bumbling police officers, not to mention the actual murderer was a police man.  This isn't the first time, but is the freshest in my memory.  An ITV series, about to finish on prime time TV, called Broadchurch also shows a struggling police investigation with staff mostly painted out as demotivated, miserable workers who are feeling around in the dark. 

None of the above is an accurate portrait of UK Policing. None of it is justified or fair and I believe it is a deliberate attempt to rouse a general distrust from the public for British Policing and de-sensitise the public to  the damage being done to the Police Force by the Tory Government.

In stark contrast, in the US, Police Officers are respected and praised.  They are celebrated in US cop shows- CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Hawaii 50, NYPD Blue all show clever, dynamic and vibrant policing where the officers are given an almost hero status.  On the day that US police captured their bombing suspect- celebratory tweets, thanks and praise flooded in for the police operation and officers involved. Boston Police's now famous "CAPTURED" tweet was re-tweeted around the world in seconds; Fellow American Facebook users posted "Thanks to our Forces" pictures, words like Justice where being used just for the police arresting a man who is still by all accounts just s a suspect!;  even the anti-police BBC ran a full headline story about the policing operation. 

Whilst I am aware there are changes that should be made to British Policing, our force does NOT deserve the daily onslaught of degrading news articles and TV representation. There is good policing going on, unheard, unseen; it's because of Officer and Staff hard work without fanfare or reward, that communities are kept safe from harm for the most part unaware of some of the dangers they may otherwise face. 
It's not the British way to celebrate and praise- but a bit of pride, respect and recognition from the media would be nice.  I don't think for a minute that the general public has as much disregard for the Police as the Media clearly does, but it still has an impact on community perception, especially when the Police is undergoing such huge financial strain.

Policing needs the backing and support of the communities it protects.  The media would do well to remember that.

My Pensieve.

Forgive me a momentary lapse.

I need to get a few things out and this is MY blog.  I was wary of posting about this, but I don't think I have need to anymore. It will make no sense to anyone but me.

I'm annoyed about a couple of things. People in fact. How did you guess?!

An Apology.

I feel a lot of the time that it's two steps forward and one step back.  I wrote very briefly about being hurt by someone last year.  It took a lot of effort to move past that; to really accept that a person can be so hugely different to how you first perceived.  I attempted on a couple of occasions to reconcile with this person in an effort to keep their friendship in my life- however it came back to bite me and I just wound up even more hurt.  I resigned myself to the thought that this person's hatred and spite was deep set, and no matter how unfair and unjust- I couldn't change their feelings.  I cut them off knowing I would never receive an apology nor any explanation of their cruel actions.  After a few lame attempts at getting in touch with me, which I ignored, a chance encounter with this person prompted a long overdue apology, albeit by text.  It's about all their tiny mind and it's equally miniscule emotional intelligence could muster I suppose.

This puts me in a quandry because immediately all the weight I had carried dispersed.  I will never get an explanation, but their apology made a difference, though I will always doubt it's validity.  It's a degree of closure from a particularly bitter element of last year and I feel I can finally put it behind me.  However, I feel like I'm betraying myself.  I felt so strongly about this person, so hurt and it took a lot of effort and energy to turn that hurt into enough dislike to cut them out... and it just went, in an instant, when they apologised.  This is a good thing, I'm sure... for me, and I'm glad that it's lifted a burden, however the hate I had been holding also protected me and now I'm without it, it feels strange.  I also get irritated by the thought that this pathetic apology gave THEM some sort of closure and that my absorption of this apology has somehow forgiven them.  This is not something they deserve, however I guess I need to be selfish and take the positives for myself, ignoring any impact it may have on them. I'll try.  Their punishment I guess, though I hate to say it because I inherently don't truly believe it, is that they lost my friendship and the chance to have me in their life.  I somehow have to convince myself that this is of detrement to them. Somehow.

Safety.

Someone gave me some good advice once.
"Learn to hate" they said. 
Silly, I thought at the time, because I frequently get described as a very angry person- or passionate if it's deemed as a compliment.  Sometimes I feel I have far far too much hate in me.  This same person, emphasized that I feel things strongly- all emotions, on a greater scale.  This was no news to me, however the news that other people didn't feel to the same depth is a relevalation I will always struggle with.  I find such people alien.  I find it frustrating that my emotions are rarely shared and I often feel that I give more than I receive; always in debt somehow.  But this is not something I can change, and I'm not entirely sure I want to. How I feel, makes me who I am. Good and bad. Anyway I digress. 
I was told to "learn to hate" someone who hurt me.  To protect me.  A barrier.  It worked.  And now I find I am having to do that once again.  Hate is a strong a word, but I'm having to put up the barriers, let it all go and surround myself with invisible barbed wire.  I guess that's why they say there's a fine line between love and hate- the propensity to get hurt is always greater, emotions are heightened.

I know I am pushing another friendship away... but this is what we have to do sometimes right? To not be hurt.  And it makes me angry ( I know, something I should be avoiding this year).  It makes me angry that the reasons I'm doing this are even more evident now; each day is further confirmation of why this is painfully necessary.  It makes me angry that this person has no concept of my hurt. It makes me angry that I've lost another friendship.  It makes me angry that someone I cared for, I now feel I don't know.  It makes me angry that they've let this happen.  It makes me angry that it's all gone because it's what they wanted. And it's making me question myself -doubt myself, question my personality, what I keep doing wrong, why I keep making the same mistakes- which again is making me anxious.  Likewise I am now questioning them- Did they lie? It feels like they did. It feels like the whole thing was a lie now. Did I get someone else wrong? Again!? Do they car? It would appear not. I will never know. It's easier not to.  Gut feeling vs assumptions vs words.  Words are easy to say.  Actions speak louder.

The less I think about it all the better.  This is one of those times where sticking your head in the sand is necessary, because eventually it WILL all go away and I won't care about any of it. That's what I need- to not care.

Everything works out better for people who just don't care.

Ill Manners

Chav-Bashing- a bad joke turned into bilious policy

 

I've posted the above article because it very much relates to the video below.  I came across the below a few months ago and was struck by it's social commentry.  I would strive to say it's the most powerful music videos I've seen for many years and I think it sums up the last few years better than anything else I've seen or read. 

 

It's aptly crafted - edgy, raw and with a deep, angry intensity which is captured both musically and visually.

 

I have no doubt it's messages, many ironically contradictory, will be missed by both sides using it as an influencial piece condoning certain lifestyles and behaviour and for this reason I fear it's potential poignancy has been negated.  In all the articles, literature, websites and papers I've read on the social impact of the Tory Government- THIS, to me, is the most intensely powerful and honest account of the widening social divide that's expanded before everyone's eyes. 

 

The Irony of a Moral-less Pope.

Pope's Butler jailed for 18months.

 

Right, while I'm in full flow... I might as well comment on THIS infuriating saga too. 

 

The Pope's butler has been jailed for 3 years, reduced to 18 months due to a prior clean record.  This is for theft of documents.   

 

Righto, up next then, prosecution of the catholic church for harboring paedophiles, covering up abuse, perverting the course of justice, interfering with witnesses, years of systemic and horrific child abuse...? No??

 

Fucked up doesn't even come close. 

 

I think this says it all... Thank you Tim.

 

 



And the rage continues...

I've lived through a conservative government before but I was a child and therefore politics had very little obvious impact on my life, or any that I would be able to understand or acknowledge.  However, now, as a voting adult- this is the first time I've had to endure such elitist, damaging, incompetent bile as is the Tory agenda. 

This government and their politics prove on a daily basis that they are the very antithesis of everything I believe and stand for.  Just when I think they can't possibly rile me anymore, this happens:

Jeremy Hunt backs 12-week legal limit on abortions

 

 

Now, firstly, this man is our health secretary.  This is a man who believes in homeopathy and tried to ban Danny Boyle from his NHS tribute at the Olympic opening ceremony, presumably because he didn't want the Plebs and peasants realising how valuable it was before he starts privatising it all. 

 

This utter knob is now wading into a debate into abortion.  Hmm, yes, lets have a Conservative MALE make decisions about womens rights and womens bodies, based on very very little scientific argument at all to boot. 

 

The womens secretary is laughable too- or it would be, if the absolute horror of the situation wasn't apparant:  Maria Miller- A "Modern Feminist".  Er, no. Simply put- Fucking hell no.

 

This government is going to fail just about every single faction of soceity not born into huge inheritances or isn't a multi-billion-tax-avoiding corporation.  It's time to stop whining about who started this and stop falling back on labour bashing because you can't accept YOUR governments failures.  These hateful, frankly useless, elitist idiots who have no respect for the hard working members of soceity who put them all to shame, NEED. TO. GO.  

 

Failing on EVERY single level of their shoddy plans at making cuts and rebuilding the country.

Failing to reduce public sector spending.

Destroying our public services.

Degrading, privatising, publicly disrespecting and dissolving the Police service.

Making vast quantities of people redundant, unemployment sky high. 

Removal of key benefits and a failure to get a grasp on a decent benefits system for people who actually deserve it.

Not addressing tax avoidance by huge companies and corporations including banks.

Reducing services, with little payback for those of us paying for it.

No growth.

No help for small business and start ups.

Women paying the largest prices in terms of unemployment and benefits cuts.

Failed, corrupt rail bids on important services- costing the tax payer 40bn.

 

.... the failures are absolutely endless.

 

It's not good for my health, my blood pressure or my stress levels.  I've been angry pretty much throughout their victorian-esque rule and I'm sick of it.  They're plan hasn't even worked - all fears and concerns are realised DAILY.  Unless of course, their plan is to segregate soceity and widen the gap between rich and poor- that they have fulfilled wonderfully.  Worse yet, the full extent of damage from their incompetence won't be seen for another 3-5 years and it frankly scares me.

 

And now they're launching an attack on something else that's very important to me- Womens rights.  Deep breaths... count to ten... it'll all be over soon.

 

 



 

 

P@ssw0rd5 R@nT

If I have to remember another password I actually think I'll suffer some sort of hemorrhage.  And all that will come out will be random numbers and letters.

I now have passwords to just about every area of my life now- business, pleasure, ANYTHING. 

Bank - MY money!
Phone accounts
Facebook - friends
Twitter
itunes- music
Shopping accounts online
My website! My art is passworded?!?
Work - getting on for about 26 systems, door codes or passworded accounts now.

Next my friends are going to be passworded.

IMPORTANT information is being lost out of my brain on a DAILY basis by having to remember all these ridiculous passwords. 

They're not even words anymore either- they have to have numbers in awkward places or they can't actually be an english word at all!!!! And THEN. THEN you have to re-bloody-create them after 30 days!!!!! I have to write them down. But you forget where you wrote them, or forget to update them when you ultimately have to reset your password that one time you lose your list of passwords.  I even have a remember password thing on my computer, but I sometimes forget the password for that... YES, you read that right, I have a PASSWORDED password rememberer service.  Oh. My. God.  It's like one of the circles of hell.

It's becoming impossible. One day I swear I'll forget my own name and instead have to replace it with a highly secure password made up of between 8 and 10 alphanumerical chraracters ensuring at least 3 numbers equidistant from the start and end of the chosen strand, replaced every thirty days with a password NOT previously used in the past five months!!

If I ever become a multi millionaire I will employ someone full time to remember ALL my passwords.

Rant over.

Occupy.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-15524483

I'm not religious. In fact I probably border on anti-religious, however, I've always maintained a degree of respect for the Church of England largely staying out of my way, being ever so slightly less judgmental and more open than their Catholic counterparts. However, I've been disappointed with their handling of the protesters who've taken up camp outside St Pauls Cathedral in London.

This Church, a select few might say, the backbone of English soceity, a fore bearer of witholding old traditions of family and communities has shunned the principles of the protesters. The Cathedral's handling of this has been dire to say the least. There was no need to close the Cathedral, and due to the Cathedral's objections the Protesters now face eviction. I'm appalled that, in 2011, peaceful protestors are being prevented from stating their views- no huge suprise under a Tory government, you might say, but if anyone should be backing these protestors rights to expression, and their sentiment, the Church of England should be. I would have thought, unlike the corrupt, controlling Catholic church, that the Church of England would have stood by these protestors and agreed with their cause of anti-greed. What's up chaps? Afraid of pissing off your Tory regulars?

The Church of England, and St Pauls' should be ashamed of itself.

Good on Dr Giles Fraser, the Canon Chancellor, who has resigned though and stuck to his principles.

Rage against the Machine.

I could scream. Or cry. Usually in my case- anger takes over to stop the tears.

I am sick and tired of being told I'm over sensitive and irrational and bossy and bitchy and "opinionated" (isn't everyone!?).

My Mum is in hospital for cancer.

There are people at work I have known for a matter of months, people in other parts of the country who have shown more concern, more care and understanding towards me than someone who claims to know me inside out.

To you I say this:

There are times I hate you. There are times I feel you hate me. There are times that I feel I am just so sick and tired of your face, your baggage, your gloomy outlook on life, your lack of any sort of emotion, your lack of any care for anything non-tangiable, your absolute lack of lust and love for the biology of things, the organic nature of things, anything remotely ethereal, anything other than solidity, greyness and blankness.

You are like a heavy weight. Bearing down. Holding me down, telling me that everything that makes me feel like a real person is somehow exagerrated, wrong, erratic... this is just what it is like to think and feel like a normal, social, person who likes to chat, be silly and love things. You have only one passion- which is all you can now communicate. Anything else beyond that is deemed as irrelevent, too much effort, and merely an interference to this rigid, grey, bleak, life you've carved for yourself.

ANY time I ask for more now, it's too much. I'm overbearing, hyper-sensitive. I'm always to blame. And actually, actually, no. It's not that at all. We just exist on completely different planes. Such that I don't really know you... I most certainly don't like you anymore. How could I like such an un-caring, soul destroying, misery?

I'm going to re-claim what you try and take away from me on a daily basis as my own.

I can no longer tell who I am because you've tried constantly to shape me into something I'm not- the common denominator in anything that goes wrong because other than your work you fail at life, at recognising and enjoying what actually matters.

And I am fucking sick of it.

Meltdown.

UK RIOTS

We knew it was coming... but it's still shocking to see the state of cities across England right now.

Witnessing the dedicated, hard work of the emergency services amidst the low morale, countless media attacks and the determination of the Tory government to break up their livelihoods, pensions and jobs- I've become more determined to stamp out the Tories from Government for the rest of my days. I've been proud to see a great deal of bravery and an amazing attitude at work over the past week.

All this was predicted months ago by politicians and Police forces alike. Ignored. Our forces are stretched already. If these riots are repeated next year we're royally screwed for dealing with it. Even the Army, who will have to step in as replacement will be significantly decreased. I'm reassured to see Boris Johnson asking for a review of the impending Police cuts- though I have little faith in the Tories to see sense. I predict they will take no accountability for this. This criminality would NOT have happened as a matter of course... this criminality was not a result of a shooting alone. Disorder has spread becuase this country is shattered and vulnerable, weakened by a catalogue of heavy handed, poor decisions by a clueless, misguided Government.

I'm saddened to see the streets I walk through, used to work nearby, the shops I shop in... reduced to crumbled wrecks, trashed by ignorant scum. More saddened though to see the hard work of my friends and colleagues getting slated. They're damned if they do, damned if they don't.

I do not condone these riots and I have sympathy for the many innocent lives, businesses and people affected by these attrocities... but I can't help a tiny, niggling feeling that as a soceity, perhaps more so the Government ... deserve this. The anger, the hopelessness, the cuts. I can only hope it's a wake up call to the Government that they've fucked up. They took too much, from too many, too soon. This has highlighted how precious the emergency services are, how brave our police are and just how much we rely on them to protect us from harm. Without them, particularly in Birmingham, where my friends and colleagues have bravely and robustly confronted this disorder, the damage and impact would have been far far worse. We're facing that very problem if these cuts go ahead.

About the scum: They've proven they're worth. They've shown their scutty little loot laden hands and faces and laughed in the faces of the honest and law-abiding. Our Government can't even come down hard on them because they don't have the money or resources for the justice that will be expected. Human Rights laws need to be changed in this country to protect victims. Police have to be allowed to do their jobs, use force, reclaim the authority which has been taken away from them by consecutive failures of Governments and a frankly pathetic Media.

Cameron, finally back from his holiday, a commodity many people in this country who have lost their jobs can no longer afford, said "we need more police on the streets". Yes David, Yes we do.
Wake up. Strap on a pair and sort this mess out.

Mr Cameron, who has been visiting the West Midlands Police Command and Control
Centre in Birmingham, adds: "I know that the police here in Birmingham, here in
the West Midlands, are working night and day to get to the bottom of what
happened and bring the perpetrators to justice.

"We rely on the police
to keep our communities, to keep our country, to keep our shops and homes safe.
They need our support in doing that job."

From the BBC news website

Police employees will find this a bitter pill to swallow. The Tories do NOT support the Police. Their cuts threaten the ethos and values held by each Force. If, as a voter, you support your Police... If as a tax payer you want to be protected and feel safe in your community, then get behind your Police and lobby AGAINST cuts to your Force.

Royal Fail.

Dear Royal Mail,

Thank you so much for dropping the carefully crafted customised model, securely packaged, FRAGILE marked piece of post that I entrusted into your care after parting with my hard earned cash. This item was for a customer's wedding and in order to treat my customers in a fair manner- a concept you're clearly alien too- I got the item returned to myself, repaired and posted back in time for her special day. She was pleased. She didn't, of course, blame me for the cracked model she found- looking at the crack and the huge dent in the box it was blatantly clear for all to see that Royal Mail handlers ignored the FRAGILE marked box.

In addition to this, thank you so much for sending me three INFURIATING letters stating I haven't submitted enough evidence for a full claim. Despite my first claim including, the two page form, a two page letter stating why I couldn't return the item to you, a 12 page document full of emails from my client and photographs of the item- before being posted, after coming into contact with yourselves and being damaged, and also a breakdown of my costs. I have submitted this TWICE to you, as the "customer service advisors" I have spoken to, although pleasant, have been piss all help with actually acertaining what the hell you've done with my claim and evidence. Two of these letters have included an even more infuriating, insulting cheque for £7.00. I look forward to receiving the remaining £43 you owe me you thieiving, ignorant, incompetent little shits.

You've clearly ignored everything I've sent to you and continue to deny that I've sent in any evidence of the damage you've caused. This means you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want with the products in your care, and get away with it.

I can only hope that I live to see the day that this miserable excuse for an organisation is driven out of the market by a company who actually delivers ... LITERALLY. You have ZERO accountability and you play to this by making it as difficult as possible to pay up even when it's blatantly obvious that you've failed to provide the service paid for by customers. You are outdated and completely incompetent. No amount of pleasant, sympathy-faking customer advisors are going to dampen the dissappointment and anger I have over the whole sorry affair.

You will not have my custom (if I can help it) or sympathy again as you are little more than a seedy insurance company- dodging the ball when it comes to accepting responsibility for the failing, weedy little service you can barely muster up.

Goodbye and Good Riddance.