Speech!

Apologies for the lack of blogging over the last few weeks. They seem to have flown by in one big, blurry, hectic and sometimes nasty mess, but I'm still plodding on. I am now back in Brum. Niall is having to rethink a few things and grow up, whilst I am trying to do whatever it takes for me to be happy- short term and long term. But I am okay and thanks for those of you who have listened to me, helped me or hugged me in the last week or two.

Christmas was pretty quiet this year. Things were obviously going to feel different and a bit sad since I'd moved back home. The change has been a breath of fresh air and after recent events I've been revitalised and I'm feeling stronger and surer about things than I have in a long time. I've rediscovered a part of myself that seems to get buried alot, and it's nice to finally see it all again. I am essentially slink, and one thing I will ALWAYS love about myself is that I'm totally true to myself and who I am. It's take it or leave it- and it's your loss if you can't be bothered to find out more about me. I'm sexy, I'm fucken cool, I'm talented, I appreciate solidity, truth, passion, creativity, ideas, friendship and I genuinely care about people who take the time to get to know me. I'll never be a walk over, and I'll always have an opinion, I'll speak out if I feel I have to and I'll not settle for being treated wrongly either. I don't ask for anything more of people than they would expect in return, and I won't put my career on the back burner without a decent compromise. I don't think any of this is unfair or unjust, if people don't like it, don't like how I dress, act, look, they can fuck the hell off and leave me be.

Speech over. :)

For christmas I got:

A big green Lizard
DVD's
CD
Red nail varnish
Two scarves and a hat
Gloves, two bandanas, some earings and a hat from my bro in Japan
Plenty of booze
Even more chocolate and sweets
Some charms for my bracelet
Clothes
Perfume
A beautiful star and some Willy Wonka pencils
A Nightmare before Christmas game
A shrug
Spider Earings
Money
A book about photography
A book full of cake recipes!
The obligatory smellies
oooh and some fortune telling fish!

Think that's just about it so I'm pretty chuffed.

My next issue is deciding wether to buy a cowboy hat with my christmas money or save it for boring self promotion work.... hrmmmmm...

A Big Mistake.

All of a sudden everything has gone black. But I can still see the lies and I can still feel the sting of my wounds. Crushed, ripped, skin torn, heart charred... I hope it was worth it.

I deserve better. As little as I think of myself, I deserve so much more than you.

Only smarties have the answer...

It's been one of those uppy downy sort of days today... but I've noticed a pattern to today that's quite encouraging. I woke up with really bad tummy cramp so that put me in a bad mood, and spent the morning looking for jobs (as per usual) with which I got nowhere (as per usual), however the ladybug phoned me round dinner time so I enjoyed a nice salad and a good natter with her. I realised how much I miss being at home, but I also felt better for catching up with an old mate. Things took a turn for the worse again when I went to get a few things from asda for cooking my cottage pie tonight. Urgh it was busy and annoying and two people walked into me without so much as a glance or an apology, assholes. I also got pissed off by the fact that I had to buy a 70cl bottle of Baileys (can't explain why, but trust me it HAD to be 70cl) costing £9.89 when a HUUGE one litre bottle cost £9.84 ... now where's the logic in that?!? To make matters worse I got ID'd buying the damn thing! Stupid Asda. However, on returning home and rummaging through my bag to find my key- I found like twenty smarties in the bottom of my bag! In perfect condition I might add, and from last weekend!

On the sight of suprise chocolate I immediately calmed down and knew that everything was going to be okay. :-)

Bus stop.

I was waiting at the bus stop last week and as you would expect a little old lady came to join me in my wait for the bus. She started talking to me about the cold weather and how the buses were always late etc, the usual old lady at a bus stop conversational topics, and I obviously chatted away back to her. So anyway, a few minutes later this black guy comes along in a rather wicked long coat and asks us what time the bus comes, he looked pretty freezing and was jumping on the spot, rubbing his gloved hands together to keep warm.

So there we were, the three of us, me, the sweet little old lady and the guy in the coat; all cold and waiting for the bus, laughing together at the cold weather and united in our longing for the warm bus to hurry up and collect us. Then it happened... one of those awful moments. The little old lady turned to me and whispered - "They're probably not used to the cold are they?" nodding over at the Black guy... :-o !!! ... errr... what do you do when a sweet old lady says something like that?! All I could do was sort of fake smile at her. I know it obviously comes from her generation's mind set but still... if it had been my Grandad or something I'd have said "well actually Grandad he was probably born here so I'm sure he's as used to it as the rest of us", but there I was caught between being nice and respectful to old people and blatent albeit unintentional racism. Bus stops eh?

Anyways, in other news, I had a drink of Apple Juice this morning... nice, you may be thinking, so what's the big deal? Well, I'd already had a few sips and had noticed a funny smell about it, but I carried on anyway, thinking it couldn't be off or anything. Another sip... and coming to think of it, it definately tasted a bit wierd too... I just couldn't place what it tasted like... about two sips later it hit me... it was Niall's Mexican Chicken. EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW. It was rank. This chicken has been stinking out our fridge for the last day or two as it gradually fills up his sandwiches, and up until now it's been just about manageable... but I draw tha line at the smell being SO overpowering it actually starts to infiltrate and infuse other foods in the fridge! Hell, I have CHOCOLATE in there for gods sake!!! It's going, there's no doubt about it.

Ew.

Moneymas

Christmas shopping isn't going well this year. I usually have some degree of confidence in my budget, in getting things people will like (mostly), and in being organised enough to get them all in good time. But, this year I have no idea what to get people, have minus three million pounds (or so it feels) and can't see me being able to get organised. It's been stressing me out more than usual- I think mainly because of money, and i've exhausted the "hand made gifts" thing for the last two years running, so that's not really an option.

I have made a small start though, and I managed to get three and a half pressies and remain under budget by quite a long way so that's good news. I can feel myself turning into a right bargain hunter this year... but I refuse point blank to mention anything being cheap as chips.

I also mananged to sell a DVD on ebay for £12.50 ... yes, £12.50... and I completely think I've seen it in the shops for half that... Ha! Give me your money Idiot... :-D

House Warming

This house shivers.

As I spend most of the night lying awake, I've become aware of the bed shivering every now and then. I've slowly discounted all the possibilities- like Niall twitching about or snoring or whatever, me moving, traffic causing vibrations- as I couldn't hear any large lorries or anything, it's not in my head either, I have damn good senses and I can actually feel it. It's happened a fair bit at night; I couldn't work it out anyway... I ended up just assuming it was pipes or something.

However, I was sitting at the computer a few days ago in the middle of the day. The main road outside our house was quiet and I sit by the window so I could see there was nothing on the road. I felt it... the house shivered. It's so. freakin. wierd. It wasn't enough to make things rattle, though my moniter wobbled a bit, it's just damn strange. Before you go saying that I imagined it, don't bother- I didn't... and though nothing moved I could feel it through my feet and around me; it wasn't an internal shake coming from me.

I checked out for any seismic activity but I can't exactly remember what day it was. However, the only seismic activity in the UK in the last few days has been up in Scotland.

This has got to mean one of the following:

a) I have super heightened senses and can feel every movement of the earth

b) Our house has been built on an old coal mine and is going to collapse

c) It's just rrrrreeeeally cold

hmm. Anyone know of any companies selling house sized scarves and hats?

Ultimate Mash

I make THE best mash potato in the world... I'm sure of it... Delia can go jump.

rocky bouncy ouchy rock

You can always measure the greatness of a night out's playlist by how sore your body is the next day. It's taken two full days to get full neck movement back, and for my ankles to feel like they're attached again... which means that mostly the music was pretty damn good. It was pretty strange being back in Uni-ville after so long, but I think it's safe to say we had a good night. I think Niall is still in pain, no doubt from insisting on headbanging like a loon, whereas I am mostly fully recovered.

I do believe we'll have to do it all again pretty soon, I don't like not having a weekly dose of rock night, and if it comes to it, I really don't like not being a student at all... but that one's kinda inevitable I suppose.

Big thanks to ktp and rfa for inviting us over. Miss you guys. x

Finally...

... music! I've been looking for aages for a new cd, a new album, something I can really sink into ... and after seeing an advert on TV I did a bit of investigating and found: Joze Gonzalez. I totally love this album. It's acoustic and pretty, chilled and loungy (is that a word?) - just right for the wintery weather. I'd be a happy bunny if I could only write simple little songs like this; really makes me want to get the guitar out again.

At some point today I'll stop listening to Veneer and go buy an onion for cooking my spaghetti bolognese tonight... maybe in a bit anyway...

Noisy Lights.

Niall had never been to a proper bonfire night/ fireworks display other than at Uni, so this Saturday evening was spent standing on the spot for a veery long time, watching noisy lights in the sky. The bonfire was tad disappointing: Some poor sod had constructed this massive wooden wheel with geese on (no I have no idea why either) and the idea was that it spun round as it burnt, I should imagine so that it appeared to resemble a great big Catherine Wheel... sadly it only spun once thanks to this little man pushing it round, then it stopped ... nice in theory, maybe lacking in everything else. It was good watching it collapse into the bonfire though. I think there's a primal connection with watching fire destroy things that just appeals to us all- though I draw the line at throwing massive wooden geese on it. I think I was missing something there... unless geese played an integral part of the gun powder plot that I was unaware of! Either way, I enjoyed it actually and enjoyed it even more for the fact it was free. It did dawn on me however, that either fireworks are getting quieter or my hearing is getting worse. I'd probably say the latter, thanks to many years of loud gigs, and nights out.

aah nights out... so long ago... so many memories... Mark almost breaking his neck from headbanging, or there just being him and Niall moshing to some rubbish on the dance floor while I look on drinking my JD and coke with a welcome blend of comfort and shame, the noise, the people watching, the laughing, my feet aching, Dave breaking loads of glasses by trying to build a glass sculpture, and creating ashtray tortoises... *sigh* ... There ARE plans for a rock night venture in the pipeline so hopefully soon, the New Rocks will get a good thrashing back in Luffy. Woohoo!

Today, I have been mostly burning myself on our grill. It hurts. Alot, and for some reason I've now got a rash all around the burn. Wierd.


Sleep Update: No sleep since last sleeping tablet

Reject.

So I had my first official Illustration rejection yesterday and another one today. It's kinda wierd to know that actual businessy type people have been looking at my work, but still it's a sign of progress in a rejection sort of a way. We've had it drummed into us to expect nothing from any self promotion we do, so I'm not disapointed about this- it's a given. Obviously I'd prefer someone to offer me £10'000 for an advertising campaign... but still.

Unfortunatly the part time job hunt is going just as well as the career one is and am beginning to realise that temping may be my only option now. Fingers crossed.

Spiral Scarecase.

Sleep Update: Signs of improvement.

I haven't posted for a whole week... that is just not acceptable.

I went to the doctors last Tuesday and he prescribed me some Temazapam to help me sleep. I tried it that very night and didn't sleep. hrmm... so I went back home on the Wednesday to see if being at home helped. On the Thursday I had to get up pretty early to go on a daytrip to London with the folks and my sister who hadn't been there before. It was pretty good; The weather was stupidly hot for October but obviously made for a nice day walking about. First stop after a looong tube trip was Buckingham Palace where I think, aside from the Queen, we were the only British people there. I also must have walked into about a million photographs too. Next, we walked up passed Big Ben to get to the South Bank, stopping to watch some fancy dressed Horse Guards on the way. We caught a river bus up to Grenwich where we saw the Cutty Sark and had Bangers and Mash in a tiny non-smokers room of this old pub. After replenishing ourselves with such fine cuisine, we trundled off to The Royal Observatory and somehow managed to gatecrash a University Graduation along the way.

We did the obligatory thing of standing over the Grenwich Line which I must say was a bit of a dissapointment- it really is just a metal line, though watching all the foreign people go mad over it was funny. The actual observatory was ever so slightly boring to me too, full of wierd gadgets and things that I couldn't really understand me being an ex art student and all. I loved the big telescope though in the observatory dome, but almost died trying to get back down the stairway to hell on the way out. I had clocked the sign on the spiral staircase up to the telescope, that read: There is NO return via this staircase. Though it SHOULD have read: There is NO return via this staircase because we ask you to return to solid ground via the Spiral Staircase of Doom on the otherside.

Holy. Crap. I was caught... my sister was in front of me... I had a group of Germans behind me... and the only way out was down the flimsiest looking stairwell I have ever seen. I swear I could have cried... It had HOLES... Great Big Bastard holes so you could see the three flights of stairs to solid ground... I needed time to deal with it but I had none. I gripped on to the main pole bit of the spiral and the bannister which was about as reassuring as holding a pencil while your plummeting to your death... and slowly and not in the least but steadily walked down the stairs, if you can call them that. The urge to just freeze was immense... but I kept going. The worst part being that I couldn't NOT look down! After what seemed like an hour I reached the floor.

I must have been feeling really British because the first thing I did after that was put a suggestion for more signage about the Death-Stairs in the observatory Comments Box.

Soo.. after that, we caught the Boat back to Westminster Pier and walked to Covent Garden for a look see, though I totally think we got lost though my Dad insisted he knew where he was going because " HE HAD A MAP!". Still, after that we caught the tube back to hillingdon, where we'd parked to avoid traffic. I was shattered, we all were but I tried to stay awake on the way back by watching The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in the car on the way back. I was BOUND to sleep that night ... but I took a sleeping pill anyway, and it worked.

So that was that. Right now, I'm back in Notty and waiting for Creature Comforts to come on TV. Other than London, things have been feeling.. bluegrh of late so hopefully this week will be much more productive.

Fingers Crossed.

Eternal Nightmare of the Sleepless Mind.

I've tried just about everything now, apart from getting completely hammered... and I still haven't slept properly. I've been back home this weekend and even the comfort of my old home bed didn't work... though I did sleep twenty minutes or so which is some sort of progress I guess. I have tried a relaxing bath full of sleepy radox bubble bath, brandy in warm milk, oh, and sleeping tablets... none of which worked. Hopefully the doctor will give me some advice this week, and some massive tranquilisers too. mmmmm tranquilisers...

So, as I said thursday night we drove back to brum. After waiting for months, on Friday night, I finally saw it.... Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride. I loved it, I really really did. The models were simply brilliant and such a progression from A Nightmare Before Christmas; they were so smooth and the movement so fluid... just brilliantly done. The colours, the textures, the scenes and scapes, characters... it was all perfect. The only gripe I had was that it was so short.

The next evening, Mum had bought us tickets to see Stomp. I've seen them before, a few years ago and they're just brilliantly entertaining. Niall hadn't seen them before and seemed suitably impressed by the energy, noise and humour of it all. It was a good night.

So even all that excitement and 'stuff' didn't send me off to sleep... nor did mom's big roast dinner this afternoon, followed by slumping in front of the sofa watching motor racing. I'm buggered. Pass me the whiskey...

Insomniac.

I seem to have forgotten how to sleep. I think I've managed to sleep for about an hour since last monday. At first I was having serious nightmares early last week... and now, nothing. I can't sleep, can't even nap during the day. Today, my body is exhausted, I'm all emotional and I look dead because I'm incredibly tired but I just. can't. sleep.

I need pills.

Movies.

I've seen alot of movies lately... thought I'd do a one (perhaps two) sentence review of each.

NIGHTWATCH:
A very odd but visually appealing Russian film which is entertaining enough if you stick it out to the end; strange storyline, gothy-sci-fantasy overtones and imagery but a decent watch if you're in a dark mood.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN:
Not easy to sum up in a whole sentence, you only really need a four letter word beginning with S and ending with T.

SIDEWAYS:
A character study of two middle aged men on a road trip, quirky rather than funny but not a film for acosy night in because you'll be asleep half way through.

CONSTANTINE:
Hrm. Watchable but inconsistent in quality, Constantine proves to be a mixed bag as it fails to be scary when it wants to be, fails to be thrilling when it wants to be and fails to be intellectual when it wants to be- a bit like Keanu Reeves to be precise. It kept me watching but it seemed to lack that certain something; it had potential but appears "tacky" on the outside.

THE LIFE AQUATIC:
Another odd film but again, strangely captivating. In keeping with Wes Andersons style, the film doesn't rely on a strong narrative to tell a story but quirky, slightly unusual characters. I always find these films strange but the animated creatures and Bowie (ooh and they played Sigur Ros near the end!) soundtrack kept me entertained enough to stick it out 'til the end.

A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT:
From the Director of Amelie, this film is a similar work of art. The story slowly unfolds at just the right pace; heart warming and well written with some good mise en scene for the artsy-fartsy viewer.

SHATTERED GLASS:
The film verison of a true story based around a young journalist who makes up his stories. Though I managed to watch it without wishing I hadn't I was left pretty underwhelmed the whole way through; it ended abruptly without wrapping anything up and it felt like a bit of a waste of time though. Most of the film was us trying to figure out wether the main character was the same guy from Star Wars (Hayden Christensen). I decided he was alot more attractive as Luke Skywalker.

WALLACE & GROMIT, THE CURSE OF THE WIER RABBIT:
Sooooooooooo brilliant and everything you come to expect from such an amazing animation company. The details in sets and scenes are charming, skillful and as humourous as the characters, adding to the whole genius of the typical Aardman experience.

:)

Extraction.

Why do I still cry at that song?
when it means nothing
and never did.

I am more convinced of your emotional frailty
wrapped around a selfish, naive, bitter core.
Cold and calculated
you made sure I wouldn't miss you
Or was it genuine hate?

A glimpse of closeness, a hint of friendship
snatched away in spite
you showed me nothing
but everything a friend shouldn't be.


I found this. Think I wrote it last year. I like it.

Houses and Socks.

Yep, I've been playing on candybar doll maker again... but this time I've made three houses for myself. If only it were this simple!!

Nothing too extravagant as you can see... think the middle one is my favorite.

Oh and to raise awareness for lonely socks all over the world- www.lonelysocks.co.uk.

Piggy.

I took a VERY serious and scientific personality test today. I had to draw a pig.

The results were relatively accurate though one or two things didn't seem right. I am, in fact, very family orientated and I'm certainly not secure, but generally everything seemes right... not sure what Niall will make of the last result though!

Yesterday was such a wierd day. Rfa, Ktp and Rik came over in the afternoon but EVERY plan we made went wrong somehow:

• Driving in to town- couldn't have been worse, nightmare traffic and NO car park spaces anywhere.
• Shopping - It rained, queues everywhere, didn't get what I wanted to get
• Goose Fair - Too much rain, change of plan
• Dinner at Chiquitos - isn't officially open til Monday
• Bowling after meal at Frankie and Bennys - No lanes free til 9.30
• Cinema to see Wallace and Gromit - Sold Out
• Drive home safely - some idiot bumped Nialls car from behind on the way home
• Blockbuster, two free rentals, can't go wrong- ... we picked Kingdom of Heaven which was just the lamest film ever, and Sideways which was veeery slow but watchable.

I smell a conspiracy. Strangely enough, in between the constant knockbacks we had a good time catching up with Rfa and Kt and Rik. It felt like old days and it's made me miss Uni even more today. :(

My website is very nearly up and running... I've yet to put alot of the information on about the art work but Adam's done such a great job on the site despite working full time and being stressed out. BIG thanks Adam... ;)

Onwards and Upwards... Oink.

Fryophobia.

I have returned to Notty in slightly better spirits than before and with no more B.D.S experiences so far. I still have no job and had no luck at the jobcentre so I may be applying for christmas temp work for the time being- it'll be some money coming in nevertheless. The website STILL isn't done and I'm getting a teeny bit worried by the fact that I have to get my promo packs off ... well about two weeks ago. crap.

My cooking skills are very slowly improving since living here and having sod all to do. So far I've managed a chicken and white wine casserole, Norfolk turkey with asparagus, potato and cheese rostis and a pretty damn good dessert- chocolate and pear pudding with baileys and mascarpone cream. *dribble* It's a huge improvement and I don't seem to be scared of frying pans any more which is good.

Today was spent doing lots of bits and bobs including, food shopping, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, and taking pictures of me to update my numerous avatars and display pictures etc etc... they came out quite well and I noticed a variety of slink expressions that may come in handy to some.

Basic Slink Expressions:






= You are boring me.








I am pretending to listen to you.










I am feeling devious.







I wonder...








er... if you see this one... you should probably run.

B.D.S

I woke up in the very early hours of the morning and as any normal person would do, I rolled over to get some more kip. As I did so, I expected to see the rest of my bedroom, the spare bed, wardrobe, and a bit of light from the curtains all in front of me... And I did- but it was covered and surrounded by a really thick mist. Wierdly, my first thought was that I had left the window open and mist had filled my room, but then I distinctly remembered closing my window before getting into bed. Come to think of it, my first thought was "what the..!??!?!" or somehting along those lines. Anyway, in the next second my mind was reeling and I thought it was my eyes going blurry, but I could see my bedcovers perfectly. It was definatly there. I could see outlines, rough shapes but all through a thick mist... or was it smoke..? FINALLY I thought there could be a fire and this was smoke filling my room and I felt my blood rush. I breathed in... and it was normal air, so I sniffed ... nothing, no burning. Wierd, I thought, I should be coughing or suffocating by now. I sat up in a bit of a confused panic.

And then I realised.

For the last minute and a half, looking at what I thought was my room in smoke- I had actually been looking at my bedroom wall.

I rolled over to see my bedroom- free of mist/smoke. And then I felt silly, but equally amazed at how a reflection on a wall can look like a room full of mist! It had so much depth!

B.D.S - Bed Disorientation Syndrome- A strange phenomenon occuring in moment of brief consciousness in which a person expects to see a particular interior or scene but is suprised to find another. The sufferer has become disorientated during sleep and requires seconds or possibly minutes to remember their exact location. There are no further symptoms.

Or should that be Blonde Dumb Slink.

Square One.

I had an interview today but it didn't go well. The job entailed me working saturdays which kinda defeats the point of me living here to be with Niall. When it seemes I wasn't too enthusiastic about Saturday work the interviewer lost interest; up until then I think I stood a good chance. So back to the drawing board.

I have however, bought myself a new watch since my beloved old one was clinging on by tiny strips of leather strap. I can't bare to throw it away though because it's been apart of my arm for years now. My new watch kicks ass though... I'm pleased with it. The flames move and everything! :)

I managed to finish that mini-project last week. Seeing as it was fresh in my mind, I did an illustration for an article about migraine and here's the result:

I think it sums up the feeling quite well... and I just love making brains out of clay and sticking screws in them. woohoo. Took me right back to college.

My Brain Hurts.

I had a migraine yesterday. It felt like my skull was being cracked open; I got really confused and everything hurt- sounds, lights all made it worse. I could feel all the blood vessels in/around my brain throbbing and if this makes any sense I could hear them too. To be honest I wasn't surprised. I had a bout of migraines when I was putting up my degree show so I think they relate to me being a complete stresshead. Annoyingly the lady who lives upstairs (who I have a number of suspicions about but will go into that another time) can't seem to walk around without stomping. She opens and closes drawers and cupboards about a million times a day and I'm pretty sure she moves furniture around at least once a day. Having lived in halls and shared housing I'm kinda used to it... but yesterday, with my migraine, it actually felt like she was walking around ON my head; opening and slamming doors IN my head. Talk about heightened senses... It must SUCK to be a dog or a cat. Imagine smelling EVERYTHING. I have pretty damn good hearing and sense of smell... but I would HATE to smell and hear absolutely everything. How do they ever get to sleep?

I've been thinking about going home; just to recuperate a little. I've been getting down here and I'm finding less and less to do now I've got my self promo packs finished. They can't be sent out until my websties finished so I'm having to bide my time. I still haven't found a job and no one has even got back to me for interview, so I end up sitting around thinking; which is never a good thing. I'm still settling, and it's a big change so I know it'll take time... it's just hard. I'm trying to set myself a few mini projects to do. It'll be good practise to get back into illustrating and making models again. Any ideas much appreciated.

I'll leave you with this picture: Mr Depp, leather, messy hair... we'll overlook the scissors... mmm.


yummy.

Taste buds.

I discovered the other day, that if you eat dairylea on cream crackers, then eat some Walkers ready salted crisps ... it tastes like fried egg.

Slump

I've been reconnected. Though I feel distanced from just about EVERYTHING.

I'm now living in Notty with Niall, though he's obviously started his new job and he's gone all day. I've applied for one job so far, which would be ideal to gain some sort of income while I'm setting up freelance but I've heard nothing back from them. It's frustrating. I just need a little part time job to keep me occupied and get some income. It's getting me down. I'm trying to avoid applying to places that'll really piss me off just yet, though it's starting to look inevitable that I'll be applying to work in ASDA pretty soon. Oh god.

Things are progressing, albeit slowly, with my illustration mail out. I have the packs almost ready to send out to clients and agents so once they're out... it'll be a matter of waiting. And more waiting.

I can't seem to find my identity now I'm in the big wide world, unprotected by the education hierarchy. I was a student. I was an art student. I was Slink, the illustration student. Now I'm nothing really... just unemployed, trying to be self employed, and no one's really noticing just yet.

We do have spongebob in our kitchen window though.

Slump indeed.

I'm bad.

I forgot another birthday. This distresses me so much because it's something I used to be good at, and all of a sudden I'm forgetting them left right and centre. I hate it, it makes me feel selfish and mean. Yes, I've got a lot going on at the moment, setting up, moving, working, finishing work and about to embark on finding a new crappy job to pay rent/food/self promotion ... but geez.... a few dates to remember isn't asking much. :(

I am bad.

I may be moving today. The wierd thing about it though, is that I really don't know if I am or not. I think things are going to be like this for a while... kinda messy and in-between. For me, this could be a period lasting about five years while I go from meanial, crappy part time job to another to survive while I try and get noticed in the Illustration industry. I'm not good with change AT. ALL. Just can't do it. I feel ill for ages when a big change occurs. If I move to notty it's going to be so wierd for a while, so stressful and panicky, and scary. But I know it has to be done at some point.

If I do move, I won't have internet access for a while until it's sorted out. I may be in between here and notty until I decide where is best for me to look for part time work. I may find I can't afford to leave home just yet and have to stay to save money.

I'm totally in limbo here... and it sucks.

The Package

I had a crap day at work today... so I'm unwinding by immersing myself in A Perfect Circle. Man, I love them. And at the moment, it's exactly what I need to blast through my head to get rid of the cobwebs and nasties. I've had a string of The Noose, Thinking of You, and 3 Libras. Perfect. Just Perfect.

I got a package in the post today... it was a huge box of lucky charms from a friend in the USA. For some dumb reason, they don't sell them in the UK anymore and I haven't had any for years. It was such a cool suprise, and they came just in time for my breakfast. :-) It was a good start to an otherwise crappy day... one in which it hardly stopped raining and I counted down the seconds to going home.

I threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well...

Apparently nothing. Apparently nothing at all.

Dumb Moths

If they love lights so much, why don't they just come out during the day?

So who else has got these crappy adverts invading their comments? I've seen a few of em now and deleted a couple. No I don't read them and I doubt anyone else will, let alone click on the links. The funniest ones yet are the ones that say: Hey This Blog Is Grrreat. I'm Going To Read This Every Day. Wanna Buy Some Cheese? Click Here. Yeah. Right.

Lame.

Anyway, I really haven't been up to much other than being tired and working. Or should that be working and being tired... I don't know. The two wenches there are making it a whole big pile of steaming fun. But I need the money. Man, I need it. Still, I'm hoping if Ramzi wins millions on the lottery, he's gonna buy me a ticket to Lebanon for a nice long holiday free of charge ;)

Byte Me

One day, preferably when I can afford to, I am going to round up loads of computers, rip out their innards and SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH them into tiny tiny tiny pieces as fine as sand.

Slink's Back

Man, I needed that holiday.

Though I could have done without the massive mouth ulcer on the inside of my cheek that prevented me eating properly for the second week. It's only just decided to stop hurting as much, so hopefully it's going to leave soon.

*sigh*. So I'm back. I have two days then I'm back at work. This is just a summer job for the next few weeks to earn a bit of cash, which will be put straight into use for paying for all my self promotion. I have about three mountains worth of stuff to do in the next few weeks but at the moment it's all too big to get my little brain around.

Work's a chore. It's up at the local primary school for their summer scheme. Alot of the children are smelly and noisy, and two or three members of staff piss me right off. The "girl" dark force their has doubled with the addition of another arrogant, annoying, bossy, has-to-know-know-better, and is too good to talk to me sort of a girl. And what makes this one even more irritating is that she went to the same primary school as me, is two years younger than me and acts as if she owns the place. Niall, in true Niall Style, gets on fine with her, as he does any female. Yippee.

My brain still isn't in gear, so I can't even tell you much about my holiday other than: It was nice. It was sunny though. I remember that too. I took 175 photographs, alot of which are on my photoblog (look in Cornwall and Devon). They changed my photoblog while I was away, so it all looks a bit pants and they've even got rid of the title! Cheeky buggers.... but still, my pictures are still up so that's the main thing.

I need to:

• Get my head into gear
• Get rid of this 'orrible mouth ulcer
• Get energy
• Get money
• Get portfolio, website and mail out done
• Decide wether or not to stay at home or move to Nottingham with Niall and get a job

.... starts to re-pack bag and plans to run off back to Cornwall...

?

I start work tomorrow. I don't want to go. There's this 'girl' there, the type that just makes me feel crap about myself. I don't think she likes me much and I don't like her either even though we've never spoken. Girls are wierd.

I've set about making up my logo which I've turned into loads of cool stickers.

I've also done my personalised commison form, invoice, and letterhead ready for copying as and when required. I'm getting quite pyched about setting myself up as an Illustrator, though I know the real test will come when I've spent a shed load (one of those expensive sheds mind, with windows and everything) on self promotion and had no offers... but we'll see. There's still a mountain to do: creating an address database, portfolio surgery appointment, possble funding to look into, sorting out my portfolio, making up a cd version, putting together a mass mail out package, designing a website and all the crappy boring legal/money stuff.

My current main concerns are getting my website and CD portfolio sorted. The guy who was going to sort my website has gone and buggered off to South East Asia the bugger, all my dreamweaver software is on MY pooter which is still stored in the garage, oh and then there's the fact that I have NO idea what I'm doing. And don't get me started on the flippin CDROM portfolio... I've found a willing printer/replicator/duplicator who gave me a discount because I kissed ass about how good their website was... but before that I need an auto-running Cd Rom presentation that can work on Macs and Pc's... also known as "CERTAIN DEATH unless you have a million pounds worth of software and hardware". I just don't have the money for it.

It'll get sorted. It's just a pain in the ass knowing that I won't get anywhere without plugging every penny I have into this. And you really can't get very far with 2p these days.

We're off on holiday on Saturday, so I'll be pretty much schtum for two weeks... hoping to spend the time relaxing and taking lots of pictures though.

xx

Dollies

Yep... you've waited a long time... but finally... Niall's candybar doll has been created. I know, I know... it was worth the wait.

Slink. BA

That's my name now... Officially: Slink BA (Bachelor of Arts). Tuesday was my graduation ceremony, and about two days ago I probably had all this stuff I wanted to say about it but now I can't seem to think of anything. It was relativly pleasant, I felt quite proud and my new shoes hurt the crap out of me... so pretty much what I expected. I didn't think my Dad was going to make it at first as he's managed to do his back in and could hardly walk... but he struggled through the ceremony. I'm dreading getting the official photo's back, I was grinning like a loon, bloody photographers.

The only exciting thing to happen since then is a trip to the Sealife centre yesterday. Man, I am such a big kid when it comes to zoo's and aquarium's... I just love them... I took my digi-SLR along too, see what it could do and got a few decent images, but not many.

Oh yeah... I managed to read Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince in two days. Godamit I was in shock for about a day afterwards... how? why would you..? There's still some people I know who refuse down-right to read these books... which if you ask me, is just lame. Their excuses being one of the following:

a). "They're KIDS books!" .... er yeah but they're probably more mature than that shitty american teen-flick you're watching.

b). "I just don't get what the fuss is about" ... read them then.

c). "It's Black Magic and all that read it will go to hell" .... bye.

I really couldn't tell anyone what it is about them; I've often wondered but I can't put my finger on it. They're just good. I feel sorry for any kids trying to understand them and work them out because to my little brain they're actually pretty complicated (someone back me up here... please!).

There's some decent films coming out VERY soon, so it's all good for the moment. There's Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, Wallace and Grommit and The Curse of The Weir Rabbit.... godamit it'll be ace... then later in the year is the climax- The Corpse Bride. Can't. Wait.

*yaaawwwwn*

Well we're back. And relatively without hangovers which is good. It was a manic two days but it was well worth it I think.

Thursday, we managed to get to Niall's graduation ceremony in plenty of time, though the wally forgot his best shoes so had to rush into town and buy a new pair. He looked really funny in his gown and hat, but I was really proud to see him up on that platform recieving his well-earned degree. I also got to see Dave who was awarded in the same ceremony so that was nice too. The only downside to the day was the sweltering heat and the fact I got pretty bad sunburn, as you'll see a bit later on...

Hee hee... love that picture... it was taken on the procession out of the main hall. He looks proud bless him.

Later that evening I nearly broke both my ankles testing out the shoes I'd bought for the Ball, as we met Niall's parents for a posh meal in a local restaurant. I had Duck liver pate on melba toast with this wierd sauce that had a funny name but was really just like marmalade; then for my main course I had pan seared chicken with sweet potato chips and a spinach and pine kernal sauce. Man, it was yummy. And free... as Niall's parents paid. Woohoo!

So the next day was spent wandering around town in a panic, looking for another pair of shoes so I wouldn't cripple myself, and fortunatly managed to find a pair that fitted. I hate shoes. No scratch that ... I hate ridiculous girly shoes that a) crush your toes to a pulpy mess, b) break bones, c) make you walk like an idiot all night d) create blisters of a size you never thought possible or e) all of the above. And hell, if we HAVE to wear these sorts of shoes, then the establishment making that sort of silly demand should pay for them! Anyways, I digress... yeah, we met up with Dave, John, Rob and Sarah for dinner, then went home to start getting ready. I had a hairdressers appointment at half six which Linz managed to turn into half seven. I was totally blown away at what my hairdresser Jackie did though. It looked fucken ACE even if I do say so myself.

I was soo chuffed. That picture's a little blurry but you get the idea. :-) I even managed to get into my dress after having it all done. Yeah, I was proud.

I think we arrived at about half nine. The Union was all done up to it's Las Vegas theme without being too tacky. They had this laser fountain outside with big candles lining the paths, big gazebo tent things, fire artists, a fair ground, a wrestling ting inside with a casino and karioke bar upstairs. I don't know where to start... there was a big fireworks display and various acts/bands playing though I didn't actually see any one on stage. Most of the night was spent in the company of friends, watching people get drunk, being happily merry without being too drunk, and catching up with people I hadn't seen in a while. Oh yeah... we also got married in an outside fake Las Vegas chapel... we got certificates and photo's to prove it and were given jelly-sweet rings too. It was a good laugh. I had a really good night, I think everyone did. I didn't cry or anything since I'm going to be seeing most of my mates at my graduation ceremony on Tuesday... but it was a bit sad to be in the Union one last time with the people I've spent the last three years of my life with. I must say... it was special. I didn't want to take my camera, but I'm hoping to nab copies of photo's from as many people as possible so I'll have a big collection soon enough. I dread to think what some of them will come out like; for some reason my eyes just glow red ANY time I have a photo taken with flash. Damn eyes.

We left at about half two, retreating back to our hotel room in town. It took about fifteen minutes to take all the hair grippy things out of my hair before spending another ten minutes brushing out all the sprays and 'stuff' that was in my hair. But we were both knackered and slept like ... erm... like tired people. I was relieved of actually getting to sleep since the night before we'd been unable to sleep due to traffic noise in the street below. We may as well have slept outside... it would have been cooler for sure.

But anyway, we're back. I'm pretty tired still. I have my grad ceremony on Tuesday and then start my summer job on Wednesday. URGHghhffflppph. Not much more to say... stay tuned for more photo's.

laters.

Melting...

This week I have been mostly wearing ... ... teeny tiny shorts. But only behind the safety of closed doors or away from the public in general. It's just way too hot outside.

Well, we found a flat. It's absolutely fab, small, but fab. It's furnished and the rent is just about within our budget, though the council tax in that area is higher than we expected, looks like we'll be paying about £1200 a year council tax. The deposit has been paid along with the extortionate admin costs so it's ours in August. Stupidly, we have to pay a whole months rent purely because they don't want anyone to move in before August 10th. We are in fact saving them a hell of alot of money in terms of advertising costs etc, but we have to pay them rent incase.... erm.... oh yeah just because they're greedy mofos. Anyway, we're both pleased with it. Niall will probably move in straight away, and hopefully I will follow shortly afterwards.

It's a busy week really... I've been gathering things for the grad ball etc. I think I'm bout set though I haven't packed yet for our two day trip to Uni-town. It'll be so wierd being back there, but great to see everyone one last time. We're booked in at some expensive hotel for two nights as Uni forgot to tell us that we could have stayed in halls for £25 a night. Thanks for that. But at least we'll have a decent breakfast anyway. Here's the drill:

Thursday:
8.30 am Drive to Uni-town
10.00 am Get my hair done
12.00 noon Meet Niall and his parents for a Barbeque (and yes it does take two hours to do my hair)
3.00 pm Niall's graduation ceremony
6.45 pm Going out for a meal with Niall and his Parents

Friday:
7.30 am Get up early to have a bloody good breakfast to get our moneys worth from the expensive hotel
5.30 pm Get ready for the ball- shower etc
6.30 pm Get hair styled
7.30 pm Continue getting ready for the Grad Ball
9.00 pm Leave for the Grad Ball and get sloshed as quick as possible

Sorted. We'll have to leave for home Saturday morning so getting up after only a few hours sleep will be interesting to say the least. I'm sure there will be a few photos.

Catch you in a few days time.

xx

eek

:-( Glad we didn't go to Eddies last night because of this. I have a feeling there could be a few of these scares in the next few weeks.

I need to go out... god I haven't been out since coming home from Uni. My New Rocks haven't been worn for weeks, poor things are sitting there dreaming of stomping around a dance floor to Nine Inch Nails. I can't afford it though. I need to pay for a decent hair cut before Thursday and I'm stupidly over-drawn.

So today I am launching the "Save The New Rocks Trust Fund- Helping Abandoned New Rocks to Mosh Again (est. a few moments ago) ". Cheques made payable to Slinks. It's for the sake of the boots dammit.

Goose Poo

I do miss my blog. I don't like that I haven't updated in ages but since coming home... nothing too interesting has happened. I've been so up and down lately. I seem to be getting confused easily and just not feeling right. That's the only way I can explain it, it just feels vague. I don't know. Anyways... In the last few days, Niall bought his first car, we've been looking around appartments in Nottingham for September and London got attacked. Very sad and scarey that last one... I was relieved to hear from my friends in London today and I'm happy to say they although shaken they are safe and well. I hate things like this; it really knocks you off balance and makes things seem bigger and scarier than they were before. But as we keep being told, that's exactly what they want. Sure that doesn't help much though. The whole thing is just a bit surreal still, and now it's even nastier because as it all really sinks in we hear more about the aftermath, the cleaning up ... and the remnants. It's just really awful. Not much more to say on it really.

As for the other things... yeah Niall is now the proud owner of a little red peugeot 306. He's particularly chuffed at the bleepy key thing. We drove to Nottingham today to look at a few appartments and man is Notty a bugger to get round! One way systems, out of date maps and the next to NO road signage do not make a very good combination, not to mention the goose poo raid we got caught up in. One minute we're sitting in traffic queue... the next SPLAT. A green one at that. Well sort of this colour. Somehow we got hit about three times in one go, on the windscreen, passenger seat door and roof. I narrowly escaped being hit through my open window, and Nialls attempt at washing the windscreen merely smeared it over a larger area. Yeah it was a nice trip. The appartments were nice... one teeeeeny with gorgeous views, in a lovely area and very nicely decorated etc, the other... larger but unfurnished, less nice area though handier for Niall and a bit grotty. A mix of the two would have been perfect, but nevermind, we're heading back on monday to look round a few others.

We drove past Uni town on the way back. I had a bit of a pang of nostalgia as we drove past the motorway junction for it. Then I saw the goose poo and remembered what Uni town smelled like most of the time... then I was okay.

I now have my shoes and dress sorted for the grad ball, but need to try and do something with my hair before it's too late. yes, must plan.

Before I go, things I need to work on/DO in the next few weeks:

• Better ways of cheering myself up when I feel crap
• Photographing some of my origami and posting them on here
• Setting myself some illustration projects to keep me ticking over and to bulk up my portfolio
• Getting my hair cut
• Psyching myself up for the stupidly loong hours I have to work over summer ( whhhhhyyyyy did I ask for loads?!)
• Avoiding Geese
• Not spending money

That should tidy me over I think.

RESULT

Well I got em... I phoned up for my results yesterday and I got a 2:1 ... that'd be a second class, upper division honours. My break down (not mental) was:

Critical Report : 75 %
Semester 1 mark : 64%
Final 12 week project: 66

Total average: 66.6 % (I think that's what she said anyway)

I was so godamn pleased since I'd totally lost all faith in my course. I can't say it's restored it either, I still think the tutors suck ass, but I feel better about my work in general and am kinda looking forward to the self promotion and stuff come the end of summer. :-)

Niall did well... he got a 2:1 too and he's pleased... and well done to all my other buddies too, everyone's done themselves proud it seems.

In other news this week: I actually unpacked some stuff from the garage so now my room is neat and tidy with all my stuff in!! So I don't have to keep clambering over things in the garage!
It's so strange... we've aldo had to book a hotel for graduation/the grad ball which has cost us 100 squids for two nights... which for me is a bit pricey... but y'know it'll make it all a bit more formal and special.

Not much else to report unfortunatly... I'm going to hunt downt he wimbledon schedule and see when Andy Roddick's on next... purely because he's a good player of course... ;-)

Wet

Well at the risk of flakester being VERY disappointed and posibly seething ... I just wanted to say that I didn't go to Goodwood in the end. What could have been a simple journey there and back turned into a big messy thinge-me-bob and I decided not to go... I also wanted to be back home saturday morning and that wouldn't have happened had I gone, plus it was only the testing day on the friday that they went for and the storms this morning must have been interesting for them to say the least. That's the last time I ever let three engineers try and organise a trip to somewhere... Next year I'll have a car and some money and a tent and I'll drive all the way there, have a great weekend and drive all the way back laughing at how easy things CAN be if you actually PLAN it out. Men suck at organising. They don't see it as necessary which is why they don't like reading maps or instructions and such like and get in a bad mood when they make mistakes. Wierdo's.


... well looks like there were pretty big storms everywhere this morning... I've just seen the news about everyone at Glastonbury getting soaked and having their tents float away down big rivers of muddy water... poor idiots... sure they'll have a great time though, as long as they don't get trench foot.

I heard there was a tornado in the midlands too... which is wierd. I woke up to lots of rain and thunder today... I liked it. I lay in bed and listened to the rain and the gerat big rumbles. it's been ages since we had a storm and though there was no lightning, it was sufficient enough to clear the air a bit after so many stuffy days. I did however, find that when I went into the garage for something (all my unpackable stuff is in there, like my tv and video, boxes and boxes of books and things, my computer and everything I own) and noticed that the floor was flooding. Oh %$*&! indeed. I had to move my computer off the floor but was too weak and girly to lift anything else except Niall's amp and his four track though they were already wet. My VCR is possibly destroyed but I'm not too fussed about that... I don't know the extent of the damage because I haven't been able to move anything... all I could do was get some old curtains to put on the floow to soak up any more water coming in and hope that the rain stops. I guess I should have got round to sorting it all out before now. Hrmm... but fingers crossed I haven't lost anything important. :-(

Change

Things are feeling different. It's as I expected really. I've moved back home to brum now, no longer a student. The move was stressful and sweaty but we got it done eventually. The last few days have been a matter of unpacking a few things and clearing out my room. I've got rid of so much stuff it's crazy. We took about twenty bin bags to the tip yesterday: these were full of models I don't want anymore or can't store and general rubbish hanging around my room. Then we had to make a second trip to get rid of loads of art work, which all went in the huuge recylcing bin at the tip. It was really sad but strangely refreshing. I find the process of cleaning things out and getting rid of stuff quite intriguing, like some sort of cleansing ritual... it just frees up space, and makes you feel de-toxed as it were; like starting anew.

Needless to say the next person who uses that reclycling bin is going to find a load of great big fat naked lady drawings from my life-drawing classes over the last five years. I thought that was quite funny.

So the next thing is to slowly pick through all my stuff that's been shoved in the garage. I have to sort out what I want/need and chuck anything else away or reclyle it if possible. I really can't believe how much stuff I've accumulated over the last few years. I don't know where it all comes from!? It'll be a relief once it's all done. I want to cut it down to just half the garage rather than the whole floor space it's currently occupying.... so in a few weeks perhaps I'll be rubbish-free.

So yeah... things feel different now. I no longer have my 'stuff' hanging around my room, it's been cleared of all my old artwork and sketchbooks. It's wierd to think I won't be going anywhere come september.. I'll just be home, working. There'll be no 'term' or 'semester' starting... nothing. This is my last official Summer Holiday too. I really want to try and make the most of it, try to enjoy it. Obviously Niall could possibly be moving away at the end of summer so it may be the only chance we'll have of being together so much. That's different too.

ooh I'm off to Goodwood this Friday for The Festival Of Speed. I've never been before and it'll be my first taster of sort-of motor racing for about a year now. I can't believe it's been that long since I last went to watch some form of motor sport... I miss it heaps, but hopefully I can get to a few this Summer.

I need food.

Cap'n Slink

pirate slink

So here's me dressed up for Mark's party last week... though that picture really doesn't do my outfit justice. You can't see my kick ass bandana for starters... or my flame boots and cropped trousers complete with stripey socks OR my ace sword. I was a bit upset that no one challenged me to a sword fight or attempted to point me in the direction of treasure, but nevertheless the party was good. We did leave for home though when the others headed into town for the crappy clubs. Niall went as Clark Kent and Dave went as Cunning Linguist. Yes... indeed.

Woah it's sure been ages since then... my show was up then came down again midweek, I've bummed around, done origami, been happy, been sad, spent lots of money, bought Martin Grech's new album (love love love love love love love it), bought other random things that I can't think of, bitched about my tutor (I'm getting very good at it now), been into town lots, watched loads of films, thought about packing, stressed out about packing, avoided packing, been to see Star Wars and just about survived it, been out for a Mexican which was very tasty indeed aaaaand I think that's all.

We're just about finished here in Uni-town. In fact tomorrow is the big packing day. It's such a mammoth task it really doesn't even bare thinking about right now. My Dad's hired a van this time, so we should be able to get everything back in one trip. I hate it... packing, moving, it's such a hastle. Everything's messy and stressful, you lose things and never find them, you live out of bags and boxes for about two weeks pre and post move... the whole thing is just pants. Someone needs to invent that star trekky transportation thingy that I can't remember the name of ... thingey me jig .. y'know... beam me up Scotty... wotsit. Well I know anyway.

In other news this week... my computer's been in another one of it's moods. It keeps 'dumping physical memory' which sounds pretty serious to me, but it restarts and it seems to be fine... for aout three days. All my work's backed up so I'm not going to lose anything but I think it's in need of my Dad having a look at it rather than my usual analysis which goes something like this:

"laa dee daaa (that's me typing or whatever)... wha? ...what the..? eh? .... oh crap... you piece of *!£)£&)_!dumping what??!!! ^@!:£~{ why?! ^£(!_* What are you !(&!£!)/... restart ... hrmm>! £(!&&: ... oh, oh no it's okay... we're back."

Over.

Yeah yeah I cried. I drunkenly cried most of the way home after what was quite possibly one of the best rock nights on record. They played exactly what I needed to hear and I danced til my lil' big boots couldn't take anymore. It was half empty most of the night thanks to the Download Festival being just down the road, but it seemed to fill up later and for the last hour we invaded our old haunt-the main room. For my last ever rock night, I wore my faithful new rocks, my shortest skirt, my studded waspie, fishnets and a simple black halter-neck, in true Slink styley. I did take photos as did a number of others but I'm waiting to get copies of them so that I can post the best ones. At one point in the evening, there was an announcement that next year there will be TWO rock nights, one on the normal Thursday and one on Saturdays after The Comedy Club. Bitter words to my ears, but I dealt with it by jumping around like a loon to soak up as much rock as my little body could bare. My poor little body soaked up rather alot of alcohol too along with a few pints of obligatory water after dancing. Hell I've paid for it today; my tummy has refused point blank to play ball, stop twisting and turning and just settle so I can eat some goddamn food. It sucked that I had to be awake for half eight too as I had an appointment at half nine. Man, post-drunk tummies are the worst, especially when you haven't slept them off enough.

I succesfully survived my appointment but failed to be able to have a nap before I had to force down some curly pasta and pop into the studio to set up a little table of postcards and business cards for the opening night of my exhibition. I was back home in time to try and force down more food before Mum, Dad and Vix (my little sister) arrived for the exhibition 'private view' which started at 6. It went well. My work seemed to go down well though I didn't hang around my display too much. Yet again, some of my course were let down in dramatic style thanks to more tutor incompetence as they failed to set up adequate facilities to watch the animations that had been worked on avidly for weeks and weeks by a handful of students. Other than that though, people seemed to be enjoying the night. I felt way too under-dressed as I turned up in my red vest top, black jeans and spikey metal stud belt while others drifted around wearing their Sunday best. Ah well... I'm an art student for gods sake not a salesman.

I just got back from seeing Sin City at the cinema. It was completely what I expected and does exactly what it says on the tin. It was typical, trashy, violent, male orientated and therefore slightly pathetic in storyline content but it was cleverly done and I liked how the stories overlapped in a non-confusing way. I loved the compositions and mise en scene, the whole artistry of it maintained the graphic novel/storyboard feel and made for interesting viewing. Though it seemed to last forever, I was rather glad that we were fifteen minutes too late to see Star Wars. I haven't got anything against Star Wars in particular it's just that I haven't followed anything through out the whole load of them other than the fact that Ewoks aren't bears OR koala's and that it's high time somebody told Mr Lucas how to write stories in a certain order. I have no idea who anyone is, what age they are, if they're dead or alive, why they keep hitting each other with glow sticks nor who is aware that they're related to anyone else. Far too long winded and confusing for my liking. 'nuff said.

It's Mark's house's barbeque and fancy dress party tomorrow night. I think I'm going to shove the "C" theme and go as a Pirate so I need to make an eye patch and sword tomorrow and if anyone says... 'that doesn't begin with C'... I'll cut them a new gizzard and make them walk the plank.

Final Countdown

... nanananaaa nanananannaaa.... I woke up with that song in my head today and now I know why, it was destined to be the title for this very post.

Countdown to final Subversion : 23.5 hrs

Niall and I went to Notty today for something to do now we've both finished exams and such. Niall's exam and presentation went okay despite an invigilator messing up the programming on his calculator... dumbass. But, obviously a day out in notty with the sun shining was just what we needed to keep our funny little student brains occupied. I bought a silver polishing cloth, some origami paper, some new stud earings, a leather bracelet and a new pair of jeans to replace the ones I got paint on when painting the studios. Oooh I also got this really posh mechanical wine bottle opener for my Dad for fathers day because he lost his last one somehow. Quite successful, I think you'll agree... unless you're my bank manager.

There was a brazilian acrobat in the middle of Notty, doing all these acts and stuff. He was quite good. He managed to sumersault over this poor blokes head, put a nail in his nose, dislocate his neck by spinning his body round this ring on the floor, and diving through a hoop of knives. It was a nice twenty minutes worth of entertainment if nothing else, and I gave him a pound in exchange for his death defying acts. Well worth it. I should have taken a photo with my phone... better yet I should have remembered to bring my camera out with me so I could actually see what it can do.

I *WILL* be taking photos of rock night tomorrow... I want it fully documented because it's the very last one, though I don't think I'll risk taking my new one, I'd hate it to get nicked or damaged or something. I'll post them up as soon as I'm recovered on Friday.

Mark's having a party saturday too and it's fancy dress with a 'C' theme so photo's from that too hopefully, though I haven't actually decided what I'm going to go as yet. Suggestions please...

boo hoo

So I've finished now. It didn't look toooo bad in the end. In fact, my work will have been assessed today so they'll know what mark I got, though it won't be official til after the external examiner has been in. This friday we have the private view and monday to friday after it's open to the public. Obviously it's then all taken down again, and everybody buggers off home for ever and ever. eek.

More disturbing than that is the fact that it's my last EVER rock night. Well, I may come back to see kt and rfa next year some times and go then... but still... it'll be so odd. As a nice touch the organisers said it was going to be moved back into it's old location for the last hour... a really nice carthatic way of rounding up my three years of rocking out on a thursday night. I'm just about sad enough to actually cry about it especially if I'm as drunk as I was this thursday passed. geez... Was another wicked night though. It was that type of drunkeness that only really hits you when you get home and can't stop laughing at stupid things. Part of me really doesn't want thursday to come round; it'll be too sad.

Christ, I'm leaving... I won't see my mates and things... I won't be a student anymore... I'll have to work and ... no more rock night...

*head implodes*

Sponge Brain Square Pants

You realise you've found a new level of boredom when you can actually feel your brain not working, and quite possibly slowly turning to sponge, while your ass aches from sitting in your computer chair for too long.

Thought I'd died of Tetris Syndrome?? Nope... that would be far more interesting.

Almost a week's gone by and I've done nothing. I even found myself willingly helping my automotive engineering student boyfriend with his wierd project poster about engines and listening to him reel off random numbers from squiggly graphs to time him for his presentation. I mean... I'm a creative... I should be out taking artsy photo's with my spanking new digital SLR camera... oh yeah... get on to that in a mo.

The complete monotony of this week will be strikingly juxtaposed (oh god, see what's happened?! art speak... from shear boredom!) by tomorrow's hectic schedule of going into the studio to finally put up my work for the degree show. I have to see Andy before I actually put anything on display, if he refuses to help me I'll quite possibly smack this guys poncy little face because he's really pissing me off at the moment, and then hang work, iron material, suspend things from the ceiling etc. Then it's up to the examiners/assessors to come in say it's not good enough and round up my three years of Uni with a crap mark. Woob!

So, here's my new toy:

new camera
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It is boootiful. I still haven't tested it out properly though I did spend two days reading the bible sized manual that came with it. It should do wonders for my illustration work and give finished images a really nice professional quality. I'm not going to geek on about technical bits and bobs as I'd bore everyone to tears so let's just say- It's ace.

:-)

Tetris Syndrome

I typed a whole godamn post and stoooooopid blogger decided it didn't like it and just made it all vanish. AAAAALL of it. *%^!$%£~@{#!!!!

So... take two.

Blimey. Yesterday... hot, muggy, stuffy, sweaty, hot. Yes it was hot. Then today... gale force winds. Wierd.

So, all that's left for me to do now is write my statement, get a photo, mount both, hem and iron all the material to cover my display stands (no plinths today Ramzi), then put everything in place next thursday and friday. I mounted all my labels and prints earlier this week so it's all ready for displaying. I'm thinking it's going to take me the full two days as I need to hang stuff from the ceiling and such. It's really nearly over though, I can't believe it.

It's been a good week, I think. Yeah it has. The stress of the start of the week has subsided and I'm not having as many chest pains. I've been to the doctor about that incidentally, and he told me it was nothing to worry about- just the cartlidge in between my ribs being inflamed. All week I've been calling it Tetris (I swear that's what he said) when I actually found it's called- Costochondritis (Tietze's syndrome). So now I know I'm not infected by an old, annoying computer game and that I actually have inflamed cartlidge, I can relax.

I've bought two CD's and a DVD in the last few weeks- The NIN album With Teeth and Mesmerize by System Of A Down, the latter being the clear cut favorite. It's loud, heavy (in places), funny, hilarious, cool, and obviously utterly downright bonkers at times... exactly what you grow to love and expect from them. I'm loving it right now, and hell I've been waiting long enough to hear some fresh, decent, kick-ass music for ages, so I'm happy. I also bought Lemony Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events too the other day. I can't get enough of the beautiful animation for the end credits; it's worth having just for that. Genius.

My Mum and Dad have bought me a swanky new digital SLR camera as a graduation present and I think they're bringing it up here today. It should really improve my work as the digital camera I have now is old and hardly ever works. So, no more of this poncing around with compacts and SLR rip offs, no more scanning in photographs to upload onto The Hollow. I'm sorted. Plus, it's a Pentax, so all my regular SLR lenses will fit. Should save me a few thousand pounds. woohoo! Can't wait to try it out.

Not much else to say other than I had a wicked time at Rock Night on Thursday. Jane and Mish from my course came down, as did Mark, Jonjon and Dave and a good time was had by all. Highlights included Niall kicking Jane in the ass by accident on the dance floor, Dave exploding a glass by trying to stack unstackable glasses (duuh), and taking advantage of Jonjon's ridiculously ticklish leg. I couldn't dance for shit as my boots were hurting my foot for some reason, but it didn't stop me. I do, however, have a hole in my right ankle now though so I'm semi lame.

Slow Progress...

Well, The boards are all painted, so are the plinths, the floor is scrubbed and now I just have to prepare all my actual work for displaying next week. I've got the doctors tomorrow about my chest pains too, though I'm pretty sure it's going to be a case of check my BP, listen to my heart, tell me I'm stressed, offer me rubbish tablets which I'll refuse, and then I'll be on my way and wondering why I wasted my time. But still, on the off chance they may actually investigate enough to discover something, I guess it's worth it, just in case.

OOOooooooh!!! My postcards and business cards arrived today! I'm really pleased with them... It's so strange seeing my name followed by : Illustrator though. Woah.

Niall's final year project is just printing off on my supa-dupa printer ... reams and reams (I think there's about 90 odd pages) of funny squiggles on graphs, strange charts and funny big words. I stand by the fact that my work is SO much more interesting.

Speaking of which, I've been completely disheartened by my course again this week. While painting my exhibition space, I noticed that I have such a dark corner; there's hardly any natural light. The room in general is a complete tip thanks to the messy graphics students in there who thought it necessary to trash the room with rubbish, scribble on all the walls put sticky fixers all over the place which are a total bastard to get off again. I mean, really, putting their work up was bad enough. (*evil grin*) The whole room is crap and compared to the other two I don't think it's good enough. It's stuck right at the end of the corridoor and I know people will assume that the first two rooms are the whole exhibition, leaving a whole load of work overlooked. It's typical of my course. Andy's excuse was that we've been allocated spaces according to what looks best for the show... does that mean the best work gets the best spaces? Yes. Does that mean that Andy's favorites get the perfect spots? Yes. Does that mean that everyone who's already on a first gets the privilege of a perfect spot while the rest of us have to make do with crappy spaces, making our work look even less appealing???? Bollocks to that. Along with this, I have the distinct feeling that I'm only going to attain a 2:2, which without sounding big-headed, doesn't reflect how much work I've done in the last three years; three years that have been really hard, sometimes completely miserable, with constant ridicule from tutors and constant pressure to do better next time. It takes alot for me to be pleased with my work (you wonder why?), but I have enough respect for it to say that it, or at least the effort I've put in, is worth more than a frigging 2:2. I don't mean to sound snobby about this, I don't. A 2:2 is perfectly respectable, as is any degree, but when you've been led to believe that you can get so high, then get marked down with no explanation, it plain sucks ass. It makes a complete mockery of the so-called marking scheme, or module requirements whatever they call them, because at the end of the day if Andy likes it best, you'll be okay. To hell with effort. I was led to believe I'd done enough to meet those requirements, but if they can be twisted to suit people who blatantly haven't followed them then why fucking bother having them in the first place??

On my course... THIS is worth a higher grade than my work. That's crap. Unfair and crap. Fair do's she's worked hard... fine give her a first, but for god's sake follow it up with the same logic for everyone else. If that can get a first, mine bloody can too.

I can't wait to get away from the complete farce that is my course.

Bitterness, angst and general ranting over for today... I'm off to admire my business cards again.

Two stories...

Two stories that have caught my eye lately:

Going to be made into a film; sad and mysterious. The Piano Man.

Just pure funny. Vibrating Pants.

S.T.R.E.S.S

I keep getting really bad chest pains lately. I think it comes from all the anxiety and stress about planning my exhibition. I'm getting through it slowly, but it's sure taking it's toll on my poor little heart. It feels like it's pounding alot, and I'm getting the old anxiety feelings where I can't breathe or swallow. I just need to try and relax; quite hard when I've got so much to think about and pay for and organise. I'm usually good at organising so that's not the issue, it's getting my head round the big messy mass that is my ever-increasing to do list. So far, here's my DONE list with costs highlighted for extra drama and sympathy:

• Buy new portfolio £22.99
• Buy Inserts for portfolio £15.00
• Buy background card for my portfolio £13.00
• Print off images for portfolio All 6 Epson cartridges- £59.00, printer paper £19.98
• Order postcards £57
• Order business cards £ 18 + £4 p&p
• Bagsy plinths from the studio
• Plan out positions of plinths/tables/images etc in allocated display space
• Put work up on course website
• Buy Photo Mount spray £5.99
• Buy foam board £16
• Order postcard/Business card holder £5
• Send off competition entry £16

Total financial cost so far: £252.95

Total emotional/physical cost so far: Dodgy heart, shortness of breath, crying, general anxiety.

So here, of course, is what still needs to be done with estimated costs too:

• Print off work for display, includes enlargements of work £50
• Mount all work for display
• Buy material to cover plinths and table anything up to £60
• Write and mount statement
• Have photograph taken, printed and mounted
• Compile portfolio and have it checked over by Andy
• Buy odd bits for display (white tack/ tape etc) £10
• Clean, strip, sand down and paint display boards, plinths, portfolio holder - this will probably take about half a week!
• Put up work
• Change things round a few times to make sure it all looks good

Total Cost of exhibition - £372. 95

There's bound to be a few niggly little things too. Nice. Thank heavens our £500 studio fees cover the costs of all the paint and paint rollers etc. Generous huh?

It seems I'm getting through things okay, slowly working my way through the list. The big things next are sprting my portfolio and getting my work printed off to a decent standard which I've so far avoided because I have a feeling it's all going to go wrong. I won't bore everyone going on about image resolutions and pixels etc but I just don't think they're going to turn out okay. I can't leave it any longer though, it has to be done, and done soon.

Deeeeep breaths..... Everything is going to be okay.... Deeeeeep breaths...

Let Down.

I'd like to think of myself as a pretty good friend to those closest to me. I got fed up of people taking me for granted ages ago and always strive to give more back to the ones who make the effort on me. But still I get let down.

I get the feeling I'm left out of things; usually that doesn't bother me as I've never been one to "fit in" with everyone else. Particularly on my course I've been content to reside on the outside of things. But even with the few people I feel closest to, I now get the feeling that I'm left out of things. There's something in particular which I won't get it into but to cut a long story short, things are getting chaotic at Uni, the last few stages of preparing our exhibitions, portfolio's, getting things printed etc which all proves costly, but when a good deal comes up, no one thinks to ask me so I can save a few bob. That pissed me off. I don't ask for much from my mates, I really don't. Even in the thick of total chaos, I'd think about my mates, I'd still help them. I've always gone out of my way to help them, lend a hand in a crisis reguardless of any of my own.

It seems, on my course, it's very much every man for himself. I guess I thought it was different.

Rant over. So if you hadn't guessed I'm back in Uni-ville. Work finished, it's now the manic race to the finish. I spent about £60 on paper, a new portfolio and wallets, more paper, lots of foam board and other gubbins. Yet to come is all the wood for shelves or plinths plus printing costs and postcard/business card production. Oh and possibly the cost of having to buy new ink cartridges for my printer. *%!$*&£!^^~#!$(#@!:~!

Second Rant over. Not much else to add... Oh yeah, Niall decided to dye is hair bright blue while I was away. Wierdo. It's kinda liiiiiiiike... THIS COLOUR. But brighter.

hrm.

Custard and Free wine

I won £100 today.

I went to a presentation evening for that phototgraphy competition I entered, where two of my photo's were being displayed and it turned out that I had won the 'Highly Commended' award. Nice. I got a bright yellow certificate, my cheque for £100 and they gave me loads of postcards with the winners on. i had to have my photo taken too a few times for the local newpapers. Urgh. Other than that though, it was a nice little evening with free wine, champagne and canapes... and since we hadn't had any tea these were pretty damn nice. I managed to eat lots of teryaki chicken, mini hotdogs, coronation chicken on a tiny potato (yeah wierd) and some mozarella and tomato tacos. Yum. I avoided the bree and strawberry slice on a piece of toast (NEVER cross fruit with savory foods); these wierd things with olives on and crab cakes.

The Custard factory was cool. I'd never really been to any particular event there and it seems like a really cool place. Sorry I couldn't have a proper mooch round though and find Flakester's posh business; it was 6.30 in the evening when we got there. I'm determined to find it one day.

Sooo, what to spend my £100 on?? Well, considering I have to plan my whole exhibition, buy a new portfolio, fill it, enlarge and print out images to hang, buy plinths and possibly shelves for my display, and produce postcards and/or business cards... I'd say it was pretty much spent. Godamit.

I hate being an art student.

It Can't Rain All The Time..

I fell in love tonight. Again. I did the last time too.

After an utter crap day, I felt so bad I nearly winded up going home. If I had I would have missed the genius that is Martin Grech in concert in Leicester. Dave got me a ticket for my birthday. What a pressie....

I needed it so bad. I needed to be enveloped in sound, immersed in a beautiful noise. I'd seen this guy once before and have waited agonisingly to see him again. He rocks like a bitch. He oozes art with a god-like quality of Thom-Yorke-like proportions. But he's the most down to earth person; he hides behind his mass of hair, avoids eye contact, seems so shy. But this guy.... geez... he blows your mind. It has been agreed (with Niall too) that I can in fact marry him.

He played some new stuff this time which was just as awesome as the stuff on his album; he blew the minds of Rfa and Niall who hadn't had the pleasure of seeing him before. He's just amazing. I haven't been to a gig in what feels like aaages and the feeling of this one's going to last, I know it... that or it'll leave me totally hungry for more. There's one more band I'll pay to see this year and that's A Perfect Circle (Bar Radiohead, that would go without saying :P ).

It was just what I needed. It sucked all the bad vibes out of me from today and just cleared my head with this resonating euphoric buzz. That'll be the tinnitus then.

Martin2
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Martin1
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Fucking Awesome.

Some Days Really Suck Ass...

... this is one of those days.

£000000000000.0000000000000000

If anyone comes to me asking for money, implies I should spend money or expects me to spend any money this week they will politely be told to stuff it up their ~>!£**$%&!^!(*!?~#. I had to buy even more materials this week which cost me about fifty squids, then some of what I ordered arrived and weren't any good so I had to send them back (I get a "full" refund which excludes the £5 postage and packing on the package that only costs 64p). Then we got a monster gas bill for £280?! WHAT?! But yeah it turns out it was right as we hadn't actually had a bill since we've been in the house. So that was another £70.

I think I've got everything I need for my project now, so fingers crossed I don't have to spend anything else on that. I have to buy a train ticket on Thursday to go and see Martin Gretch in Leicester which I'm totally hyped about, but because I'll be missing Rock Night it means I won't feel like I have to buy a round. Though I usually get away with it... mwah-ha-ha-ha. I do try and tell people not to buy me drinks because I can't afford to buy them one back but they just go and do it anyway. So it's their fault if they don't get one in return.

In other news this week, I got my first comment on my photoblog. I was all excited thinking it was some pro photographer praising my work but it was some wierd sort of marriage proposal instead. Ah well...

Also, Dave created a slink picture on his blog which was rather funky. I set about making my OWN version which is perhaps more what I wished I looked like... If I was a big eyed cartoon doll of course. I'm determined to make as many as possible, the site is SO addictive!

Slinky Doll
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I did find it a bit spooky that Dave has known about this site for some time and has been spending his time in his darkened room making dolls on a rather girly japanese site. Bless 'im. I did see him drawing a plane today though. Out of green and yellow lines. Maybe red too.

Watched the Spanish GP on Sunday and was glad to see Kimi getting a well deserved win. He's no way NEAR as good as Heikki Kovalainen of course, boy he's going to be good when he gets in an F1 car. I really don't want Heikki to be in F1, far too many slags and nastiness going on. He's too nice for it, I don't want him to get 'spoiled' by it all. :( Thing is he deserves to be put in a bloody good car so we can all see how good he is. Good ol' Finnish men.

Right I'm off to design some dollies, or maybe do some work. I'm making teeeeny tiny people to fit inside some clear plastic balls for my juggler. It gives me back ache and makes my eyes hurt, but y'know, we all have to suffer for our art.

Disappointment

Yesterday was, as you may have guessed from the title, a bit of a disappointment. I wasn't feeling hugely up for rock night at the union last night but I went anyway. It's tradition. It was pants. Apart from a slight pick up towards the end, most of the night was full of heavy, sweaty-hair-flinging/head-banging tripe. I can cope with a certain amount of this, and lets face it, it's always quite amusing to watch a circle of leather clad, buckled up first years flinging their greasy, sweaty hair around, but a whoooole night of it merely leaves me with nothing to dance to. I wasn't impressed. But I got to wear the beautiful, spangly new top that Niall bought me which was cool. Sadly that was the only highlight... though they did play Starfuckers.inc by NIN and Jonjon turned up which was nice.... ooooh and we got free 'Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy' pin badges too. So, that's four highlights in between the gloom.

After a less-than-average rock night, I get home to discover that Tony Bleurgh was winning the election. Another disappointment. Though I can sort of understand the lack of any true, decent alternative I'm still gutted that they're still there, and that my little sister may not be able, or want to go to university because of the stupidly ridiculous costs involved. Any students who voted labour have since lost the right to ever moan about having to pay off their student loans, their inability to pay off their debts and any financial struggles they bring about. Any one who merely can't be arsed to vote, or claim they "don't know anything about politics" or " just don't care" also should lose their right to have an opinion on the running of their country. It annoys me. Democracy is a blessing and a responsibility. We owe it to the countries who don't have this basic 'right', to use our vote and have our say. One day, one too many people are simply "not going to care to vote" and some biggoted, ugly and disgusting party like the BNP are going to get more power because too few couldn't be bothered to bump up the other parties' votes. It nearly happened in France, it could happen here. Disturbing.

That's enough politics for one day. Here's a story: I was having a nap earlier and in the usual annoying manner, just as I'd settled down I got a phonecall. It was from a guy involved in the photography competition (check paragraph 6) I entered a short while ago. Two of my photographs have been selected for an exhibition being held in The Custard Factory in Brum! :) I was dead chuffed with that. I have to send in my negatives so they can get some big blow ups done of them. I'll have to go back to Brum to get a look at the exhibition when it's all up.

woohoo for me!