Why the hell not...?!

I have a WHOLE week off work! Then I only have to work one busy saturday before I'm off for a few days for christmas. So, to celebrate, I went to sainsburys today in my three and a half inch platform pirate heels just for a bottle of coke, washing up liquid and some chocolate covered raisins. :-)

Latest creation...

Twinkle Twinkle

I couldn't wait any longer!



And of course... my Jack Skellington bauble!

:-)

Must Have been High.

Holy Crap. Tool were good. They were incredible actually.

I don't mind paying alot for gigs like that... I mean Laser beams and UFO type lights that move and point to the audience?! Wicked stuff... and they sounded PERFECT. We weren't allowed to take photos unfortunatly but I doubt my little phone camera could've coped anyway. It was just amazing in there... and I actually really liked where we were sitting too. Not too far away and with a really good clear view unhindered by hairy, sweaty men bouncing about and crashing into you. Aaaaah thank god for seats. Getting seats also meant I could look oober funky in my heels without the pain. :)

I was a little disappointed in the normality of Maynard James Keenans attire... normal jeans, spikey hair and armbands... I'd been expecting some sort of wierd tunic and bare feet... but no. His bizarre dance rituals more than made up for it though. The guy can limbo for christs sake!!!

There were down-sides to the night however. I was a bit taken-a-back to discover that the support band were Mastadon. Now, I don't like that sort of crappy sucky grunty tosh anyway... but I've never seen such a shit set played by a rock band. You could barely hear anything clearly though I have a feeling nothing they did would be worth hearing anyway. Even Niall hated it. The other down side was the loser steward outside the venue who told us that we wouldn't be let in with bags, then told us to go all the way round the front of the building when we could have just gone through some doors about three feet away. He was a frickin ponce and he lied too because after we got in I saw LOADS of people with bags. Sadcase.

All in all, it was superb. I loved seeing Niall's face when we walked up to the Arena and he saw a billboard poster for some Dancing on Ice thing by Torvil and Dean... I couldn't let the poor bugger think I'd got him tickets to that so I helped him along in working out why we were there by pointing out various fan T-shirts in the queues. I think he was pleased AND relieved!

I got a cool T-shirt which I proudly wore to do my christmas shopping in the next day. AND, if the whole experience wasn't awesome enough... the T-shirt is ACTUALLY a SMALL one too... it fits!!!!! FINALLY acknowledgment that small people DO exist and buy clothes!!!!

Only thing is... I have a tendancy to get the post-amazing-gig blues where you drop off the "cloud of awe" and realise you're not going to get that experience again for ages.

*sigh*

Myspace killed my blog.

My blog has been negelcted and visitors are far too bemused by the spangly slapper myspace... but my blog will remain damit.

So tonight is a big night. I bought Niall tickets to see Tool tonight for part of his christmas present, and as far as I know he has no idea they're even playing so it should be interesting to see his face when we get there. I'm excited myself because it's bound to be a good night and without sounding like a total fogee, we get to sit down because those were the only seats left! Man... I'm 23 and I'm enjoying the fact that I've got seated tickets to a gig... but it means I don't get pushed over or crushed and I might actually see something which is good. I'm also glad that I'll get to wear some sort of boots and rock gear that I haven't been able to in a while. I'm all set for a good night, and it's put me in a cheerful mood since I have both today and tomorrow off work too.

Today is December the 1st and as I opened the first door of my Pirates of the Carribean advent calendar, which incidentally was orlando bloom's face, it dawned on me that TECHNICALLY I can put up my christmas tree without being discriminated against for buying into the christmas hype too early. Well, I still want to wait until the 10th but I have a feeling I won't last that long... I mean now the advent calendars are out... it's going to be harder.

Unfortunatly too, I have plans to go to a big garden centre tomorrow and I fear they have a christmas shop there... uh-oh MAJOR not-buying-more-baubles-challenge ahead. I do need some bauble hooks though.

oooh and on another christmassy note... If I think you rock or are 'cool' enough to be my friend and you still haven't sent me your address yet for me to send you a christmas card you're running out of time, so do it. now... or else... you won't get one. Shock. Horror.

:)

Blind.Head.Pain.

I got smacked on the head by a 183 cm roller blind today. It F***ing hurt.

Death of a Nightclub.

News Article

My nightclub burnt down.


I heard on the news the following morning that the nightclub I go to (when I have money of course) was burnt down. Everyone was evacuated and no one was badly injured but the building has been destroyed. More than likely, the downstairs pub has been too. It's one of the very few decent rock venues in the city and although I haven't had chance to get there as often as I'd like lately, I'm kinda gutted about it being destroyed like this. I think there's still an investigation into the cause but I have an inkling it was lame-ass smokers. Why can't they burn down their own houses? Another one up for banning smoking in public places I think. And if it was started intentionally by some idiotic loser then I hope he feels mighty proud for putting 500 peoples lives at risk.

I don't know if it will be rebuilt. I don't know if it will be gone forever... but it's really sad all the same.

RIP Eddies... please come back.

Flamin' Eck.

Last night, November the 5th, was bonfire night; the wonderfully British phenomenon steeped in tradition, lovingly remembering our heritage of catholic burning by setting fire to huuuuge mounds of old wooden fences and crates alongside beautifully coloured if not rather noisy fireworks displays. There was no Guy Fawkes effigy, and wierdly enough last year they burnt large wooden swans which was a bit odd, this year it was a simple mound of old wood. It went up like a... well a bonfire... and even though we were standing a good 300 feet away I could feel that familiar eye-burning and toastie warm face glow. The fireworks were... awesome... they lit up the whole sky and the finale was just damn excellent. Everyone thought it was over, then a second later they shot a firey, upwards waterfall of sparkles into the air accompanied by the biggest, loudest fireworks I think I've ever seen. They were massive, and they almost encompassed my whole scope of vision in the sky. I caught the finale on my camera phone, which obviously just did not do it all justics at all but I got it all the same... only trouble is, I have no software to edit it on my computer and due to using my phone the wrong way round, the video is on its side. So, all I have to show for it is the following phone picture.


I just loved it. I stood there in my new jeans, long socks underneath and my firey new rocks, three layers of jumpers, gloves, hat, scarf and of course my big furry, gorrilla jacket... and it felt nice to be apart of a community that were all there for one thing, to watch people exploding things into the sky and to make a big fire; united in being freezing cold but loving it all the same.

Roll on next November.

Monster Munch.

Your Monster Profile

Cursed Terror You Feast On: Olives You Lurk Around In: Corn Fields You Especially Like to Torment: Boys Who Wear Make-up

What's Your Monster Name?

Sunny, Cold and the sky is blue.

It's 2.06 pm. I've been all the way into Brum and back this morning and I only saw one cloud in the sky the whole time. This is my favorite type of weather... cold but sunny and a wonderfully blue, clear sky.

I just feel good walking along in my stripey, fingerless gloves, my furry, black scarf and nice warm jacket, feeling the cold on my face but every now and then the warm glow of the sun from the clear sky. Everything is bright, colours are enhanced, my clothes aren't sopping wet from any British-y type rain and it just makes me feel positive and happy.

Even when shops can't be bothered to stock more than two sizes of jeans after I journey all the way into town at 9.30 on my day off because I saw a particular pair I liked; even when I get stuck with an Italian man rubbing my hands with lotion for twenty minutes trying to sell me over priced lotions and "cutical softening cream enriched with minerals all the way from the dead sea, which by the way is the lowest lying location on earth"; even when I get stopped TWICE by people with clip boards asking if I'd had any accidents in the last four years; even after washing my hair for the first time since having it cut, highlighted and styled-meaning you can never ever recreate how nice it looked when it was first done... EVEN then...

... I feel fine... because it's sunny and cold and the sky is blue.

:)

Yep, You got it...

Today I've been bored.

But apparently I was a suicidal but friendly jester in a previous life. And they got all that from just asking me one question!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Friendly Jester. Where You Lived: North Canada. How You Died: Suicide.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Distortion.

Bouncy.

I still have no money. I'm still having regular coughing fits which hurt my throat and it still feels like a volcano is errupting when I blow my nose... but I don't care...

... because my work is being showcased in www.creaturemag.com (issue 3) and I'm really pleased about it. :)

I was already in a good mood, because my beautiful black christmas tree arrived in the post the other day and I L.O.V.E it... don't worry I haven't put it up yet, I just got it out the box to see what it was like in case I'd got a crap one... but nope, it looks awesome, or it will do by the time I've decorated it by the kick ass decorations I've been buying. I've had to stop now though. I bought two more today AND a snowman for underneath (we already had one but I figured he'd get lonely under there by himself) so that's it now. NO more decorations. I promised myself.

Went into Brum today for a walk about. I got my ears pierced again just above my normal ones; I'm going to have to clean them with salt water a couple of times a day ... a chore, but necessary I guess. I bet no one notices, but I like em so I'm happy.

My official mood today is: Bouncy.

Alive and (not) Well

Yup. I'm sick! Yey

My throat feels like I've swallowed a cheese grater and I've been feeling sick for the last three days due to the many pints of mucus I've swallowed.

I can't even talk today. I'm having to communicate by writing in a mini jotter pad which proved quite awkward when I had a very painful laughing fit earlier.

Anyways, we got back from the Peak District yesterday. It didn't rain nearly as much as I thought it would, though one day was really scarily foggy, but I guess that's to be expected up in the hills. I took lots of photographs which will be making their way on to my photoblog as soon as I get round to it. All in all it was a really great trip; we went down caverns, up hills, walked alongside rivers, I even dangled about a hundred and fifty foot in the air in a cable car with my eyes shut, gripping Niall's jumper so hard it made my hand ache and almost very nearly in tears... but I did it... TWICE! Looking back, I'm not too sure why I put myself through it, but you know what they say about doing something every day that scares you and all. At the end of a long day we either curled up in front of the log fire, or relaxed in the hot tub under the stars.

I think my next round of chicken soup is ready.

Another point of note before I go... I owe my blog a belated birthday announcment. On October the 10th, my blog reached the grand old age of 2 years old.

Many Belated Happy Returns To My Blog!

Presents can be donated to me on behalf of my blog if you so wish, and currently I am in need of a new throat, voice box, cough syrup, vicks vaporub and more chicken soup.

taraa for now. xx

boooooooooooo...

I'm starting to hate work. I lasted a good eight months without hating it... but I can feel it starting to creep in now. There's been a few staff changes, and we have a new manager now too, so the whole dynamic has changed. I just don't like it and I'm starting to feel like a slave, which for shit pay... is, quite frankly, shit.

I may have to start looking around for other work if nothing changes soon.

I'm going to get stuck in to some illustration projects soon, possibly holiday orientated. You HAVE to vote for me to see if I can weasle onto the front page of the online creative arts festival NOISE. *click me* to vote. It's good enough that I earnt a place in the online galleries so I'm pleased. I'm also awaiting my work being featured in the launch of an online magazine which I'm pretty excited about. It's nothing huge, but it's nice to know that my work is getting noticed, and the exposure is always welcome. I'm also waiting to see the printed artwork for The Picture Show's new EP that I did for them ages ago, so illustration wise things are good. Unpaid, but good.

I have ONE more day of work before I have a...

TWO WEEEEEK HOLIDAAYYYY!!!

... not that I'm overly excited about that or anything.

We're off to the peak district for four nights. We're staying on top of a big hill in an apartment with a hot tub and a cool little log fire... should be really good. The weather will probably suck but it'll still be nice to be in a different environment. I can't wait to just chill out somewhere and take lots of photographs.

Plans for the next two days off work are as follows: (in no particular order)

• Bake cookies
• Update all my business paperwork with new addresses (boooo boring)
• Update website
• Avoid fiddling with myspace
• Plan/Create an email advertisment for self promotion
• Plan/Create projects for Halloween/Xmas or New Year
• Cook a nice meal for Niall... or merely an edible meal would suffice
• Kick our letting agents ass over not getting our washing machine fixed

Progress...

After a much needed morning off work I managed to finish my fifth teddy bear. I think he's my best one yet. :-)

I had plans for a Halloween get together this year, but they seem to have fallen by the wayside due to people being busy, Halloween falling on an awkward Tuesday, and my friends having moved to as many different locations as possible over the last year or so. It means of course, that no one will see the wicked pumpkin men I bought especially! booooooooo. It's not even like we'll get trick or treaters to frighten because we're in a second floor flat. I'll have to resort to frightening passers by out the window instead.

PC Refurbishment

So I found this the other day and it's now my new wallpaper. I thought it was pretty appropriate.

Not sure how long I can put up with the brightness mind you... we'll see.

It starts...

Spiders Escape Charity Shop.

Their plan to take over the world is imminent. Beware.

Daddy Long Legs.

Daddy Long Legs aka. Skinny Witch aka. Crane Fly aka. Hideous-evil-Spidery-beasts.



There was an item on the local news tonight about the daddy long legs invasion. Apparantly the damp august we've had is responsible for the mass numbers of the buggers. I felt it necessary to completely dispell the propaganda that the so-called scientist on the article was infecting into our minds:

quoted Scientist man: "They are not spiders"

the slink: whatever... they have MASSIVE legs. Just because they have wings and a slightly elongated body doesn't mean they're not spiders. Don't give me any scientific mumbo-jumbo. They LOOK like spiders, they're frightening and try their best to fly into peoples faces therefore... they are spiders. Just flying ones. Don't believe a word of it people... it's just the spiders mutant air-force.

quoted Scientist man: " They are harmless"
the slink: Uh-huh. Sure. Just like spiders eh??? Eh??? I don't think so. They CHEW plant stems... human flesh is just as chewable. And if they're so harmless and eat plants... why do they feel compelled to enter houses where there are less plants? Moreover, why are they compelled to fly in a rather erratic fashion towards peoples faces? Answer THAT scientist man...

Apparently they only live for a few days. Thank f*** for that.

Racing.

So last weekend was spent at the Donington Park racing circuit for the World series event by Renault. I loved it and it made me realise how much I miss going to motor racing more often. That weekend, Mr future-husband-Kovalainen announced he'd signed for Renault next year so obviously it was compulsory that I bought a T-shirt for next season. Unfortunately he didn't show for the event as I expected... there was some Grand Prix on somewhere or something. Nevermind, I'll catch up on my stalking duties another time.

I even managed to sucessfully train Niall in the art of freebie hunting... and we came away with a free renault cap which is way too big for my little head but what the hell, it was free!

Got some decent photographs too, something else I miss doing. I think the highlight though was hearing them play the national anthem on Alonso's winning Renault F1 car engine. Very clever and funny even though it almost made my ears bleed!

The past week has been pretty crazy and it's left me with a mad headache and feeling totally knackered. Work's been hectic and then in the evenings I've been trying to complete some illustration work for an important competition. Whilst stressful it was good to be focussing on illustration again and getting back into creating things and I'm pleased with the outcome too. Meet Mrs Neverly:

"She sits in the sunshine with frost in her hair"

I'm glad to say I have a couple of days off work so first on my agenda is catching up on some rest and sleep after this week. I'm also planning on wandering round town, making another bear and working on some more illustration projects. Busy Busy Busy. :-)

Ponder.

Does anyone else worry that the if you stare too hard into the visualisations on media players like itunes etc, that you'll get sucked in or hypnotised, or transported into a parallel world?

Or is it just me?

Cookies.

My first attempt was pretty dire. I did have a picture of exactly what I saw when I opened the oven door... but I seem to have misplaced it. Anyway, they were monsters. I had a Frankenstein moment where I just felt bad for inflicting these monstrosities on my kicthen, on the world even . I wondered if I had kept cooking them, just how big they would have grown... but that experiment could have resulted in disaster. Niall insisted that they tasted okay reguardless of their hideous and freakish size.

Attempt number two however, was a different matter... and they turned out like this:

Almost godlike... would be an understatement. They're damn nice and even though I broke the food mixer making them, I think it was worth it.

Expand-a-slink

So Lauren asks: "Where are you hiding slink?"

Well, I've been hiding in various places throughout the Midlands and eating mass quantities of food at every available oppurtunity.

Friday: Went to work. On returning back home we tidy up of the flat to prepare for Niall's mom, two youngest sisters and brother coming to stay for the weekend. His mom and sisters arrived at about 8 and we ate Pizza.

Saturday: We trundle off to the Sealife centre in Brum; I LOVE that place. We have an ace time and then have a wander round the shops fora bit before eating in Wetherspoons. Then we head off to the airport to collect Niall's brother who flew over after a footie match or something. That evening we drive to Chiquitos for tea. I had my usual spicey chicken burrito with mexican rice, guacamole and sour cream, but I was soo full I couldn't fit in any pudding. I did managed to squeeze in a cocktail though. DEEElish.

Sunday: Niall's mom goes to mass in the morning and turns up about an hour late to have breakfast with us, before we head out to Cadbury World. We got there for 12, but only got entry tickets for 3 so we had a bit of waiting to do, but fortunately there's a few things you can do in the meantime... like eat dinner and see a few other exhibits. I left there having consumed a large pot of melted chocolate with biscuit pieces, with one caramel, chocolate buttons and dairy milk bar, and one cadburys T'shirt too. In the evening we went to the Harvester restaurant where I had a chicken and bacon stack with buttered potatoes and peas- too full for dessert. Nice.

Monday: I left for work in the morning. Niall's family left a bit later for the journey back home to Ireland. After work, Mum takes Niall and I to the local carvery where I eat a HUGE plate of turkey, gammon, yorkshire pudding, loads of veg and as much gravey as I can manage ot fit on the plate without it spilling over. Couldn't manage a pudding again unfortunately. By this point, I'm starting to reflect on just how much I've eaten over the last few days...

Tuesday: Mum, Dad, Vix and her friend were heading to the National Space centre in Leicester for a day out so I tagged along. It was all pretty cool though I was forced to go up to the top of this gigantic bubble thing in a glass lift!!! er... no... the slink does NOT do plummetting-to-death-type heights... well I did, but I was massively unimpressed about it... particularly since it was just to get my free admission ticket signed and stamped! (*Click me for pictures*) They didn't have many nice sarnies there, so I ended up eating a donut, crips and a chocolate bar for lunch.. well you know me, healthy as ever.

Wednesday: Usual day at work, though I had a really bad morning and wasn't at all well OR happy. To cheer me up, Niall suprised me by taking me straight from work to a posh restaurant a few streets away. After two Baileys, I chose, chicken liver parfait ( or pâté to the plebs) with ciabatta toast for starters; for my main course I had Fillet of pork wrapped in sage and pancetta ham with pomme anna ( sliced potatoes); and for dessert even though I was full, I had chocolate chip ice cream, mango sorbet and apple sorbet on a nice crunchy biscuit base... man it was all fantastic. I loved it... and it really cheered me up too.

So there we go... that's WAY too much food for one small person to take... but it's been pretty nice if not expensive!

Creative Juice... or is it an infection?

Last friday, my Great Grandma's funeral, went as well as these things can... it was all a bit surreal but kinda comforting too in an odd sort of way. Being in Nottingham made me sad that we weren't still living there, especially since we drove past our old flat and from the look of the semi-drawn curtains and messy kitchen blind... there's either students in there, or just a damn scruffy person. It should have been our flat. :-(

Anyways, I seem to be ill again. I suspect it's because I've been a tad run down for a few weeks now and I seem to have picked up something or another that's making me feel totally awful. Headaches, migraine, shakes, nausea, feeling faint, and swelling of the lymph glands (apparantly). I don't really care what it is, but I want it to go away now.

I'm getting the odd bit of interest in my artwork though, which is pretty cool news... I won't say what exactly because I don't want to jinx it, but it's nice that things are getting noticed at least. I'm keen to make things at the moment... wether it's models/illustrations/bears/cards or cookies... my creative juices are obviously flowing... I just don't have the energy to act on them.

My plan for this week includes:

• Resting and recovering from whatever illness I have
• Making chocolate chip stuffed cookies
• Starting a new bear
• Saying goodbye to my brother who leaves to return to Japan on Thursday
• Tidying the flat for the onslaught of half of Niall's family who are coming over this weekend.

Bye for now. x

Blog Block.

I'm still here. Just experiencing a bit of mental blog block. That is a mental block relating to a blog, not the blockage of a mental blog.

Anyway. I have had alot of things on my mind this week... once my mind is hoplessly empty again... the randomness shall continue.

Passing.

I was due to go and visit my great grandma today. She hadn't been well. My Mum and Dad took my brother to see her on Sunday since he'd been away for two years; my sister and I were going to go today. But she died last night. Peacefully, we believe.

At least my mum got to see her on Sunday.

It's very odd. I guess you could say I'm lucky enough to have not had to deal with any deaths of my immediate family; Only pets, and it sure feels different with people. Consequently I've never been to a funeral before and I'm really nervous about it. I hate seeing my mum cry and I just dont' know what to expect from it all.

I feel bad that I didn't see her. Though my last memory of her was on her birthday last year, by the river, smiling in her wheelchair.

Roundup.

My brother has been back from Japan for a week now. He's no different AT all. Having not seen him for two years it was strange having him around for about ten minutes, and then it was like he'd never been away.

Saturday night, we finally had a night out at The Gallows and Eddies... it's been SO long, but it was nice to be there, surrounded by the music, the freaks, the whole atmosphere again- even if it is a bit different to uni rock night. I wore my cropped trousers and new belt, coupled with my pirate shoes and my motorhead top. I looked pretty damn cool even if I do say so myself. :-)

I haven't managed to find a pair of slippers that rock enough for me to purchase yet, but the search continues.

Sod's Law owes me a new pair of slippers.

I don't believe it. And I mean that with all the angst of Victor Meldrew I can muster.

It's been cloudy today, a bit of drizzle this morning but nothing really to moan about. Other than that it's been dry with a breeze. Breezy enough, for example to hang out the two duvet covers I've finally washed when doing the laundry today. I hung them out. And two sodding seconds later, it started to rain. Okay, I though, nevermind, it'll be a shower... and even if it isn't, the damn things can get wet and then dry off after... twenty minutes later and it's started to chuck it down. I hang on five more minutes, but no end to it in sight I go to get the washing back in. I make it to the top of the freaking staircase and to my front door when the buggering downpour stops raining. I'm soaked, my poor gromit slippers (which were already in a bit of a state) are pretty much down to a few soggy bare threads... and my washing is probably wetter than it was when it went out!!!

The slink is NOT happy.

How Long Does The Juice last...?

06 mins 7.4 seconds

And by that point it the fruitella was just tiny I had to swallow it. It lasted right til the end.

That really is quite incredible.

Juicy!

Man, has it REALLY been that long?! A whole week?!

I've been working alot, doing lots and lots of overtime because people keep leaving or getting sacked at work. It's been way too hot at night so I've not been sleeping all that well and coupled with all the overtime- it's been a bit knackering to be honest. I did have a dream about Johnny Depp last night though... that was fun.

I've managed to make another bear... they're slowly getting a bit better in quality. I'm going to do a few more with patterns then I might have a go at making my own. Unfortunately I keep getting distracted and making bears rather than photographing my Wizard or finishing off/starting illustration projects which is a bit naughty.

Right now, I'm sitting here in my dinky shorts and bikini top because it's flippin hot. I have a day off tomorrow FINALLY so I'm feeling quite relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I'm trying to suck a fruitella for as long as it takes the actual flavouring to disappear... for the highly scientific reason: I'm intrigued as to how long it will last. It's a lot harder than you think! I'll let you know the results.

Safari!

On Friday, we went to the safari park, just like we planned to. It was rather hot, and since Niall's car has no air conditioning we pretty much cooked inside since you have to keep all your windows, doors and sunroofs locked. I got some cool pictures though... shame that the best close up I got was from a stinking, ugly, big llama. I don't like llama's. It was a really good day though; I enjoyed it, and needed it too.



Quick Roundup:

* My wizard has been finished now, but I've yet to take any proper photographs. I like him though, he looks cool. Here's a quick phone shot of him:

* I started a wish list the other week to remind myself of things I need/want. It's so I actually have things to say come christmas when my grandparents ask me what I would like... and also so I don't keep forgetting to buy things that I need. I started it with the best of intentions... but now it's grown pretty big and I'm scared it will never end!

* New bears may be on the way... N kindly ordered a few more bits and bobs for me so I can keep practising. I think it's turning out to be quite an expensive hobby though... eek.

* I need to update my website pretty soon but I have no idea how... I really ought to get my bum in gear and do something about it though, particularly now I'm getting more self promotion material done.

* And to Ramzi and his friends/family in Lebanon- Stay safe.

Minimum Wage

Work sucks right now. I just sodding hate it. We have a new manager in temporarily, and although she knows her stuff and has sorted the place out- even offering to actually train us all!!!... it means I'm running around constantly and feeling under pressure.... in a god damn shop. This is my stop-gap, my rent payer while I sort out my illustration, and the hours really allow for that... but man, busting my gut, putting up with some really frigging nasty customers and slaving away carrying boxes and stuff- for peanuts?!?! I swear... the last few days I've worked have been horrid. I've made silly mistakes because I've been so tired and it's just getting to me. I'd rather not care about it at all... but I hate letting people down or being made to feel stupid. *sighs*

Anyway, to wind down the other day I stuck my hair up in a funky hair do and took new potential avatar pictures. What an exciting life I lead.



We may be going to the safari park tomorrow though... yey!

Don't tread on the frogs!

Let me paint you a picture; one of which you are all familiar with I'm sure.

It's a sunday morning. I'm sitting ready for work eating a bowl of cereal with some rather boring news show on- you know, the sort you sit and watch on a sunday morning because there's nothing else on. Niall is in the kitchen, washing up a few dishes and boiling the kettle for a quick cuppa before giving me a lift to work. I'd like to add here- the next happenings/thought processes occur in about a millisecond I'm about to take another mouthful of cereal... when I hear *BANG!* And when I say Bang, I mean a LOUD one. First thought: Niall's dropped something large and heavy onto the kitchen counter... but in the next quarter of a second I hear him yell... crap, injury??, something thrown through the wondow??? But there was no smashing of glass?? confusion. So I run into the kitchen scared to death of what I might see... and I'm faced with the following scene: Niall is standing there wearing one rubber (not just that I might add), hot water is dripping over most of the kitchen surfaces... I look at Niall, and he breathlessly says... "The kettle just exploded".

True enough, there was the kettle lying on it's side having shot right out of it's stand. Man, if I hadn't been so bloody scared I'd have laughed my head off. After checking if Niall was okay, I carefully turned off the plug. I guess we were kinda in shock for a little bit... but proceeded to mop up the water everywhere. It seems that a hole had blown in the kettle's element despite it being in perfect condition elsewhere. I'm going to be informing trading standards about it because it's meant to have a safety cut out to avoid any explosions. It's just a bloody good job that the water hadn't been any hotter because Niall could have been badly burnt.

Since there wasn't any injuries or fires or anything, it's kinda funny when I think about it now, but Argos will be experiencing The Wrath Of The Slink for selling shitty, dangerous appliances, even if we have had it for about a year and it's worked fine.

Anyhoo, after work, we had a quick bite to eat in the form of a pre-packed shepards pie (yum) and headed off to collect my little sister and watch an outdoor performance of The Tempest at Shugborough Hall. Now, I'm all for the use of pathetic fallacy in films etc, but witnessing the weather change from perfect sunshine and hot hot heat, to torrential rain, thunder and lightening was just crazy, and more so after the explosive start to the day. Nevertheless, we got there early, and sat in the car for about 45 minutes, listening to Tool and watching the downpour, rainbows and lightening. Fortunatly it seemed to clear a little for the start of the performance so we gathered our folding chairs and ventured to find a good spot. On the way out of the car park, I spotted this tiny tiny baby frog (about the size of my little finger nail) which was directly in the line of an on coming car so I picked it up and moved it to the side of the road. I felt good. Like a saviour of vulnerable baby frogs. However, my efforts were only to be proven completely futile. On turning the corner, we were faced with a swarm of baby frogs. There must have been thousands, and that is NO exageration. We tried our best to dodge, tip toe and even jump over them but they were so small and there were soooo many. All you could see were people walking funny, jumping, hopping, skipping and tiptoeing through the masses of little frogs. It was surreal. There were less frogs, fortunatly, were we pitched up our chairs for the play. We had a little bit of rain, but it was just a shower, and the performance started. It was all rather good, and despite not knowing the story and not being all too academic with funny ancient english, I was quite impressed that I managed to follow it. The second half and ending was a bit of a let down, but it was made more amusing by watching a regular sized adult frog hop and crawl it's way towards an unsuspecting womans leg sitting on a blanket. I waited for the scream or the disgusted flinch when it touched her or hopped on her... and I wasn't disapointed either... hysterical.

So all in all, a rather bizarre sort of a day for a sunday.

Saturday, was a bit of a let down too... whilst I didn't care all that much about England going out the world cup, I was annoyed to see Roddick get beaten by that spotty little prick Andy Murray. Roddick just was NOT on top form. Better luck next year Andy. I can only hope Murry hits puberty before his next match and can't play.

More good news however, I have started work on my Wizard and on another bear so I have plenty to do. We also managed to get tickets to the World Series Renault day at Donnington Park in September and tickets were free so that will be something to look forward too... as long as I can get that weekend off work of course. We have the tickets now, so I'll be mightily angry if I'm not allowed the two days off particularly since I have four weeks of holiday which isn't booked yet. Heikki's going to be there and everything... I better get my stalking shoes out ready.

Oh, and I'm feeling better too- my tummy seems to be recovering and the infection which my doctor told me I had even though I had NO symptoms (?!) should be gone too. Just waiting for those test results, but otherwise I seem to be on the mend. Yey!

Laters.

Sick Slink.

I'm ill. And since I haven't been properly ill for a while my body seems to have totally given up the ghost and just caught everything going at once. I went to the doctors today after trying for two days to get a damn appointment- and apparently I have a possible tummy bug ( I haven't been able to eat anything for about four/five days without feeling immensely sick afterwards), I have an infection for which I have to have antibiotics for three days, and I'm also awaiting some test results for another potentially lethal disease... or so it feels.

It's been ages since I was last ill, and that even includes a cold. Even though, I managed to start my next project today; A Wizard.

Yesterday I made my first teddy bear, which again turned out better than I expected. I really should give my kick ass skills more credit. :-D His name is Barney.

As well as all this, it's that time of year again... Andy Roddick fest... also known as Wimbledon. Nice to see good ol Tim Henman has stamped his fiesty foot on the tournament as per usual. Give it up Tim, for gawds sake...

Go Andy!

Sea Life Work

Thought I'd post these because I'm pretty pleased with the results. :-)

Song of the week..

... is Pantomime by Incubus. And not JUST because of this...

... It's a bloody good song too.

Studio: Inhabited

As I'm sure you will remember, I posted a picture of my spanking new studio not so long ago.

May I now present My Studio: Inhabited. And rather a mess it has to be said.

As you can see, I've been working. Working on my sea life models to be exact. The beady eyed ones amongst you will spot a sea turtle, an octopus, starfish and seahorse and some coral amongst the wreckage. The eagle eyed amongst you will also notice new desktop wallpaper and the addition of my "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several attack me at once" sign above my pooter. The mole eyed amongst you, won't see anything at all.

No Name.

Highlights of this week include:

• Seeing ktp, rfa, jonjon and dave in uni-ville for ktp's degree show.
• Getting overtime for the next two weeks- not good in itself, but the money will be much needed.
• Seeing the worlds ugliest baby in a pram at work. I can still see it's face at night... the hair, the bulging eyes...
• Vacuuming the house, cleaning the fish tank, tidying/cleaning the kitchen- including disinfecting the basin and bin AND cleaning the inside of the microwave (holy.crap.horrible) washing and drying a weeks worth of pots ... all in the space of one and a half hours.
• Getting a message saying there had been some interest in one of my illustrations that I submited to an arts festival.
• Niall buying me a book on how to make bears. :-)
• The weather cooling down a tad so that it's just right.

Lowlights of this week:

• Money being VEEEERY tight and not getting paid for another two weeks.
• Our local chippy not selling gravy. Lame.
• Seeing football everywhere, or worse still- ugly, fat, drunk, semi-naked, sunburnt football fans acting like twats.

In other news, I have finally put up my photo's from our mini-break on my photoblog. Check sets Stratford, Warwick and Cotswolds. I've been getting a few comments about them too which is cool.

I'm also half way through my sea life project/self promo work. I've so far made an octopus, seahorse and starfish, and am in the process of painting the sea turtle model. I still need to buy a few more bits and bobs for backgrounds and scenery, and also plan how the hell I'm going to make a jellyfish, but I'm up for the challenge.

The Mini Break.

Well, now that blogger has decided to repair itself and let people use it again... I can get round to blabbering about our weekend away.

The drive there was relatively simple and easy. Sunglasses on, listening to the Chilli's we were in a funky and happy mood. After arriving in the teeny village of Snitterfield where our little holiday cottage was, we strolled off to find the local village store. We bought essentials like bread, milk, cheese, butter and of course doritos. We then, headed off to see Mary Arden's house (Shakespeare's mum) which was only a few miles away. We even watched a falconry display where we watched a big falcon rip the guts out of a little dead chick. Cool. That evening, we drove back to the cottage and walked into the village again to have a meal at the local pub called The Foxhunter. We tried our best not to look like 'townies' or that we both hated foxhunting. I avoided looking at the foxes heads on the wall. It was wierd, it was all a bit "league of gentlemen", a bit local, everyone knew each other. Still, it was pleasant enough and the meal was prett ydamn nice as far as I can recall, though it cost over £50 for the two of us. I had bread and butter pudding number one, which wasn't as good as my mums.

The next day we went into Stratford. We visited Shakespeares birthplace (see pic) where I think we were the only British people there.

We walked around town and had a little picnic in the park near the canal, where we were entertained by Magic Steve, the street performer. He got us all to play a joke on the surrounding people by having us all stand there clapping and cheering and absolutely nothing. Ah, the confusion, the poor puzzled little expressions of those passers by... it was funny. We stopped by the Teddy Bear shop, where I wanted to buy myself an expensive hand made bear, but I couldn't find any that I liked that were under £50. Next stop, was the butterfly farm. I even made it around the arachnid part albeit slightly rushed.

We returned to Stratford that night as we'd booked tickets to see Romeo and Juliet at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre. We got food at the cafe and I made the mistake of ordering steak. Since I'm not a lion, I prefer it when meat is actually cooked- like properly cooked so that it's changed colour and not looking like an open wound. I couldn't eat it and only had a few chips. Niall bought me a Baileys bread and butter pudding (number two) which didn't really taste like it had enough Baileys in it and still wasn't as good as my mums. We winded up booking the cheapest tickets as they got pretty pricey so we weren't expecting to see all that much. However... we were pleasantly surpsied. Well, Niall was at least. Holy. Crap. Balcony seats= death drop. I couldn't believe how high up we were. I could barely move. And what to make it better but to have to keep standing up to let great big fat american's tourists passed...?! Again, I think we were the only British people there. I got over the height thing once the lights went down and I couldn't see the hundred foot drop to the ground below. We both really enjoyed the production... they even cut down on the stabbings by removing all weapons and using big poles. Wierd, but effective in a non-violent sort of a way.

Day three took in Warwick castle. Thankfully we saved ten squids just by being Uni alumni. Hurrah. We watched a rather lame knight fighting thing, more falconry including a mahooosive vulture, and wandered around alot trying not to get too sunburnt. I managed to find a few pressies for the family. There was a mysterious cash point too, in Warwick town centre, which on approach seemed to be tempting me with a huge wad of cash that some complete idiot hadn't taken out of the slot. It flashed "please remove your cash" on the screen but I was in shock, then quick as a flash it snapped it back up again. Man, it was odd... I mean who would go to take out £100 or so, and then walk away?!!? Nevertheless, I got money from my OWN account dammit, and left.

That evening, we were unsure of what to do, so we decided on going for a drive round the cotswold hills. We drove all the way to Broadway to see the Broadway Tower, and soaked up the amazing views before heading into Broadway village for a bite to eat.

Monday morning- we packed up ready to hand our keys back at ten, then drove off to Stratford again for a last walk around. We popped back into the Bear shop for another look, and Niall bought me Elfie the bear, who was rather expensive but totally worth it. He even got his own travel box. Our next stop was a National Trust place called Charlecote Park which although nice to look at, was slightly disapointing. We drove off to Kenilworth Castle next which was on the route home, stopping off in between at a little craft centre place where I bought two pairs of earrings. I thought I'd treat myself. Kenilworth castle is a cool place, all big but in ruins. I love ruins, they just inspire me somehow. I took lots of photgraphs while Niall read every plaquard of information available- not that I'm not interested in it's history though, I just don't want to stand about and read while there are things to look at. We had to set off back home at about four, neither of us wanted to go back home though. Still, it had been a nice few days away and the weather had been fantastic the whole time- which is pretty rare.

For some reason blogger isn't letting me add any more photo's and pictures, which is frigging annoying considering it's let me put ONE in! Piece of crap... I'll try add some when's it's not having a lame day.

Long Weekend

So last friday Niall and I drove down to Stratford Upon Avon for a long weekend away. It's the first time we've been away together on a mini-holiday so it was exciting. I took lots of pictures which I hope to paw through at some point and upload onto the old photoblog. No doubt there will be a longer post about my weekend away once I have the energy to remember it all and also pictures to accompany it. :-)

It's been a nice few days. I'm kinda out of other ways to describe it... it was just really nice to be out in the country, in the sun, absorbing it all. I needed it. Big time. I'm kinda tired, and the prospect of working the next three days is pretty dire, however, "Things" are on the horizon or in process:

• I'm in the middle of working on some sea life artwork which I hope to use for self promotion once I get enough money for more business cards and postcards.
• We're hoping to go back to Uni-ville this weekend to see ktp's degree show and have a mini reunion with people which will be nice.
• There's about three or four potential parties that I need to work out if I can go too and I also need to book time off work for my bro coming back from Japan for a few weeks in August.

Lots to look forward to, warm sunny days ahead... yey.

Yoinked.

You are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Yoinked from Ramzi's blog.

Bad Day

Bad days aren't meant to happen on Saturdays; they're for Mondays or Thursdays or something... not at the weekend. If today had been a smell it would have been ammonia mixed with rotting flesh and off milk. I won't go into details though key moments were- two and a half shopping trips, the absence of money,invisible pants, crowds and queues, another broken umbrella, tears, crowds, anger, puddles, and fatigue. It was just plain wrong all over.

I did spot Ruth-the-big-loud-mouthy-brummy-one-who-lost-to-that-robot-blonde-on-The Apprentice though. I think that was the highlight.

We were planning on going to Edwards in brum tonight, but after the day we've had and some girly stuff preventing the wearing of proper rock gear, we've chosen to stay in. Probably for the best I think.

Day Off

Today I have:

• Washed the grease covered pots and pans that Niall left from cooking Sunday dinner yesterday.
• Cleaned the kitchen thoroughly, again after Niall's cooking, and also out of fear of deadly diseases. Including the oven which had unidentifiable purple stuff on it.
• Cleaned and swept the kitchen floor.
• Made an anniversary card for my parents, and a birthday card for my brother.
• Repotted two baby houseplants and one cactus.

And it's only lunchtime.

This afternoon, I aim to start planning/painting the canvases to decorate the flat with. And/or start to paint the octopus that I modelled last week. I also need to think of what to cook for tea.

Ah, I love days off.

My Studio

You are invited to have a good nose around my spanking new studio, and privaliged indeed to be the seeing it before I actually start working in it and mess it all up. I've even labelled the good bits.


1. My computer, or the moniter anyway. Complete with Brandon Boyd Pirate wallpaper.

2. Wobbly Jack Skellington bobble head pen in stand.

3. My baby. Epson printer. I love it.

4. Jack Daniels drinks coaster. No idea how I aquired this, but I do believe it's from New York.

5. Comfy padded chair.

6. Camera/photography equipment and tripod nearby.

7. Picture of the gecko I made.

8. Jaffa cake character thingy toy.

9. Monkey. Always hangs around my computer somewhere but now sits atop my lockable storage box.

10. The recently renamed Jubjub, which my sister bought me for christmas.

11. Moose. From New York.

12. Scary Lady. Another New York purchase from one of the museums. Hand made in some far off country apparantly.

13. Dangly squirrel. Protector of my illustration postcards and cd roms.

14. Guiseppe. A regular around my computer; my friend bought me him from Italy, hence the name.

15. PVC horns.

16. Lamp with legs. of course. Though the bulb is broken at the moment and it's a funny little one that I can't get hold of.

17. Jack Skellington/Nightmare before Christmas toys from Japan.

18. Silly Storage heater but with the rather amusing name of Dimplex.
19. My cd's... much needed when I'm working away.

20a and b. Art materials storage. There is also loads of material stored under the desk and my fold away work table is hidden about somewhere too.

21. My business cards.

22. Disney toys. Nemo, Crush and a Toy Story alien should be on view.

23. The secret box.

24. That white thing is a clothes airer. (nowhere else to put it!)

25. Decision dice. VERY important. I have a yellow one with yes, no, maybe on... and a purple one with the options- eat lots of something, phone a friend, watch a video, surf the net, argue, and play loud music on it. Also here... you would find a scarab charm from Ru-Isu, a special funky stone I found years ago, a blue glass pig and a frog- guardian of my boom box wotsit.

:-)

Eurovision

I don't know about you, but this is my idea of a good laugh...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4906784.stm#finland

Finland are entering a "death metal" band for their eurovision song contest entry. It's nice to see a country with a sense of humour. The song sucks, of course, but I hope they win.

I'm totally going to watch it just for that.

Man, I love Finland.

On the Buses

I don't mind getting the bus to work. I like people watching; not in any sort of a wierd way, just like watching the passers by or commuters go about their lives. I find it interesting how all these different lives overlap for a few minutes, united in the need or desire to get from A to B.

There's a few regulars on my bus route:

The Happy Lady. She gets on the bus a few stops after me and she's always smiling and happy, even if it's chucking it down with rain. She talks quite loudly but it's in a more confident than brash way.

The Chewing Girl. Probably what you would call a chav though a slightly diluted version, and can always here her chewing on some gum even if she's at the back of the bus.

The Strange Trampy Man. I don't care if this isn't PC. He is strange and he does look like a tramp. He always wears the same coat, and smells funny and he stares at people on the bus. He doesn't look all there and I feel pretty uncomfortable when he sits near by.

The Art Student. Always with a different hair do every day, and those rather gay leggings underneath a denim skirt which is meant to look retro but just looks crap. She always reads the newspaper on her way in.

Those are the regulars. Just last week though, at any one time, there was the campest man I have ever ever seen, someone with some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder AND a woman in labour on one bus journey.

Fascinating.

One potato to rule them all...

There I was, on my lunch break at work, happily munching through my packet of salt and vinegar walkers crisps... and what should I happen to find...??

Only ...

THE EYE OF SAURON

I snapped it on my camera phone.



Remember. He sees all.

Look out Brandon Boyd...

So lately, my dreams have been coming true. Well, I say they've been coming true... but more they've been kinda predicting things that happen the next day. Well I say predicting... but more like something is seen or heard and it kinda reminds me of my dream.

yeah maybe that's not so amazing.

But anyway, so the other night I dreamt I found this really tiny puppy and was walking home with it while it ran around my feet. A woman shouted at me for not having it on a special lead and I called her a bitch for it. I don't remember much more than that... but the very next morning (in real life now), I was watching Will & Grace or something on TV and one of the characters goes and pulls out this puppy from a bag, and holy crap it's only the same flippin puppy from my dream. It was sort of half poodle and the exact size of the one in my dream. I nearly choked on my breakfast, which incidentally was easter egg chocolate.

Similarly, about a week ago I dreamt that I was getting bullied and harassed by these people and no one would believe me enough to back me up... and a few days later- Niall's family start being all wierd and Niall and I argued because I didn't feel like he backed me up.

It's strange. Perhaps the months of no sleep have reinforced how powerful are.

Who knows what will happen next. Certain people better watch out... I frequently kick ass in my dreams, and I also tend to run around alot. Maybe that's why I've been so tired.

More to come on this matter as it goes under investigation.

In Pictures.

Mini Project: Business Identity Illustration for Website- Little Red Gecko

Bank Holiday day trip to Shugborough Hall... on which it rained pretty much most of the day and I couldn't get many photographs. 'Twas a good day though.

I really need to start posting again... but I rarely feel like I have anything interesting to comment about these days. It'll happen though soon enough- any day now a surge of creative energy will hit home and you won't shut me up. It could be stored in the masses of easter chocolate I got over the last weekend. I managed to be given about five easter eggs and accompanying chocolate goodies, twenty pounds, and three bears- TWO of which are chocolate scented. yum.

Slink's Alive.

I am. Or I was the last time I checked.

Things suck at the moment.

Bargain Hunt.

Today, has been good. For a change. :-)

It could have gone badly for many reasons.. one being I went out without a coat OR an umbrella and it had forecast rain, but it didn't rain until I got back home. I went into Brum to spend my birthday money and vouchers. My first AND second stop were two different HMV's since the first had about three CD's and ten DVD's in the whole store. Outside the second HMV, I got stopped by a money grabbing charity man and I ended up giving him two pounds and I was repaid with the compliment " you could be a model" twice. I spent ages in HMV trying to decide what cd's or dvd's to get with my £20 gift card and ended up getting Life is Beautiful and Creature Comforts. Next I went into Marks and Spencer to spend the £10 voucher that the girls at work gave me for my birthday. Incidentally it was even nicer since I've only been there a few weeks yet they wished me happy birthday unlike my best mates of many a years who didn't even bother sending me a text. Anyway... I went into Marks feeling a little lost as I usually do in places like that with all sensible adult people in them... but I totally bagged my bargain of the day. I found a lacy corset in my size for NINE squids as it was in the sale, and I got myself a pair of rather funky stripy pants to make up the full amount. I also managed to bag myself two more tops for work, a wicked cool jumper from the oasis and... yes here's the down side... I ended up spending a liiiittle over my birthday money on some trousers... but they DO look pretty damn ace on me I have to say. I picked up a chicken and stuffing sarnie for the train journey home where I munched away whilst listening to this scary looking guy mumbling about being in prison. Not bad at all for a day's work.

I still have loads of dvd's to watch which I intended to do when I got home, but I ended up doing my usual rounds on the computer and then falling asleep in front of Deal or No Deal. Well, it was a tiring day.

My dearest...

In stark contrast to my last post...

I am so angry today. I am so angry I could burst out of my skin.

I am glass... about to break... If I shatter I hope that every single shard hits you right in your lying, jealous, loathing eyes.

YOU called ME that?!?! YOU????

You nasty, hypocritical, insensitive, weak, manipulative, pathetic, venomous, hateful, SPITEFUL, vindictive, malicious, messed up, spineless, CHILDISH, jealous, deceitful, screw-up.

I hope hypocrisy turns into a disease in your body and spills out of every pore.

Look in that mirror. See it break under the hate that I feel for you. See your filth, your actions, your hypocrisy and pathetic hatred reflect right back into your heart and break it. Over and Over and Over. I hope it does so for every day that you live in your fucked up little world.

Curl up and lie in the mess that you created.

It's where you belong.

Scum.

I just wanted to say...

I might have issues, and troubles, and I know I can be really down and miserable sometimes... but one thing that I really know makes the difference is the fact that I have some damn excellent friends.

The last week has been truly crap, but the things that stand out are as follows: Getting a lucky scarab beetle charm in the post from Ru-Isu, Rfa and Ktp singing happy birthday down the phone, Lins being there for me even when things are tough for herself, Mark and Loz phoning to wish me happy birthday, and Adam doing his best to cheer me up and making me smile.

I have some ACE friends, I really do and I'm grateful for every one. Thanks guys... I really mean that.

23.

I don't think I've ever been more glad to see the end of one particular week.

And what better way to end a crappy week than with a birthday! Yep, I am now 23. I'm not panicking too much yet though... and the oldness hasn't crept in yet either so I'm good. I got some lovely pressies including a new macro lens and ring flash for my digital camera, some DVD's, money, some gift vouchers, the obligatory smellies and a new top that's ideal for work. Niall's present was a suprise trip into Brum and despite not being allowed to look at the tickets I worked out that we were heading to The Hippodrome. It was for the last showing of Edward Scissorhands. It was a good show, obviously not a patch on the film and I felt they kinda overlooked the point of the film, focusing too much on the community and not on Edward, but still, the sets were great and I had a really good night. Perhaps more extraordinary was the fact that Niall drove all the way into Brum and back (NOT easy for the best of drivers!- see Spaghetti Junction) without any serious incidents and even when we got lost, we got lost right next to where we needed to be! Not bad at all. I even managed to chip in a birthday Baileys before the performance.

I was at work all day yesterday but it was deathly quiet in town I assume because of Mothers Day, which meant we got to open a box of roses and eat them on the shop floor.

:-)

No rest for the wicked.

Tired.

I got home from work yesterday completely shattered; I could barely keep my eyes open. But did I sleep last night? ... no.

This week has been completely deflating for a number of reasons. Some too upsetting to talk about, some too annoying to talk about and some that are plain boring. Sleep would at least break it up a bit, but instead it's been a big blurry mess of one long, tough day- just with some bits darker than others.

I filled my mind with the amazing creations of Dave McKean last night and it's inspired me to start working on some illustrations for self promotion and portfolio. I also want to do some basic animation work at some point, just to see how it turns out. Now if only I could sleep a while, I'd have a modicum of energy with which to actually DO something!

Soundtracks

I can ususally tell that I'm not expressing myself enough when I start to hear songs that could have been taken directly from my head. In the past month, this has happened alot.

I know I’ve been mistaken
But just give me a break
And see the changes that I’ve made
I’ve got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all And throw them in my face

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say
To keep me right here waiting
If you chose to walk away
I’d still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say
To keep you right here waiting

I hope you’re not intending
To be so condescending
It’s as much as I can take
And you’re so independent
You just refuse to bend
So I keep bending till I break

I’ve made a commitment
I’m willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Can’t you just forgive me
I don’t want to relive all the mistakes I’ve made along the way
But I always find a way
To keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say
To keep you right here waiting
But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting

Staind, Right Here

hrm.

Eye for an Eye?

I like to think of myself as down to earth. I think I'm caring about the world in general, the environment and animals and life etc. I'm not material and whilst I have a desire to want to look better than I feel, I'm by no means a vain girly girl. I love getting new shoes or boots, I love new make up- but none of this stands in the way of my principles. For example, I try as best I can to only buy make up that hasn't been tested on animals because quite frankly it's fucked up. I laugh at the freezing cold, bloody footed tarts walking along in stupid shoes, a tiny belt and two bits of spagetti holding up their fake boobs, while I walk along in my big, warm comfy boots and tights- or better yet a pair of trousers and my trainers. Yes, I am by no means, someone who puts lame, vanity and fashion before comfort.

However,

I rarely go anywhere without eyeliner. It's my comfort tool, part of my everyday attire and to me, equally as important as wearing shoes when I go out. I bought a new eyeliner a while ago and splashed out on one that cost me £7 as it was better quality than my usual one and it made SUCH a difference. Instead of splintering my eyelids it glided across and smudged perfectly... well worth the money. I'm hooked.. and it's worrying me.

This eyeliner... is bad. It LOOKS fantastic... but every time I wear it, my eyes go blurry and I can't see properly. This cannot be good. Especially not when I'm driving. Yet I still wear it everyday. Why? Because it cost me SEVEN. Pounds! To make it worse... I didn't check if it was tested on animals. Maybe it's a punishment.

If I could just finish the damn stick it would be okay... but it lasts. It's not even half way down and unless I go to some SERIOUS goth or 80's nights... I'm stuck with it for some time.

I really should stop being so stubborn and just let it go. Forget the money, forget the superb finish and smudgy goodness, think of the blurryness and possible long term damage. Let the evil but oh so pretty eye liner go. Drop it. Drop the eyeliner.

And just in case you're wondering- this has NO bearing what so ever on the previous post. Any issues with eyeliner are considered minor and wouldn't warrent such inner torment. On a scale, the previous post concerns are far greater than those implied here. :D

Limbo.

You know what I really really really hate at the moment???

Okay you're right... it could be any number of things... but what I really really really really REALLY hate right now, is hating something that I can't change, something all together quite pointless and frustratingly out of my control. And that is- not knowing.

I don't care that I don't know "stuff" about this or that ... but I hate not knowing what to do for myself, hate not knowing wether I'm making the right decision, if what I'm doing is 'right'. Is there a right? Do I actually know what to do and something is holding me back? Do I HAVE an answer that I've ignored, or do I genuinely not know? Is that a cop out? If so, why? Have I thought too much? Not enough?

I know every one gets this from time to time, and there's no use blathering and umming and aahing and thinking over and over until you're sick to death of the whole situation; I know that there are always consequences and the grass is always greener on the other side, I know about biting the bullet, and grabbing the bull by the horns, I also know about seizing the day and making the most of a bad situation. I know alot of stuff actually, I know all sorts.. I know ME better than anyone else in this world... But I still Don't. Know. And it's the plain, boring fact that I CAN'T know what will happen that is bothering me so much.

Random, vague, nonesense to you... thought stream to me.

know. know. know. know. no.

Maybe that's the answer.

Reflect.

Reflecting on the past week or at least the days where I did something interesting :

Saturday: I witnessed my baby sister (aged 16) going out into the big scary place that is Brum on her first night out to the Academy for a "rock night"... aaaaaaaaaaaah.

Monday: First day at work. Niall manages to crash his SECOND car only two weeks after his first car was written off after hitting a truck. This time it was due to the windscreen washers failing so that he was unable to see anything, with sun glare too. He hits a big Murk whilst trying to pull over into a laybay. The garage man says it's reparable.

Tuesday: Second day at work. Niall gets told his car has been written off because of parts prices. He is gutted. The flat we wanted gets let out a day before we were to view it after being on the files for months. In the evening, I meet up with the ladybug and Boss B for a girly night in. We drank Amaretto and listened to Johnny Cash. :)

Thursday: Boss B and I go to a local arts and crafts centre to paint pots. I painted a bowl for my mum for mothers day. How much do I rock?

Saturday: Niall and I look around local flats for when he transfers from Peterborough to Stafford. He buys a THIRD car. We hope this one lasts more than a few weeks.


So I forgot to mention that I got a little part time job which I started last monday. It's in a linen shop in town... totally rock and roll. The hours mean that I can earn a bit of money whilst working on self promotion for my illustration so I'm quite pleased. I've obviously not had much time this week to post so I apologise, dear blog, for the neglect.

I was thinking about my blog last night, listing the stuff I had to talk about and now I've actually got here finally, I can't remember a goddam thing! Nothing...

Some good news is that the motor racing season has started again. The bad side of that was that I missed the first actual race because I was working! I'm kinda half hoping for Alonso to break a finger or arm or something and then maybe my little Heikki can get a race or two. I really want to go to some motor racing weekends this year. I miss it alot and it's not all that expensive either, a good time is had by all on most occasions.

Ooh... my birthday is in two weeks... birthday lists available on request.

Yoink.

I STOLE something today, from Ramzi's blog ... but fortunatly the theft didn't show up in my Personal DNA report which can be viewed here. Place your mouse over the coloured boxes to view the results.

Cautious Artist

I think it was relatively accurate apart from two comments;

You sometimes wish that others would be more like you—less hindered by their emotions, more respectful, and more private.

and,

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.

Especially the last one, I'll jump right in and voice my opinion usually. Other than those though, it was a pretty good summary of me.

:)

New Arrival

Urgh... I'm not well again today. I woke up with a nasty headache, gave it the best part of a few hours to leave of it's own accord but it refused so I battered it with paracetamol instead. It's sort of worked but now I feel really shaky and sick. Think I preferred the headache.

Anyway, last night was fun. I haven't been in a recovery vehicle since I was small so it was all a bit exciting.

Despite getting home in the early hours of the morning, and spending most of the day doing laundry for my mom whilst feeling ill, there was SOME good news:

I can officially announce the new arrival; the pitter patter of a brand, new, bouncing pair of shoes! Yep... Niall managed to find a pair of my beloved Pirate shoes that actually fit me and they arrived today with a healthy £7.45 customs charge. Woohoo! :-)

£

I'm tired today.

Tired of:

Jobhunting, not sleeping, not having money, not being able to do what I want so badly to do, of people misunderstanding me totally, of the past, worrying about the future, trying to tell myself I'm attractive and not really believing it, of waiting around for Niall when he's treated me like crap, of grey skies, politics, bad news, moaning about being tired of things, not going out, wishing things were different, struggling to trust people, aches and pains, finding it hard to stay positive.

I'm trying... this weekend has just really sucked out any positive vibes I had. I'll get em back, I know it... just tired for now. Niall managed to crash his car into the side of a truck on Friday morning. Fortunatly he was unhurt but his car was written off so he's had to get another loan to buy a new car as he needs it for the commute to work. I've been helping him to sort out finances this weekend and we've been running around looking at new cars and getting insurance quotes. I've just got money money money money money going round and round in my head- it's terrifying. I'm fine not being rich; I'm well adjusted enough to know the value of money and the the inevitability of existing without large sums of cash never bothered me before University... but it's crippling knowing that you might be totally poor forever. I'm prepared to work, to pay my way and create a good career for myself, but house prices are still shooting up, bills are going up above the rate of inflation, it's impossible to get on the property ladder, the government fails to recognise that people have massive debts these days and can't afford to do anything than to get into bigger debts all whilst working their ass off just to claw their way back up the scale to nought. How are you meant to get married and have a family in between paying off about three loans, a mortgage, and rising utility bills? Future's are scary things.

I had a job interview saturday for some part time work. The hours are good so that I can work a fair bit and still have time for art work, competitions and self promotion. I should hear back in a week or so. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Ways of Seeing.

It took me almost a full year to appreciate what I was being taught in art college. My rather odd, but unique art teacher, guru- if you will, spurted the usual arty jargon which to the untrained ear sounds like complete nonsense; ( "drawing isn't about drawing so much as it's about Seeing") but it still all sticks with me today. I was told to forget what I'd "learnt" about art before, ignore all my impulses and preconceptions of art and drawing; I was un-taught everything. As art students, you're basically reverted back to a child... and I know why too. Ever since, I've been totally fascinated by how children view the world. It's something you can never get back no matter how much art training you have. It's special, and it's a shame that we lose it to become these numbed out adults. I'm glad that I can appreciate the wierd and wonderful, see beauty where others wouldn't and that's as close to that child-like wonder I'm ever going to get, but man, I'm glad I have it.

How many people think what the world would look like to an alien visitor? Seriously, the amount of times I look at some every day object or action and think- how wierd is this, really? Like clapping... look at clapping- how odd is it? How strange is it seeing a packed theatre full of humans all slapping the ends of their limbs together?

I realised how numbed out I was becoming, how 'adult' and dull, on a trip to an art gallery in London a few years ago. My friend and I stood looking at an abstract sculpture for a while. It was by Raymond Duchamp- Villon. A mother with a toddler walked by, and the child looked in bewilderment at the sculpture, tugged on his mom's arm and said- "look, mommy, a horse"... Holy. Crap. This sculpture was a horse... a Cubist Horse. Two art students hadn't worked it out, and incidentally hadn't read the label!, but a two year old saw it straight away... we were both amazed. We felt damn stupid but amazed at the same time.

I miss that. I miss that ability to see differently, with fresh eyes, so open to new things, able to see so much more than adults can. Obviously innocence has many many disadvantages but in terms of seeing- as adults we lose out big time. I don't want that. I don't want to ever get bored of seeing. Children find excitement and intrigue in normal things. A simple train ride and you see them pointing out the window at pretty much anything- a building! another train! Yeah they have the energy, and they haven't seen it all before maybe, it's all new to them... but how cool it must be to see everything with that much awe. I guess with that can come fear... this world must be pretty scary too to innocent eyes, but to have such a strong physical and emotional reaction to just seeing- THAT is priceless, and I never want to lose it. Plus it explains why imagery can totally freak me out. It's a basic instinct that gets lost early on as we start to try and explain things with words rather than feel how we react to them. Bloody words... they always get in the way. Here I am writing about it all rather than illustrating it- I guess that says it all!

I keep getting told that age brings wisdom and tolerance and all that crap, but does it? Or does it bring cynicism, numbness, monotony and narrow vision. That could be the cataracts though.

My mum has a fridge magnet that states: Age is where a broad mind and a narrow waste exchange places. So true.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes. "
Proust

The Post Formally Known As Untitled.

I wasn't THAT pissed off that I couldn't post for a week... I've just not had much to say this and my time has been taken up with other matters.

My main subject of annoyance this week- Parents. Now, I love my parents to bits, and this certainly isn't a teenage whinge on the subject either, but somewhere, somehow there must have been a universal shift this week, causing parents to act strangely or annoyingly. I've had a small run in with my own, a massive run in with some one elses for them being judgmental, hypocritical and downright unfair... and then two of my friends seem to be having differences with theirs too. A plea to all parents-

Chill-the hell- out.

Aside from that I did manage to squeeze in a visit to Uni-ville to see ktp and rfa for rock night. It was far too cold for my new skirt, so for I think the first time in a few years... I went out wearing trousers. Aaaah the warmth.

Sods Law.

Sods Law should be banned. I hate it.

So the much loved pirate shoes, the things I've been looking forward to for weeks, the things I've had to get redirected twice, the things that got lost in the mail, the things I've complained to Royal Mail about for not delivering, the things I spent the last of my Christmas money on and now have NO more left, the things that seem to have vanished from the UK market...

... They're too small.

I am pirate shoe-less. And thoroughly pissed off.

The Pirate Investigation.

So I think I want to be a Pirate.

Lets look at the evidence:









Exhibit A. A selection of my clothes... ALL containing skull and cross bones.












Exhibit B. The pair of shoes I just bought... sporting a Pirate symbol.














Exhibit C. *dribble*











Exhibit D. A screen shot of my current desktop complete with a Pirate Hat adorned Mr Boyd.


and lastly, Exhibit E...













Pirate Slink... fancy dress party 2005 complete with sword, stripey socks, eye patch and bandana.

I don't know where this obsession has come from, neither do I know if you can call it an obsession if I haven't been completely aware of it. However, it's not just me- this phenomenon has seemingly spread to my younger sister Vix (see below), who also informed me today she was has been invited to a Pirate Party!














This all prompted me to ask the question: Where has this Pirate obsession come from?

I have delved deep into my childhood to discover the answers, and here are my findings:

Okay. My first thought turned to this ---------------------->

Pop-Up Pirate, the game that many of us had when we were small I'm sure. It seemed this was to be merely my first encounter with the my Pirate Destiny.
I believe this game belonged to my older brother who also spent many an hour playing with Pirate lego, Pirate playmobile and so on. I must have been pretty much surrounded by pirates as a child so this was bound to have a long lasting effect on me.

Here's my brother when he was little, possibly about 8 or 9 years old... look closely at his clothing. Stripes, a scarf, belt with big buckle and a parrot on his T-shirt... blatantly Pirate. (Thank god he's in Japan, he'd kill me if he saw this). He also owned a Pirate ship which I think is still in the attic somewhere. My first piece of evidence was in the form of a photograph of Drayton Manor Theme Park... the photo plainly showed the Pirate Adventure ride- which happened to be my favorite at the time... mainly because I was way too small for most of the other rides and I pretty much hate anything that moves faster than I can think- no jokes about my brain speed please. I remember many a holiday to Cornwall. Hell, we still go there now, and I think we all hold it in our hearts as our family holiday destination. Cornwall, aside from being a holiday destination famous for pasties, piskies and cream teas, is also famous for Pirates. Lots of them, and a quick internet search will pick up many a tale and legend.

As I trawled through lots of family photographs spanning over some 20 odd years I should think, I found a pattern emerging. On most holidays, my family were able to track down large galleon sailing ships! My dad does have a fascination with boats so I think that explains it- but just how many photographs I found of these damn galleons was incredible, and now I too have seem to get drawn to these big ships when I see them. I even took a photograph of one last holiday in a place called Charlestown- another famous Pirate place.

So, even our family holidays were tinged with Pirate activity, visiting Pirate locations and playing on galleons. Look on the left and you'll see my brother playing with a cannon aboard one ship.

On the right here, my poor father experiences Pirate torture as my brother and I develop our blood thirst at a young age.

My little sister was born in 1989, and even years after these photos were taken, our family holidays were still including visits to sailing ships- possibly to train up the new Pirate in our midst. In the picture below, my sister could be no older than three and yet she finds herself at the helm of another Galleon. Incredible.

To Conclude:

Wether or not my family has REAL Pirate blood running through our veins is yet to be proven, but the overwhelming evidence suggests that it's a trait that we won't escape.

Holidays were tainted with Pirate activity, spending more than average amounts of time on large galleons and sailing ships. Echoes of this at home seeped into our lives playing with Pirate games, wearing Pirate clothes (in my brothers case) and playing with Pirate themed toys. The visiting of Pirate heritage still occurs on family holidays today.

It seems the Pirate instinct has lain dormant for some time and has gradually been re-awoken. Unable to pull away from the magnetism of the Skull and Crossbones symbol, The Jolly Roger has crept into my families wardrobe, decor and right into the core of our being.

It really is no wonder I just HAD to buy those shoes.