This weekend was just as it promised to be - pleasant, quiet and slightly cheaper than the last few weekends of copious drinking have turned out to be.
Thursday and Friday night were chill time movie nights. Thursday we watched The Social Network which was actually a far better film than I expected it to be; the amazing work of Trent Reznor's soundtrack did help it along a little though. I was pleasantly surprised by it to be honest.
Friday night's film I have already forgotten so it can't have been that good. It might have been one called Ghostship, which was just averagely dull in every possible way.
Saturday night however, was what I had been looking forward to as I went to see 300: Rise of an Empire.
I had set my expectations fairly low as 300 is one of my all time favourite films and the sequel couldn't possibly match the skill or impact of the first. It didn't. However I was surprised to find it wasn't at all as bad as I had anticipated.
In 300, the Spartan warriors wear red robes; Red, the colour of blood, lust, passion. This is set apart by the golden tones of the film signifying gold, honour, sunlight and warmth. In 300 ROAE the main character Themistocles and his counterparts adorn blue robes reflecting the cooler tone of this film and echoing both the oceans and stormy weather in the film. This, for me, summarises it perfectly because on the whole the film is just that- less warming then the first. It's stormy, and for me, the characters lack any capacity to evoke empathy in the viewer. Themistocles is a cool and unemotional character lacking any real depth. He failed to arouse the same kind of passion that Leonidas did in the first film; having no family or a lover to protect. He is cold and almost robotic and the unnecessary border-line rape scene simply left me losing even more respect for him. You fought with Leonidas, you wanted him to return to his Queen and sons; but Themistocles, you just kind of watched as he carried out his business with little reason. I possibly felt more for Artemisia than I did for Themistocles; she had a story, a history and she had passion. Their power struggle was awkward instead of firey and I did feel glad that Themistocles was still left needing the help of a strong, powerful woman in the way of Queen Gorgo who proved she had far more balls than he did.
Visually, it lacked the punch that 300 made. This was a new area though when 300 was first released, there had only been Sin City which had been filmed under the same concept. There were still some nice sequences and shots, but the attention to detail that 300 had wasn't there. Every shot in 300 is carefully composed, and in ROAE it's more of a general feel than that of careful consideration of compositions and cinematography. Still, some nice work and nice effects which were made more impressive by the three dimensional aspect.
Ah. I now await some other good films to fill the void - Transcendence is looking interesting so that will be my next movie target for April.
Sunday morning I was treated to pancakes for breakfast. I've washed little Franko, been to the gym; been to Mum's for a slap up, post-workout roast dinner and I've also been up in their loft to retrieve lots of props for the party next weekend.
It's going to be GOOOOOD. :)
Laters!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Hedonism and Other Things.
The last few weekends have been hectic with one too many late night (or rather early morning!) and far too much alcohol which also means far too much money. Being a social butterfly certainly has it's drawbacks at times! The hedonistic living can't last forever so I may as well enjoy it while I can. For the most part, it stops me dwelling on things I don't have and focuses me on the good that can come from my current situation.
This month is proving expensive... little Franko has had his very first MOT and service, I've been out pretty much every weekend since the start of February for various exploits and I still have car insurance, my birthday week plans, mothers day and a stack of birthdays to pay for!
It was with great nostalgia that I passed through the doors of my favourite rock club Eddies on Saturday. It was like returning home after many months away.
Creatively things are going well- I have completed my first two commissions of the year and have a further two in the books, with interest being shown by at least three or four others so I could be set for the whole year at this rate! It's nice that things are starting to pick up, and I'm loving getting back into some creative projects. Long may it continue!
On the Agenda this week is mainly: Trying not to spend tooooo much money; trying to eat a bit more healthily (more fruit/veg less fat); Making sure I get to the cinema to see 300: Rise of An Empire.
This month is proving expensive... little Franko has had his very first MOT and service, I've been out pretty much every weekend since the start of February for various exploits and I still have car insurance, my birthday week plans, mothers day and a stack of birthdays to pay for!
It was with great nostalgia that I passed through the doors of my favourite rock club Eddies on Saturday. It was like returning home after many months away.
Creatively things are going well- I have completed my first two commissions of the year and have a further two in the books, with interest being shown by at least three or four others so I could be set for the whole year at this rate! It's nice that things are starting to pick up, and I'm loving getting back into some creative projects. Long may it continue!
On the Agenda this week is mainly: Trying not to spend tooooo much money; trying to eat a bit more healthily (more fruit/veg less fat); Making sure I get to the cinema to see 300: Rise of An Empire.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Where I End And You Begin.
As a person, an individual... I am complete.
I know me. I know my mind. I know my body. I know how I work, why I work.
I know what I agree with, and what I don't. I know why I do or don't. And I know that I have equal amounts of passion for both these things.
I know my faults, there are many. But I also know my strengths and can finally be proud of those which are considered to be both.
I've known extreme heights and extreme lows; I've been to the ends of my emotions in exploration and both been in awe and fear of their immense scope, scale and depth. With this comes balance and knowledge, care and empathy.
I am so sure of who I am; what has made me... and why I am. I'm a whole; balanced in my opinions, strengths and weaknesses. It's taken me a long time but I am getting to be more comfortable with this. Or more, that I care less how all the things that make me are perceived by others.
Because of all of this... it's hard for me to admit : This whole person is missing something.
My soul, my heart or that bit of us that we can never really place but just seems to emanate from inside... it needs a companion.
For the times I feel less strong, feel ugly, weak or alone... I need that second soul who shares my own and accepts it for all it is. It's a sad thought that I may never have that again. It's an emptiness that I can't shake.
When I was a child, I remember getting an overwhelming feeling of upset when I found a lost toy in the street. I forget what it was, yet I remember the feeling- and I felt so sad that I welled up that some child, just like me, had lost it's companion and was unlikely to be reunited*. Two things that were once one, were now apart, broken and imperfect in their separation. Out of balance, out of sync and lost from the shared harmony they once endured.
That feeling right there... is how that part of my inside feels; and potentially how it might always feel despite how "okay" my life may be.
I am incomplete in my absence of another; a soul mate.
An uncomfortable, saddening contrast for someone who prides oneself on being individual, unique and a whole.
*1. This is why I hate losing things. 2. Empathy comes naturally to me. 3. As does sentimentality.
I know me. I know my mind. I know my body. I know how I work, why I work.
I know what I agree with, and what I don't. I know why I do or don't. And I know that I have equal amounts of passion for both these things.
I know my faults, there are many. But I also know my strengths and can finally be proud of those which are considered to be both.
I've known extreme heights and extreme lows; I've been to the ends of my emotions in exploration and both been in awe and fear of their immense scope, scale and depth. With this comes balance and knowledge, care and empathy.
I am so sure of who I am; what has made me... and why I am. I'm a whole; balanced in my opinions, strengths and weaknesses. It's taken me a long time but I am getting to be more comfortable with this. Or more, that I care less how all the things that make me are perceived by others.
Because of all of this... it's hard for me to admit : This whole person is missing something.
My soul, my heart or that bit of us that we can never really place but just seems to emanate from inside... it needs a companion.
For the times I feel less strong, feel ugly, weak or alone... I need that second soul who shares my own and accepts it for all it is. It's a sad thought that I may never have that again. It's an emptiness that I can't shake.
When I was a child, I remember getting an overwhelming feeling of upset when I found a lost toy in the street. I forget what it was, yet I remember the feeling- and I felt so sad that I welled up that some child, just like me, had lost it's companion and was unlikely to be reunited*. Two things that were once one, were now apart, broken and imperfect in their separation. Out of balance, out of sync and lost from the shared harmony they once endured.
That feeling right there... is how that part of my inside feels; and potentially how it might always feel despite how "okay" my life may be.
I am incomplete in my absence of another; a soul mate.
An uncomfortable, saddening contrast for someone who prides oneself on being individual, unique and a whole.
"You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."
Oscar Wilde.*1. This is why I hate losing things. 2. Empathy comes naturally to me. 3. As does sentimentality.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Daan Saaarf.
I need a new job.
The office politics is tiring and adds to the weight of busy days.
HOWEVER. I don't want another angsty post about crappy people. I want to interject the gloom with happier stuff!
The weekend before last was Valentines Day. I have to say I found it particularly hard this year for reasons unknown to me. I guess it's because I have been feeling lonely... and this is emphasized by the commercial shite that is rammed down people's throats at this time of year. When I arrived home from drinks with a fellow singleton where we stole roses out the toilets of Bacchus Bar, I got home to a Red Rose and chocolates. :-)
The following day, I went to London to stay with B and her boyfriend E. After a quick bite to eat for lunch in a lovely little London pub, B took me to this awesome museum she'd found, called The Hunterian Museum at the Royal College of Surgeons which housed a collection of pathology and anatomy specimens in jars. I could have easily spent longer in there as there was just shelf after shelf of weird, crazy specimens from human embryos to spinal chords, to deformed skeletons and diseased body parts. It was fascinating. It made me wish I'd stuck with the only science I loved at school which was biology. We spent a few hours looking at all the specimens in awe, then went to get food at Nando's. The evening was spent putting up our achey feet and watching films in E's absolutely amazing flat in Canary Wharf with some stunning views across the river.
The following day we took a walk down the river to Grenwich and spent the morning walking round the park, feeding squirrels and strolling along with all the people who were grateful for a bit of sunshine at long last.
It was only a short stay, but it was so nice to spend it away from Brum and with one of my best mates and her lovely chap. To top it off, thanks to flooding I was able to use my cheapo Chiltern tickets on Virgin Trains so I got a quicker journey there and back on a nicer train for peanuts! Bonus! :-D
The office politics is tiring and adds to the weight of busy days.
HOWEVER. I don't want another angsty post about crappy people. I want to interject the gloom with happier stuff!
The weekend before last was Valentines Day. I have to say I found it particularly hard this year for reasons unknown to me. I guess it's because I have been feeling lonely... and this is emphasized by the commercial shite that is rammed down people's throats at this time of year. When I arrived home from drinks with a fellow singleton where we stole roses out the toilets of Bacchus Bar, I got home to a Red Rose and chocolates. :-)
The following day, I went to London to stay with B and her boyfriend E. After a quick bite to eat for lunch in a lovely little London pub, B took me to this awesome museum she'd found, called The Hunterian Museum at the Royal College of Surgeons which housed a collection of pathology and anatomy specimens in jars. I could have easily spent longer in there as there was just shelf after shelf of weird, crazy specimens from human embryos to spinal chords, to deformed skeletons and diseased body parts. It was fascinating. It made me wish I'd stuck with the only science I loved at school which was biology. We spent a few hours looking at all the specimens in awe, then went to get food at Nando's. The evening was spent putting up our achey feet and watching films in E's absolutely amazing flat in Canary Wharf with some stunning views across the river.
The following day we took a walk down the river to Grenwich and spent the morning walking round the park, feeding squirrels and strolling along with all the people who were grateful for a bit of sunshine at long last.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Windy.
I'm getting bored of this apocalyptic weather now.
Floods, more rain, winds bringing trees down and damaging roofs and blowing out windows.
The wind in particular, worries me. High wind always unnerves me and has done since I was little. Being the little dot I was when I was younger, I used to get teased all the time about blowing away in the wind. So much so, in fact, that I started to believe it and it made me really nervous. I even drew a picture of "windy weather" which was shown at the start of the local news weather report back in the late 80's! And yes I do have Midlands Today Weather Reporter T-Shirt to prove it!
Even as an adult, albeit a small one, this wind scares me.
Floods, more rain, winds bringing trees down and damaging roofs and blowing out windows.
The wind in particular, worries me. High wind always unnerves me and has done since I was little. Being the little dot I was when I was younger, I used to get teased all the time about blowing away in the wind. So much so, in fact, that I started to believe it and it made me really nervous. I even drew a picture of "windy weather" which was shown at the start of the local news weather report back in the late 80's! And yes I do have Midlands Today Weather Reporter T-Shirt to prove it!
Even as an adult, albeit a small one, this wind scares me.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Thirteen Days.
Thirteen. Unlucky for some. However, this is how many days I haven't been to work. I booked off the Friday before my week of annual leave, at short notice due to me reaching breaking point at the end of a completely shit week.
The sleep alone has been invaluable and although I still have this annoying cough, I feel much more human again. Last week was incredibly busy; but the good kinda busy.
Friday- Sleep. Gym. See N.
Saturday- Spot of shopping, then Charity Gig in Brum.
Sunday- Nottingham to see family.
Monday- Sculpty day, gym.
Tuesday- Walking in the Peak District with Becko through mud, up hills over fences and round lakes. It was just perfect.
Wed- Sculpture completed. Gym.
Thursday- Met AM in Brum for coffee and a catch-up in Bacchus Bar.
Friday- Up to St Helens for a family funeral.
Saturday- Met up with Markuus, Jo and N in Lichfield. Evening- Cocktail party in Stetchford, followed by an impromptu house party. This resulted in going to bed at somewhere between seven and eight am.
Sunday- Recovery day and a roast dinner at Mums.
Monday and Tuesday- Chilling days.
I have one more day off tomorrow then it's back to work on Thursday. I can't say I am looking forward to this in the slightest but all good things must come to an end and all that malarkey. I have a nice weekend to look forward to following two days of work misery so that should see me through to the end of the week at least.
The sleep alone has been invaluable and although I still have this annoying cough, I feel much more human again. Last week was incredibly busy; but the good kinda busy.
Friday- Sleep. Gym. See N.
Saturday- Spot of shopping, then Charity Gig in Brum.
Sunday- Nottingham to see family.
Monday- Sculpty day, gym.
Tuesday- Walking in the Peak District with Becko through mud, up hills over fences and round lakes. It was just perfect.
Wed- Sculpture completed. Gym.
Thursday- Met AM in Brum for coffee and a catch-up in Bacchus Bar.
Friday- Up to St Helens for a family funeral.
Saturday- Met up with Markuus, Jo and N in Lichfield. Evening- Cocktail party in Stetchford, followed by an impromptu house party. This resulted in going to bed at somewhere between seven and eight am.
Sunday- Recovery day and a roast dinner at Mums.
Monday and Tuesday- Chilling days.
I have one more day off tomorrow then it's back to work on Thursday. I can't say I am looking forward to this in the slightest but all good things must come to an end and all that malarkey. I have a nice weekend to look forward to following two days of work misery so that should see me through to the end of the week at least.
Letter to Friend Z.
Wow.
What a total bitch you turned out to be.
I am mostly- unsurprised.
Unsurprised that a drama-seeking, attention-loving, desperate, weak and completely self-absorbed, walking victim like you has reacted to the news that- hey, you're a fuck up.
We all are. Thing is we all just deal with it.
I've been there, selflessly, for you for years. In the ten years I have known you to be all the things I've mentioned above, I looked past it for one reason- friendship. I stuck up for you, spend fuck knows how many hours listening to your never-ending problems; it's only been in the last couple of years as I've watched you continuously CHOOSE drama, anguish and problems over being strong, independent and stable that my patience has worn thin. Mistakes I can forgive, but only once. After that, they cease to be mistakes and become INFORMED CHOICES. And still, even then, I have listened with failing words of "advice" and comfort... running out of patience, energy and words. Until this. And now, to have it thrown back in my face without a second thought (why would you being inherently selfish?) and to be labelled as much of an evil force in your life as your cheating ex- is quite frankly, laughable.
I am unsurprised that you couldn't handle the criticism when you can't even handle a day at work where a child has cried. Big fucking deal.
I am unsurprised that you got defensive because deep down you know there is some truth to my words.
I am unsurprised you lack the mental capacity to think of anything but yourself because that is what I have become accustomed to in a one sided friendship where I have become more of a counsellor.
I haven't lost anything. I haven't lost a friend I could count on as you were frequently too busy to give a fuck about anyone just because you had to put in an 8 hour day every now and then. I haven't lost someone who cares about the last 12 months of my own life. I've "lost" someone who admitted to feeling glad when I split up with N because you had someone to share in your own misery. What a fucked up little bubble of shit you live in.
I feel a weight has lifted. And now I hear you have been bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. It's quite frankly pathetic but I understand why you're being as bitchy as you are. Because you're not used to strong people telling you the truth. I am stronger than you will ever be and as such I close the door behind your little strop and say "good riddance".
I have lost nothing.
Enjoy wallowing in misery and drama for eternity; I no longer have time or energy for it and I no longer give a fuck about anyone who wouldn't do the same for me.
S
What a total bitch you turned out to be.
I am mostly- unsurprised.
Unsurprised that a drama-seeking, attention-loving, desperate, weak and completely self-absorbed, walking victim like you has reacted to the news that- hey, you're a fuck up.
We all are. Thing is we all just deal with it.
I've been there, selflessly, for you for years. In the ten years I have known you to be all the things I've mentioned above, I looked past it for one reason- friendship. I stuck up for you, spend fuck knows how many hours listening to your never-ending problems; it's only been in the last couple of years as I've watched you continuously CHOOSE drama, anguish and problems over being strong, independent and stable that my patience has worn thin. Mistakes I can forgive, but only once. After that, they cease to be mistakes and become INFORMED CHOICES. And still, even then, I have listened with failing words of "advice" and comfort... running out of patience, energy and words. Until this. And now, to have it thrown back in my face without a second thought (why would you being inherently selfish?) and to be labelled as much of an evil force in your life as your cheating ex- is quite frankly, laughable.
I am unsurprised that you couldn't handle the criticism when you can't even handle a day at work where a child has cried. Big fucking deal.
I am unsurprised that you got defensive because deep down you know there is some truth to my words.
I am unsurprised you lack the mental capacity to think of anything but yourself because that is what I have become accustomed to in a one sided friendship where I have become more of a counsellor.
I haven't lost anything. I haven't lost a friend I could count on as you were frequently too busy to give a fuck about anyone just because you had to put in an 8 hour day every now and then. I haven't lost someone who cares about the last 12 months of my own life. I've "lost" someone who admitted to feeling glad when I split up with N because you had someone to share in your own misery. What a fucked up little bubble of shit you live in.
I feel a weight has lifted. And now I hear you have been bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. It's quite frankly pathetic but I understand why you're being as bitchy as you are. Because you're not used to strong people telling you the truth. I am stronger than you will ever be and as such I close the door behind your little strop and say "good riddance".
I have lost nothing.
Enjoy wallowing in misery and drama for eternity; I no longer have time or energy for it and I no longer give a fuck about anyone who wouldn't do the same for me.
S
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Wide Eyed.
Well there's a week I am glad to see the back of. It was the David Cameron of weeks.
I could say that it was a week of losses. But I'm not going to.
A "close friend" who I have known since Uni has cut me out their lives for reasons I will go into in another post when I can be arsed to process it all.
Another idiot revealed their true selves also. I welcome the clarity that these two very different situations have provided. As of last year, I declared not to give two fucks about anyone who doesn't do the same for me. And that's going to be the attitude I stick with throughout 2014. So for anyone else who wants to exit my life, I'll be holding the door wide open for you ready to close and lock it on your way out. I'm not even angry... I no longer have anything but apathy for people who leave and a grateful respect for the few honest, genuine friends who remain of greatest importance in my life.
The only true, real loss from this week has been the death of my Grandad's sister, my Auntie Thelma. Naturally I'm most worried about the effect this might have on my Grandad, as the last remaining one of his family. It must be hard and with him being a big part of my life from a very young age, I can't imagine him any other way than happy. I will be going with him to the funeral on Friday.
Since last Monday, when all the shit kicked off with friend Z I haven't slept properly. I think I've probably had a total of about five hours sleep over the last seven days. Any modicum of sleep I have been getting has been full of very odd dreams and then awaking with a terrible headache which feels like someone has taken a lump hammer to my frontal lobe. The two hours I got last night before I woke up with a start and had an immediate nosebleed was a welcome relief! I've got 6 closely rationed Zopiclone tablets for when I get incredibly desperate. Because of the insomnia, my appetite has gone out of whack, and because of my mucus filled lungs (which are showing no sign of recovery) I haven't been to the gym in over a week either. Needless to say by Thursday night I was a mess, and winded up booking an emergency flexi day to recover and kick-start my week off work.
I'm hoping the impending week off will replenish my depleted, weary mind and body as I feed it with good company, cinema, vitamins, gym and sculpture projects. I have lots planned, I just need to feed my body and soul with sleep, food and good music so I have the energy to do it all.
The coming week will be my week of replenishment. I can't bloody wait.
I could say that it was a week of losses. But I'm not going to.
A "close friend" who I have known since Uni has cut me out their lives for reasons I will go into in another post when I can be arsed to process it all.
Another idiot revealed their true selves also. I welcome the clarity that these two very different situations have provided. As of last year, I declared not to give two fucks about anyone who doesn't do the same for me. And that's going to be the attitude I stick with throughout 2014. So for anyone else who wants to exit my life, I'll be holding the door wide open for you ready to close and lock it on your way out. I'm not even angry... I no longer have anything but apathy for people who leave and a grateful respect for the few honest, genuine friends who remain of greatest importance in my life.
The only true, real loss from this week has been the death of my Grandad's sister, my Auntie Thelma. Naturally I'm most worried about the effect this might have on my Grandad, as the last remaining one of his family. It must be hard and with him being a big part of my life from a very young age, I can't imagine him any other way than happy. I will be going with him to the funeral on Friday.
Since last Monday, when all the shit kicked off with friend Z I haven't slept properly. I think I've probably had a total of about five hours sleep over the last seven days. Any modicum of sleep I have been getting has been full of very odd dreams and then awaking with a terrible headache which feels like someone has taken a lump hammer to my frontal lobe. The two hours I got last night before I woke up with a start and had an immediate nosebleed was a welcome relief! I've got 6 closely rationed Zopiclone tablets for when I get incredibly desperate. Because of the insomnia, my appetite has gone out of whack, and because of my mucus filled lungs (which are showing no sign of recovery) I haven't been to the gym in over a week either. Needless to say by Thursday night I was a mess, and winded up booking an emergency flexi day to recover and kick-start my week off work.
I'm hoping the impending week off will replenish my depleted, weary mind and body as I feed it with good company, cinema, vitamins, gym and sculpture projects. I have lots planned, I just need to feed my body and soul with sleep, food and good music so I have the energy to do it all.
The coming week will be my week of replenishment. I can't bloody wait.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Iron Lung.
I have the lurgee. My lungs feel heavy. You shouldn't even FEEL lungs, they're one of those organs that you don't feel, they just kind of exist... but I can feel them, inside of them when I breathe. They are full of mucus and my bronchi vibrate when I cough. It sucks and I'm sick of it.
Hopefully it will all clear up soon though I think last night's decision to go out on the piss whilst ill may have hindered my recovery somewhat. I lost my voice for a couple of hours this morning, only returning once the steam from my shower soothed my throat.
Lots of plans coming up for February and March and then sadly April happens and shit gets expensive with weeks and weeks of birthdays to cater for. With this comes the usual money worries... so I need to buckle up, enjoy the ride and watch those pennies. Which basically means keep WELL away from shoe shops.
Hopefully it will all clear up soon though I think last night's decision to go out on the piss whilst ill may have hindered my recovery somewhat. I lost my voice for a couple of hours this morning, only returning once the steam from my shower soothed my throat.
Lots of plans coming up for February and March and then sadly April happens and shit gets expensive with weeks and weeks of birthdays to cater for. With this comes the usual money worries... so I need to buckle up, enjoy the ride and watch those pennies. Which basically means keep WELL away from shoe shops.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Autosport Show 2014
So, I was having a really lovely weekend - having lovely catch up drinks with B on Friday and a further catch up with SB on Saturday after a DESPERATELY needed car wash for Franko and some household chores... when my dear N offered me a ticket to the AUTOSPORT Show on Sunday! Happy Days!
And what a day at that! The main thing I enjoyed was getting back to grips with my digital SLR. I've missed it. The feel of it, the weight of it in my hands; having to compose and think about the subject and final image before taking the shot; the familiar bleep of the focus, and satisfying click of the shutter. I loved being back behind the camera. I missed the instant sharing as I've become accustomed to through social networking to but this was outweighed by the excitement of getting home, downloading all the images from my camera and unveiling each one- most triumphant little compositions, others being cast out like an editor making cuts from a film reel.
Seeing so many racing cars under one roof has really given me the motorsport bug for the impending season and the live action arena was equally brilliant. We were treated to drifting, moto cross, stock cars, vintage racing cars, stunt driving, smart car racing and even some double bonneted cars which could race in both directions and even split apart!
Another little highlight was artist Ian Cook posing for a photograph for me while he worked on his latest piece in front of a fascinated crowd. Sadly, I took this one on my phone so that I could share it on twitter and as a result it came out a little blurry which I was gutted about seeing as he'd been so kind as to pose for me!
I did a small bit of autograph hunting too, gaining signatures from Matt Neal, Gordon Sheddon, Andrew Jordan, Alan McNish, Tom Kristensen and Rob Austin in my Paddock Pass lanyard book. I also managed to get an autograph for my sister from Rob Austin as she's sponsoring his drive this year via his Roof Share scheme.
And at the end of it all, I've had time to post all my photographs, update my blog and soak it all in all over again. Happy Slink tonight thanks to a truly awesome weekend. Here's to more of these!
:-)
And what a day at that! The main thing I enjoyed was getting back to grips with my digital SLR. I've missed it. The feel of it, the weight of it in my hands; having to compose and think about the subject and final image before taking the shot; the familiar bleep of the focus, and satisfying click of the shutter. I loved being back behind the camera. I missed the instant sharing as I've become accustomed to through social networking to but this was outweighed by the excitement of getting home, downloading all the images from my camera and unveiling each one- most triumphant little compositions, others being cast out like an editor making cuts from a film reel.
Another little highlight was artist Ian Cook posing for a photograph for me while he worked on his latest piece in front of a fascinated crowd. Sadly, I took this one on my phone so that I could share it on twitter and as a result it came out a little blurry which I was gutted about seeing as he'd been so kind as to pose for me!
I did a small bit of autograph hunting too, gaining signatures from Matt Neal, Gordon Sheddon, Andrew Jordan, Alan McNish, Tom Kristensen and Rob Austin in my Paddock Pass lanyard book. I also managed to get an autograph for my sister from Rob Austin as she's sponsoring his drive this year via his Roof Share scheme.
And at the end of it all, I've had time to post all my photographs, update my blog and soak it all in all over again. Happy Slink tonight thanks to a truly awesome weekend. Here's to more of these!
:-)
Friday, January 03, 2014
2014 Resolutions
1. Take more Photographs. Both Phone and Real.
2. Keep in my life only those who want to be in it; who give me as much back as I give. Cut out people who can't be bothered and bring nothing but negativity. Do not accept time wasters who sap energy.
3. Create. See. Do. Make. I've put this as one because it's all about inspiration. I need to make time to get back to my creative roots. Remove superficiality and enjoy more "real stuff".
4. Cut Down Spending on things I don't need. See above about superficiality. This will mostly be governed by crippling rent and bills.
5. Maintain gym work and improve lung capacity for cardio.
6. Career Development. Seek new opportunities.
7. Go to see Maybeshewill.
2. Keep in my life only those who want to be in it; who give me as much back as I give. Cut out people who can't be bothered and bring nothing but negativity. Do not accept time wasters who sap energy.
3. Create. See. Do. Make. I've put this as one because it's all about inspiration. I need to make time to get back to my creative roots. Remove superficiality and enjoy more "real stuff".
4. Cut Down Spending on things I don't need. See above about superficiality. This will mostly be governed by crippling rent and bills.
5. Maintain gym work and improve lung capacity for cardio.
6. Career Development. Seek new opportunities.
7. Go to see Maybeshewill.
Christmas 2013
I think the below video best sums up my Christmas and New Year.
It's been fantastic: Some much MUCH needed time off work spent with friend and family, including my little neice, bro and sister in law on Skype. I've caught up with family I don't see much and got to spend time with the people I care about most. It's been just brilliant.
New Years eve was spent at the new flat with a small selection of friends. Most importantly for me- Markuus and his partner Jo came over; and N also spent the evening with us so it was lovely to spend it with some of my favourite people. :-)
The only sad thing is that's it's all flown by so fast... I've barely had time to think up any resolutions and now this week I have suddenly found myself back at work in an almost zombie-like stupor trying to remember what my job is.
Resolutions coming up...
It's been fantastic: Some much MUCH needed time off work spent with friend and family, including my little neice, bro and sister in law on Skype. I've caught up with family I don't see much and got to spend time with the people I care about most. It's been just brilliant.
New Years eve was spent at the new flat with a small selection of friends. Most importantly for me- Markuus and his partner Jo came over; and N also spent the evening with us so it was lovely to spend it with some of my favourite people. :-)
The only sad thing is that's it's all flown by so fast... I've barely had time to think up any resolutions and now this week I have suddenly found myself back at work in an almost zombie-like stupor trying to remember what my job is.
Resolutions coming up...
Monday, December 23, 2013
Christmas Eve Eve; 2013 Reflections
I'm sitting in my slippers, watching A Christmas Carol on TV. It's Christmas Eve Eve and I finished work today for the rest of the week.
It's normally this time of the year when I'm doing a review of the year and compiling some New Years Resolutions, but I'm feeling a distinct lack of energy to do either. Plus, I'm not sure summarising my year will be all that eventful this time!
However... now I think back...
Things I have lost:
Some friends. Not in a physical sense, they're alive and well. People change, people move on and some people you realise really aren't worth your time and energy. Those who mean a lot to me, remain, however. Even if I don't see them as much as I would like. Thank you for your continued friendship to Mrs P, Markuus, and my dear N who I will always love with all my heart.
Money- a lot has been thrown away on copious drinking, nights out and shoes... but all in all I have some memories of happy times such as motor racing with N and many a post-working-week-debriefing drinks down the local.
My twenties- A heart felt goodbye to my twenties; bittersweet as I lay to rest many fun and happy memories of my youth interspersed with the anxiety, insecurity, angst and heartache that goes along with it.
Things I have gained:
New friends.
New flat.
My independence back.
Strength and Tone from my gym workouts.
Perspective.
A whole new decade ahead of me as I entered my thirties.
New gig experiences- Deftones, Bastille and the amazing Nine Inch Nails... memories of the latter I will treasure forever. Two more ticks off on my "Bands to See Before I Die" list.
A review of my 2013 Resolutions:
Resolution 1: Be more active.
Achieved. I'm still going to the gym about twice a week and generally feeling better for it; although I certainly notice the difference when I don't go.
Resolution 2: Be less angry.
Semi- Achieved. I'm not sure this has happened... if it has it's more by the ever-so-slightly decreased invasion of the Government impacting on my job and colleagues. I think this year has been more stressful than angry so I'm saying this is semi-achieved.
Resolution 3: Laugh more.
Achieved. I have certainly laughed a lot this year. I have a graffiti'd piggy bank on my desk at work which says "Just Keep Larfin" thanks to my colleague Daz who decorated it for me and says I say the word Laugh posh. He's from the Black Country.
Resolution 4: Be Inspired.
Semi- Achieved. I've been to the cinema, seen films at home and been to gigs this year which have all been inspiring to me. However I need to get out more next year and see more places. I've spend too much time in the office this year... I need inspiration from nature and new cities next year (money permitting).
Resolution 5: Be more creative.
Semi-Achieved. I failed to get my new tattoo thanks to money issues, however I have one planned for my birthday in 2014. I've done more sculpture commissions this year and have two lined up for the beginning of next year. To be continued.
Resolution 6: Blog more.
Achieved. This has definitely been achieved.
Resolution 7: Feel settled.
Not achieved. Work in progress. I think I know what I need to be happy- companionship. At the moment I'm at a loss as to where to find this.
2014 Resolutions to be posted soon.
It's normally this time of the year when I'm doing a review of the year and compiling some New Years Resolutions, but I'm feeling a distinct lack of energy to do either. Plus, I'm not sure summarising my year will be all that eventful this time!
However... now I think back...
Things I have lost:
Some friends. Not in a physical sense, they're alive and well. People change, people move on and some people you realise really aren't worth your time and energy. Those who mean a lot to me, remain, however. Even if I don't see them as much as I would like. Thank you for your continued friendship to Mrs P, Markuus, and my dear N who I will always love with all my heart.
Money- a lot has been thrown away on copious drinking, nights out and shoes... but all in all I have some memories of happy times such as motor racing with N and many a post-working-week-debriefing drinks down the local.
My twenties- A heart felt goodbye to my twenties; bittersweet as I lay to rest many fun and happy memories of my youth interspersed with the anxiety, insecurity, angst and heartache that goes along with it.
Things I have gained:
New friends.
New flat.
My independence back.
Strength and Tone from my gym workouts.
Perspective.
A whole new decade ahead of me as I entered my thirties.
New gig experiences- Deftones, Bastille and the amazing Nine Inch Nails... memories of the latter I will treasure forever. Two more ticks off on my "Bands to See Before I Die" list.
A review of my 2013 Resolutions:
Resolution 1: Be more active.
Achieved. I'm still going to the gym about twice a week and generally feeling better for it; although I certainly notice the difference when I don't go.
Resolution 2: Be less angry.
Semi- Achieved. I'm not sure this has happened... if it has it's more by the ever-so-slightly decreased invasion of the Government impacting on my job and colleagues. I think this year has been more stressful than angry so I'm saying this is semi-achieved.
Resolution 3: Laugh more.
Achieved. I have certainly laughed a lot this year. I have a graffiti'd piggy bank on my desk at work which says "Just Keep Larfin" thanks to my colleague Daz who decorated it for me and says I say the word Laugh posh. He's from the Black Country.
Resolution 4: Be Inspired.
Semi- Achieved. I've been to the cinema, seen films at home and been to gigs this year which have all been inspiring to me. However I need to get out more next year and see more places. I've spend too much time in the office this year... I need inspiration from nature and new cities next year (money permitting).
Resolution 5: Be more creative.
Semi-Achieved. I failed to get my new tattoo thanks to money issues, however I have one planned for my birthday in 2014. I've done more sculpture commissions this year and have two lined up for the beginning of next year. To be continued.
Resolution 6: Blog more.
Achieved. This has definitely been achieved.
Resolution 7: Feel settled.
Not achieved. Work in progress. I think I know what I need to be happy- companionship. At the moment I'm at a loss as to where to find this.
2014 Resolutions to be posted soon.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Belong.
I've just caught up on a few weeks of blog-reading and thought it was probably time to update my own.
The truth being told- much has changed but I've avoided posting anything for some time for a few reasons: 1- I have been incredibly busy. 2- I had no internet access for a few weeks. 3- some issues I've had I felt best not to air in the public realm (aka- if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all).
I've moved into a flat with my friend and colleague H. It's not quite home yet, pictures still need to be hung. If I'm honest it all feels very temporary. But I think everything does now. Everything.
It's Christmas and I've been very disorganised this year. Moving in at the start of November proved very expensive so I think Christmas has been somewhat tainted by a general worry about money this year. The last few weeks have been busy. Both at work and socially.... genuinely too much to list but it's been a blur of funerals, tears, too much drink, too much work, stress and laughs. I'm writing this hours before my fourth and final Christmas work do this year. I'm not sure my feet or my liver can cope with many more!
I'm still going to the gym albeit the last few weeks have been hard to find time to fit anything worth while in. Slacking.
I generally feel very tired.. I'm always tired these days. I don't work long hours like others but I give 110% to a job where I get paid averagely for the effort I put in. My priority next year is to get a new job and possibly outside of the Force so I don't have to be quite so worried about being made redundant every few months. In addition to work stress, I don't sleep well. I have two Zopiclone on ration for when I really REALLY need to sleep but generally I think I've gotten used to feeling semi tired on a daily basis.
I'm struggling with Christmas this year. It seems to have lost its meaning, like many things have to be honest. Recent events have put certain things in perspective and I am lucky to have my health, my family and a sprinkling of friends who genuinely care, however all this is clouded by a general feeling of not belonging anywhere.
This is the trouble with Christmas. It's great if you're happy; If you aren't it's like a giant microscope magnifying everything you're missing in full focus...
So you just smile and grab another drink.
The truth being told- much has changed but I've avoided posting anything for some time for a few reasons: 1- I have been incredibly busy. 2- I had no internet access for a few weeks. 3- some issues I've had I felt best not to air in the public realm (aka- if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all).
I've moved into a flat with my friend and colleague H. It's not quite home yet, pictures still need to be hung. If I'm honest it all feels very temporary. But I think everything does now. Everything.
It's Christmas and I've been very disorganised this year. Moving in at the start of November proved very expensive so I think Christmas has been somewhat tainted by a general worry about money this year. The last few weeks have been busy. Both at work and socially.... genuinely too much to list but it's been a blur of funerals, tears, too much drink, too much work, stress and laughs. I'm writing this hours before my fourth and final Christmas work do this year. I'm not sure my feet or my liver can cope with many more!
I'm still going to the gym albeit the last few weeks have been hard to find time to fit anything worth while in. Slacking.
I generally feel very tired.. I'm always tired these days. I don't work long hours like others but I give 110% to a job where I get paid averagely for the effort I put in. My priority next year is to get a new job and possibly outside of the Force so I don't have to be quite so worried about being made redundant every few months. In addition to work stress, I don't sleep well. I have two Zopiclone on ration for when I really REALLY need to sleep but generally I think I've gotten used to feeling semi tired on a daily basis.
I'm struggling with Christmas this year. It seems to have lost its meaning, like many things have to be honest. Recent events have put certain things in perspective and I am lucky to have my health, my family and a sprinkling of friends who genuinely care, however all this is clouded by a general feeling of not belonging anywhere.
This is the trouble with Christmas. It's great if you're happy; If you aren't it's like a giant microscope magnifying everything you're missing in full focus...
So you just smile and grab another drink.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
I feel like this today..
Being a good, caring person gets you nowhere. It's all about what you look like and what you own.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
The Brink.
I am teetering on the edge.
I look down- it's a big black hole, so deep I can't see where it ends.
I look back- there is noise, confusion, blue skies and storm clouds, faces, voices, shouts and laughter, excitement and fear. So much commotion that sometimes I'd just rather jump in and disappear into the blackness.
The only trouble is not knowing how long the freefall lasts, or where I land.
And the being alone.
Monday, October 07, 2013
Only When The Sun Shines.
Things I could do with right now:
- More time
- More days off work
- A holiday
- A hug
- A big winning lottery ticket
- Friends who are there for you ALL the time. Not just when it suits them.
- A sofa, mattress, TV... in fact, a flat full of furniture would be good!
- A self cleaning car.
Things I could do without right now:
- Work stress
- Confusing idiots
- Aching post-gym muscles
- People asking me for large quantities of money
- Fair weather friends who don't give a shit.
I've had FOUR days off work and although I've had a stack load to do, I've not really achieved what I wanted to. I was hoping to complete a commission but I've struggled with it and am still only three fifths the way through! I really don't think I've made good use of my time, however I did catch up on some sleep.
I've seen a couple of films in the last few months too: Rush and Prisoners. Both have been well worth the trip to the cinema and the latter posed some really interesting questions about morality, religion and the rights or wrongs of torture/punishment. Well worth a watch.
I'm doing okay at the gym, though I'm putting in less time there than I want to or should due to other things going on. I'm still enjoying it but am still missing my squat challenge. I've been putting in a measly 60 a day but I need something more.
The last two weeks have left me a bit numb; I think it's partly shock at the amount of stuff going on between now and Christmas, oh and the fact it IS Christmas in a few months!!! In addition to work stress, other people stress, I now have the lovely stress of money too, and I'm beginning to wonder what will be the straw that breaks the camels back. Just got to hold it together. One good thing, is that I have a good friend back in my life- B. I've stayed in touch with her since school and in many ways we're very similar which makes it easy to support one another. She's the sort of friend that will stick by me through thick and thin, and it makes me happy that amongst the uncertainty and stress I can count on her support.
- More time
- More days off work
- A holiday
- A hug
- A big winning lottery ticket
- Friends who are there for you ALL the time. Not just when it suits them.
- A sofa, mattress, TV... in fact, a flat full of furniture would be good!
- A self cleaning car.
Things I could do without right now:
- Work stress
- Confusing idiots
- Aching post-gym muscles
- People asking me for large quantities of money
- Fair weather friends who don't give a shit.
I've had FOUR days off work and although I've had a stack load to do, I've not really achieved what I wanted to. I was hoping to complete a commission but I've struggled with it and am still only three fifths the way through! I really don't think I've made good use of my time, however I did catch up on some sleep.
I've seen a couple of films in the last few months too: Rush and Prisoners. Both have been well worth the trip to the cinema and the latter posed some really interesting questions about morality, religion and the rights or wrongs of torture/punishment. Well worth a watch.
I'm doing okay at the gym, though I'm putting in less time there than I want to or should due to other things going on. I'm still enjoying it but am still missing my squat challenge. I've been putting in a measly 60 a day but I need something more.
The last two weeks have left me a bit numb; I think it's partly shock at the amount of stuff going on between now and Christmas, oh and the fact it IS Christmas in a few months!!! In addition to work stress, other people stress, I now have the lovely stress of money too, and I'm beginning to wonder what will be the straw that breaks the camels back. Just got to hold it together. One good thing, is that I have a good friend back in my life- B. I've stayed in touch with her since school and in many ways we're very similar which makes it easy to support one another. She's the sort of friend that will stick by me through thick and thin, and it makes me happy that amongst the uncertainty and stress I can count on her support.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Squat Withdrawal
Well... last Sunday was the last day of my 30 day squat challenge. I completed every day of it, which totalled 3295 squats!
I miss it already. So I'm either going to repeat the same one or find one which takes me a little bit higher. I saw one a while ago that went to 500 but that might be pushing it....
Still. I need a new challenge. It'll keep my mind off other things.
I miss it already. So I'm either going to repeat the same one or find one which takes me a little bit higher. I saw one a while ago that went to 500 but that might be pushing it....
Still. I need a new challenge. It'll keep my mind off other things.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Beat the Blues!
The arse-end of last week was a hellish mess of work-stress, flat application stress and upset thanks to a few irritating, confusing individuals and one who couldn't get lower in my estimation if they tried. However, the weekend came and took all the stress away.
Friday night kicked it off with a meal at a nearby lounge where H and I had tapas and a good ol chinwag about the week. Saturday I spent doing some relaxing sculpting, then a movie in the evening. Sunday N and I picked up two of his colleagues for our trip to Silverstone for the BTCC. It was a beautiful day despite the chilly breeze which you noticed from the stands. I have to say, it was some of the best racing I've seen this year; all three of the Touring Car races proving to be tense, action packed and brilliant to watch. You can tell it's nearing the end of the season, with just one race to go, as all the drivers are putting 200% into their races. I'm not sure yet if we're able to get down to Brands Hatch for the final, it's unlikely at this late stage, but if that's the last racing I'll see this year, it was one hell of a day to watch. :-) We stopped off at Mum's on the way home after dropping off N's friends, for a slap up roast dinner and a cup of tea. Perfect British end to a very British day.
The weekend couldn't have got any better- especially since today is my day off!!!! Yeppo, because I've been single-handedly holding down the fort for the last four weeks while my colleague has been off sick then off on holiday, I made sure I booked her first day back off. Ha! Yes, today I will be sculpting, listening to awesome music and I also have to fit in the gym and 250 squats as it's the last day of my 30 Day Squat Challenge today!!!! :-O
I better get cracking.
Friday night kicked it off with a meal at a nearby lounge where H and I had tapas and a good ol chinwag about the week. Saturday I spent doing some relaxing sculpting, then a movie in the evening. Sunday N and I picked up two of his colleagues for our trip to Silverstone for the BTCC. It was a beautiful day despite the chilly breeze which you noticed from the stands. I have to say, it was some of the best racing I've seen this year; all three of the Touring Car races proving to be tense, action packed and brilliant to watch. You can tell it's nearing the end of the season, with just one race to go, as all the drivers are putting 200% into their races. I'm not sure yet if we're able to get down to Brands Hatch for the final, it's unlikely at this late stage, but if that's the last racing I'll see this year, it was one hell of a day to watch. :-) We stopped off at Mum's on the way home after dropping off N's friends, for a slap up roast dinner and a cup of tea. Perfect British end to a very British day.
The weekend couldn't have got any better- especially since today is my day off!!!! Yeppo, because I've been single-handedly holding down the fort for the last four weeks while my colleague has been off sick then off on holiday, I made sure I booked her first day back off. Ha! Yes, today I will be sculpting, listening to awesome music and I also have to fit in the gym and 250 squats as it's the last day of my 30 Day Squat Challenge today!!!! :-O
I better get cracking.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Skins.
I saw a facebook post recently which was for some charity event- Children In Need if I remember rightly, where some high profile women had gone "Bare Faced" for some publicity shots. The fact that most of these women were models anyway - with naturally good skin, bone structure etc aside, I got the point which (although not executed brilliantly) was still a fair enough effort at raising the issue of women's self esteem.
It got me thinking.
Over the years, some of which may be detailed in this blog from earlier times, I have battled with low self esteem. Mostly from my physical appearance as I am highly confident in my beliefs, opinions and actions for the most part- some would say perhaps too confident!
Being so petite (skinny, as fatter people prefer to call it) and pale, I don't fit in the to the feminine hourglass, curvy figure. I spent a huge portion of my formative years feeling completely inadequate physically, mostly due to the eagerness of other people to point out that I was "too thin". I've been called ugly, skinny, been in the company of fat people who just love to call you scrawny and put you down, and we all know those awful people who love taking bad photographs of others because it makes them feel better about themselves. You don't have experience of self harm without having some sort of disrespect for yourself and obviously I have the scars to prove it. Bad cycle.
Whilst I'm able now to put a lot of these things down to other people being shits, it's all still left it's mark and I continue to have issues with aspects of my figure and my body. It's not just my skinny, bony, pale body and lack of boobs either; I've spent many years staring at my face in the mirror and hating my nose and ears and the general shape of my tiny head. It's why I hate photographs of myself.
This brings me to the main point of my post. Whilst I probably feel the most comfortable I have about my body (which is still probably poor compared to the average woman) I, like most of my female peers, wouldn't even dream of leaving the house without make up. Never. It just won't happen. In fact I can even remember my worst fear coming true one day when I got up to find that I had run out of eye-liner. The prospect of going into public WITHOUT eye-liner on in order to buy some, was too horrific, and I had to send N out to get a new one before I could leave the house.
It's awful really. Its my face, where so much of my personality comes out and is presented. I am very confident in my beliefs, my opinions, my morals, and my passions and they all come out through my face, my mouth, my eyes, my expressions. However to sit in front of a mirror and look at my face with make up on is a highly uncomfortable experience for me. Looking at it WITHOUT make up- even more so.
The women who have posed without make up for those publicity shots however, have inspired me through the comfort of my blog, my small, tiny window to the world, to do the same.
So, feeling brave, here I am. With no make up. No eyeliner, no blusher. Nothing. I think I was fortunate that the soft lighting has bleached out the dark eye circles and patchy skin... but still, this is me- as naked as my face can get.
Scary stuff.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Fresh Meat.
The Sexism of Freshers Week
A brilliant article by the Guardian about "Lad" culture impacting on young women during the crazy time that is Freshers week. I have to say I can't remember being exposed to a great deal of this at my university, however that was around ten years ago and the whole pathetic "Lad" retaliation movement hadn't occurred. Also, I tended to avoid those horrendous meat market uni nights to favour other club nights out and social occasions because I've never really felt the need to follow a crowd and conform, especially if it's with total twats.
The article highlights some disturbing and obscene trends which I hope women begin to fight back. One occasion I do remember at uni, at one of the horrendous Friday Night Disco (FND) meat markets I rarely went to- was being physically picked up and carried out of the union by a really tall man who looked like Greg Rusedski. I laugh at it now, but to be honest, the whole thing really bothered me. This man was a stranger, and although we'd danced on the dance floor, this man was able to physically pick me up and walk out the Union with me, as if he'd picked me off the shelf at a supermarket. Because I'm so small, petite and skinny, it really bothered me that he was able to physically over power me. Nothing bad happened, he put me down outside the union with no malicious intentions and I promptly walked back inside, but it could so easily have been a different story. It's one of the reasons that I feel so much better about feeling physically stronger through my gym training, because whilst I'm still tiny and easily overpowered at least I know I have some strength to punch, kick and fight back; anyone who knows my tenaciousness will know I'd put up one hell of a good fight if I had to.
Anyway, read the article. It's a good'un.
A brilliant article by the Guardian about "Lad" culture impacting on young women during the crazy time that is Freshers week. I have to say I can't remember being exposed to a great deal of this at my university, however that was around ten years ago and the whole pathetic "Lad" retaliation movement hadn't occurred. Also, I tended to avoid those horrendous meat market uni nights to favour other club nights out and social occasions because I've never really felt the need to follow a crowd and conform, especially if it's with total twats.
The article highlights some disturbing and obscene trends which I hope women begin to fight back. One occasion I do remember at uni, at one of the horrendous Friday Night Disco (FND) meat markets I rarely went to- was being physically picked up and carried out of the union by a really tall man who looked like Greg Rusedski. I laugh at it now, but to be honest, the whole thing really bothered me. This man was a stranger, and although we'd danced on the dance floor, this man was able to physically pick me up and walk out the Union with me, as if he'd picked me off the shelf at a supermarket. Because I'm so small, petite and skinny, it really bothered me that he was able to physically over power me. Nothing bad happened, he put me down outside the union with no malicious intentions and I promptly walked back inside, but it could so easily have been a different story. It's one of the reasons that I feel so much better about feeling physically stronger through my gym training, because whilst I'm still tiny and easily overpowered at least I know I have some strength to punch, kick and fight back; anyone who knows my tenaciousness will know I'd put up one hell of a good fight if I had to.
Anyway, read the article. It's a good'un.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Fed the **** Up.
You can tell the weather has turned. I never do well in September. It's always been a difficult month for me for many reasons, and this year is no exception.
This week I just feel Fed Up. Thoroughly. Fed up of people, of work, of getting screwed over, of selfish people, of people so fucking caught up in their own shit that all I want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up. Fed up of work, fed up of my colleague being off work, fed up of being on my own, fed up of not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still find time to laugh every day- don't get me wrong, but I'm tired and all I want to do right now is get away. Far away. Somewhere safe, quiet and where I know I'm going to be okay, to just sleep a while and block it all out. Preferably in the arms of someone who genuinely gives a shit about me.
Ugh. That's it.
Normal slinky service will resume in 24 hours. Or maybe the weekend.
This week I just feel Fed Up. Thoroughly. Fed up of people, of work, of getting screwed over, of selfish people, of people so fucking caught up in their own shit that all I want to do is tell them to shut the fuck up. Fed up of work, fed up of my colleague being off work, fed up of being on my own, fed up of not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still find time to laugh every day- don't get me wrong, but I'm tired and all I want to do right now is get away. Far away. Somewhere safe, quiet and where I know I'm going to be okay, to just sleep a while and block it all out. Preferably in the arms of someone who genuinely gives a shit about me.
Ugh. That's it.
Normal slinky service will resume in 24 hours. Or maybe the weekend.
Monday, September 16, 2013
SaSQUATch
I had to dedicate a mini blog post to my 30 Day Squat Challenge because yesterday was my half way point!
Today, my 16th day, is a rest day from Squats although I do have to complete a 120 second plank.
It's definitely getting tougher. I'm having to break the squats down into three sets of 50 now. Day 17 is 150 squats with a 140 second plank. I have a feeling in about two days I might actually start failing on the planks because they're really getting harder. No failures just yet though! I'm determined to complete the full squats on each day.
Squat count so far- 1110
Out of a total of - 3295.
#BunsOfSteel
Today, my 16th day, is a rest day from Squats although I do have to complete a 120 second plank.
It's definitely getting tougher. I'm having to break the squats down into three sets of 50 now. Day 17 is 150 squats with a 140 second plank. I have a feeling in about two days I might actually start failing on the planks because they're really getting harder. No failures just yet though! I'm determined to complete the full squats on each day.
Squat count so far- 1110
Out of a total of - 3295.
#BunsOfSteel
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